How I was able to Save my Relationship with a Girl that I deeply love after she Cheated on Me

[Anonymous]

I have been with my girlfriend for the past three years and I love her to death. She ended up cheating on me shortly before we turned three years, and I was heartbroken. I looked for advice online on what to do and if it meant it was over. Everything and everyone said yes. I learned that in order for things to work out after someone cheats, the person that was cheated on has to be willing to forgive and move on without ever bringing this mistake up again. You cannot throw this mistake in the person's face during arguments. You have to move on from it completely. The person who cheated also has to have learned from their mistake and hopefully they never do it again.

The reason why I forgave her was because I truly love her. She is my first love, and I honestly did not want to lose her.

She cheated on me with one of her Instagram followers. The guy had over 20K followers and was very handsome. He started replying to her stories and she got excited over it. They eventually met up for coffee where they had sex afterwards. The worst part about this is that she took him to our apartment which I help pay for. We both contribute towards the rent and everything equally. This was a huge mistake on her end because a neighbor actually saw this happening and took a photo then showed me. The neighbor said the situation just looked suspicious. This was so unlike her. She would never cheat on me and this clumsiness of her during this was proof that this was her first-time cheating on me. I showed her the photo, got angry and looked through her phone as she was too ashamed to fight me for it. I saw the messages, photos and flirting. I started crying, put the phone down and just walked outside. I got into my car and started to drive on the freeway with nowhere to go.

I ended up deeply depressed. I was not able to sleep or eat. I felt betrayed and like I was not good enough. I was the best possible boyfriend I could be. I made sure her birthdays went exactly like she wanted them to go. I tried thinking of how and why she would do this. I then came to a realization that she had been with me for a while now and we were each other's first everything. I guess she was just curious. I forgave her because I feel like she did learn from her mistake, and she showed me proof that she messaged him saying that it would never happen again.

Humans are humans. I think it is unrealistic to expect anybody to be perfect. We will make mistakes and that includes in relationships. Some make small mistakes and others make big ones like my girlfriend. What is important is that we move on and learn to forgive. Also, that we learn from our mistakes because we are human. We will make mistakes.

[jorfan3]

You seem like a very humble, kind individual. I hope God pays you back well for that kindness.

Best wishes to you and your girlfriend.

[FatDikEng]

You can't, everytime you kiss her you will taste the flavor of the other man's dick.

[myTake Owner]

I’m selecting you as MHO because that is what I am experiencing but I think it’s in my head.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Good for you, glad you are able to do that. I think the vast majority of people would never be able to do that.

If someone was my first everything and his first everything, the fact that he cheated would mean I'm now a underdog and would be upset over it.

The only way I would likely be able to forgive him would be to also cheat myself and then we could both forgive and move on.

Otherwise I would never be able to forgive... of course that will never ever happen because I simply cannot have sex with someone else, when I'm in love with him.

It just isn't possible, there is no way that can happen.

While I am happy for you and glad you were able to forgive her, she obviously doesn't love you or she would not have been able to do that... and in the future will do it again, only she learned how to do it and not get caught.

It would be different had she come to you and you didn't find out from your neighbor and she confessed. That would show true remorse and love to do that.

Best of luck going forward.

[RandomGuy1030]

Why are you encouraging this shit. He should go beyond dump her

[coachTanthony]

She cheated in your own bed and apartment? That is rough.

[Finchie40]

Bro , kick her To the curb where she belongs , If she truly valued you she wouldn’t of cheated on you period it wasn’t a mistake it was her selfish decision , by you giving her another chance is only hurting yourself as a human being , Just because you feel like you love her and don’t want to lose her , you already lost her bro , she doesn’t love you like you love her , she only loves herself and she loves the convenience of you I know it's a hard pill to swallow but you have to understand you deserve better than her, you deserve someone that wouldn’t betray you and someone that wouldn’t hesitate to resist temptation for you , By you accepting her back into your life you are basically saying it’s ok for her to cheat on you basically saying you are a coward and a simp , She will cheat on you again no matter what she tells you, I know guys that took back cheating girlfriends and wives and they are Living miserable fake happy lives because the trust is broken , they are holding onto something that really isn’t there just because you love and care about someone it doesn’t mean you have to be with them , these husbands and boyfriends eventually cheated on them thinking they got revenge because they fully didn’t trust her , giving themselves an excuse to cheat if they truly loved her they wouldn’t of cheated 2 wrongs do not make a right , you are wasting your time with someone that truly doesn’t value you , realize you deserve better than that , How you going to make love to a girl that got smashed by another guy , that allowed this other Guy to have his way with her and probably did some Kinky shot with her , I have fucked married women that I didn’t know were married until after the fact , these cheating girls rocked my world in bed , swallowed my cum Ate my cum after I shot it all over her making me feel like I was on top of the world that she was that into me , so do you want to kiss a girl knowing she did that to you? I’m sorry to sound dirty but it’s the truth bro , Value yourself worth and realize you deserve a girl that only wants to swallow your cum and values just you , Someone that can cheat on their partner is a selfish person they will never experience true love only caring about themselves , so if you truly love her and want to help her, kick her to the curb where she belongs by you doing that might make her have a wake up call to not be a whore anymore , by you keeping her is teaching her it’s ok to be a whore.

[Puppystarfish23]

I know you don't see it now and your probably not gonna like what I say but you sound wayyyy to nice and that's why she cheated on you on in the face place with some insta douchebag because she thinks she can walk all over you and by the sounds of it you let her do it willingly.

