Dating

Lots Of Questions On Red Flags

Lots Of Questions On Red Flags

Lots of talk about "Red Flags" and what to watch for. Honestly in my opinion there isn't really any one thing or another that screams "Red Flag" to me, but it's usually a combination of any one or two patterns or behaviors, that generate anxiety for me with in a relationship. Problem is you rarely find one thing one on it's own. Red Flags come in sets, and you usually just know, when you know. People like me at 46, pick up on those feelings pretty quick and it triggers you to end it before you even care to find out why.

Bottom line is that it's important that you understand that it's the anxiety you are feeling, as a result of their words or actions that's the problem. It's not so much about what they said or how they said it ... the resulting anxiety from said actions or words is the issue. That anxiety you feel in those moments, is real and should not be ignored. It's still important that you step back and acknowledge your own feelings.

"Inconsistency"

This is one of the biggest Red Flags out there. This is when their words don't line up with their actions. They say that they would never do something when they are with someone they care about, then they do it, act like they didn't, then say they really do care about you. Your left guessing now on where they really stand. This also is called or reffered to as sending mixed signals. Bottom line, you should never be made to feel like you should have to work that hard for someone's attention.

"Gaslighting"

This goes hand-in-hand with Inconsistency. This is a game of manipulation with blame shifting. There is a healthy degree of "agreeing to disagree." There is a natural discourse to these types of conversations, were both parties get to express themselves without judgment or total agreement.

It's Gaslighting when you're getting into these conversations where you're saying I only did this because you did that, and they say they only did that, because you did this, but you did that because they did this, and on and on.... You just got LITE!!!!

They never validate your feelings in anyway or recognize your right to feel how you feel. This is a very unhealthy place to be, it can lead you to start questioning your own confidence and sanity.

Unwillingness to Compromise

Here is the third one that is almost always be present in varying degrees. It is usually in combination with Inconsistency and will inevitably lead to Gaslighting. This is when someone is unwilling to work with you, out of stubbornness, selfishness or their own insecurities. Not matter the issue they're unwilling to give up as much as you start to feel you are giving up. It leads to an imbalance within the relationship, because you start to feel you're working too hard to maintain the relationship. They seem to expect you to continue carrying the load, without showing you the level of appreciation you feel you deserve.

There are things about all of us that we are going to be unwilling to compromise on, but step back and ask yourself, "how large is the gap between us, and on what level does it matter as long as they are about to agree to disagree, but still respect the difference"

What's the Point?

This is a fair question, because if you're in dating game we all are forced to asked this of ourselves at some point. Failure after failure, you have to consider how uncompromising you may actually be. Nobody wants to admit to settling, but in fact isn't that what we all do at some point? On some level we aspect the good with the bad and try to achieve some semblance of balance. But you have to be in balance yourself, or you end up being a Red Flag yourself.

Lots Of Questions On Red Flags
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