Why I personally Find Dating in Real Life Much Easier than Online

[Anonymous]

For me personally, my favorite dates and guys I dated were guys I met in real life. There are many things I learned about myself when I tried all these dating sites such as Tinder, EastMeetEast, Coffee meets Bagel, International Cupid, and other dating sites and i realized how important physical AND emotional chemistry was. Like actually really realized it.

1. Online Projects an Idea of Someone as well as Yourself

I've matched with guys I simply liked the idea of. Sure they were physically what I liked, and sure we hit it off. Problem is one or both sides of the interests are insecure and have the need to keep playing their best cards when we finally meet in real life. Conversations are stale during dates, and eventually we both realize we don't actually have any real chemistry, or it's only one sided. The fact that it is easier to like the idea of someone more online has lead me to encounter more desperate and mentally unstable people.

2. Communication Seems to be Inefficient

Rather ironic but, since online is full of strangers even if you've been "talking" for awhile there is always room for "miscommunication" or deliberate ignorance. It is easy to say one thing online to fish someone, but have completely different intentions. In real life, I briefly meet the guy, maybe I find him attractive, find his personality is one I click very well with, feeling is mutual, then BAM! Enough chemistry for an actual relationship. I'd say if I ever found a successful online relationship, it would be one that acted like how you would meet traditionally. Briefly start out as friends rather than rush in to get someone's pants off. And NEVER ignore the other's discomfort. If someone is looking for a hookup, say so.

3. Fetish Freaks

Not saying I don't encounter this in real life because I certainly do being Asian with the whole "Asian Mystique" trend going on, I am a magnet for creepy losers that no one wants to date. I don't get it nearly as bad as some of my friends since I am mixed, but it is still an absolute nuisance. For this reason I always preferred other mixed Asians, or very westernized Asians. It's one thing to have a foot fetish, or baby/daddy fetish, but to fetishize an entire race is truly dehumanizing whether you see it or not. Do not go off about how Asians only date whites, there are plenty of us that are disgusted with entitled attitudes of white men.

These are my reasons for choosing chance meetings over online dating. What's your story?

[Browneye57]

Yep. What I've been saying for years. Online dating is for losers - the peeps that can't get a date going IRL. FAIL
Worse, the vast majority of women are simply there for validation and attention, with pretty much zero intention of ever actually meeting up with someone, let along dating.
And the guys are just looking for sex.
It's a dynamic combination of narcissistic personal interests. ;)

[DWD94]

You're not taking into account most women these days are not approachable. So in that regard, online dating is a good thing, especially in the age of #metoo and paranoia over sexual harassment.

[Browneye57]

@DWD94 - Reasonable. And where game really comes into play. It's vital.
Tips here, use what you can, discard the rest: www.therationalmale.com

[Browneye57]

For the guys anyway.
For the girls, you just have to look cute and say 'yes', or 'okay'. :)

[UnicornLobotomy]

"It's a dynamic combination of narcissistic personal interests" This is my opinion as well. The sad part is that most singles my age and younger pretend to just want a "hook up" / or "pretend" that they want more than a hook up and are all mostly looking online through dating apps and sites. My experience asking out women in person is that they are still in a "complicated" relationship, or "separated" / married.

[cherryqueen01]

That's easy to say when you don't have any struggles with social interaction and can easily go out there and communicate with people... Plenty of people meet serious partners online and I met my ex on there. You just gotta be smart and look past the idiots. Also the worst one of my exes was the one I met in real life, he turned out to be an actual narcissist AND a cheater... My ex however that I met while online dating was a great person whom I will always be happy to have known.

[Browneye57]

@cherryqueen01 - Social skills are learned. Practice practice practice.
And take not of the relationship you use as anecdotal experience: "EX". It's a fail.

[Browneye57]

*... note...
Not 'not'.

