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I've know him for 6 years, he was a few years older than me. He was tall, had long brown hair, looked like he should lead a garage band. He was mysterious, but one of the most friendliest people I'd ever met.
Few years later and I find myself working for the same company as him. I was excited. After two years of flirting, I finally got the courage to ask him over to my place. (I needed help "fixing" my door.) We get chatting, and the night was flying by. Until finally he asks me "was this your plan all along?" And I said, "I don't know what you're talking about 😉" Naturally we start kissing, and I invite him to stay over as it was after all quite late. As we are falling asleep he says to me, "I don't really do relationships, and you're the last person I'd want to hurt." So say to him, "that's fine, we don't have to go any farther than this." And the he brings me closer to him and tells me "oh but I want too"
So a few months go by and we are stealthy dating -- keeping it on DL because of work. After two weeks go by he asks me if I was planning to see anyone else. I said no.
He really seem into this relationship thing. He didn't seem all attentive or really interested in me. I remember bringing up an issue I'd been having with work and he sort of didn't really say much, or try and help me find a solution. Anytime I brought an issue up (I didn't do this often) it was was same sort of response. Until at the end March, I was having a huge fight with my sister. I wanted to go to him, but I decided not too. Instead I backed off for a week and didn't talk to him -- why would I want to? When I know how he responded last time I brought up something. After this this he seemed less interested in me. We hardly spoke at work at work, and hanging out went from several days a week, to once a week. And it was more or less going over to each other's places to have sex.
About two weeks ago, I downloaded Tinder. I don't really know why I did. I wasn't looking for a hook up. I matched with a friend of his, and of course he found out.
Fast forward to tonight and he asks to see me. He asked me if I wasn't into him anymore, and when I said no then he brought up the tinder thing to me. I argued that he says he doesn't do relationships, and then he said "I don't do relationships WELL" then I argued that he didn't seem all that attentive or that interested in me. So then I spilled my feelings for him, but he ended up saying that maybe it's for the best, he doesn't really know what he wants.
He'll forever go down as "The one that got away" for me. This all could have been resolved with some communication, maybe on both ends? Who knows really. I don't plan to sit around and wait for him, but a part of me does hope he'll change his mind.
What Girls Said
He sounds afraid of commitment. I don't think there's much you could've done to keep the relationship alive. He needs to figure out whats holding him back and try to resolve it if he wants a healthy relationship. It's hard when you're the only 1 giving 100% and the other person isn't even sure if they want to be in a relationship. I don't think either of you did anything wrong. He made it clear at the beginning that he didn't want to commit. You respected that enough not to force him into a relationship, now he sounds like he caught feelings but still doesn't want a commitment. Don't be too hard on yourself.
So I decided to have this convo with him tonight.
He gave a long explanation about how he doesn't do relationships well/doesn't really know what he wants. (Which was obvious) As far as what I did he said, *"your apology is 100% accepted but not nessecary. You were not in the wrong. I gave a poor impression of what I wanted"* and then, *"despite being bad at relationships, I definitely don't like casual or open scenarios. It's possibly not fair to make the assumption of your feelings by you actively looking at other options -- but I find it hard to draw other conclusions"* then finished off by saying *"You're a babe, and I wish you well <3"*
He also said that if it wasn't for this scenario then it probably wouldn't have worked out anyways.
Yeah, unfortunately it sounds like the relationship was leading nowhere. How could you have given him what he wants if he doesn't even know what he wants? I hope things work out well for both of you. I just hope you don't blame yourself for something beyond your control.
I'm actually so embarrassed? Guilty? and just over all sad. I know I don't have control over HIS feelings about me, but still it hurts how he thinks I'm lonely and desperate. I feel so bad for what I did too. I brought this situation up with a few friends and they've all said the same thing -- that I should in no way feel guilty, he wasn't acting like a boyfriend.
That entire situation sounds confusing. He wanted to date you but not have a relationship (whatever that means), he didn't consider you 2 as committed partners but he didn't like the idea of you with other men. He wasn't bothered enough about you seeking out another relationship to define the nature of your relationship, though. He wants 2 completely different things from you so it was bound to end eventually.
He just wanted to screw you... you were a booty call from day one... booty calla don't get undivided attention sorry boo... he didn't "get away" he never wanted to be caught
He was not interested in relationships (like most men) or you from the get go. This is kinda typical tbh