What happened when I approached a random woman in the street

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I promise it won't be long.

This myTake is sparked by some comments and questions I received from some G@G friends about the statements I made in this question Have you ever went out/dated someone you met by chance? , since they know about my stance on casual relationships and hook ups.
Well, I have to be honest and address this question as to clear up any controversy or doubt that may be up in the air.

Without many formalities, as many of you know at the end of July I broke up with the girl I was supposed to propose to and moved away. The relationship simply wasn't feasible anymore and I know that some of the people following it were dissapointed when it happened, since they were rooting for us as a couple. Someone on here even violently denounced me and blocked me because of it. If some of you remember, I had started asking questions of the like "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" - True or False? and someone at the time already asked me if it was the case. I said it wasn't, but it actually was.

Anyhow, as I said in my last myTake, when I broke up I spent some days going around with various kinds of people and friends, trying to collect my thoughts and decide what to do next, and doing some impulsive and a bit stupid stuff.
More or less a week after I broke up, I was browsing around a local fair I had bought two tickets for - one for me and one for my now-ex girlfriend. I didn't really know what to do, I had called a couple of friends proposing them to go to it with me but they had all refused, so I was there on my own.

There was also a woman - not very tall, dirty blonde hair, jeans and John Lennon t-shirt - who was browing around, seemingly trying to make her mind whenever or not spend 10€ to get in.
So I went up to her, striked up small talk with her and ultimately offered her a ticket. I don't know what I was exactly thinking - this a time where such a gesture can be seen as soliciting and/or harassing, and I was a bit prepared for her to refuse or maybe even berate me.

Instead she accepted and thanked me. At that point there wasn't much more to do - I had got rid of that ticket by giving it to someone who could have enjoyed it, but I asked her if she knew someone else who could use another. She asked me why, and when I explained my reason to her, she just shrugged.
She could have just taken it, thanked me and went about her business without much a thought, but instead asked me to accompany her and make small chat.
In those times where everyone distrusts everyone, it felt pretty nice to just meet someone and bound that way.

We spent almost three good hours around that fair, talking, eating something and trying out the games and towards midnight I was wondering what exactly I was doing and how that situation could end. I lived nearby so I had come by foot, she had her car and suggested going somewhere quieter to drink something. After we went and spent some time at a local pub she asked me if it was a problem if we went and watched a movie or something at her place. I said it wasn't and we went. The movie she had picked up was Venom, and even though I'm not a fan of superhero movies the little we watched before getting busy with something else was pretty enjoyable.

We saw each other for some days, but in the end it was clear we'd be better off as friends. I told her I had just broke up with the girl I was supposed to propose, and she told me she too had just broke up with her fiancé. So, nothing. We liked each other but not that way. We separated on good terms, promising to stay friends, but of course it was a white promise we didn't really maintain. We just resumed our lives after that little parentheses.

Naturally I told this to my current girlfriend weeks ago for honesty' sake, she said it was alright since we weren't even dating at the time but obviously doesn't want me to talk with that woman too much anymore. Not that she'd really want to, since last I heard she and her fiancé were giving their relationship another try and I wish them every good and luck with it.
But I'd lie if I said I didn't want to finish watching Venom!

[Philyouup]

My ex wife and I were not going well, we both kind of knew it was over. Decided to visit a friend on the other side of the U. S. during the flight, my ex- pronounced to the world we were breaking up over facebook.. When my flight ended, i read the post that was already 4 hours old. I was shocked..
but I rather than get pissed off, I started talking to a woman while waiting for my ride , a complete stranger.. We ended up agreeing to meet for dinner. It was a nice time, she too recently broke up with her SO. We didn't have sex, we just got a long for that moment in time, talked about how we got where we were and what to do next. She lived in the city, I lived on the east coast, was never going to be anything, but a chance meeting with a nice person. it was comforting to actually have a great conversation with some body that expected nothing but good company in return. And yes in an era where your intentions are always suspect, it was a relief and I am glad I did it it made the rest of my visit with my friend enjoyable..

