I hate men. They are these cruel monsters with no love in their hearts. That is...until you found me. Then all flowers blossomed in my heart. Then you bound me with vines. Vines that I will never be able to tear off. These vines make my world worthy of living.
1. You Disappoint Me
I expect more from a man that pledges his love to me. If that was so, you would adjust your ways to be with me. You would rather place your excuses before me.
You are one hour away. I should not have to convince you to make trips more often to come and see me. You should be doing everything in your power to speak to me, touch me and see me in person. You don't value me!
2. It doesn't flow
When the force of attraction is blown over and the real world caves in into our relationship. Or when I wish to have intellectual conversation. Will there just be random moments of silence and long pauses? How long does it take to break the ice? I feel like I'm speaking to a random guy. It is just dead.
3. Not Reciprocated
I used to throw myself at men.
-I initiated the first direct message.
-Sent the follow request.
-Chased one up the stairs in a fit of rage.
I chased after air each and every time.
Now, I get anxiety after the thought of even being near a guy that I find attractive.
Weeks ago, I stood outside and waited for you to come out and talk to me. I stared into your soul. Only because a month ago you couldn't keep your eyes off of me. So I was returning the favor in hopes that I would be rewarded with more. It crushed me that for the inch that I took, you moved back a mile.
4. Coincidences Are Not Intentional
I mean do you even want me anymore. Just because you won me over does not mean that you should stop showing your love. You did not drive down to see me but to give something to your friend. You went to the lobby just so you could use the bathroom. Silly me, I thought I found a guy who does things to get my attention and things to be around me. I'm a fool.
6. Go In Kill For The Kill
I am single and you are allowing it. You must think I am all yours. No other dude could ever find me attractive. So, therefore, you don't have to worry about claiming me as your girlfriend. I know what it feels like to be ignored when my crush is around his friends, when he acts like he has no feelings for me and has never seen me. Cause you are frightened to tell the world of how you feel about me. You are not concerned about the world knowing that "she is all mine." There is no territory to be marked.
7. Did u ever see me?
I can't forget the first time that I ever saw you. I liked you instantly! I thought you were following me but you weren't. I thought you parked next to me for a special reason but there was none. You lived in your own world and I went back to mine. For a year we walked past each other. For a year we never greeted each other. For a year you socialized with everyone here but me. Did I exist to you prior to when you became infatuated with me?
A man will notice the love of his life the moment she walks into the room. He will feel of her presence. Her pleasant aurora will drive him to speak to her. He'll know.
It took you a year to even give me a second look. You're not the man I want. You are a good man but not the best.
One moment you are kissing my feet, breathing down my neck. The next it's like I disappeared from your mind. It's like you forgot that you ever pursued after my love. I can't handle confusion. I don't want to be up and down. Questioning if he still loves me. Deciphering mixed signals. Smashing dandelions. Do as you please but I will not wait around for a man to contemplate if he really wants me. I am worth much more than limbo.
So I am going back to being single and not interested. Back to locking up my heart somewhere that nothing could ever reach. Now I know that I am capable of expressing these emotions. It is time to crush these memories.
I opened my heart to a man once. I don't know if I ever will again.