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My Take on How Payment Should Be Done on a First Date

My Take on How Payment Should Be Done on a First Date

Two things to consider as you read this:
1) This has no reference to how much money you make or spend. (An inexpensive date can be even more valuable than a very expensive one.)
2) I have approached men, but I do believe in the man being the distinguished leader of a relationship. (If someone is a leader, they had to take the first step or do something exceptional.) I state that from culture based on how I was raised, not as a statement for arguments. My culture isn't the only one in the world. Consider whatever works for you.

Do they already know each other? This matters. Let's say the girl and the guy have been good friends for a few years, and the guy wants to take it up a notch. He's decided that she's the woman he wants. When a first date is considered, they already know each other and they're already good friends, so in reality it's nothing different from what they've been doing for those few years as friends already. Therefore, why should he have to pay her way too? She knows what she's getting into just as well as he does. Years of friendship gives them a good foundation, and him paying her way isn't going to give her much to consider otherwise. (or vice versa with the genders; both ways apply) This is why I believe that it's ridiculous to say as a rule that one should pay for both if they both already know what they're going into. Each should pay his or her own way because both already know the investment. This is kind-of like going 50/50 once a couple has been in a relationship for a while.

It's a matter of the value of TIME, not money. If they don't already know each other, then the effects of investment into a possible relationship are unknown. The possibilities are endless - both good and bad. You can think of this like playing the stock market: you have a set amount that you keep as a minimum for yourself, and then you use the rest to make investments. With dating this comes into play on both sides: time and money. Time takes the lead, and here's why: the person being asked has to decide if the requested date is worth his or her time.
Example (I'll even use myself to avoid conflicts among users here.): If a guy I don't know approaches me in a public place and lets me know he's interested and wants to go on a date with me, the first thing considered is that I have a life apart from him. Is it worth my time to go out with this guy?
That said, since he's the one who is obviously interested, and since I know nothing about him, he needs to give me some reason to want to go with him over, say, spending time with my best friend - he has to show me that he's serious and wants to invest in a relationship with me. Regardless of what the date is - there are some dates that are even free, mind you - it's a matter of the time.
Wait, how's that? How is it about the time when you're saying he needs to pay because he's the one who showed interest?
Because again, I don't know him and I have a great life apart from him, so why not just go be with my best friend, or something else I like to do? Like, if the guy asked me to go to a music festival with him, for example, well if I have to pay my way, I'd rather just pick whom I want to go with and go with a friend. Chances are that whatever he asked me to, I wasn't planning on doing anyway. (The exception in this case is in the last two paragraphs.)
So my point there is this: if you're going to invest in something, it involves going a distance for whatever you're investing in, in addition to holding your own stability. If you're just holding your own stability, then you're not investing. Invest time, effort, and money wisely!
So what about the it's-not-about-money, free-date thing?
This is where, again, time takes the lead. That person still wants a reason to put you in their schedule instead of just taking up space on the calendar. Can this happen with a FREE date? YES! In this case, though, the investment is what you show up-front: no money, just YOU. Can YOU make YOURSELF seem pleasing enough for a date within this time when you first meet randomly?
For example, I met a guy randomly in the mall once - no previous knowledge of each other. He was very charismatic and good to talk to, but I had to leave because I had somewhere to be. Those few minutes that I had left at the mall actually turned into over two hours. That was the first investment: he gave me reason to even stay with him then instead of going to where I was headed next. So why not go on a free date with him? He discovered that I like art exhibits, and there is actually a free one in New Haven that he asked me to for a first date, and it was one of the greatest dates I remember.

Conclusion: If you're showing interest in someone, show that you're worth his/her time, keep in mind that time is more valuable than money, and make the investment to show the distance you're willing to go with that person at first.

Side Note: I am not offended when guys on this site get mad and call me a "gold-digger," especially since I am fortunate enough to have affluent parents, still probably have more than these guys do, and in a few years as a doctor I'm going to be making probably more than triple what these guys make anyway lol
So if you wanna argue it, I'll take it as that you admire my medical education and see my determination for striving through it. so thanks ahead of time :)

My Take on How Payment Should Be Done on a First Date
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Most Helpful Guys

