Reasons Why I Would Make a Horrendous Boyfriend ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Greetings G@G. It's been a long time since I last visited this site and now I'd like to share a piece of fun from my side :)

Many are dealing with situations, that involve relationships, boyfriends/girlfriends, love and that kind of stuff. It is mostly seen as a bad thing if someone stays single (it's a myth). In such regards without further due let's get to the points why I would be a horrendous boyfriend anyway.

Why don't you have a girlfriend yet? What's the problem?

(Short answer) I am overqualified.

Long answer

1. I'm a hobby scientist

Reasons why I would make a horrendous boyfriend ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Don't mind him. He is just a loser/nerd.

Alright, that's actually not a reason why I would be a bad boyfriend if I am getting smarter BUT that really comes off as a nerd/geek guy. No biggie.

I study various things: Computer Science, Herbs, Health, Substances and it's influence on the human body and I observe very much the world, take notes in my head and form opinions.

In fact thanks to science I managed to quit coffee very easily and am getting much better sleep :)

2. I'm poor

Reasons Why I Would Make a Horrendous Boyfriend ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You should eat more!!!

In fact at the given moment I can't even afford to eat properly because I'm a poor student (although I consider getting a job soon). I used to work for a company until they decided to shorten the employees because of financial reasons.

So there we have it. A big deal breaker #1

3. I'm no fan of sports and not ripped either

Reasons Why I Would Make a Horrendous Boyfriend ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Not entirely true. I do like playing volleyball or swimming but that's all there is. I don't like going through the troubles and pain to get a ripped body. I am busy enough as I am (studies and life). I'm solely not the kind of guy, who likes to work out or hurt himself.

Safety and considerations comes first!

Besides, who doesn't like to just do nothing and enjoy life? Workaholics?

Drum roll please. Now here come's the really hard and brutal parts that will devastate any relationship (besides being poor) ...

Reasons Why I Would Make a Horrendous Boyfriend ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


4. I'm watching sexy porn

(I have forgotten the source for this image sadly)

Reasons Why I Would Make a Horrendous Boyfriend ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Ah yes! The stuff that more men than women do. Internet porn.

Before we dive in detail there's a reason or two why men watch porn but I'm not going to explain it here.

What matters here is why it would make me a bad boyfriend anyway >:)

Reasons Why I Would Make a Horrendous Boyfriend ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

OK, just my opinion: I find it wrong to laugh at porn.

I'm watching porn because I have no other way to please my sexual desires, which comes as part of the human nature. I'm also a virgin who never had a girlfriend or even had a first kiss yet an I am 21 years old ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) So go me and fulfill what is needed to maintain a happy mood.

Our men's sex drive is just crazily sky rocketed and it's just the way it is. No need to deny that, WE NEED TO EMPTY OUR CONTAINERS ON A REGULAR SCHEDULE!!! Yes, it does drive us mad/crazy and it's torturing if we do not do so. *

* (Does not apply to ALL men!)

Ready for more? Get a hold of yourself:

5. I'm a PC Gamer

Reasons Why I Would Make a Horrendous Boyfriend ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(Hint: That's not my desktop but it doesn't look far away from it)

Oh my god, you're playing video games? Get a life loser nerd!

Ah yes... So embracing! The very famous dealbreaker #2. A hobby some boys/men really enjoy.

PC Gaming has been my passion since I was a 5 year old boy. I really loved and enjoyed to play the good old games on my PC, loved it when I won, disliked it when I lost. (git gud lil' nub :P)

My hobby hasn't changed ever since but it seems, that girls generally tend to dislike it when their boyfriends/husbands are sitting on front of a computer and trying to get off stress levels especially if it takes hours and hours.

Reasons Why I Would Make a Horrendous Boyfriend ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

My favorite title: Call of Duty. The thief, who steals boyfriends.

