Lonely Pretty Girls Exist

[Ozanne]

There is such a thing as a lonely, beautiful woman. This might seem hard to believe, but they do exist, and being passed over as often as the next person can leave them feeling just as lonely as anyone else.

Without trying to let my ego come into play too much with this myTake, I’m just going to say that when I was a teen and young woman, single, I would often hear, “You’re so pretty, why don’t you have a boyfriend?” I knew what I looked like, often considering myself to be average. This is just based on what many others had to say to me, and why a pretty girl might find herself perpetually single.

1.The assumption that a pretty girl must be getting constant male attention and having sex. This was often dropped on my lap. I was “assumed” of being a sexually experienced girl when I was as young as 15, even though I was a virgin at that age. I had matured earlier than most girls, and seemed more womanly I suppose. My look made people assume I was also engaging in adult situations such as sex. The mere thought (or rather, misconception) that I must be already sleeping with guys turned guys off, and they couldn’t be convinced otherwise. As I got older, being presumably pretty also sent some signals to men that I must be getting more sex, because they thought men were paying attention to me and I must be succumbing to them. So. Not. True.

2. “I’ll never get her, so what’s the point? I’ll go for her friend.” Many times, I had been passed over by guys who said they liked me, but decided that I must be unattainable. Or maybe my look made them think I was not going to want them in return. I ached for a boyfriend in my teens, 20s, and 30s, but men seemed to think I was only really good for sex, thinking that’s all I was about. While I did have sex, not many men wanted more than that, thinking they couldn’t take me seriously for anything more. (Yes, it was actually conveyed to me this way.) Some guys also believed I'd just end up hurting them since they assumed good looks must be about having options, and that a pretty girl must have such weaknesses and no values that they will constantly be taking other men up on their offers at all times.

3. The longer I was single, the more people just thought I just simply didn’t want a boyfriend. As time went on, I’d have bouts of more than five years between boyfriends. Sure, my friends would know I’m looking for someone, but determined that my being alone meant I was okay with having independence, and that I might have preferred it.

Women who often learn how to do things on their own such as dining out, making them seem confident and comfortable to do so.

4. “You’re so pretty. You can get any guy you want.” Such ridiculousness. I can’t even tell you how many times I approached Mr. AnyGuy only to be turned down. Obviously, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and not every guy found me attractive. Also, if the logic is any pretty girl can get any guy, then you’d be seeing every pretty girl with any guy. But you don’t. It’s because people are in denial about selectivity. Men can be just as selective as women, no matter how much they don’t want to admit that. A cute blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl usually won’t attract a man who prefers dark, exotic, gorgeous Latinas at first glance.

5. Beautiful women who have bad attitudes and personalities. Again, with the belief that looks should get a girl any man, a lot of men may like her look at the beginning, but if they soon learn she’s the type who is impossible to talk to, they'll move on. Just because a friend may think she’s a good friend when they’re together, doesn’t mean she know her behaviours when she's out with men.

Not all pretty women, or women for that matter are going to accept your offer to dance, go out, or give away their phone number. Will they get looked at by men? Sure. Will they be approached by men? Sure. But don’t assume that she doesn’t experience loneliness. In some cases, it can be surprisingly more than you'd expect.

[Cynicaldreamer]

”I can’t even tell you how many times I approached Mr. AnyGuy only to be turned down. Obviously, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and not every guy found me attractive... It’s because people are in denial about selectivity. Men can be just as selective as women, no matter how much they don’t want to admit that."

👏 This!!!
I bolded part of it because some people on here REALLY need to read and understand that.

It irks me when people say how easy women have it in terms of dating or finding a partner. No, that's not the case for all of us. If you're not deemed attractive enough, or a guy's type, guess what...

Women get rejected and friendzoned too! Some of us more than others. I have a plethora of rejection stories to verify this.
I cannot begin to tell y'all how many people used to call me such a catch and had a great personality, yet on dating sites or in real life? No interest!!! Even when I approached the men first.

Yes, that's a guy's right to turn a woman down if she's not his type; I'm not blaming men for that or saying it's necessarily a bad thing.
I just want people to realize that a woman can be pretty, sweet, nice, intelligent, etc... yet still have issues finding a partner. And no, not because she's picky or has "unrealistic standards." Dating and finding a good partner is more convoluted than people realize.

[NoblesseObligeKK]

I personally have always struggled picking up signs from a girl. On more than a few occasions; I even talk myself out of the idea of us. Thusly, I never pursue it. What kinds of signs do you give out?

[Truthatanycost]

@NoblesseObligeKK The signs that some women give out are automatic and only last a fraction of a second. Understanding body language is one of the best ways.

[InferiorElegy]

Mr anyguy isn't a real thing, let's call him what he should be called, Mr anyguy (within selectively chosen parameters) it's not like she or any female for that matter ever thinks "hey look there's a guy with bottom of the barrel looks, he could be my anyguy" that guy doesn't even register to them. Ugly guys aren't capable of being the anyguy. If females were to be the ones asking out guys I know for a fact they would stick withing a certain range of looks making any guy outside of it not applicable to the term anyguy. If a guy says he's asked out the anygirl it means he's gone for any girl. Females can be a lot more selective than any guy could ever be.