  • DiamondsRUnbreakable
    I'll just make more money and become more wealthy so I don't have to get into the argument of who has to pay LOL. I'll pay 100% of the first date irregardless of the relationship or results of what comes out of that night. Good date or Bad date. If it's a good date, most likely, the women will want to pay for something, because the date was enjoyable and it was time well spent. Others will take payment for the 1st date and will want to pay for the 2nd date to just spend more time with you. In a date it's so important to figure out the common grounds first, because that builds connections. Once connections are made then it can elevate to something greater. You are definitely right that TIME is so much more valuable than money. I like Aventadors, but I love having meals with my parents more. Price of the date is invalid if time wasn't well invested. I rarely approach women. Women approach me, but it's because I add value more to myself. I read, exercise, and serve on people. Guys say "Gold Diggers", I say you have no boundaries. If you already know what you don't want, then why allow it? Don't bring toxic people in your life, unless you are toxic yourself and you never got real with yourself to admit it. I do have one thing I disagree. It's not a 50/50. It's a 100/100. Why? Because both have to say YES to agree to spend time with each other to make the date happen. There is Yes or No, not YEN (Not talking about Japanese currency, it's a play on the word of both yes and no and... Never mind the punchline is not all that funny. Ugh.). Main take away:I will pay 100 first date to determine there is common groundTime is much more valuable than money100 commitment on both sides.
    Is this still revelant?
  • zagor
    I don't mind paying on a first date. Keep in mind we won't be going to a five star restaurant, but a quiet bar or cafe so we can actually talk and find out about each other.

    Does anyone here go to formal sit-down restaurants for a first date?

    Ignoring the fact they're all currently closed...
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • whywhywhywhwy
    Is this really that big of a problem? I mean, I’ve never went on a date, but seeing how the you guys come to an agreement might be a good tell for any future relationship. If you can’t agree on something as simple as who pays, I don’t the relationship’s going anywhere.
    • True. And you’d be very shocked at how many times this specific thing is brought up on this site, especially by the guys. Welcome to GAG by the way.

  • DizzyDesii
    Nice take. I still feel we should pay for our own stuff but if he's broke, i’ll pay. I enjoy going all out when i have it to spend. I dont like anyone else paying for me cause i feel people always expect something in return down the line for doing me a “favor”. So nah. But im not here to argue. Cool
    take
  • Daniel_Dano
    Well if I ever ask a girl out that means she is special and I will pay for all dates even if she earns ten times more than me , i just can't let a woman pay for me it's not my thing.
  • I would want to go to your favorite place , and spend a bundle. Open car door for you , open door for you when we get there , push chair in for you, and pay for whatever you wanted , and most importantly , never notice any other women there.
  • BronzedAdonis
    Bitches better pay for Elmo or else there’ll be trouble
    • I would offer to pay for you :D lol but aren't you gay?

    • Elmo loves cawk but and is just one of the girls at heart ❣

  • JonPT
    On the contrary if you know someone well; you will feel more inclined to pay and treat them because you know them well and will feel that the investment is more likely to be beneficial to you.

    If a guy asks you out and you choose to go on a date with him; then you have chosen to invest time and money into it. If you both don't know each other then neither of you should feel inclined to pay the whole bill if it's a costly date.

    Conclusion: you invest in what you think is going to be beneficial. Both people chose that when they chose to go on a date.

    Would you spend more money on a long term relationship when on a date or a first date where you have no clue if it's going to work out?
    • Your profit comes from what you invest :)
      And again, if your second point was the case, I would've either asked him out or I would've gone with a friend or something. So in that case, I wasn't planning on going anyway and I don't know the guy, so therefore I am not the one wanting to invest. That goes into what I said about the free thing, too, if he can pull it off.

  • stich_artist
    I'm little lazy to read 18 pages FRONT AND BACK! Lol but based on title i would suggest to divide it in half! No matter who ordered what
  • Liam_Hayden
    It is simple. I ask, I pay.
  • Anonymous
    If a woman agrees to go on a date with a man, she should do so knowing she will pay her share. That is fair, and it's how it should be. It's how it will be someday once we get past all this silly sexist justification bullshit.
    • If I already know him, sure. Otherwise, if he’s not a gentleman I wouldn’t want him. If I’m not worth his investment, then he shouldn’t bother asking.

    • Anonymous

      So he should pay for your time them? Sounds suspiciously like prostitution to me.

      Your attitude is typical female entitlement.

    • No sex is involved lol
      Also, it's entitlement of EITHER gender. If I was to ask him, I'M paying because I'm asking for his time. Same with if he asks me. And again, dates can be free. Did you even read the details on the take?
      Hmmmm. Sounds like typical aggressiveness.

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