Are you a “real” man?
The outcry from modern women is that there are no “real men” in the dating market today.
There are a bunch of little boys, lots of “toxic masculinity,” and nightmarish dating app profiles.
So what makes a “real” man?
Let’s unpack a few of the most commonly desired qualities.
“He should provide for me.”
No need to beat around the bush on this one — this basically means he pays for stuff.
He foots the bill at fancy restaurants. He has a home or can afford to pay his rent. He can afford to take you on vacations and buy expensive gifts. (So on and so forth.)
Don’t get me wrong — the concept of men being “providers” is not completely unreasonable.
Traditionally, a man would be expected to work to provide for his wife and children. He would be expected to financially support his home, put food on the table, and take care of the basic needs of his family.
But men were never expected to provide financially without getting anything in return. Traditionally, there were also expectations placed on women — such as homemaking and taking care of children.
The man provides financially, and the woman provides a clean and happy home.
However, today, women are no longer willing to be homemakers.
Women are going out, getting educated, and focusing on their careers. Women are more independent than ever and have no desire to be trapped as a stay-at-home-mom tending to babies when they could be chasing their dreams, traveling, and living their best lives.
Modern women have no care for traditional skills like cooking, cleaning, or anything else, really. They don’t want to be stuck tending to the home when they now have so many other options.
Women don’t want to fulfill the traditional feminine role that they were once expected to. And yet, men are still expected to be financial “providers.”
“He should treat me like a lady.”
Just about every woman wants to feel beautiful and feminine.
We see this play out in movies where a man offers a woman his coat, carries heavy bags for her, or opens doors. But being a true gentleman is about a lot more than offering coats and holding doors.
Being a gentleman is self-sacrifice.
It is a willingness to go out of one’s way to do things to make a woman more comfortable — even if it comes at a cost to you. Being a gentleman always requires some degree of self-sacrifice.
Traditionally, what makes the sacrifice worthwhile is the internal satisfaction that your lady feels safe, happy, and taken care of. If a little suffering means on his part means reducing the burden on the woman, it’s worth it.
Traditionally, the only reward a man needs is gratitude.
A man doesn’t mind treating a woman like a lady — so long as she acts one.
When a woman responds with gratitude, affection, and kindness, men are happy to behave like a gentleman towards her. But when women become entitled or rude about it, it’s another story.
It also doesn’t help that modern women often reject the concept of femininity. Traditional feminine virtues — like being graceful, innocent, nurturing, and pure of heart — are often difficult to find in modern women.
We are taught that in order to be “strong” and “taken seriously” in society, we must be bullish, loud, demanding, and basically act like the worst of men.
The irony is that women don’t want to act like a lady anymore — but they still expect to be treated like one.
“He should be willing to take care of children.”
Yes, men who want a family and are able to provide for one are very attractive. Men should be able to provide for their offspring. They should be present in the lives of their children and in raising the next generation.
It takes both a man and a woman to create a child in the first place, so the burden of raising children should not be left to women alone.
But men should not be expected to care for children that aren’t his.
If he chooses to be with a woman who has a child from a previous relationship, that is entirely up to him. However, it shouldn’t be the expectation of all men to take care of and provide for children that they didn’t help create.
So many women (on dating apps especially) have children from previous relationships and will claim they’re looking for a “real” man who is willing to accept their kids as his own.
But if he wants children of his own — or doesn’t want children at all — he should not be ridiculed for preferring not to date a single mom.
(Not to mention that we shouldn’t let the biological fathers off the hook. If you ask me, “real” men don’t abandon their kids in the first place.)
A man who does not prefer to raise another man’s children is any less a “real” man.
Final thoughts
Ladies, you can’t have your cake and eat it too.
If you want a “real man” who provides financially, behaves like a gentleman, and is willing to take care of a family, you should consider what type of woman this man is looking for.
If it’s a traditional man you want, chances are he’s looking for a traditional woman.
And that makes perfect sense to me.
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