After a long marriage I am back in the dating world. Online dating is the big thing now. I've been single for 4 years now, have dated a lot and even had a few relationships since. One thing I notice is that girls complain that they get lots of responses but never from the guys they want to respond. If you are reasonably attractive then it is most likely what you have written in your profile. Please note that I KNOW as women you get plenty of guys hitting on you. But you complain that there are no good ones. Your issue is to separate gold nuggets from the gravel. If you want to up your ratio of nuggets to gravel I humbly offer the following observations
I am a middle aged man, fit, good income with a job I have held for 20+ years. I am considered a gentleman and am a scholar. I keep fit and am tall. I do not lack for dates. I have a variety of guys I hang with-most would be considered "good catches"-reasonably fit, attractive, healthy, stable and have their sh*t together. I have discussed these things with my buddies and they all agree the following are turn offs that discourage them from replying. Admittedly, looks are major for most guys and always factor somewhat but I will not address that. I am talking about where a guy sees your profile, likes the picture and begins to read your profile. He sees the following and notes the following "concerns" about it.
1. Deceptive Photos or No Photos
Hey no one is perfect and while looks aren't everything a basic attraction is a necessity in a mate. If you meet he's going to see what you look like and there should be no surprises. Women are really good at picking out photos that flatter them so men have picked up on some of their tricks. If there are no body shots then it stands to reason something is wrong there and the assumption is you are hiding something. Similarly, if there are no pictures at all of you-maybe of scenery or your cat(s)-then you're hiding even more than an out of shape physique. Additionally, photos over 3 years old are deceptive and, usually, deliberately so. Looks are not the MOST important thing but it IS one of many factors. Ever had a meet up date and known as soon as you laid eyes on them they were a "no"? They are going to see what you really look like when you meet and when it is an obvious difference we feel decieved.
2. Long Lists About What You Don't Want
Yeah, we know you don't want a F***boy or someone enormous. But many of you go through a long list that reads like every failed relationship you ever had. You do not want a scammer/Fboy/narcissist/psychopath/Alcoholic/Drug Abuser. Really? Who does? Do you really think someone like that would decline to contact you because you put a "warning"? The statement will not deter one of those types one bit. But it does make you sound like you've (1) been "around the block" quite a bit and (2) have had the bad judgement to fall for these types in the past and (3) are bitter-and none of these things are attractive. You obviously have been a poor judge of people in the past.
3. Trite or Infantile Photos
Wow-you found some wings painted on a wall and posed between them as if you were an "angel". You and every other woman on these dating sites. It is not clever-it is tired. The only good thing about them is it does usually count towards a shot that shows your body type. Similarly, posing in or painting in using software whiskers, bunny noses or ears, etc. is elementary school stuff. What are you, 5 years old? When a woman over 20 does it it is pathetic.
4. Long Lists About Exactly What You Do Want (often contradictory)
Examples: You-you are tall and strong and handsome. A real man-but you are sensitive to me and cry at romantic movies. You are confident and commanding but not arrogant. You cannot keep your hands off me but are always a gentleman. You are "financially secure" but money is not important to you. You let me be independent but take command when I need you to. You do not have any baggage and you are ready to settle down and get married now".
The lists are usually much longer and quite detailed. Yeah, we get you are just listing your "perfect man" but this is the real world and most people are not perfect. Indeed, I strongly suspect YOU are not perfect or everything he has been seeking. A LTR requires acceptance of your other's faults and realistic expectations. It makes you sound hard to please, demanding, unrealistic and carries a whiff of entitlement attitude. No one is saying you should accept less than you want. What I am saying is that if you want the good guys to contact you this is not something that they find attractive listed in a profile.
5. A Huge Red Flag
No one, male or female, wants to be with a loser. But no one, male or female, wants to be used. Women often list something along the lines of "must be financially secure" or something similar. Remember, the guys I polled are all financially stable.But every single guy I have talked to agree they find it offensive. It totally makes you sound like a gold digger and it is the single biggest turn off for most. It just sounds mercenary when you put it in your profile. Its like if a guy listed "must love sex and have large breasts"-might be true and you might do/have both these traits but it doesn't make you want to contact him-the opposite. Don't worry-you'll figure out soon whether he meets your financial requirements.
AGAIN-these are just observations and not a judgement. But if you are not attracting the men you want to these suggestions might be applicable. Good luck.