I was either just as horrible as him or I was very dumb, or both.


Something sparked thoughts on my first relationship and it led me to the conclusion that I was actually just as horrible as he was.

We dated for about a year, we never had real issues or at least we never argued. However, for me personally there were several moments where I felt like ending it or felt like we were more friends than bf/gf. At a point it was hard for me to see it going long term, there were things about him I wanted to change. Despite those feelings and thoughts I never left. I held on to this hope that with time he could be the man I wanted and I just needed to wait it out. That's where I feel as though I was just young and dumb.

It was selfish and horrible of me for sort of putting up this front that we were fine and nothing was wrong. I never shared my thoughts with him and that was wrong of me. It makes me feel like I used him.

The relationship ultimately ended when he cheated on me. His reasoning, he just didn't love me anymore. Not that cheating is right, but I almost understand why he got to that point. Don't get me wrong, it was still very hurtful that he would disrespect me like that and not have the balls to end things. However, I can't even be hurt about the lack of love because how could I expect him to when I didn't love him either. I felt like I had to love him just because we were together for almost a year and forced myself to think that I did but I actually didn't.

I just wanted to get that out.

I was either just as horrible as him or I was very dumb, or both.
I was either just as horrible as him or I was very dumb, or both.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Gottabsavagee
    Oh look just because you stayed, it doesn’t make you a bad person. You hoped that he would turn into a guy you like. This things happen to everyone even happened to me. You could of left but you stayed loyal. You tried hard to make it work. Being with someone you don’t love isn’t that easy at all. You have to pretend to love them, kiss them etc. So you didn’t do a bad job at all. In this story he is the bad guy. He has no rights to cheat on you regardless what happens. If he didn’t feel it anymore he could of just quit it and move on but what he’s done is staying with you and doing shit behind your back. Girl don’t blame yourself, blame him and start looking for someone worthy when you are ready
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  • MonicaTessler
    You go girl! Does it feel better letting it out?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • ask4any
    We live and we learn. All in a day's work. I'm glad you got it out and didn't let it eat at you. Yes, he was wrong for cheating and I'm sorry you had to experience that humiliation. But what's important here is you realized you were growing apart anyway and it ending was inevitable. THAT'S real maturity and you should be proud of your self for not only that, but also not stooping as low as he did.
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  • OlderAndWiser
    So now you are a little bit Older and a little bit Wiser and you won;t make that mistake again, right? If you have learned from your mistakes, you have done as much as you should expect of yourself, and you are moving in the right direction.
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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Syrian_survivor
    This was nice and simple, I hope you're over it now and learned from your mistakes ❤
    • SnowDrake

      Thank you! I definitely did learn, only healthy relationships from now on!

  • heavens1ndulgence
    You're not the first to experience this, and he may not be the last. I'd say the same thing to him
    *hugs* 😎