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Well, that's a really beautiful and insightful experience, even if it started really badly.
I really enjoyed reading it, thanks for sharing.
I hope you are doing better now.

[Philyouup]

Three years divorced. I can have a coffee with my ex and we are ok. Well never be close again. But life has moved on and me along with it.

[Truthatanycost]

''I didn't expect anything to begin with and my only thought was to get rid of that ticket without having to throw it away. ''

Above is a big part of why the situation panned out in the way that it did. Lack of outcome dependency.

[Mollynotgemma]

Met a guy out and he grabbed me and we danced for perhaps 10 minutes in an old fashioned way. We exchanged. Inners but I had a boyfriend so when he text me a week later I was honest and apologised.
We then spoke for two years and he understood I was with someone. We never met and just last month we met after two years and I’m so in love with him and ended I’m my relationship with my fiancé! We met once in two years but we are meant to be... I think!

[SarahsSummer]

Cute story. Making new friends is great. You never know what it may lead to.

[DevylasArsaukas76]

randomly meeting people like that, is like walking out into the middle of the battlefield and expecting not to get shot

[SarahsSummer]

@DevylasArsaukas76 wow, what an awful and illogical metaphor

[DevylasArsaukas76]

well I was someone who Listened to Nirvana as a teen, and peaches and cream isn't my specialty

[mattl338]

@SarahsSummer actually that’s very true, in my high school anyway.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Of course approaching a total stranger is a leap in the dark and a big gamble, it's up to you whenever to take it or not.

[mattl338]

Very true yeah, and i don’t even know how to approach a total stranger without things getting awkward :/

[mattl338]

Because well, you don’t know them lol

[SarahsSummer]

@DevylasArsaukas76 not sure what your music listening habits would have to do with viewing friendship creation as akin to being killed in war.
#seektherapy.

[DWD1994]

What he said is true though. Approaching women on the street is a really bad idea. When women see a man approaching them, they think the worst of the man. They think "Is he going to ask me out? Is he a rapist? Will he try to hurt me if I say no?"

[SarahsSummer]

@DWD1994 that’s not necessarily true.

[DWD1994]

Of course its true.

[SarahsSummer]

@DWD1994 my mistake, you are a woman and know exactly what we are all thinking at every moment.

[DWD1994]

I'm just going off of what other women say. And most women can attest to what I have said.

[SarahsSummer]

@DWD1994 and yet the story teller had a nice interaction From approaching a stranger and every, single. Other. Girl. Who commented. Disagree with your assertion. At some point you might just have to assume it’s you.

[DWD1994]

I never said ALL women, I said generally speaking. There are always exceptions to the rule but generally speaking, most women are on edge when a guy approaches them. Its because they have no idea who the guy is. There are women that have gotten killed by guys that couldn't take no for an answer, so as a result many women are on edge and assume the worst when a guy approaches them.

Don't try to pin this on me and say "Maybe its just you" when I'm literally telling you what other women are saying.

[SarahsSummer]

@DWD1994 yup, it’s definitely you. Good luck.

[DWD1994]

How can you claim it's me when I literally just pointed out what other women are saying? Do you need me to show you articles written by women specifically telling men not to approach them in the street?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

No offense to all the people involved but it was really something finding 10+ notifications on this posts alone. I'd suggest to end it here.

[sejla]

Ah what a nice moment in time. Those are those little moments to savor even if they don't lead anywhere. It is, also, very healing. Finding someone who trusted you enough to hang out with you a couple days without any ulterior motive and just enjoying each other company. Kind of nice respite for a broken heart or at least a bit of melancholy of a passing relationship. And you didn't have any further angst.

I guess looking back I've had some similar moments. Going to dinner with someone I knew from a meetup after an event. Having a nice conversation. Maybe even an attraction but knowing nothing will come from it because we are on different paths.

I guess it comes down to living in the moment which is pretty hard for me but without that we miss out on some pretty savory parts of life.

