My Unpopular Opinions on Relationships

[ragequeen]

WARNING! What you are about to read may trigger you. Read the title and understand these opinions are highly unpopular among the common population.

1. Sex is important and crucial.

I heard a lot growing up from both parents and friends that sex is not the most important thing in a relationship. Sure, as I can partially agree with this as sex shouldn`t be the only thing to rely on, I have to say that it`s otherwise ridiculous. The main thing that differentiates romantic relationships from friendships IS sex. If you eliminate sex from your relationship, doesn`t that just make you friends? Also, sex is engraved in human nature (especially men), and if they don`t get it from you, you can`t expect them to stay faithful. This is not because they have fallen out of love with you, it`s just because their biological imperative is calling them.

2. Flirting with other people while in a relationship is healthy and normal.

Yeah, this one may be considered crossing the line. Others may even consider flirting as cheating. And it does, in some cases. However, light, innocent flirting is actually completely normal and healthy in relationships. Here is the psychology behind it: when you feel desired by the opposite sex, it builds confidence. Confidence is KEY when in a relationship. When you feel confident and desired (if you are a healthy-non toxic person), you feel like you are good on your own and you have options if the current relationship doesn`t work. Why is this important? Well, people who are insecure tend to act toxic towards their SO because they are afraid of them leaving. If they are confident, they will stay with you and not act toxic. However! If you have intentions with the flirting, and if you start complimenting their appearance, that is probably crossing the line. If you have no intentions, and the two of you are just telling jokes and laughing, it`s totally fine.

A little innocent flirting is harmless.

3. Staying fit, being positive, and taking care of your appearance will make the relationship last.

Once the person you are in a relationship with starts getting too relaxed, things start to happen with their bodies and mental health. Being too relaxed just sends the message that "they got you and they will accept you the way you are", and it`s actually pretty toxic. If you gain a few pounds due to hormones or pregnancy, that`s something completely different. But if you consciously start to gain lots of weight due to overeating, your SO will lose that spark with you. Regardless, hard work is sexy and shows you truly value them and want to impress them. If the hard work still won`t make them stay, at least you did it for yourself and you can get back into the dating game with no problem. And not only that- working to improve yourself will make yourself feel amazing! You`ll have more energy, burst with confidence and positivity.

4. You have a right to privacy.

Your SO has no right to demand your social media and phone passwords (and reversed). When you are in a relationship, your SO and you become united as one, but you are still an individual. You have your own life, your own friends and your own interests. It`s great and important to share these things with other people, but you shouldn`t lose all privacy. If you don`t trust your partner or suspect them cheating on you, either break up or talk about it. They will show you on their own accord if they are good people and have nothing to hide.

[Dongtai]

I liked all of those except the second one. If you took a marriage class you’d make a bombass spouse or girlfriend some day. You have a rare and mature attitude and so young. Keep it up 👏👏👏

[ragequeen]

Thanks! 😄

[Guy13]

Do what you say and you will get burned someway and somehow the whole of your life.

[Investigator]

"They will show you on their own accord if they are good people and have nothing to hide."

This is probably nitpicking, but as they say, "the devil is in the details." Given this one sentence, I'm under the impression that, in your mind, the presence of "good person" necessitates the absence of "hiding something". Is that what you're going for? Because this is some ass-backwards logic. Do you REALLY want to know everything single little thing about your partner? On paper, maybe, but in practice probably not. For example, does discretion = secrecy? If my job requires that I keep secrets from my spouse, in such capacity that I can't even discuss what can't be discussed, does that make me a bad person? Or if I know something that I shouldn't, should I spill everything like an open book? Is tact simply deception-by-omission in disguise?

This kind logic is how we come to the conclusion that only criminals need privacy, because "why else would you need to hide something, unless you're up to no good?" Something to hide can be evidence of wrongdoing, but to assume that one follows the other is why we currently have cancel culture: if there is anything left unspoken or unexplained, it must be because of malintent and not simply because we want personal space. Perhaps you didn't intend it that way, so I'd like to know how else you expect someone to interpret that line.

[Aethereal]

There's nothing wrong with having unpopular opinions. Everyone has at least a few. It's only an issue if one starts forcing them on others or expects them to become the norm. I think we can both agree that as long as you and your partner are happy under the system you both have, what others define as a "healthy" or "unhealthy" relationship is irrelevant.