[cherryqueen01]

The fact that someone is an ex doesn't mind it failed, that's a poor way to view relationships. You learn from everything and everyone you meet and we actually became great friends instead. And my social skills I am constantly working on. Social anxiety disorder is no field trip.

[Browneye57]

@cherryqueen01 - Uh oh, another self-diagnosed mental case victim. Just quit that shit. Seriously.

[cherryqueen01]

I have been diagnosed by a professional and are going to recieve cognitive behavioral therapy. What a great person you are to step on people with struggles but I guess you gotta do something to feed your tiny ego.

[Browneye57]

@cherryqueen01 - Yep, another victim. You young girls are just professional victims. Sure.

[cherryqueen01]

You are the only one vicitimizing, sad bitter old man. I do things everyday in my life to challenge my fears, I got into my dream education and I go to my classes regardless of how difficult it is for me and I get good grades and I managed to get out there and make friends for the first time in my life when I was 19 and they've always got my back. I also sought out professional help to get even better to be able to go out and make connections with other people more easily than I can now. But yeah, sure! Totally.

[Browneye57]

@cherryqueen01 - Listen toots, you inserted yourself here - we really didn't need your comment or your whining. Go bother someone else. Seriously. It's not my place to coddle you, I'm not your daddy. If you're doing well then just leave it at that - quit whining about your social whatever problems. That's just perpetuating the victim syndrome. Become a huge success - don't look back.
Online dating is a dead end. End of story.

[Harmseygrace]

Have some bloody sympathy and don’t be a dickface.

[Browneye57]

@Harmseygrace - Ah, children on GAG. And why we loathe them here.

[Harmseygrace]

It’s true. Have a heart. She’s gone through some shit it wouldn’t feel very nice having a know it all of an old man telling her she’s ‘victimising’. Anxiety isn’t a joke.

[myTake Owner]

@Harmseygrace my mom just tells me to suck it up. i even had legitimate meltdowns because i had someone blackmail me. unless your problems are actually big "anxiety" should be forcefully trained to be controlled. I agree with browneyes mostly

[Dchrls78104]

If I wanted to date, I wouldn't go online. There are too many unknowns including the fact that the Internet is ultimately an anonymous place. It is also dangerous. A woman in my country once lost her life because she was going to meet a guy who interacted with her on Tagged. The safest way is to observe the person in real life situations before declaring interest.

[OlderAndWiser]

Dating online may not work for you but is does work for many people. I have great respect for the opinions of @Browneye57 but this is an issue on which we disagree.

There are certainly some losers online, some lurking in wait to prey on the unsuspecting. There are also losers sitting in bars and your family and friends could also introduce you to some losers, so online sites have no monopoly on the losers. Online sites also have some very good people in their base.

I used online sites for dating in 2007-2008, 2015, and 2017-2018. I met some women who were very fine people. They had moral character, integrity, they were accomplished and successful. I met a retired judge online and dated her for two years. I met a primary care office manager and had a long relationship. Ultimately the relationships did not survive but the failures were not caused by the fact that we met online.

Many people have some misconceptions about online dating. They think that you meet online and everything you do is online/long distance. No, it is just a way to meet people and once y u meet and agree that you want to get to know each other better, you schedule a meeting and you have a face-to-face meeting. At that point, the online aspect vanishes and it is just like any other date.

People who complain about online dating have either not done it or didn't know how to go about online dating. The online aspect is different and not always intuitive, but. . . bottom line is that many people find their future spouses through online dating.

