First Date: Date vs. Interview vs. Autobiography

[Rica_ChicaUSA]

I think the BIGGEST mistake that can be made on a first date is to screw up the communication. Obviously when you are going on a first date with someone new, you want to get to know him/her and vice versa, so communication is the most important and is what will really count. I think two of the worst things you can do on a first date is to make it an interview or to turn it into an autobiography. And I will honestly say that we women are just as straight-up guilty as men on this one; no bias there.

DON'T MAKE IT AN INTERVIEW

Many people assume that asking a lot of questions on the first date is a good thing because they think it's the best and quickest way to learn the most about the partner. In reality this isn't even true because:

1) You'll learn a lot more about someone, especially their personality, by being around them and,

2) People do lie, sometimes without even realizing it, in order to get the best outcome they can.

I cannot stand to be asked several questions straight in a row... unless, of course, I'm in an interview. This will actually make me lose interest in a guy really fast. Be mindful also of the questions you choose to ask your partner on the date. Asking about his/her career is an example of a good question that probably should be asked, mainly because most of the time you won't learn the answer just by spending time with them.

However, questions more related to personality are pointless, at least in my opinion. It's pointless to ask someone if they are religious because if you get to know them and they are always in church and they pray daily then what does that tell you? Or asking something like if they are usually honest and truthful... well, if you get to know them and almost everything they have told you can now be proved wrong, then again that question is pointless. Instead of asking so many questions, have a real conversation. Questions are not the center for conversations. If you need to, go out and work on your charisma.

DON'T TURN IT INTO AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY

Honestly, sometimes it can sound a little egotistical if someone is talking about nothing else except themselves. Even when you know the person as a very meek and kind individual, you're still not there to listen to a life story. Yeah, I'd like to know some interesting things about you, but don't tell me something about your life every time I say something. It does get a little annoying.

KEEP IT A DATE

Have real conversations, share a little charisma, and even enjoy the quiet moments. There are times when talking isn't even needed. A good topic as an example is common interests - and this does not mean asking a lot of questions about interests until you find one. It means if you do happen to come to one within the conversation, build on it without asking a million questions and without telling just your experience and what you think of it.

Meeting and getting to know someone new doesn't have to be a lot of annoying questions or stories about yourself. Make it various and make it fun. Have a little charisma. :)

[cavmanier]

I agree. It's better to naturally see where conversation goes to learn about each other. A lot will be learned through natural interaction.

Sometimes also a person may incorrectly view a person when they assume what a person's character will be due to certain traits. It's better to get a wider view of the person rather than using a checklist.

Once comfortable, then asking certain important questions makes sense. I need to be with a girl that has a moderate to high sex drive (instead of low) and this would be bad to bring up the first few weeks especially.

[Avicenna]

I agree, but, above all, have fun!

[Avicenna]

I focus the convo on shared areas of interest and fun experiences.

[Avicenna]

Thanks for the MHO

[averien_19]

I agree , you should ask a few questions to get to know the guy but not to overwhelm him like you said its not an interview its a date.

[Anonymous]

You touched on a very important point: honesty. As it says in "Woman to Women", free from archive. org, there are too many men who aren't honest when they ask us out on a date. They may say they'd like to take us out to dinner but they very conveniently forget to mention that they (too often) expect something (aka sex) in return. They ply us full of alcohol, in the hopes that our inhibitions will be lowered and we'll be more agreeable to the idea of having sex with them. Then if we refuse to drink or are still in our full mental faculties enough to say no, the man will often get offended because he feels he's entitled to be compensated for spending money on us. And too many guys are so offended that they try to take what doesn't belong to them (aka rape us). I'd have more respect for the guy if he was honest in the first place.

[Anonymous]

We ask questions because we want the girl to think we're interested.