I personally agree with you only on no. 1 and 3 here.

I agree with the opinion given by @Apple1996 Sharing passwords is a sign of trust. If letting your partner see your phone is a problem, the implication is that you have something problematic to hide.

I also strongly disagree with no. 2. Flirting with other people is very disrespectful to your partner, and is in my opinion how cheating begins. It implies that your happiness is tied to being desired by strangers, even when you are in a relationship. That's a massive red flag. It will destroy your partner's sense of self-worth and confidence, and put the idea in their head that you're always looking to replace them and will switch the moment you find someone "better". Maybe different people get their confidence in different ways. I am confident that I am desired and attractive when my attractive girlfriend tells me I'm handsome and she loves me. I don't need to hear that I'm handsome from strangers to know it.

I agree with no. 1 but think it's a bit subjective too. If both partners are Asexual/demisexual, they can have a very happy relationship based on emotions alone. I'm aware some friendships go really deep, but I can never be close to the level of openness and emotional intimacy with a mere friend. A relationship without sex is not friendship.

[TruthBringer]

Nice take, however I can't agree with point #2. No self-respecting person will tolerate their partner leading on other people. Flirting is used to create sexual tension to escalate an interaction to a more intimate one. By doing with outside of your relationship WHILE you are in a relationship means you lead other people on and are seeking sexual tension outside of your relationship. This is something acceptable in open relationship. It does take the exclusivity out of exclusive relationships.

If you feel the need to gain confidence by flirting outside your relationship, then you're either not relationship material yourself or you are with the wrong partner. Do be careful with how you portray your information. Just because the majority of us don't accept flirting outside of our relationship, doesn't mean we are possessive and insecure our partners would leave.

IN FACT: A crucial thing you've missed out on is that women who find out they are allowed to flirt with other dudes tend to see their current boyfriends as WEAK. Because they don't have the balls to put their foot down and put them in their places (something women crave). Only those who don't respect their partners think it's okay to flirt outside a exlusive relationship

[Finchie40]

The flirting thing crosses the line to a certain extent only if it doesn’t mislead the person you are flirting with and basically if you have to flirt behind your partners back then you are just allowing fire to enter into your relationship. So to keep a relationship healthy you are best not to really flirt at all considering it’s wasted energy and disrespectful even though you might take it as being joking or playful it can turn bad if the person you are flirting with takes it the wrong way. On top of that you can put your partner in harms way if that person you are flirting with really thinks you have the hots for them and they become possessive and they start stalking you or buying your gifts trying every which way for you to fall for them Even confronting your partner and telling them lies so they will break up with you , so again it’s really best not to flirt when you are in a relationship because people take shit the wrong way , even though you think it’s innocent to that person it really isn’t , so why bring that fire into a relationship if you really love your partner? I use to think it was ok to flirt with other girls when I was in a relationship until I saw shit unfold , so if I am in a relationship with someone I don’t flirt anymore. It isn’t worth the drama. It’s respect and the only way love grows in a relationship is when you remove selfishness , Flirting is a selfish action you are only really thinking of yourself , so if you are the type of person that has to flirt you are better off not getting into a relationship , How would you feel if some psycho stalker girl showed up to and said your man wants me not you he has been secretly flirting with me behind your back? You wouldn’t be to happy , so again what is the point of flirting?

[Old_Golden]

Personal opinions: #1, we had our hands before we met you and (hopefully) will, if something unfortunate happens, still have them after you. Sex is definitely great but it's not the majority portion of what makes a relationship last. 50% or less. #2, if your SO is attractive and/or you are attractive, people will hit on them/you. Flirting is fencing with words. It's fun and meaningless. Unless you take the next step and start getting handsy I believe you should trust your partner to know where the line is, which also ties into #4. #3 I take no issue with. #4, yes, everyone deserves privacy. If you can't trust your partner to have their own life and still be faithful you've either gotten yourself into a bad relationship or you have trust problems which is your problem you should be seeing someone for. I'd add a #5 which would be that no one person can be everything, can fulfill every social need, for anyone. Having other people you're close to in your life is crucial. Your SO can be your best friend but you always have other friends too.

