I don't wanna whine or get sympathy or anything. But on another question someone wrote about having fun with dating and that made me think about that it hasn't been fun for me. I wanted to share some of the reasons why and if you have some constructie feedback I'll gladly accept it.
#1 Very Limited Resources
This is not directly about dating but more of a topic that defines my whole life. A normal human gets about 40 impressions per second sent to their brain, that includes what they see, hear, smell, taste and feel. Someone with autism can have up to 140 per second. So they have a more intense experience of the world but it also comes with a big cost. All this data has to be processed and sadly autistic brains have not evolved to the point where the additional data can be processed in real time. This leads to brain lag, slow reaction time especially when something unexpected happens. And the worst part is the additional energy it takes to proess all the data. When I go to work 8 hours I'm tired like I worked 12 hours. And it gets worse the next day by Friday I can hardly stay awake at work and I have to sleep a whole day sometimes to even be able to function again. This makes it hard to take care of my responsibilities outside of work and leaves barely any time or energy to do stuff I want to do or work on goals.
#2 Communication Issues
This is one of the main things that makes dating not fun. Reading between the lines, the back and forth of not being too interested, it's not something that I'm good at or understand very well. A lot of people say they don't like games but most of the time they're lying but personally I don't like to do something unless I see the point in it. I like to get to the result as fast and efficiently as possible. I like efficiency in general but there's also point #1 which hangs over my head and kinda forces me into this. So if I could skip the beginning part I would do it every time. I don't enjoy it at all. I don't care about the rejection although it's not great I can live with that. But someone with autism always has that doubt if they've read a social situation correctly or if they missed something and that's especially true with girls since men and women already have difficulties communicating even without the extra obstacle. And unfamiliar situations with unfamiliar people add a lot of extra stress because there's less references I can use. When I've been in a situation many times I know more what I can expect, what can go wrong what range of behaviour is normal for this situation etc. But when I meet a girl for the first time I have no idea what she's going to do next and that makes it hard to relax.
There have been quite a few girls that have been into me usually when I wasn't into them or just not thinking about anything sexual or dating related because we were talking about a topic I was really interested in or soing some activity that I was focusing on. Most of the time I didn't even notic it or realise it until later but even if I do I
#3 Too much socialising required
Because of my limited energy and because interacting with people uses a lot of energy for me I don't socialise that much expecially after a whole day at work with the women at my office. But girls are usually not interested in a guy if they think that they're the only girl he's interested in. That's been my experience at least. This makes it hard for me because socialising enough to where I have a buch of girls as options that I'm actually interested in would take up all my free time.
This video explains some of the things that I experience as well.
#4 Out of control
Even though I try really hard and fight every day I still have difficulty just working and taking care of things at home like paying bills cleaning etc. When I take on these responsibilities I'm constantly stressed out and lose to my limit. That's why I don't feel like I even have space in my life for someone else and I don't want to date when I don't have my own life under control it doen't feel good.
These are just some of the main reasons why dating isn't fun for me and I don't know if it will change anytime soon. I'm fine with being alone. Right now I'm making some changes in my life changing my job and maybe getting some help with my responsibilities at home maybe that will help. But I'm not really optimistic about my dating life in the future lol.
Does anyone have a similar experience? Or have you dated someone with autism?
Please share! :D
#asd #autism #dating #MentalHealth