Mountain Dew, Doritos, 360dankskopes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I can count how many hours I spent playing various titles and that includes 1000+ hours of Warcraft 3 TFT, 1000+ hours of Unreal Tournament 2004, 1000+ hours of Killing Floor, 600 hours of Call of Duty Black Ops 2, 300 hours of Garrys Mod. I could go on like this. Aside from that I messed around with Source Development Kits and Editors, modded things and altered stuff too. In fact I'm a former Unreal Tournament 2004 map designer (not as a job) when I was still 12 - 16 years old.

I'm very good at gaming and I have developed good skills, strategy, logic, thinking and I even mastered my English thanks to online multiplayer gaming. It's something, that keeps us entertained and somehow doesn't seem to get old because of real opponents/buddies connecting the entire gamer world.

I'm gaming because it's fun and it's possible challenges, that brings with it keeps me entertained. It doesn't matter to me if I win or lose anymore. I'm doing it... BECAUSE ITS FUN!

Reasons Why I Would Make a Horrendous Boyfriend ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

This way I also raised my IT skills and knowledge and I surround myself with like-minded people and professionals and know quite some things. The community in this field is a great place to learn and make the right decisions.

6. I'm a "brony"

Reasons Why I Would Make a Horrendous Boyfriend ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Why the f*ck do you watch this sh*tty show?! (Never watched it for himself/herself)

For those, who do not know - A brony is a teenager or adult male, who watches and enjoys the TV Show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

I watched all seasons so far and all movies. Right now that would be Season 1 - 5 (the sixth is just beginning) and I also watched My Little Pony: Equestria Girls, My Little Pony: Equestria Girls - Rainbow Rocks and My Little Pony: Equestria Girls - Friendship Games.

I really enjoyed the show and I like it so much.

For fellow fans of MLP, my favorite pony is Twilight Sparkle. Anyone want some hugs :> ?

Reasons Why I Would Make a Horrendous Boyfriend ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

7. I have a female body pillow

Too lonely?

I'm not sure how exactly this can be bad but it will question securities (Am I not good/pretty enough?).

It may turn into a conflict because I like hugging my mildly softy pretty body pillow.

I cuddle and hug it every night when I go to sleep :3 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and when I wake up in the morning, the day starts off better but I feel a bit missing on it when I have to leave it because of university.

8. I don't like very much crowded places or being in a very big crowd in the public.

He/She is shy.

I'm fine with 100 people in one place but if it becomes more than that, it will become uncomfortable for me. I also do not like overly much attention where risks of public embarassments are available. Sure, fooling around can be fun but if it's in a humiliating way, it will sting for longer than it should.

Think that was hard or too soft? Now here comes the final nail in the coffin!


9. I don't want to get married ever.

Reasons Why I Would Make a Horrendous Boyfriend ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


My decision is firm and it was that way since I was thinking when I was 12 years old. The idea of being bound to somebody until death parts us is ... creepy and torturing. A living nightmare.

Or to be the only dependent provider. That enslaves me and I don't like the idea of it.

The time when "no" will be the ultimate, unforeseen and surprisingly, heartbreaking answer would be the question if I'm going to marry her.

I see no point how a piece of officially signed documented paper, that approves any relationship will do any better for the relationship itself. I can just as much create a new Microsoft Word document file, design it nicely and it states officially, that we are in fact in love and a place, where both parties can place their signature.

Marriage is a forfeit for me and I'm going to lose everything I oh so hardly fought and struggled for.

Last stop is:

10. I don't want kids either.

Reasons Why I Would Make a Horrendous Boyfriend ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I have lived my childhood - let's just say not so well. I don't like the idea of raising kids that would involve me. I will stay child free. Besides I'm thinking the earth is already overpopulated and real humans are suffering because of shortage of education, jobs, healthcare, home and basic physiological needs.

I don't want any more humans to suffer these issues so I'm not going to bring any more into this place. I have a philosophy, that we humans are the products and we are being exploited by our basic human needs (food, taxes, hygiene, entertainment, home, warmth etc...). do you know how? Money.