[Twinrova]

Number is 2 is clearly wrong. First of all, if you flirt with other people your partner will at the very least be jealous (I'd break up with my girlfriend, personally), which would contribute to making them insecure. Second, why do you need someone to flirt with you for you to feel confident in your appeal? Sounds like a person who requires that kind of attention is already insecure to begin with. Third, and this is an obvious one, any time you treat someone else like they're your s. o, you re cheating on your s. o.

[Twinrova]

It's hard to believe you don't see how counter-productive that step would be if the goal is truly to feel more secure.

[DictumVeritas]

1) Sex is important in a relationship:
Yes, but a high body count damages your ability to pair bond and makes you useless in a long term relationship, thus making your value to establishing a stable family zero.

2) Flirting while in a relationship, you can get away with if you have a man with zero self-respect. You will not respect the man that allows this and thus the relationship is doomed.

3) Appearance is not everything, but taking care of yourself and presenting yourself as fit and healthy is never a bad thing.

4) You can have all the privacy you want, but if I even see a hint of 2 above or anything even hinting in that direction, that right is forfeit.

[thehorriblesheikh]

It's a bit more complicated than that. I don't think that the main thing that differentiates a relationship from a friendship is sex, I think it's commitment. I like the idea of having a strong emotional bond with friends and a strong sexual bond with friends as well. You are just not committed to them the same way you would be committed to your partner in a relationship, that's all.

I am not sure about your last point. I think in a relationship, partners should be able to trust each other with their phones and social media accounts. I do not believe there should be any secrets in a relationship.

[art_hoe]

i agree with everything but the second one, but it's probably because i am pretty insecure myself and i get jealous easily, so please consider that at me. anyways... i don't really know. i am pretty young for serious relationships. in general, my mindset is to imagine all aspects of my life as flowers. and the most important is school and education and all that and i care about that one the most, and relationship is that extra flower that u can have but u can also survive without it. and as long as it stays that way, i feel healthy. still, i get jealous and i am pretty insecure and that is just my self image, another flower you gotta take care of before taking care of the relationship flower (ik its a dumb analogy but my dumb smol brain can only understand it this way and it helps me stay on track with a stupid simple analogy like this TwT)

[VIVANT]

Sex is crucial in a relationship if it is crucial to those in the relationship. It is not crucial to all. And no the difference between friendship and a romantic relationship is not sex, it is a romantic connection which you can have without sex.

also many people let themselves go and stay together. I see 100s of overweight couples married. I’m not recommending it but it certainly doesn’t cause a break up on its own. Unless it does. Like anything else.

seeing as this was your opinion, no point in debating I just shared mine 😊

[Dchrls78104]

My own unpopular opinions about relationships are:
1. Sex is important and crucial in a relationship---after marriage, and after you have made sure that love and compatibility are there first.
2. Flirting is healthy and normal... if kept between the two partners in the relationship.
3. Staying fit, etc, are important---but you should do these things for yourself, not just for your partner.
4. You have a right to privacy... but ultimately there are no secrets in a relationship when trust, respect, and love are there.

[jshm2]

sex is important - not crucial - when you get older and wiser, you'll realise this.

You're confused about "flirting" -it's not normal behaviour to engage in, at the detriment of your partner.

You've clearly never heard of the disabled, and people with underlaying health conditions being in relationships.

Not even the cops, NSA or FBI have the right to privacy. You have to make things private, instead of assume privacy in all matters.

All in all, you've still a lot to learn, and a lot of growing up still to do.

[VirgoLady]

Sex is cruical, not intercourse

[AFellowWeeb]

@VirgoLady? what is the drugs ure taking? mind sharing a bit?

[AFellowWeeb]

what are*

[Reesep]

Yeah actuelly thses are pretty good, the second one is a little on the edge, I would say checking people out is normal and healthy but actively flirting with someone else is a but much. Also this leaves some things out if anything, these are all key things a relationships needs, but you also do need things like trust, communication and an openess between each other. I get its fine to have your own private things, like ok ill keep my porn hidden whatever, but honestly what else is there for me to hide? What would I need to hide? Even the porn I dont neccesarily need to hide, its just a compulsion from growing up.