[KingdomForAKiss]

Great mytake! I totally agree with you.
I always read comments about how women-- especially pretty ones-- have unlimited options. The people writing these comments fail to take into account for true compatibility, which takes time to see within a relationship. It also takes time to recover from these broken relationships.
So I've had a total of 4 serious relationships but remain single because I find it difficult to meet someone with whom I am truly compatible.

Sincerely,
A Decent Looking Person (you know, since it's subjective)

[Manab]

I have seen some really pretty girls who are fun to talk to and good , smart , kind. But apart from a few also seen too many entitled once and the second type are more in number. Have a lot of princess syndrome , treat other men badly, use them yet can get away with everything cause of beauty.
Many times pretty girls give a hard time for even talking where I had no intention of flirting but they behaved roughly.
For getting long term relationship you have to be nice too. I don’t know how you are in real life but perhaps but either you give some kind of vive of entitlement or just meeting wrong type of guys.

[Chittychittybang]

Maybe you’re the one who is entitled.

[Ozanne]

Trust me, I didn't have any sense of entitlement. I made wrong choices in guys. Lowering my bar just to have someone, and then sticking with them for a few years each time.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Ozanne. Why did you "lower your bar"? Also on what department did you lower the bar:. Looks, wealth, intelligence, social status?

[Ozanne]

@KrakenAttackin I guess because I didn't feel that I was worth the guys I had the bar initially set at. People do weird things when they decide they'll settle.

[Just21]

See and that is what she meant with that men have these assumptions about pretty girls. Honestly some of us have been through a lot with men especially because we are attractive (without sounding conceited). Because of these bad experiences we have this wall up and are a bit careful when a guy talks to us. It does not mean we are conceited. Some pretty girls are super social and others are just not. I for instance have social anxiety and often hear of men that they felt a bit intimidated by me because I looked at them a certain way. When you say ‘many times pretty girls’ you are just as wrong as when a pretty girl thinks every guy is flirting with her. Both wrong!

[Manab]

@Just21 pretty girls have bad experiences with men not because they are pretty but offer they tend to choose bad men in younger years. Sure bad men are more charming than regular as they are associated with jobs with physical appearance or are inherently rich. So don't have to work in younger years and much more social time. A person can date whatever they want but have to tolerate the consequences too without complain at later. Girls have this advantage over guys in our society. They can have fun while young and later marry a rich guy without any effort. But even a guy is good looking , they have to maintain a good amount of money too to be desirable after certain age

[Just21]

That is not true at all. I meant with bad experiences things like being harrassed in public places or indeed some men that will pretend to be ‘good respectful men’ just to lure you in. I can agree with you on one point (which not many women will agree with) is that we do get more oppertonities or even get away with more at work. I honestly am a hard working social worker and have done everything myself. Being pretty does not mean we all want richt men. You clearly have this bad image of us. My only requirement in a men is to be hardworking, respectful, loyal and I have to feel attracted to. Nothing more then other women.

[Manab]

@Just21 it’s not about you but there are thousands of women are like this apart from a few most pretty girls are like this. At least what I have seen. But as I have told in first comment , I have seen good once too but very rarely.

[msc545]

@KrakenAttackin Probably she lowered her bar on height - you know - 5'11" instead of 6" +. No sympathy here.

[nelly83]

@Ozanne I have tried settling too but it just didn't work out. Its so hard for me to find a guy that I can fall for but when I do fall for a guy, he tends to have character issues such as manipulativeness, lacking in self awareness, doesn't know how to hold a conversation, super insecure, ignorant and arrogant, loves being in denial. I find that a lot of guys have these kinds of flaws. Its really not uncommon.

I think character should be a higher priority than personality. I just can't tolerate these flaws.

[nelly83]

@Manab Overwhelming majority of women do not marry for money. Sure, she will be more attracted to you if you have money. But its not the ultimate thing that we are looking for. Marrying for money is not nearly as fulfilling as marrying for love.

There are men who would marry for sex too. There are guys out there who have no problem taking a hot bimbo for a wife. Then after a few years, he will just end up cheating on her with another bimbo.
But most guys wouldn't marry for sex. They want something fulfilling to the core.
Sex or money marriages do not tend to end up being happy in the long run.

[Manab]

@nelly83 yes it's true guys will marry hot bimbos and even though all girls don't marry for money they expect some money for sure. So either way guys with not that much money ar studying are in bad place. As girls can date above their age easily. Life is hard for a guy at his young ages , women get more fun when they are young 😅

[nelly83]

@Manab Dating is not hard for young guys. If you're in your mid 20s, its only hard to get with women older than 22. But its easy for a guy in his mid 20s to get a girl who is 18-22. But generally most 25 yr old guys have no interest dating 18/19 yr olds. This is why young guys complain that its hard to get a women.

But generally, men who are under the age of 26 usually have no interest in dating. They want non serious relationships or casual sex. Its not until a man gets into his late 20s where he will finally start getting serious about dating.

[nelly83]

@Manab And in contrary to what you hear on this website, women generally date 1-7 years older, on average. Most common age gaps are 1-7 years, not 10-17 years.

[Manab]

@nelly83 apart from all of this I think we all just try to hide the universal fact that women are good for their looks and men for their money , status. I have accepted that. As from my personal experience I have seen that mostly.

[nelly83]

@Manab I think what people do not like to talk about is that most women in their 30s are also financially stable. People get more financially stable as they age. So its less likely that older women marry for money, because they already have money. On the other hand, younger women including younger men do not tend to have any money.