[mckatowitz]

I'm ok with men approaching me as they are respectful and non-threatening. In your situation, if she had no and you'd kept pushing I would say you had crossed a line. But you were very much the gentleman and let her lead mostly so she could stay and feel safe. You handled the whole thing perfectly.
As for "getting back on the horse" after a long term relationship breaks up. I think it's pretty common. I know I did it. So have a lot of my friends. You go from having a relationship with physical closeness to none. I think it makes sense that people seek out that closeness again. Added to which the blow to a person ego after a breakup is hard to take and someone finding you physically attractive can do a lot to repair that damage.
And yeah the relationships can be anywhere from a one night stand to the person you marry. There's no way to know, and really traditional dating is the same way. People get ghosted, break up, etc. I think everyone has to do what's right for them to heal as long as you don't deliberately hurt someone else.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Of course I didn't push for anything, I didn't expect anything to begin with and my only thought was to get rid of that ticket without having to throw it away. To be honest I was quite surprised when things took that direction.
I also agree that after a break up there's the need to feeling being close to someone, and if it's reciprocal then it's much better.

[mckatowitz]

Yes very much so. Although, it's an unfortunate reality that people often try to take advantage of someone who had a break. Same with a man or woman out alone. So I just thought I'd tell you that I was really impressed by your respectful behavior. We need more men like you in the world.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you for your kind words, I wholeheartedly appreciate them!
I know those are times where it's not easy to trust people - especially complete strangers - since bad things happen all the time.
I understand it took a big deal of trust for her to accept my offer and then invite me to her home, and same for me to go with her and enter her home.
I like to think we both felt we had positive vibes and that we were both good people.

[PurpleTeardrops2]

LOL that's way more tame than I thought it'd be. I read the comments first and thought it'd be worse. I swear males are so feminized these days. Approaching a woman is no big deal. If she rejects you, you will not burst into flames. Y'all will be alright.

[brennanhuff]

I think guy's worry if she'll think he;s a creep just because he's approaching her or talking her up at a place that's not usually where guys approach women. Women might not always like being approached at the bar or club, but that's a common place for people to socialize and guy's approach women. Now grocery store, book store... how do women feel about that? Is he pick up artist-y? for doing that or seem that way? I feel if a guy happens to be shopping a woman next to him is shopping that it shouldn't be a problem if he just asks something or tries to start a simple small talk. If she's not friendly or doesn't seem to want to talk, then let her be and go on your shopping. If she says something quick, but doesn't follow up trying to converse back, then she's probably just trying to be polite, but that's it, so take that and continue on with your shopping. If she smiles and then answers and brings up something back or small talk back, then there might be something and go forward with something and see how she goes. I can't help being self conscious as in how I may come across even though I've never been called a creep and know I'm not one, but still, it's hard to not over think sometimes.

[brennanhuff]

I say all this when just last week, I was at a Buffalo Bills game getting in line for the drink beer vendor which was a long line. And a really cute brunette girl said something to me or got right behind me in line and then I carried the convo from there. And we talked the whole time when waiting at the line. By the end of the line I asked her out and she got my number or have me put it down in her contacts for her phone and she text me right there with her number and name.

[DevylasArsaukas76]

@brennanhuff my Boss loves the Buffalo Bills

[Oram52]

Interesting take but on the side not you kinda blew it. She definitely was in and wanted to hook up. She expected you to make the move. Once you fail to take advantage of that window she offers she may give up and turns into friendship.

However its not that big of a deal talking to random women per se. Train stations, bookshops, shopping etc.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Okay but we did hook up for a few days, that's what I meant with " getting busy with something else".
For the rest she didn't want a relationship and neither did - she got back with her fiancé and I got with my current girlfriend.

[Oram52]

Ah my bad.

[UncleJessieRabbit]

I would feel pretty weird "approaching" a random woman on the streets with intending to date or flirt without at least having got to know her one prior conversation in advanced.

To be able to do flirt-type of stuff I need her to at least be an acquaintance first.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

It's not something I usually do too, it just happened because of conditions at the time.

