I Still Have Doubts

I hate men. They are these cruel monsters with no love in their hearts. That is...until you found me. Then all flowers blossomed in my heart. Then you bound me with vines. Vines that I will never be able to tear off. These vines make my world worthy of living.

1. You Disappoint Me

I expect more from a man that pledges his love to me. If that was so, you would adjust your ways to be with me. You would rather place your excuses before me.

You are one hour away. I should not have to convince you to make trips more often to come and see me. You should be doing everything in your power to speak to me, touch me and see me in person. You don't value me!

2. It doesn't flow

When the force of attraction is blown over and the real world caves in into our relationship. Or when I wish to have intellectual conversation. Will there just be random moments of silence and long pauses? How long does it take to break the ice? I feel like I'm speaking to a random guy. It is just dead.

3. Not Reciprocated

I used to throw myself at men.

-I initiated the first direct message.

-Sent the follow request.

-Chased one up the stairs in a fit of rage.

I chased after air each and every time.

Now, I get anxiety after the thought of even being near a guy that I find attractive.

Weeks ago, I stood outside and waited for you to come out and talk to me. I stared into your soul. Only because a month ago you couldn't keep your eyes off of me. So I was returning the favor in hopes that I would be rewarded with more. It crushed me that for the inch that I took, you moved back a mile.

4. Coincidences Are Not Intentional

I mean do you even want me anymore. Just because you won me over does not mean that you should stop showing your love. You did not drive down to see me but to give something to your friend. You went to the lobby just so you could use the bathroom. Silly me, I thought I found a guy who does things to get my attention and things to be around me. I'm a fool.

6. Go In Kill For The Kill

I am single and you are allowing it. You must think I am all yours. No other dude could ever find me attractive. So, therefore, you don't have to worry about claiming me as your girlfriend. I know what it feels like to be ignored when my crush is around his friends, when he acts like he has no feelings for me and has never seen me. Cause you are frightened to tell the world of how you feel about me. You are not concerned about the world knowing that "she is all mine." There is no territory to be marked.

7. Did u ever see me?

I can't forget the first time that I ever saw you. I liked you instantly! I thought you were following me but you weren't. I thought you parked next to me for a special reason but there was none. You lived in your own world and I went back to mine. For a year we walked past each other. For a year we never greeted each other. For a year you socialized with everyone here but me. Did I exist to you prior to when you became infatuated with me?

A man will notice the love of his life the moment she walks into the room. He will feel of her presence. Her pleasant aurora will drive him to speak to her. He'll know.

It took you a year to even give me a second look. You're not the man I want. You are a good man but not the best.

8.Wishy Washy

One moment you are kissing my feet, breathing down my neck. The next it's like I disappeared from your mind. It's like you forgot that you ever pursued after my love. I can't handle confusion. I don't want to be up and down. Questioning if he still loves me. Deciphering mixed signals. Smashing dandelions. Do as you please but I will not wait around for a man to contemplate if he really wants me. I am worth much more than limbo.

So I am going back to being single and not interested. Back to locking up my heart somewhere that nothing could ever reach. Now I know that I am capable of expressing these emotions. It is time to crush these memories.

I opened my heart to a man once. I don't know if I ever will again.

Cupid Is Dead
Cupid Is Dead

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Most Helpful Girl

  • 12 d ago

    Nothing is forgotten.

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    • 11 d ago

      This is why I can't convince myself to turn away. When you experience that feeling it's hard to let it go.
      It's an attraction

    • 6 d ago

      But what do u mean by nothing is forgotten

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What Girls & Guys Said

1130
  • 18 d ago

    In my experience a lot of guys who just don't care or don't want to put in the effort are the ones you should avoid right off the bat. I've been through multiple relationships with both guys and girls who don't give me the 100 percent that I give them and it's never fair. Until you find that balance and equal partnership with someone else it's never gonna be easy. My heart aches for you because I've been through the same stuff. I promise you someday you'll find someone who makes you feel wanted, special and desired in a relationship. Pick up on red flags from even the very first date and you can often save yourself a lot of pain. I've been in a happy and healthy relationship for a little over 7 months now and he's been talking about popping the big question. Things get better. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable and love someone you'll often get hurt until you find the right person for you. Heartbreak is just a part of dating and learning about yourself in the process is hard too. You'll get there someday, I promise you

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  • 17 d ago

    You need to grow up and stop whining so much. You sound psychotic.
    What? Your crush/ex-bf didn't live up to your expectations of being Prince Charming? Boo-hoo, big deal.
    Welcome to reality, Ms Snow White.
    Learn to be more independent instead of placing these unrealistic expectations on your next boyfriend. Focus and love yourself instead.