[nelly83]

there are also many men out there who are gold diggers. society just does not like to talk about them. They just like reinforcing this as a female stereotype.

[Manab]

@nelly83 men don’t generally care about financial status of women. Men gold diggers are incredibly rare. Men in their 30s don’t go for same age women as they can get younger more easily. As there’s a misconception that women tend to mature faster but it’s just maturity of body not much of mind. Also younger girls find old men more attractive... and in terms of physical. Men have disadvantage as women can easily enhance their whole looks using makeup , hair extensions , eyelash 😅. Women on a general tend to date higher than her , 30 year old female with resource on her own will want way more high quality men. So most same age guys will not fit into that.

[nelly83]

@Manab. Let me tell you , high status , well educated guys want women in the same league as them. The more educated he is, the more he will want a woman who is also educated. Like there are leagues for looks , there are also leagues for education and prestige. A Harvard graduate is not going to be interested in dating a community college drop out who cleans bathrooms at McDonald’s , no matter how hot she is

And you’re mistaken about male gold diggers. There are actually A LOT of male gold diggers especially in the poorer population. Once I flirted with this guy who worked at the eye glass store, he asked me what I did for a living and I told him I was an accountant running my own business. When he found out how much I made every year , his eyes lit up and started taking me more seriously and tried asking me out on a date,

I also have another guy friend who is looking for a sugar momma to be his girlfriend.

[nelly83]

@Manab. And I know many dudes on here like shitting on older women. But reality is , if you can manage to look hot into your 30s-40s, you will always get dates. A hot 34 yr old woman can get more dates than a less attractive 24 yr old woman.

I have seen 37 yr old women get picked up and flirted with by younger guys at bars simply because she looked hot and younger than her age.

[Manab]

@nelly83 A Harvard graduate will date the hot guy but will not marry her. I have realised both men and women take dating and marriage differently and highly educated women don’t always want highly educated men. As I am in academia I can vouch for that. Most scientists now or in past struggled for dating a single girl in there whole life including several past Nobel laureates. Highly educated women want normal educated but highly resourceful men. Highly educated men ( scientists ) don’t make a lot of money. I have seen most women with phd or in science field tend to marry engineers / doctors. They are not much like high academically like a male scientist but do make a lot. Where most highly educated guys date artistic women

[Manab]

@nelly83 yes if a women look hot in her 30s she will get dates. I know some 40 year old women who get so many dates easily. Men on other hand either have to look hot and young or average and resourceful to get dates in his 30s. Women do date unattractive men in 30s too but it’s mostly settlement. There’s no love.

[nelly83]

@Manab. Misogynists on this website like to say that young women like to date much older guys. Reality is , overwhelming majority of women tend to date guys just 1-5 years older. Research and statistics have also proven this

[nelly83]

@Manab. Yea you’re also right. Men who can still look hot in their 30s usually get all the women. Balding , unattractive guys in their 30s usually get less dating action compared to their 20s. It really depends on how well you age. Not all guys in their 30s get girls,

[nelly83]

@Manab. Highly educated people tend to marry either musicians or other highly educated people. And it’s people who are highly educated who usually make the most $. Not always, but generally speaking. Misogynists in here like to say that guys with money do not care about a woman’s education.

But the truth is , a highly educated Harvard man is going to have absolutely nothing in common with an uneducated person, They will have absolutely nothing in common to talk about. Like there are leagues for looks, there are also leagues for education and prestige

[nelly83]

@Manab you’re also very wrong about women aging faster than men. Women are much more mature than men usually on average by 3 years. this is why women always date older men. Most Young men in early to mid 20s are usually not looking for serious relationships, they just want sex and casual relationships. It’s not until they grow more mature in their late 20s when they finally want to be serious about dating

[Manab]

@nelly83 that's a lie. Most men don't sleep around or can't afford to sleep around. Men need at least one women for relationship. If he's sleeping around that means more than one women per guy. But female population is less than male population in most areas. So either women are dating same pool of men again and again or they are sleeping around themselves a lot. If you say women always want one guy then probably they are only dating very few percentage of men.

[nelly83]

There are more women than men in the US. So you’re wrong, And most guys in their early to mid 20s tend to not be interested in serious relationships. Women tend to be serious once they hit 24/25. Men tend to get serious by the time they hit 26-28.

[nelly83]

@Manab

[RingOfFire]

I've known a lot of good looking people of both sexes. I never saw any relationship between looks and loneliness. Having a lot of people around you and having people admire your looks does not equate with the absence of loneliness. They are two different things.

[Denial1984]

Good point

[Ozanne]

@Denial1984 Exactly.

[RingOfFire]

I think that the absence of loneliness is about the ability to form close connections with other people on a level beyond the superficial. Looks have little to do with it. It's about quality of relationships, not quantity. While good looking people might have more opportunities to form relationships, their looks say nothing about their ability to create those quality connections.

[SomeBlondeChick]

1. The assumption that a pretty girl must be getting constant male attention and having sex. This was often dropped on my lap. I was “assumed” of being a sexually experienced girl when I was as young as 15, even though I was a virgin at that age.

Very funny. I started maturing around 11. I am also very attractive, having had mum's friend once comment I should try out for modelling.

Never once has anyone ever assumed I was sexually active young because unlike many of my peers I didn't & don't act or dress promiscuously. If one acts or dresses like they are a certain way then people would naturally assume it true.

