The first month of this was a breeze for me. I’m an ambivert. Not completely extroverted or introverted. I need my quiet and alone time sometimes, but I also need to be around people and socialize sometimes too. Too much or too less of either and it messes with my energy and overall mood. I thought my generation and the ones below were being cry babies as I watched them complain about not being able to go out during the first few weeks. But now I too am starting to feel the quarantine blues.
Today is probably the second time I felt anxiety related to being isolated since this whole thing started. I’m good at managing my mental health. Which is why I decided to vent a bit through tis Mytake. It’s been about two weeks since I physically hung out with friends. Some came to see me at work yesterday with their masks on. I play online games with them here and there. Having coworkers help too. But I’m still lacking in the dating department.
It’s been about a month since I’ve had an in-person conversation with a woman let alone been on a date. It crossed my mind to make a temporary dating account.
But that’s not my style. I used to meet girls at least every other day. I’d go out on dates at least monthly. I’d be out shopping for art supplies and catch sight of some cute brunette and within minutes we’d be talking. It doesn’t matter where I see her. My confidence is like something from a movie and my words would have you think I came out of a novel. It’s like I was made for the whole dynamic that comes with dating.
Everything from catching eyes for the first time to becoming exclusive. I love the ups and downs that come with it.
I don’t get that with online dating. It’s a completely different game with these apps and I’m not really interested in learning how to play. I feel like guys have to put too much unnecessary effort into their profiles and messages just to get a reply. Girls on the other hand can just put a picture up and get hundreds of messages. Dating can be shallow but online dating is too extreme and unnatural. It’s much easier to get a date offline.
Or it was. There are a few girls I could message on Facebook or Instagram, but I already don’t pursue them for good reasons. Since the quarantine started, I’ve had a good look at myself. I’m sort of going through a transformation and my standards have went up a bit. I’ve had the habit of chasing toxic girls but now I’m at a point in my life where I want to change. There’s only one girl I can really talk to that I already know. Well kind of.
We’ve met through friends once or twice. I had known about her for a while before then because of Facebook and our mutual friends. I never messaged her because I didn’t want to be that guy. We didn’t know each other. But when our friends got together, I made sure I introduced myself and talked to her. It felt less creepy to add her after that. Anyway, I messaged her a year later and I don’t know why it took me that long. I might have been dating other people.
I messaged her last month, but we met and added each other a year ago. She remembered me though. She came off as interesting when I met her at first but she’s fascinating now that I’ve gotten a peek at her mind. I like the things she talks about and her take on life. I can tell getting to know her will be fun. Keep in mind though, we haven’t talked for very long. Today was our first conversation worth mentioning. It took her a while to reply to me (damn near two weeks I think) and it took me a while to reply (like a week maybe).
I’m still in that getting to know her as a person stage before I think about anything else. All I know right now is that she’s smart, philosophical, pretty and funny. Surface level things. I need to learn more. I like taking my time to get to know a girl before I see her as a potential date. I used to just date any physically attractive girl who gave me her number and idealize her into my own image versus seeing and learning her, which is a pretty cruel thing to do to anyone.
Now I take my time with dating. I try to see if a girl clicks with me as a friend before anything else. That was the fun part about meeting people every day. It kept me open to possibilities and kept me from just clinging to anyone. There’s so many different people capable of making you feel amazing. But now that a month has gone by and I haven’t had that, it kind of sucks.
Well my rant is coming to an end. I’m at 1000 words already. I guess the silver lining in all of this is self-improvement and maybe the girl I’m talking to now will turn out to be one of those person’s I’ll end up being glad I spoke to. She’s probably the one of few if not the only girl I’ll end up talking to during this lockdown, unless I meet someone at work and I’m not doing dating apps.