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  • 16 d ago

    You sound like a bad influence on anyone around you. I would stay away from you. You might pick up a knife and cut my head off just because I'm a man sitting on a bench reading a book instead of running after you.

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  • 18 d ago

    What you're describing is exactly how a lot of men feel about women. I would advise you and them to take some responsibility for your choices and actions: Learn to search for and vet out your significant other before you invest in them. I however believe that it's up to you to feel however you feel about any demographic group.

    Who knows? Your views may change. You are still young after all.

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  • 18 d ago

    I feel pretty much the same about women for pretty much the same reasons. Women I loved hurt me, and now I am afraid to trust or love women again, even though I really want love.

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  • 18 d ago

    I'm sorry for what you went through, but I assure you not all men are the same. Be on the lookout for red flags, they are easier to spot now after going through that experience I'm sure

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  • 18 d ago

    You're 18, you have years, possibly decades of going through romantic turmoil. Are you going to rant incoherently about every single bad date and relationship?

    Let's hope not.

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  • 11 d ago

    You see just coz you met a man (that not a man just a guy) and he wasn't good to you.
    And those were due to your actions and choices.
    doesn't men you have to hate men in general.
    Life is still way long ahead.
    You still have to become a women.
    You will see things different once time passes by.

    And if you would have actually realised this, you would be talking, rather be aware and good with knowing things you learnt.

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  • 18 d ago

    Seems like you invested a lot into a nobody, a sinking ship. Just live you're life and ease up on dating. You oughtta find out why you chase this man like a hole in the head. You will figure out that those behaviours highlight that you werent ready to throw those doors open yet

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  • 19 d ago

    This is the premise of most relationships. Best just enjoy them physically and no strings or thoughts. That requires indulgence mindset and that they are like steak bites ;)

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    • 17 d ago

      That's a gross outlook on relationships 😐

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    • 17 d ago

      I make it a point to try to communicate my feelhngs, and I make it a point to hear her's, so...

    • 17 d ago

      Hopefully you are different then that’s reassuring to hear. I always come across surmount challenging types

  • 19 d ago

    At least you don't end up being homeless with a society hating on you and losing tons of money for that without anyone giving you pats on the backs.

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    • 19 d ago

      Oh and you're still 18 after all. Life is long but it will run out someday. You have nothing to lose yet.

    • 18 d ago

      And yes what a lame excuse to hate men. I feel pity for you if you think your ex is every guys in the world

  • 4 d ago

    ok now whoa there partner, Im a man, but I'm the nicest person you'd meet. if I hurt anyone, I'll be depresseed as to why did I do that? therefore I never will hurt anyone. I never want to be a bad person in any way shape or form, positive mindset and etc.. is the best thing!!

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    • 4 d ago

      I'm the kind of person that if I could suffer someone else problem so they could not have to suffer, I'll be sick, evicted, in prison, etc.. but that is too much and I wouldn't like to "do" that since it would be so miserable. but that is the mindset I have. life is too short to be mean to anyone, I feel sad when someone isn't doing well. I want to have a care and respect for literally the whole world, if it were a perfect world, but its not, but you can be on the good side and make it perfect or good enough

    • 4 d ago

      like I'll be sick while you go to work and make your presentation, or I'll be hurt in the bed for 33 days while you win the championship, or you live life and I'll do the time, but I would also not enjoy actually doing that, so I only have that mindset. I try to be a positive reflect / role model to others

  • 13 d ago

    Well... not ONE SINGLE thing on what you bring of high value to a relationship. What YOU would do for your man. Just nothing. Typically, it's is ALWAYS about YOU and YOUR FEELINGS.
    And that will always be your failing. Good luck.

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  • 14 d ago

    Like many girls you seek challenge too much. Women get off on trying to “change” a guy thinking they get to the core of his tough exterior.

    Sorry to break he news, but guys who act douchebags ARE douchebags. That’s not masculinity.

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  • 16 d ago

    I hope to Allah you made my supper the way I like it so I don't have to beat you ass again tonight woman.

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  • 10 d ago

    Women ruined dating in the first place when they decided looks were everything don't blame men for that.