2. “I’ll never get her, so what’s the point? I’ll go for her friend.” I ached for a boyfriend in my teens, 20s, and 30s, but men seemed to think I was only really good for sex, thinking that’s all I was about.

That means you come across as cheap & shallow sweetie not a fault of the guys it's the impression you give. Try instead of a cocktail dress with a slit up to your ass a decent ankle length skirt. Then maybe you'd get some decent guy.

3. The longer I was single, the more people just thought I just simply didn’t want a boyfriend. I was okay with having independence, and that I might have preferred it. Women who often learn how to do things on their own such as dining out, making them seem confident and comfortable to do so.

I am extremely independent and self confident. And very comfortable with been so. Does that turn away guys? Hardly. If anything cause of the way I act & dress I attract the attention of some very well off (not that that matters with my own money) men as in multiple business or property owners well off.
.
4. “You’re so pretty. You can get any guy you want.” Such ridiculousness. I can’t even tell you how many times I approached Mr. AnyGuy only to be turned down. Obviously, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and not every guy found me attractive.

Again sweetie depends on the impression you give. You approaching guys as example may not be rather appealing for someone who is looking for an actual decent girlfriend when there's a general ideology women who approach men are only after sex.

5. Beautiful women who have bad attitudes and personalities. Again, with the belief that looks should get a girl any man, a lot of men may like her look at the beginning, but if they soon learn she’s the type who is impossible to talk to, they'll move on. Just because a friend may think she’s a good friend when they’re together, doesn’t mean she know her behaviours when she's out with men.

Never experienced that but then I am friendly, outgoing and with a charming personality that has had colleagues I worked with once remember me fondly years later. Maybe you should try smiling more rather than thinking a pout's attractive.

[LetsJustBeFriends]

I absolutely love this comment. It’s so on point. You literally said everything in my mind I can’t quite find a way to express.

If I met you in real life I would for sure ask you to be my friend!

[MCheetah]

I kinda believe you... Actually, I do believe you. I just think you're a super rare exception to the rule.

It's not complicated. Women are desired far more than men. Attractive women are desired far more than regular women. Due to supply amd demand, more desired people get more options. People with more. options are more picky and demanding. People who are more picky and demanding are often less empathetic, and sometimes, outright rude.

Counterpoint 1: Attractive people often DUE engage in sex more often. Cause they can. It's logical to assume this to be the case.

Counterpoint 2: You said you ached for a boyfriend, but you WERE getting sex regularly. What stopped you from making it known you were girlfriend material? Also, you won't get much sympathy for saying you're lonely, but constantly getting laid all the time with the most attractive studs out there. In other words, it just seems like you didn't try very hard.

Counterpoint 3: If you're so attractive, how do you go five years in-between boyfriends? This supports my theory you just weren't trying hard enough; either with standards way too high, or waiting for the man to do all the heavy lifting and mostly approach you and do all the asking out, which as you said, is more rare for attractive women to receive. Also, you admit you had boyfriends here.

Counterpoint 4: Not sure what else to say about this one. You usually DO see every pretty girl with a guy! Unless she's not straight; then she's with a girl. So usually, the assumption of attractive people not being single, is usually accurate. They're the most desired, after all, so why would they be single other than she's not looking to date.

Counterpoint 5: Men will put up with a LOT of sh*t for a woman, especially an attractive one. Awful people can look like anyone, but attractive people who are awful tend to get away with it the most. Just look at Amber Heard and how much Jihnny Depp endured being with such a psychopath. Men tend to even endure awful behavior from average women. So basically, there's only two types of people who can get away with having garbage personalities and it barely fazes them, attractive people (especially women) and rich people. Admittedly, I do stereotype "attractive" with "garbage personality" because as Hollywood shows, it often tends to be true. But in your case (assuming you actually aren't a horrible person), it shouldn't have affected you at all since you supposedly aren't a bad person.

While yes, I do believe you in that lonely pretty girls can exist; I also believe they're like, 0.1% of the pretty girls out there, and usually those girls have crippling social issues, like anxiety or severe depression. You don't imply to have such issues. Which makes me think you're either A) Not as pretty as you think you are, B) not as nice/kind/likeable of a person that you think you are, C) have ridculously high standards (more so than what women already have) and keep rehecting decent-but-not-as-attractive men while claiming to be lonely, D) one of those rare once-in-a-pink moon Peefect Ten's who live in a romantic comedy for their life and simply can't find love no matter how hard she tries, or E) some combination of the above.

That's just my deductive reasoning here.

[Ozanne]

"What stopped you from making it known you were girlfriend material?"
For me, it was my choice of guys. I lowered my bar pretty badly. I would have wanted more out of them, but for a lot of those types of guys - I found them attractive but just learned rather quickly that they really didn't have much respect for women (being scorned, etc.).

Up until I was in my late 30s I only had three long-ish term relationships. One in my late teens, one in my 20s, and another in my late 20s to early 30s. So yes, there was about a five year gap with each relationship. That doesn't mean I wasn't having casual sex, or had casual dates. I think my most dry spell was about two years with no dating or sex - and that happened a few different times between my teens and until I got married.

