Five ways I F#!$ed up on my first real date! What do you think about my experience?

[awesometjgreen]

So I wanted to make two posts, one on how I fucked up, and another on the high points of the date. I HAD SO MUCH FUN! she enjoyed herself, I enjoyed myself, and I had just enough money to pay for everything (I had $2 left and gave it to our waitress 😂). But I'll save that for later, it's important I try to iron out these issues that made me uncomfortable so I can do better on future dates

1) I felt like a little child, with a woman

I felt so out of place

When we pulled up to pick her up (more on this later) she was wearing a dress and heels and makeup. I felt so bad because (thanks to mom 👿) I didn't have any money to get a new outfit and ahe actually pointed out later that I dresses the same way I always dress to work 😞 (at least she wasn't mean about it). I hate to admit this but she was the first girl to ever dress up for me and it caused a lot of anxiety....I think you can see where this is going....

2) Severe clumsiness 😖

Instructions unclear failure to process basic human fuctions

it was so bad 😬. I went to grab a top for my icee and dropped it on the floor, my hands were shaking, my legs were shaking, and I kept rubbing my hands together because I was so anxious. She also told me straight up that I was "quirky and anxious" but she thought it was cute (thank god) but even then...

3) I was shy as fuck!

Jesus Christ I'm trembling and can't stop

I told I was quiet but I felt so bad that she was just running her mouth and I was giving small responses and asking questions. I guess it was a great thing that she didn't ask me to many questions but shit I can't keep doing this. I wish I had shit to talk about past work and school 😡

4) I was awkward and didn't lead enough like a man!

Goddamn it numbers WORK WITH ME!

One moment that kinda takes me back to #1 is that at one point she told me to go back outside and let our ride know how long we would be. I felt stupid letting her take charge like that. I was doing alright. Except inside the movie I fucked up and some other couple got mad because she was in one of their seats and I was in her seat so we had to move down (I'm so goddamn stupid😞). Even though she told me how much of a "gentleman" I was I still feel like a "nice guy". I want her to see me as a man, not a child, leading to my next point.

5) Failure to escalate (*insert facepalm)

SShe was beautiful, I told her she was beautiful.....and I also told her I was shy when she brought up kissing.....i was afraid to kiss her 😕. I tried to grab ber hand but she playfully pushed me away because it was awkward, she let me open doors for her but she didn't touch my hand or anything so I just decided not to try. Ironically, after I walked her to her door and told her goodnight and left, she text me saying that she was upset because I never gave her a goodnight hug or kiss 😖 I just "walked off". If you can't tell by now I'm a virgin and I want her to find me attractive and see me as a sexual man, so I can eventually have sex. But if she thinks I'm some wimp that can't even hold her hand correctly how is that ever gonna happen? I can only imagine how said sex would go 😷

This

I tried to play it off by telling her I forgot and that next time I would (we agreed to a second date...more on that too) but honestly that was just painful

Anyways that's 5 ways yours truly fucked up on my first real date (I keep saying real because I have been on two dates before this but that girl cheated on me and looking back she didn't even bother to fix up 😑) . LET me know down below some ways I can fix these issues (hopefully before the next date). If you can only answer one please do because you all are all I have and I REALLY need the help😊. Thanks gag for reading all that!

[NaomixSuicide]

I’ve had those dates & they can definitely be a turn off, you gotta keep in mind she’s human just like you, you shouldn’t be nervous or anxious. I don’t see why you’d get upset about the ride , as a man you should’ve done that before her asking & maybe that’s why she asked & you felt like a kid lol. It’s nothing wrong with moving slow but I think it would help some if you told her you were a virgin & really liked her & that’s why you were anxious & didn’t kiss her. Girls don’t like liars. What we appreciate is honesty & she’ll understand your behavior more & not think of you as weird. It’s definitely a good thing she wants another date but I feel like this second date may be a test.. whether to keep you in the friend zone or to pursue you.

[Jamie05rhs]

So he should just come right out and tell her he's a virgin?

[awesometjgreen]

Well it's weird because we both agreed not to really call it a date since she said she gets nervous on dates (she did somw really weird things too 😂). So I want to escalate more on the next date but I honestly have no idea what were even going to do. We both want to see endgame but dinner and another movie is just boring.

[That1tallguy]

Unnecessary to tell her your a virgin. If she doesn't ask there's no need to tell unless you want to. Just keep it short I really like and just got nervous. Also if you brought up your a virgin she would probably think your just trying to have sex.

[Jamie05rhs]

@That1tallguy has a point. I'm interested in hearing Naomi's response regarding that.

[lacaras]

Hey the good news is you got a second date, definitely good news there! (Even if you didn't though, it was still a learning experience). Clearly she sees something in you, so you really shouldn't be so nervous! You seem to know what you messed up on so you know what to do better, my best advise would be to stop worrying about messing up, don't even consider that a possibility in your mind. When you worry about doing something wrong is usually how you end up doing something wrong, just do what feels right, if she playfully pushes you, playfully push back (I mean not a physical push necessarily, in the case of holding her hand maybe try again or make a joke about just wanting to hold her hand).