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  • 15 d ago

    age: 18

    you’re not even a woman yet and dont have the experience of a woman so not sure why you have such strong narrowminded views on men

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  • 19 d ago

    Even in this day and age, you still can't beat going up to a girl in real life.

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  • 15 d ago

    What a crazy bitch. No wonder guys left you. You'd probably claim false rape against us.

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  • 19 d ago

    Will that be all?

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  • 19 d ago

    Everyone has flaws, so don't expect too much.

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    • 19 d ago

      Explain urself

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    • 17 d ago

      yeah b4, I met him I didn't know that men were capable of love.

    • 17 d ago

      Probably overreacting a little bit. Yeah men are capable of love. Some handle it better than others. It's harsh to judge someone based on your experience with one guy. I'm sure you'll find someone else if you're willing to accept another man.

  • 19 d ago

    I'm so sorry maybe u can find a good man one day

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  • 19 d ago

    Yikes

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  • 16 d ago

    Relatable 😣

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  • 19 d ago

    You‘re only 18. Give love a chance

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  • 19 d ago

    W. T. F?

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  • 19 d ago

    so frustrated.

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  • 13 d ago

    Me too.

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  • 14 d ago

    Very sad

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  • 19 d ago

    You’ll find someone. Don’t give up on love

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  • 5 d ago

    Don’t let all these male comments make you feel bad. What you feel is important, and what you’re going through is not okay and should get more support on.

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  • 12 d ago

    1- do you want a chill pill?

    2- perfect guys dont exist

    3- ya still young you might find someone better?

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  • 14 d ago

    you sound like the person that just had a fuckboy around and then blames all men for being , Rapists , childmolesters , fuckboys , bad men , no hearts , the whole deal , honestly this is what im starting to hate , not ALL MEN are ASSHOLES , NOT ALL MEN ARE HEARTLESS , i even get pissed off when my girlfriend shares something like , PROTECT OUR WOMAN , fine enough thats what good men are here for , but DO YOU EVER SEE A POST OF PROTECT OUR MEN , PROTECT OUR MEN , NO YOU DONT , the moment i said protect our men you probably laughed didn't you? , see heartless and last , Just because your heart got broken at 18 doesn't mean it happens again , doesn't mean there are no good men out there that would catch a grenade for you , me being that type of guy but no way in hell im catching one for you...

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    • 13 d ago

      Yeah I realize that good men out there exist

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    • 4 d ago

      @Grobmate my whole childhood men were horrible to me. Now I'm learning that not all of them are like this

    • 4 d ago

      No I'm not angry. But you won't ever heal unless you learn how to love. Your prison of misandrist hate is made by you. Soon as you realise that there are arseholes of each gender, and you can't blanket blame a whole gender because of the deeds of a fiew the happier you will be.

      That's misandrist, feminist and leftist behaviour that will only serve you pain. It's like drinking poison expecting someome else to die from it...

  • 16 d ago

    Woow

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  • 16 d ago

    Ur only 18

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  • 18 d ago

    You need to let him go.

    You also shouldn't get immediately attached to any guy.

    Go out and have fun getting to know different guys. Flirting is fun. And before you know it you may have already found him in the process.

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  • 18 d ago

    I block very few users on GAG; it really takes a lot to get me to block someone. But when I do, it's because they are very sexist and hateful toward either men or women. I blocked you some time ago, so clearly you met those criteria at some point.

    This take just confirmed all of that for me. You are the stereotypical feminist. You have had a bad experience or two with men so you decide all men are evil and you hate the entire gender as a result.

    Do us men a favor... become a lesbian and stay away from us. You, and all of us men, will be better off in the long run.

    Cheers

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  • 18 d ago

    I know your pain. The number of horrible women I have met vastly outnumbered the wonderful ones. The very first nice one I met was my first girlfriend and her existence and how functional her family is went against everything I have ever experienced as a child. She ended up leaving me for another man and lied to me on the reason she left. I swear I never laid a finger on her or put her down whenever I could as I know I am not a monster and to not repeat what my mother has done to me. I don’t know what I could have done to deserve it.

    I’m sorry if this isn’t much help but maybe making you aware that you are not alone would help a little.

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  • 19 d ago

    Yikes! Sounds like you have a deep wound my dear.

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  • 19 d ago

    Soo, you're becoming a female MGTOW/third wave feminist?
    Well you're not alone.
    Many men write similar essays about why they hate women on 4chan.

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  • 19 d ago

    5. Codependency

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