[MCheetah]

Then I guess men and women have very different terms of "lonely." You basically were with people your entire adult life, but never with anyone "long term" outside of three guys. When men are lonely, it means they are with NO ONE. Like me, for example. Short, unattractive, dark-skinned; probably the total opposite to you, physically (assuming what you say about your looks is accurate). I get ZERO attention from women, and get rejected probably 99.999% of the time. You getting laid all the time and having dates but no one you could see yourself marrying isn't "lonely" in male terms. Hell, most men WISH they had that much attention. We don't even get that outside of our early to mid 20s, most of the time. (And I never got that much attention, at all.)

[JSmuve]

I agree. I think men and women have different conceptions of what "lonely" is. Lonely to a woman is not meeting a guy who wants her as much as she wants him, despite the number of dates she goes on. Lonely to a man is jerking off to pornhub because no woman will even give him an ounce of consideration to even go on a date.

If a man was in a woman's position and not wanting for options, he wouldn't be lonely. If a woman was in a man's position and never getting any attention of any kind from anyone, she'd probably be curled up in bed crying while popping anti-depressants.

[MCheetah]

@JSmuve
True.

[guesswhoseback]

This is complex. I remember I tried to pursue the most beautiful girl I had ever met in my entire life in college. I was at complete war with myself. I had deep insecurities from a difficult childhood telling me it wasn’t possible. I was the bullied ugly duckling that turned into a very good looking athletic swan through hard work. But having a 6 pack obviously isn’t enough (especially for men).

However I saw a chance with her as God’s way of paying me back with interest. I was confident I had a shot. I had an odd sense of resolve that I could pull it off. Hopeless romantic bs.

Anyway the absolute worst possible outcome happened. She liked me and briefly considered dating me. We kissed once. But I thought I was “in” and over-pursued.

She ended up meeting her future husband and father of her children right in front of me. They flirted right in front of me. They once made out right in front of me at a bar I worked at. But she kept talking to me and even called me. She was confident I was “okay” with the friendzone. But way back then I didn’t know what the friendzone was. I also think she was trying to pull me into some sort of twisted disgusting love triangle bs to use me again her boyfriend. Use me to keep him on his toes. And like a complete moron I went along with it.

Bottom line is that experience wounded me very deeply. Sure I was naive but still she used to that to her f*cking advantage. She knew exactly how I felt about her.

Again I didn’t know the “friendzone” was back then. I thought I had a chance to steal her back. But I was foolish and wrong.

Anyway I’m not intimidated by attractive women. I will chat with them to see their background and if they are available I’ll give it a shot. I have hook up and briefly dated a few.

But it is so easy for these women to swing to other guys like a monkey swings from trees. I got to deal with constant paranoia and jealousy she might change her mind the second she gets bored or pissed off at me. It’s nerve racking.

[Vviiccttoorr]

Sorry to hear about that, sadly people can be like that but if you’re looking for a good girl then I’m sure you’ll find her

[guesswhoseback]

@Vviiccttoorr at least I can say I had the balls to go for it back then. Not sure if it was worth the humiliation but I tried.

[Vviiccttoorr]

I’d say it’s worth it in the end, can learn and pas sit down to others ya know

[AFellowWeeb]

''While I did have sex, not many men wanted more than that, thinking they couldn’t take me seriously for anything more''
Had to stop there, huuuh, you were not lonely, but then again, sex for people here is just as normal activity as watching tv, you can do it with anyone at any time, your post scream ''im not like the other girls'' you probably had chance to date some good men that were into you, you just simply wanted to date the fuck boys that were fucking you, and, of course, they didn't wanted anything serious, quit this bullshit mentality of trying to make yourself feel special, and give guys false hopes, thats disgusting.
''Not all pretty women, or women for that matter are going to accept your offer to dance, go out, or give away their phone number. Will they get looked at by men? Sure. Will they be approached by men? Sure. But don’t assume that she doesn’t experience loneliness. In some cases, it can be surprisingly more than you'd expect.'' Boohoo, give me a fucking break, yeah forget about all the guys that dont even get chances to date anyone.

[Ozanne]

One can be lonely and still have sex. Some of the loneliest people do actually. They can't seem to find people who are wanting to be with them for more than sex, willing to take them out, meet their friends and families, spend the holidays with, label the word "girlfriend" on them, but will call them when they want sex. That might sound awesome to a 20 year-old no-brain, but it's not for many.

You: "you probably had..."
Aww. Someone has a case of the Probablies. To be clear: You don't know anything about me or my situations.

I just had a look at your profile to see what kind of person you are, and read your bio:
"If u came here to block me ( fucking pussy ) join the million other people that already did the same : D"

Well alright, whatever you say. =block=

[InferiorElegy]

I don't necessarily agree, if someone is truly lonely it means they don't have options like being intimate with someone even if it's for a moment.
Maybe females are still having sex when they are lonely because they have options there's always guys, and you said it yourself that you get passed up on because guys say you seem unapproachable or unattainable and it's really a simple solution, you just have to show guys your approachable and by doing so they will think they have a chance with you and will actually approach you for you and not your friends.

Loneliness is too different for the genders, while females are out there having sex while claiming to be lonely, guys like me don't have that option, I don't have a social circle because when people get to know me they tend to ghost me, I guess I'm too weird or awkward for even people with similar interests, I've been called ugly all my life and never had a date with any girl, I don't have anything that would make me valuable or dateable in a females eyes, my family is distant and I haven't celebrated any holiday in years. It's impossible for me to ever think a females loneliness is on the same level as mine, because you'll never know true loneliness if you're still able to make connections with others, even if using sex to fill momentary loneliness.