[lizziepooh03]

I am so glad it well. I was thinking about you and wondering when your date was this week. :)

I loved reading both threads; the good and the bad. I grimaced just a little when you said that you forgot to kiss her and said that you did not like kissing. I get that you were trying to play it cool and not let on you were nervous but like @NaomixSuicide said, "Girls don’t like liars. What we appreciate is honesty & she’ll understand your behavior more & not think of you as weird."

And I loved @JDavid25 response, "But, yeah also with the kiss and hug thing I don't think "I forgot" was the best response.. I think somethin along the lines of "I didn't wanna just outright kiss & hug you.. But now that I know you were ready for it, get ready for next time".. Or somethin like that.." Love that response!

But it is easy to come up with clever and cute responses after the fact. lol!

The first time my boyfriend called me on the phone, I answered and he said, "I have to go" and hung up. He was so nervous that he could not speak on the phone. lol!

The first time I met my boyfriend in person, he thought I may be depressed because I kept taking on and off my sunglasses and playing with them throughout the date. and would not look him in the eye. It was not because I am depressed (far from that!). I was acting like that because I was nervous because I like him. :)

We all can be dorks when it comes to dates. :p

I would not recommend that you disclose you are a virgin yet, unless of course she asks. But I would be honest that you were nervous because you really like her. (Notice I said were in past tense. Next time, use @JDavid25's response.)

As for dates and money, you can have dates on no money or little money. Just be creative.

If you live within walking distance of each other, you could just walk over to her house and walk together to a park and swing and talk. Maybe go get ice cream afterwards.

You could figure out some cool tourist/urban legend like places in your area and map out bus routes for a day adventuring on the bus and pack a lunch for a picnic somewhere.

If you both have bikes, go for a bike ride.

If you live by the beach, go to the beach.

If you having hiking/walking trails, go for a hike.

Go to the local library. Check out something and get a coffee and read.

She sounds great. She sounded very honest and forth right and sincere from how you described your date. And that was my impression of you when I came across your posts so you seem like a good fit.

Stop worrying about being a man and just be yourself. That is enough. :)

[BlackRoseFairy]

It's normal to be anxious. Once I spilled a full glass of cold chocolate upon the guy O was dating... I went to take our order and don't ask me how, I threw the glass on his face. The moment was so awkward. I wanted to die right on the spot. I looked at him shocked, he looked at me dumbfounded and then burst put laughing.
So you should be glad you dropped that ice on the floor...
We know that you are anxious when taking us on a first date. It is not something that we take in a bad way. I think this covers points 1,2 and 3.
As far as clothes go... I would be surprised if a guy took me on a first date in a crisp suit, rather then Jean's and a tee. No harm there...
Can't write more rn, gotta head out. I'll update later

[JDavid25]

Well, from what you are tellin us, despite she clearly really likes you, and obviously thought much of the stuff you beat yoself up over was cute, and endearin.. Some women like shy and clumsy guys.. And maybe she is one of those women.. Haha.. But, yeah also with the kiss and hug thing I don't think "I forgot" was the best response.. I think somethin along the lines of "I didn't wanna just outright kiss & hug you.. But now that I know you were ready for it, get ready for next time".. Or somethin like that.. I think the most important thing is that she had fun, and is lookin forward to the next date.. Shoo, man I wish I met a girl like that.. XD.. Don't think too hard about what you should be, and focus on how to be the best that you are in the moment.. Also, realize that she is human, and that she wants to get to know you..

[Browneye57]

I wouldn't admit all of that. Seriously. It makes you look like an idiot. Besides, most of it it subjective, and your date is only looking for some entertainment and your level of interest and attraction to her.

You need a man-makeover and up your game, so go here and read:
www.therationalmale.com
And improve your maniliness here:
www.theartofmanliness.com

And make a shit-ton of money - women are attracted to money and power like a moth to flame.

[btbc92]

It shouldn't be a problem sadly your dating a complete stranger. You didn't do anything wrong. And anybody who thinks you did is judgmental and don't deserve you. You don't have to escalate into something sexual and too intimate when you're not comfortable and ready. It's okay to be shy. Everybody makes mistakes and is not perfect. You sound humble and honest.

[JonSally]

At least you had the balls to ask her out in the first place. In my opinion that alone is a bold thing.
I think she likes you just as much considering the fact that she accepted to go on a second date. She knows you were just nervous and that you are a good man.
Dates are very scaring and making an impact on a girl on the very first date is quite hard but it'll be well my brother.

I haven't been on many dates but I know how hard it can be especially when you really like someone.

Just don't be too hard on yourself. Just be you.
It's like meeting something for the first time, you don't talk freely as you be with the people you are used to.

Just be yourself man. I wish you well.

[Jamie05rhs]

I like the fact that you said you "had $2 left.". That must mean you budgeted.

[awesometjgreen]

😂 yeah. All I got was an icee for myself and I got her some candy and a drink she wanted. Then at dinner my shit was like $10 and the rest was for her (like $28)

[Jamie05rhs]

Wait- her dinner was only $2? Lol

[awesometjgreen]

No I had $2 left over. Our shit was close to $40

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh, okay

[John_Doesnt]

I used to have a problem getting laid on a date, then i found a product that changed my life: beer.

[Anonymous]

Yeah. Sorry, dude. You blew it. Learn from the failure and do better with the next girl.

[awesometjgreen]

No were still together 😂

[Secret6620]

Awww💖💗

[Secretgardenblood]

Good take