[Browneye57]

Personally I think your age-range has a big play in this. My comments apply more to the set about 20-30 years your junior. ;)

Hell, if I was looking I might even try it. But then I'm in a good position to call the shots, to command attention. And I'm surely not a loser. LOL

[EmbraceThePain]

I agree with you that I too believe I’d fare better dating outside of online. I agree with the points you’ve brought up, but I also want to include some other insights as well. In meeting someone online, you have an idea of them that might not be exactly what they’re actually like when you two finally meet. This creates issues because you’re essentially just hoping one of the attractive people you meet happens to have the perfect chemistry with you, agrees with your political beliefs, agrees with your morals, principles, etc. In the online world, you cannot gauge someone’s body language or facial cues, which can have an impact on how comfortable you feel when you’re with the person face to face. I also believe you wouldn’t swipe right on someone online whereas outside of it, you might actually like this person’s company and want to be with them but they’re not as “attractive” or up to par online compared to the volume of people you’re surfing through. I prefer meeting people outside of online dating sites because I feel like these would be better in a variety of manners.

[purplepoppy]

When you meet someone in real life you pick up on a lot of subtle signals and quirks that draw your interest or warn you away. You simply don't get that with online dating. How often do we bump into mr nothingspecial, hit it off and end up dating. Yet if you saw him online you'd wouldn't give him a 2nd glace.

[myTake Owner]

Pretty much

[UnicornLobotomy]

My experience with asking out women in person is that they are usually in some "complicated" relationship still with their boyfriend, or they are "separated" and possibly going to divorce their husband. Online is this: cat fished, stood up, cat fished again, GOT ONE! oh whoops led on for a month or so, not good enough for actual dating material, then I take a long break and repeat after six or more months of no relationship or even trying, no intention but to try to go it alone in life for good, but that other head drives me back to the insane dating scene today.

[myTake Owner]

I'm sorry

[UnicornLobotomy]

It isn't your fault. I'm just not alpha enough... jk

[BeMuse]

Girls online are weird, hostile, and paranoid… It’s good to observe them on sites like this to see how they think when they go home and get on their computer, but it’s probably not the best place to meet them… It real life it’s lot easier to talk to girls in general.

[NatashaJ]

I think so too I do agree with studies that say there are more narcissists on social media and the internet and they can't handle when someone challenge them. Like I remember plenty of times I call a guy on okcupid out on his shit and he loses it and starts being a dick and thinks he in the right. Like boy fuck off it's like they can't handle when someone is right about something. I don't care what anyone thinks if I rude or nice since a shit ton of people on GAG literally think I'm evil for my opinions and for being a feminist lol. When I am not even evil people are just nuts man.

[slatyb]

Met my wife online. The more people you meet the more likely you are to meet a suitable partner. If you regularly meet people in your dating pool then online dating may be a waste of time. If not, or the people you want to meet are a minority, then online dating may work well.

[JDavid25]

Yeah I agree.. I mean I won't shut online down completely.. But tbh it kina sucks.. LOL.. I mean speakin as a straight male who seeks women, they can be pretty flakey, and like others have mentioned attention seekin.. I say one wrong thing, or one thing they don't like, or don't excite them enough, and they are gone.. I don't date much, and hardly been on any dates.. But it's much easier to talk to girls in real life, than to try online really.. If they are even a little cute, they probably get too much attention..

[GraveDoll]

Have never had a date from online and it seems Im not missing a thing.

In reality, I think it just safer and I can say what you see is what you get. take it or leave it.

And with the race thing you mention it mostly another reason for me as well

You have TONS and I do mean TONS of undercover white brothers who too scared to admit they find a black girl attractive and I refuse to be anyone weird whatever fever they call it.

I also trust so little it just would not work out.

[LuvAsh]

I'd rather date irl BUT not everyone's love of their life is around the corner so I mean, I think Online dating can work if you are smart about it. Because everything that can happen while dating irl can also happen while dating online. It just boils down to if both people are being truthful and people act like the people they meet face to face can't put on a whole front😂
But if you're never planning on meeting then there's no point in online dating.
There are pros and cons to dating in real life and dating online. It just depends on the individual. But i personally prefer irl.

[PopeGregoryIX]

For me it's all about filtering people. I'm main carer for 2 children, so I don't get much chance to go out - certainly not regularly. It means I know that anyone I like already has kids (so they'll understand dating around those commitments) and that they'll accept me as they already know I have them.