[PinkGuy]

@Ozanne he kinda has a point, there are men that are actually lonely that can't even get dates, sometimes because of shit he can't even control, like his height.
Just because you refused all guys that wanted something serious with you, and you wanted to stay with the fuckboys, that doesn't make you lonelly, just neat picky and entitled.

[Denial1984]

I still think it is preferable to be a woman who has access to casual sex but no commitment, than to be a guy who doesn't even have access to casual sex. Sharing a bed with someone who leaves in the morning may be lonely, but it's still more human contact than always sleeping alone.

[PinkGuy]

@Denial1984 ofc, at least women have an option if they can or can't fuck...

[Neal_Anblome]

Good take, many don't realize but this is an actual thing, it happens!

I was personally one of those guys who figured this was impossible, until I met a drop-dead gorgeous girl, who has been single for multiple years already, and while she wasn't desperately trying to get into a relationship, she was completely open for it. Now on top of looks, she also had a great sense of humor, and quite healthy and mature views of relationships generally. Granted, she did have some issues too, but no major red flags. And to make matters even worse, she was more flexible with her choice of men than most women are - she was completely open to the idea of dating shorter and physically smaller guys than her (and we all know how many guys out there whine how they are single because of their height or whatever). I analyzed her, I talked to her countless times, but never found any real explanation for her status. Then after paying attention to the kind of approaches and offers she gets, it started becoming more and more clear that being a beautiful women isn't actually the ultimate life hack/cheat like many people think it is, lol.

As for you personally, whether you are beautiful or "average" as you say, I wish you best of luck, and I hope you manage to find someone adequate, despite all the obstacles.

[David_Kek]

Yeah, you're not gonna get any sympathy from me. The type of women that claim to be single because "they're too pretty", is just another way of saying they have nothing to offer but entitlement.
I completely believe that all the men you've been with thought of you as only being good enough for sex, because reading your mentality here, just makes me ask the question; what exactly are you bringing to the table? Resting bitch face that thinks it's pretty? I got news for you... you're not pretty. I don't even need to see a picture of you to get an image of Brie Larson talking about how incredibly humble she is without any sense of irony.
I'm not even kidding when i say a woman who's got a bit of weight on her, with a good warm loving personality, is actually more attractive than your type.

I wish I had something positive to tell you, but I don't. You're beat. That's what happens when you live your life with the mentality that you shouldn't need to try and put work in order to get what you want.

[Ozanne]

You make it sound as if 1) I should post my photo on my profile in order for you to take inventory of my looks. (I won't be. I'm anonymous on here for a reason.) And 2) You make it sound as if I'm conceited and had/have to beat them all off with a stick.

I wish I could make you understand that when people tell a girl (or guy for that matter too) that they're puzzled why they "can't get a boyfriend" or "why are you single" - people who knew me, and knew what I had to offer, not just in looks. My point is that everyone can be in the same boat when it comes to loneliness. It's not some automatic right to be in relationships or having sex just because someone is considered attractive.

And for the record, I have never boasted about my looks. Not in this article, and not ever. I don't have the guts to proclaim that I'm attractive. You'll never see a topic/comment from me where I state that. I am just going by what people had told me before I was in relationships and before getting married. And don't worry - some people found me unattractive too, just on the fact that I wasn't their type.

Anyway, sorry if it came across that way. I assure you that's not how I meant to sound. It's just an article about why those who are considered attractive don't get approached and why they have spells of being single for any length of time. We have a lot of people around us who don't badger people who are perceived as lesser-attractive about why they're single. Instead, those people get pestered to lose weight, gain weight, do something with their hair, put on some makeup, or whatever - which is also not fair to assume.

[David_Kek]

@Ozanne 1. No, you could look like Angelina Jolie for all I care, and i still wouldn't consider you to be pretty with a personality like yours.
2. You are conceited, and I think it's been years since you've been approached on the basis you're so conceited to the point of thinking that your looks is all it should take to find and catch your Mr Right... and you lost your looks a good 10 years ago.

Do you understand me? Your loneliness is your fault, no one else's.

[Ozanne]

But I'm not lonely. I had spells of loneliness in the past, but had a few relationships throughout the years. It's all good now.

[David_Kek]

you're not convincing

[Ozanne]

You sound like one of those guys I was once attracted to. I hoped to have the connection, but they just had no interest no matter what I said or did. If you tell me you have brown eyes... it's over... lol

[David_Kek]

well you know what they say, if you fish with stink bait, you catch bottom feeders. And I'm hazel. Sorry to disappoint.

[Kiss_Me]

A wise man once told me that Beauty is a curse. He described many of the same situations that are described above that beautiful women face. Once I was made aware of the situations that beautiful women face, I started to see it every day. Yes, there were still some little girls that were still stuck in the "Not in my league" mentality, but there are many beautiful women that would happily accept a date request from a guy that possesses less than stellar looks. It is even more true if the guy is interesting, fun, and has a good sense of humor.
I actually started to treat beauty as a curse and started asking out some beautiful women. Not that I pitied them, but just attempted to be understanding. The result was a mixed bag of success and failure. However, I learned something so obvious I felt stupid for not accepting it earlier. Beautiful women are JUST people, just like everyone else. Treating them as such goes a long way to actually dating one.

