This won't be too long. I've read many, many, maaaaany questions on here about the friendzone, and my answer, as unlikable as it can be, it's always thus - the ''friendzone'' doesn't exist. Or better - it does exist, but as a mental cage that the person who got rejected put themselves willingly in. You read that well - if you got rejected and got told they prefer to stay friends, they aren't putting you in the friendzone. You can however, put yourself in it. Let's see why you could have put yourself in that situation, and how to get out of it.
- You haven't been clear with your feelings from the get go
That's the first, the most important point. You haven't been clean about your feelings until it was too late. You acted like a friend - heck, you have been a good friend too - and in turn the person saw you as a friend and nothing more.
Playing the ''friendship game'' is counterproductive and misleading at best, and unnecessarily manipulative at worst. You got feelings for that person? Well, out with it! Don't waste time and don't give the wrong impression! Your being direct will make them see you as a romantic option - and the answers they can give are either yes or no.
I know, it's not that easy to be direct about those things, but you'll save yourself a lot of trouble and if the person says yes, you'll be very happy you have acted quickly, directly and sincerely. Playing games will just cause you troubles and prolong the suffering you might get from an instant rejection.
- They ''lead you on''
If you feel like this, the possible cases are two.
- They didn't lead you on - you are deluding yourself that they were, and misinterpreted their intentions and interactions with you. Remember that someone be concerned and care about you even if they harbor no romantic feelings towards you.
- They are actually leading you on - and you need to get away and far from them. If they are manipulating you, you'll get nothing from them but false promises and heartbreak. For your own good, get away from them and find people who actually deserve your efforts and the time you'll dedicate them.
- A friendship is not a consolation prize
If you do think this, then you should really give yourself a long coscience exam and see what are your values. A friend is not a consolation prize, nor they are a ''second class'' relationship. I've learned that friends can often be more, more valuable than romantic partners. In my experience, those who launched me on the road of success were friends, not my partner.
Friends can be much more reliable and trustworthy in some case exactly because there aren't romantic feelings involved - I've learned that for love, some people can even hurt you or what you care about, but a true friend will always be there for you.
- You aren't trapped - you have all the right to walk away
If you feel trapped into a friendship after they rejected you, it's completely within your right to walk away. This doesn't make you a bad person, and they should respect your choice if being around them makes you feel pain and the burn of rejection. They shouldn't take it badly if you don't want to see them or talk to them anymore - to me it happened with a woman whom I rejected - admittedly after two dates - and although I would have been willing to be friends she preferred to split our paths, and I respected her decision.
Rejection burns - I've had this experience with my parents - and it's completely understandable to to want to walk away. And finally...
- Don't give up, they weren't the right person for you anyway
This last part might sound a bit like the Fox and the grapes, but actually it fits the situation to a T - if that person can see you just as a friend, they might be a good friend, but sure as heck they aren't the right person for you. So don't give up, take your time to recover and take care of yourself, and then, strong with this experience and knowledge, step back into the game ready to find what you are looking for - be it that special someone, a hook-up, or just someone to spend time with.
Thank you for reading, feel free to share your opinion!
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