No children, no wife - No problems in life

Final disclaimer: I know, that not all girls/women are like those, who have been hurt because of any criteria above.

So. By not having a girlfriend means to be unable to hurt someone in these ways. Likewise I am not going to get hurt too if something happens, that she doesn't like. In the end of the story, nobody got hurt after all ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Final note: I embrace being a lone wolf.

Reasons Why I Would Make a Horrendous Boyfriend ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Reasons Why I Would Make a Horrendous Boyfriend ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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Most Helpful Girl

  • idkwtftoputhere

    well lucky for you I'm your dream gurl so let's date babe <3

    Is this still revelant?
    • Unit1

      if that's true then overkewl :3

Most Helpful Guy

  • JudgmentDay

    Reasons Numbers 9 and 10 was all that really mattered.

    Is this still revelant?
    • Unit1

      You mean the real deal breakers? I know that. That's why it's "gradually getting worse and worse" with the reasons x).

      But nearly all women want to get married and have children at one point I believe.
      Oh well.
      I remain to live my life as it suits me.

    • Unless you can somehow verify that they had undergone sterilization procedure or something. Or has a condition that makes it absolutely impossible for them to conceive. But they may still want to adopt someone or have pets though.

    • Unit1

      Almost inevitable. Never challenge the impossible unless you're ready to dedicate your life for it or unless you see yourself rewarding with it.

    • Show All

What Girls & Guys Said

  • spuitkaas

    Let's see if these things were really deal breakers for me.
    1. I don't think that's a bad thing honestly. I don't think a lot of girls will he turned off by that.
    2. That sucks, but it will probably be different when you start working and if you're able to pay for your share of the date, it's alright.
    3. A lot of girls aren't into sports either. If you're just open to try them out I'm okay. I'm not a big sporter either, but I like to be active.
    4. I don't care about porn
    5. If you're not obsessed with games and make time for your girlfriend, it's alright.
    6. Same as with 5
    7. That's a little weird. I don't think you can use it anymore if you had a girlfriend, but then you could cuddle your girlfriend.
    8. Depends how bad it is. If you really want to avoid events because it could be crowded, then it would be a turn-off.
    9. I'm not sure if I want to get married either. That's something to decide when I'm older you know, so for now not a problem.
    10. Then there will be no long future for us, because at one point I do want children.

    So as you can see you're really not as bad as you think you are, but I wonder if you actually want a girlfriend...

    • Unit1

      Not really but "validations" are interesting from my side ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) not that I really care if I'm good or not but still.

  • epiper888

    Dude, the real reason you'd be a shitty boyfriend is because you think you'd be a shitty boyfriend. We are what we think we are. Improve your shit, be confident and slay the fucking world and enjoy the things you like while doing it and stop giving a FUCK about girls opinions on what you get enjoyment from.

    • Unit1

      You don't actually think I made this take outright serious?
      I'm merely pointing out in a little humorous way what stops girlfriends.

      I don't disagree with you man. I think you may have somehow mistaken my take in a morally speaking way. I'm not complaining, I'm good ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  • Offthelist

    When you consider them. All of his points are legit and thought out. Looks like he's got like planned out

  • karahiri

    #8 is worrisome. might want to get some counseling for that. it's free in uni.

  • aliceinwonderland69

    I have to agree those things would be a barrier to getting a girlfriend.

  • astrOnaut01

    I started off thinking "wow, this guy is pretty awesome and not unlike myself" until 6 and 7.

    Female body pillow? My little pony? Really?

  • TheLoveTyger

    ... Fat Ben? Is that you, Fat Ben?

    • Unit1

      I am Unit1 (Unit-One).

  • HookedOnSalt

    I was gonna say "Dude, just embrace who you are" until I read the Brony and body pillow part.

  • Anonymous

    To be fair, who games while a friend (who isn't also playing the game) is over?

  • Anonymous

    1,2,3, 6, 8 I am cool with but everything else was a turn off but I am sure there are ladies out there that wouldn't mind or even be into a lot of this stuff.