[KrakenAttackin]

"Just people"? We are all just people but the super-pretty white girls are the most entitled and privileged on the planet.

[ThisAndThat]

@KrakenAttackin Again, absolutely to the point, agree and LIKE!

[KrakenAttackin]

@ThisAndThat Thank you sir.

[Kiss_Me]

@KrakenAttackin Your opinion is a dead give away that you have no very little idea of how power dynamics work. Especially with personal power. You will frequently find people attempting to convince you to give up your personal power. When you do, they lose respect and treat you like crap. Women are NO different. Do some research and improve yourself.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Kiss_Me. You have read too many self-help books.

[Miristheiss]

I would guess if the woman is attractive and actively wanting to be in a relationship then I'd say most likely she is turning down the guys that approach her for that home run guy she is after.

Also, I'd put as much responsibility on a girl as I would a guy.

The vibe I'm getting from the post is that the girl is just waiting for the guy to approach her and/or waiting for the right guy to approach her.
If a girl is lonely and wants to date... just like I'd tell a guy, take some assertiveness and ask out the guys she finds appealing. Hoping they approach her... trying to send "signals" is just kind of lame in this day and age.

Go for what you want.

[Denial1984]

I am skeptical.

For one thing, I have observed a friend of mine using Tinder. She is average in the looks department, and she was swiping through matches with model looks like it was nothing. Spoiled for choice.

For another, I have met quite a few women who were decidedly average-looking, but who had very high opinions of themselves.

I suppose the opposite could happen too, but it is worth taking into account that women are likely to tell their female friends that they are suuuper attractive to avoid conflict. Basically, it's a white lie to avoid wounding someone's self-esteem.

This then means that there are girls walking around who have been told by their girlfriends that they are a total catch, but guys seem to ignore them, and they don't get it.

[Newhead]

I am pretty and bitter as hell, misjudged and robbed of soulmates for the same reasons you stated. But I will never turn evil because I know there is someone out there for me. Just hold tight and always be a sweetheart, the universe will remember you. Those who judge you, do not deserve you anyway, who wants to be with someone who misjudges and mistreats you due to their insecurities.

[Alex_988_2]

R u black?

[Newhead]

@Alex_988_2 Are you blind?

[Alex_988_2]

How did I type..

[Newhead]

@Alex_988_2 What do you want penis owner?

[Alex_988_2]

R u fuckin 12 and just got your first period

[Newhead]

@Alex_988_2 You're trying to make me mad, mission failed.

[Alex_988_2]

Sorry please ignore above reply. I typed and submitted but I didn't want it go. I closed the browser but it still sent. I am apologizing again.

[Newhead]

@Alex_988_2 Lmao, what?

[Just21]

Girl.. without sounding conceited.. this is 100% how I feel. I’m 26 right now and People can never believe I’m single. I have always focused on getting a degree and my friends and family. I would always hear from a guy that they felt intimidated at first because they thougth I probably had a boyfriend or I looked a certain way. I also have social anxiety and that does not help at all. I also have been through a lot with men which makes me have this wall up. Men see it as being conceited. It’s hard to find the right one nowadays! Thankyou for this post. I never dared to post something like this because men automatically think we are just spoiled brats.

[Rei02]

You hit the nail, I have had the same comments, "do you have a boyfriend?", "why don't you have one?" or "with that attitude, you are going to suffer in life", when they just can't understand it or don't walk in your shoes.

This only shows that in general it is expected that everyone must have a partner or a love interest, or they are just are hypocrite or much ado about nothing, because if the person who is nosy is a guy, he gets silent or steps back if you respond him with "then would you like to date me?"

[DWornock]

Of course, pretty girls are lonely, but not for the reason you claim. It is because pretty girls reject guys within their league that would love to marry them to chase after or to wait for offers from unattainable guys out of their league.

It is not until their late mid to upper twenties or even into their thirties, after they lost their bloom, that they finally realize that guys date down for sex but they almost never marry down. Then, they look around and ask, "Where have all the good men gone?" That is, where are the guys they could have married when they were the pretty sweet juicy young things that almost all men want.

[Ozanne]

You: "but not for the reason you claim."

It's my article, based on my own feelings and experiences. Are you trying to explain to me how I didn't feel, so you can think that it's correct? I'm trying to *tell* you guys something, and you're not listening. Please don't tell me how I am or how I felt when it comes to not being approached at all.

[DWornock]

I assume that you are telling the truth when you claim to be pretty. Otherwise, everything I say has little meaning because the experiences you claim can be explained by the fact of being unattractive.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, a lack of empathy for others, rarely admit flaws, and are highly aggressive when criticized. Such a personality disorder is extremely rare. Therefore, it is highly unlikely you have that disorder. Nevertheless, you exhibit most of those characteristics.

You claim to want average men to ask you out when you know you will reject them. Therefore, you want your ego stroked but lack empathy because you are unconcerned about the pain men experience when rejected.

Your troubled relationships are because, like most young women, you chased after the hottest guys that would fuck you and rejected guys within your league that wanted to marry you.

Women that were beautiful when they were young, often think of themselves as beautiful after they lose their bloom and become hides. After, a few to a dozen or more going nowhere relationships, you finally realize you need to date guys that will marry you; not just fuck you. The problem is, you are a half dozen years past your peak desirability years of 18 to 23, and the men you rejected want the sweet young sexy thing you were, not the hide you have become.