[kanelives]

This is beautiful and almost made me think approaching women out and about would be fine. But knowing my luck it wouldn't turn out well anyway. Im glad you had a decent time with her though.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Trying is good but of course you have to be careful.
I recognize I had sheer luck in my case.

[UncleJessieRabbit]

@kanelives Do you think it worked out better because of the specific environment they were in at the time?

[kanelives]

Honestly, it is highly likely it is due to the mutual circumstances and the environment together. I dont believe the environment alone would have evoked a better response, though it certainly helped. To my knowledge women would be skeptical of a man giving them a free ticket. Maybe its because he spoke first, maybe its because he looks good. Or maybe she was just a person that doesn't immediately think someone is trying to screw her over for whatever reason and the environment did anything. Maybe its all of the above.

I can only say there is certainly no single factor that made this scenario better.

[UncleJessieRabbit]

I agree.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Honestly I think it was rum luck for the large part. We were both looking for someone and something to distract ourselves with and found each other.

[Kakella]

I knew there was some interesting story! I'm glad you spent some enjoyable moments with this lady and made her feel the same. You'll both have this good memory even if you will never see each other and end up in relationships with other people.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I hope so, we left in very amicable terms!

[humanearth]

Way to go.
See you did it the old fashion way.

And they say the only way to date is with a computer.

See the old way still works.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you, I think it was luck for the most part but naturally you have to dare for luck to help you out!

[humanearth]

Trust me it gets easier the more you try. And I'll tell you this. I like to believe you find a person better suited for you. When you take the computer out of dating and keep it human only.

[Unit1]

*sigh* And here i am sitting on GAG from time to time between the small breaks, that i have from full time work and full time studies.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Well I think it's good you are keeping yourself busy!

[Unit1]

That doesn't help me feeding that hole in my lover socket. Drugs however can get very close to it.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Drugs aren't a solution, just another problem

[Unit1]

I am in love with drugs already. Because there's no other love in my life.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

You seem to have depressive cycles, are you sure you are okay?

[Unit1]

I unveil you my secret: I am never OK.
I have acknowledged, that happiness is not within my reach and that it's OK that it's not. At least I made peace with it. Doesn't mean I give up.

I don't believe in love, relationships and girlfriends. There are none. Drugs are of my best interests.
I am currently running out of those and then I'll have real problems.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

That's very though, have you ever considered professional help?

[Unit1]

They tell me the same as GAG does.

Find a girlfriend
Eat healthy
Exercise
Stay positive
Keep busy (what you said)

The outcome remains the same as always.
If things were so simple as they say, I would not have went there in the first place.

But I have directions. Money. Drugs. Money. Whores. Did I mention Money?

[Massageman]

Interesting story. Truth is stranger than fiction a lot of the time. Hope you get to finish the movie.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Hopefully!!!

[ask4any]

Keep the parenthesis just that. It's good for the heart, mind and soul for something like that to happen in people's life. It's a fond memory of an anonymous occasion that needs to be kept right where it is. In your heart and mind.

[jmorris86]

I give you props for putting yourself out there like that. It's not easy to do

[pleasestopthis]

Sounds like a nice date. I've personally never done something like that.

[Exorcist_Rampage]

Random encounters are risk takers. Some are bold to take them but some are not. Kudos for your bravery.

[Anonymous]

LMAO at all the insecure dudes and incels who are chimping out at this 😂😂🐒

[CubsterShura]

Aww, so cute! I could sense you're gonna get a lot of hateful comments from other men who are just jealous. You're truly a a gentleman!

[kevinN88]

Great Men..., Well this is what i mean good friendship...

[Anonymous]

That's funny I did the same with a guy sometimes ago good times

[Lovemuff24]

Maybe it can really turn into love who knows

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Maybe, but we both moved on already

[Lovemuff24]

Oh I wasn't talking about your situation in particular was just responding to question

[Lovemuff24]

Or not question but headline

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Oh ok, I understand!

[NearlyNapping]

Awww!

This could be a full length movie.