I like to think of it as an introduction. I'm very new to it, but I try to at least meet up for a coffee as soon as possible, because after the initial introduction you can't really get to know someone without meeting them in person, in my opinion.

[crazy8000]

People tends to begin to loose their social skills and behaves like the worst you can be when they are on online dating services. they think it's right and are entitled to be that way without thinking on the consequences how they get perceived or that they are the course to why it still is a shit hole filled with bottom scrapings. (doesn't wants to change, doesn't want to take responsibility of themselves)

[Robertcw]

Please don’t hate white men because of you’re experience. The only girl I have ever ‘dated’ (use the term very loosely) was Asian.

I am a white male. I don’t fetishize the race in any way at all. It’s a physical preference and tbh, the only girls that give me the time of day in my area are Asian or Hispanic girls anyway. And that doesn’t bother me at all.

[Robertcw]

Your*

[myTake Owner]

I dont hate white men but a lot of them come off as thirsty and desperate

[Robertcw]

Isn’t it just that most men are thirsty and desperate anyway?

[myTake Owner]

i find it more in caucasians and Indian men

[Robertcw]

Probably cultural. Those, and Asian men are the most likely to have less sex than other races.

[Robertcw]

Let’s face it. Blacks and Latinos are the most ghetto. Ghetto culture is ‘in’ right now. Pop music is hip hop. Girls are banging black guys left and right in the ‘popular’ kids groups.

[myTake Owner]

Also true to an extent.

[GuidoThePizzaMaker]

I met my ex-chinese girlfriend at work
That whole Asian mystique thing is a lie haha

She was difficult, its like being with someone from a different planet. I don't know how these guys get obsessed over Asian ladies. Yeah they are the cutest, but its really challenging.

[myTake Owner]

exactly. I don't know where the fuck they come up with these weird fantasies.

[GuidoThePizzaMaker]

Its porn and anime.

[Screenwriter]

GUIDO! Thank you for that explanation. I never understood it either. The mote has fallen from my eye.

[Clarity01]

people act differently over text than in person so it's a bit tricky

[myTake Owner]

that is very true

[Screenwriter]

But you find this out when you meet IRL. And it is necessary that you do in a short time. There's no need to not meet within a month or two. You'll find out if you truly have chemistry and can stand each other's habits... Rubber meets the road.

[Melshmallow046]

Online dating has never interested me. My boyfriend has very little online presence and texting is not his strong suit, I doubt I'd have been interested in him if we didn't meet in person first.

[JeremyT]

I did date a few girls on a dating site, I had only one bad experience. BUT I don't base my selection only on physical (picture) I need in deep description. And yes there are a lot of weido out there. But after a while you see the truth between the line. I don't like bar. I tried work and it tricky,.. not all online dating site are equal. I always base my search on sex and surprisingly I have been successfully. Sex compatibility is very important to me.

[LuWe22]

I met my Boyfriend in real life. We know each other for a long time. (brother of a friend) We never really notice each other until last year. He asked me out and we just click well

[cavmanier]

*Thinks a white guy having a racial preference is a fetish*

*Prefers dating Asian men*

I guess the hateful stereotype only applies to white men into Asian women though.

[Ecologygirl76]

Yeah I can’t do it. I never liked any of the dudes I met up with and it’s not because they suck. It’s because of the premise

[Screenwriter]

I have to say I read through 36 online profiles and corresponded with four or five of them before I got to the final three that I actually met in real life. Of those three, two didn't work out. I didn't like them and they never called me back. The last one, No. 39 turned out to be someone who I liked and who I went out with for awhile. But I did wade through nearly40 people, which I never could've done IRL in such a short time (two months or three). Granted, I may have missed out on a few good people who didn't write great profiles. But I'm a writer myself, so would I have been interested in someone who couldn't write a great profile?