And, your aggressiveness to perceived criticism is obvious.

It is fine with me if my comments upset you because I know you will benefit after thinking about them.

[Ozanne]

Don't flatter yourself thinking you've upset me. I've heard it all from compliments to insults, and you're not that special. Sorry. From how you're describing things, you're young and inexperienced and there's nothing wrong with that. One day you'll learn more about women and get a clue. Until then, I wish you the best.

[Ayanna240]

A good man will always value a woman for who she is over her looks. If you won't date a woman because she no longer looks 27. Then clearly you are not a good man. Its not only how she acts that reflects upon herself. Your actions also reflect upon yourself.

[sheikalana]

When they stop asking “You’re so pretty, why don’t you have a boyfriend?” and start asking “You’re so pretty, why are you not married yet?” because I don't have a boyfriend and it feels like a punch in the stomach.

[Ozanne]

I'm starting to think it's just the auto-pilot compliment people give without really thinking it through.

[sheikalana]

It is I believe most people who ask these type of questions/compliments don’t do it to upset others.

[Ozanne]

I'm sure that's true.

[thisissacred]

Yes you can be introverted or have social anxiety or both. I have both and guys think im pretty and well I enjoy makeup and fashion I just dont go out other than the few times I see one of my friends at a café or at home. I mostly dress up for myself, at home lol. I dont have much of an interest in relationships and I have few friends. If I got into a relationship it would be with a friend not some guy I dont even properly know. I've dated though just to practice my social skills. Its a good way to practice because you sit and talk to a new person but I have a hard time developing feelings for someone and even if I do I prefer to be friends firsthand. And for me to give up my solitude he'd have to be pretty special so i'd have to know him for a while first to figure that out.

[JSmuve]

True, I'm sure they do exist. But is she lonely because she has all of this choice and can't find one she likes enough, or is she lonely because she doesn't get approached or asked out?

I can't really sympathize with the former because she just seems picky, but if it's the latter, then that's more understandable and might speak to the level of effort she's putting in, if any, or she's been led to believe she's more attractive than she really is.

How many attractive women actually go to a bar by themselves, all dressed up like the woman in your second picture, with the sole purpose of having guys approach her? Probably very few. That might be part of the problem.

[dwiller943]

True... But some attractive women are more carefully selective
and don't settle nor sleep with just any random guy that shows interest in her.
And that's where the being overly picky part comes in.

[sensible27]

I think the fundamental argument is people are kind, funny, intelligent because they "have" to be kind funny intelligent and those things exist not on their own but for a reason, people won't be kind or considerate if they don't "need" to be (which is the cynic argument I suppose), beauty in a way bypasses the need. I think people are kind there's maybe some validity to it but I don't like that argument for some reason, I won't say which side I stand on but it feels bleak. Half truths are worse than a lie, a lie can eventually be sorted out but half truths remain.

[genericname85]

I know that type of girl. They either have body image issues not actually considering themselves pretty at all, or they lost faith in men, cause they're swamped in fuckboys and can't seem to find one that is seriously into them, not just their looks.

[Ozanne]

I think you just nailed it.

[genericname85]

Most humans work the same way :D

[HikerDude]

In my experience, there are tons of pretty girls who are lonely and craving both friendship and a man in their lives. Other women are often cruel to them out of jealousy, and guys are often too pussy to even talk to them or ask them out. That's why guys with the confidence to talk to them and enough pride to present themselves well have a great chance at getting some of these girls. That's why there are so many guys who whine that other guys are able to get girls who are "out of their league." Fortune favors the bold but ignores a whiner.

[InferiorElegy]

Sounds like a Chad who gets things handed to him and doesn't know what it's like to be ugly, fortune does not favour the bold it favours the rich and good looking. You don't get to assume what it's like for us less attractive guys, you don't know shit, I've asked out females of all types including the ones everyone would agree are out of my league and I have been rejected by every female, I have done so much to try and get a date, and I used to have confidence but nothing I did made me good enough to date. So you can keep your dumbass assumptions to yourself. Fucking Chad.

[HikerDude]

@InferiorElegy My name isn't Chad, son, and I don't know anyone by that name. You've put so much of your self-worth into girls liking you that it crushes you when they don't. Everyone gets rejected. Even guys who get tons of women get rejected, especially by the ones they really want. The reality is that 90% of guys want 20% of girls. Do the math on that. Most guys will lose out on the girls they want, and those girls will get so much attention that they will get annoyed with girls. It's a messy process. So sac up and accept that you're going to take some knocks.

[InferiorElegy]

Not every guy gets rejected as much as I used before giving up. I have been rejected by every single female I've ever approached and a couple times by females I wasn't approaching, after almost 20 years of just rejection it was time to stop. You have no idea what it's been like for me or all the effort I've put into myself and you never will because you're not me and all you're going to say is things like "sac up" and that'll be your only type of argument on the subject so I'm done and also not your son, I'm older than you.

[Vallee33]

I completely understand. A lot of my friends say I'm a nice looking guy and I'm smart and funny and then they ask why I'm single. I just seem not to be every bodies cup of tea. It's been well over 3 years for me and I don't really see anybody in the future the way things are going.

[Ozanne]

Good luck, @Vallee33 - I'm sure she's out there wondering where you are too. :)