[Syrian_survivor]

About the flirting part

If you're both fine with it, you both flirt with the opposite sex AND you both completely know how far it goes for both of you, then it's fine
Just don't go doing it behind your partner's back and when they find out you tell them "it's healthy babe", yeah that's a nice shortcut to a breakup lol

[Apple1996]

I agree with all besides the last one. To some degree sharing passwords shows how much you trust eachother. If someone is being secretive about passwords they're hiding shit. That's just the way I feel. Me and my husband shared passwords just a few months after dating and had never been a issue

[Aakash_Hangargi]

What I guess from users text is that to trust your partner bc if he would want to leave sooner or later you would know anyways with behavioural ques so no need if there social media credentials

[ragequeen]

Actually, it's the other way around. Trust is when you both keep your passwords to yourselves because you trust the other person won't do things behind your back. Why would you need to know anyway? You have your own phone and the only reason I can think of for using the others phone is to check who they are talking to, which is a breach of privacy.

[admles]

@ragequeen exactly. I never share passwords with anyone, but I'm not hiding anything either. I just think there needs to be a bit of privacy, and trust, and respect.

[Apple1996]

Personally dont get the privacy thing. Like if you're acutally serious about being with someone and want to be married in the future then y'all have to learn to share things early on. Sharing phone/social media passwords is something small compared to when you'll have to eventually be sharing bank accounts, social security numbers, cars, house, kids, and basically everything else that you gotta share with you're SO. There is no real privacy when your married so unless you're just the person your dating is temporary then sure keep your privacy but if its serious then everything needs to slowly become shared.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

@ragequeen I said the same lol 😁 but yeah your post your comment I was vouching for you 👍👍👍🤐😏

[midnightmoon05]

Agree with @Apple

I wouldn’t share my all unless he is the one...
No casual dating for me.

Once I trust, I give my most intimate part, physical, emotional, financial. Marriage, kids... etc... We see partnership...
Casual dating = continue not knowing what they want and wanting to look for others...
And not wanting to go through life challenges together.

I agree with 1 and 3

[Anonymous]

Your summary doesn't sound fit for any healthy relationship. More suitable for a youth that hasn't experienced life

1) Sex is important. And yet there are many couples who do well enough without it.

2) Flirting with others is important. No. Flirting with your partner is important. It makes them feel desired. Flirting with other people means you're trying to find the next score & your partner's too stupid to realize it. Harmless banter, which to some can be flirting, with friends is far different than flirting with a stranger.

3) Staying in shape. Is good in general. Staying in shape to maintain your relationship means that it's shallow, insecure and meaningless. Built more on one's looks than personality or deeper association.

4) Privacy. Yes but to a degree. Real partners share things. They've nothing to hide. People that have things to hide - like the "side piece" - are the ones that bay and scream about privacy like a hound dog at the moon.

[TruthBringer]

Very well said! It's refreshing to see an intelligent mind speak some truth. Especially about points 2 & 4. I can't believe that someone who claims they "love" their partner would think it's okay to flirt outside of their relationship. And it's equally true to those who have something to hide to scream "muh privacy!" when sharing things like passwords. My girlfriend has access to my phone, which has access to pretty much everything. I have nothing to hide. And I also got access, but we don't find the need to dig for information. It wouldn't surprise me that the author of this take does have things to hide judging by how defensive she is about her passwords and the by the fact she thinks it's okay to flirt with other men...

[Hazelstar99]

I don't agree with the flirting. Everything start with innocent little flirting and then it starts to grow. Why would you need to flirt when you've got significant other? If your significant other attention is just not enough then get rid of that relationship or get higher self esteem. There are people who exist without flirting with anyone other than their partners for years.

[TruthBringer]

It's also possible that she doesn't respect her partner as much as she thinks she is. If her partner also put his foot down, she wouldn't think it's okay. And if she does, then she is not relationship material.

[Hazelstar99]

Yeah true!

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Flirting is fine you say and I agree but telling jokes isn't flirting its just being friendly lol😂
There is no flirting without compilmenting a certain aspect of a person's nature character attire or something.

You are confusing with having friends with opposite gender to flirting with them I guess rest I agree even I agree to this with the sentiment but not the text

[AlexanderAnttila]

I agree with all these except for the second one. There is never any reason to flirt with anyone else when in a relationship, your romantic and sexual energy should all be directed to them and them only, otherwise why are you even in a relationship? To me it is only an excuse to stay uncommitted and serious about a relationship and displays immaturity. But as for your other points, well said.