You should dump her but you are clearly to blind trust me I've been there myself. It eventually had to take him to push me away to realise he was the shitty person not me and that I didn't deserve to be treated that way and there was no excuse for it.

She will do it again I promise you that especially because you forgave her. You sound like a decent man and it makes me angry when nice people go out with total arse wholes when they deserve a lot better and should be with someone equally as nice as them who makes them happy and will never ever break there heart and would feel sick at the thought of hurting there partner.

If I cheated on my boyfriend and he forgave me Id dump him because I wouldn't be able to forgive myself and I love him that much but Id do the right thing as he'd deserve better than a cheat

[aoihewgf]

This. A lot of guys learn this themselves in their first relationships. You've for to learn to say no and offer a full spectrum of emotions to a girl, not just the happy ones.
Girls do not cheat (most of the time) on men they respect. You taking her back will only make her lose more respect for you.

[strateguy632]

to pup, i agree with you

[victoriaxoxo]

I get your point on humans are humans and we all have impulses that we can't control but let me point out something to you:

1. She didn't come to you and admit cheating on you, she was caught cheating. That's a very important factor. If she fucked up due to poor impulse control/moment of weakness and she deeply regretted it, she would've come clean.

2. Since she cheated with an Instagram follower, she would've have had multiple instances where she could've changed her mind. This is not her on a night out getting blackout drunk and hooking up with someone and then running to you to repend and apologize. This is her actively deciding to cheat on multiple occasions (as in flirting, sexting, actually meeting someone, sex). This is more akin to an affair than cheating in that she chose to so what she did again and again.

If you are able to severe your ties with this woman, I would do so immediately. However, from the sound of your post it seems like emotionally you are stuck. You might feel like you're not able to leave at this point in time and that's ok, sometimes a relationship has to crash and burn before we can let go of the person completely. Do a couple of things for me though:

1. Don't buy any joint property with this woman, don't help her financially and severe any financial ties as much as possible. If you ever come to close to even living together then get a prenup.

2. Get STD tested now and regularly if you stay with her. I'm sorry but I personally think she either has cheated on your before or is likely to cheat on you again or both.

3. Don't have children with her.

If you do this, this would at least guarantee you a smooth exit once you're ready to leave the relationship. Best of luck.

[strateguy632]

i am agreed with you

[JamesDiaz11]

You're seriously pathetic.

This probably wasn't her first time cheating, and the next time some "high value" guy comes around she'll go for it again. What do you think she learned from this?

1. You'll take her back no matter what he does, bc you love her

2. She doesn't have to worry about hiding her cheating

3. You'll make excuses for her because you thinks he's a good person.

You think you "saved" the relationship, but you've only solidified a situation where she has no respect for you- she'll eventually leave you, but not before hurting you many more times.

[lightbulb27]

you are very forgiving and considerate. She totally disrespected you and devalued her, and was selfish. If she was drunk most of the time, I understand. If she was conscious and sober, it's worse.

you are right we are all humans and have our reasons for doing what we do. but we have to be responsible! The problem is... if the underlying motives, and beliefs/ emotions aren't corrected, we keep doing the same thing. Why change? Poor training means poor life management skills. Humans are effectively..."broken records"... that can choose to change, but often stick to what they know.

I do hope she learned and if so, that would be visible in her behavior. The problem you have here is she's exposed to the world and can fall into temptation. How she responds to it is what you need to observe.

[BlackBeauty90]

Do yourself a favour & kick her to the curb. She cheated with this other guy because she thinks she can get "better" than you. Can she... well that depends, she was nothing more than the other guy's entertainment for the day.

She is attracted to cheap simple things like fame. Materialism, etc. She's shallow.

Minute some guy who seems "better" starts flirting with her, she'll be doing it again and again. That is what attracted her, the preception this loser on Instagram was better.

[strateguy632]

yes.

[Anonymous]

This isn’t going to be what you want to hear, but it’s what you need to hear dude, seriously.

From the sounds of it, you definitely deserve so much better than this girl (yes, better.) An amazing girl who loves you like you love her doesn’t cheat. She stays loyal, because she values what you have together too much and she actually cares about your feelings. It sounds like she doesn’t value you and that’s the cold hard truth. You say “humans are humans”… but it seems like you’re making excuses for someone who wouldn’t do the same thing for you if the roles were reversed.

You sound like such a nice/sweet person OP. Why do you let these people who don’t deserve you stay in your life? Why not give this caring personality of yours to someone who treats you with the same care and respect?

[strateguy632]

super presentation

[Bellona]

if your girlfriend truly loved you why did she pursue to meet this guy? if she did why did have sex with him, if she at the time believed he was more handsome than you, better than you and if so why you want to be with someone if you are not the best to them? you want to be #2. #2 sounds good right?

[myTake Owner]

Why are you and everyone else being so negative about my relationship. He was the kind of guy that can’t be serious with someone because he has too many options.

[Bellona]

there are so many other good woman that could deserve you. more high value women than there are men, make a high value woman happy.

[tzdc21]

She's right. If your girlfriend really loved and respected you she would have NEVER done that BS in the first place. And now it's ingrained in your memory. And here's the worst part... she just may lose more respect for you for taking her back and cheat on you again. If it happened once, it can certainly happen again. You can't seriously trust her the same way you used to. Go get yourself a woman who actually gives a damn about you and would remain loyal to you.

[Haha456]

I read a study that said cheaters are 3 times more likely to cheat again

so just be careful about who you forgive.

If I were you, I would never forgive a cheater. I have way too much self respect for that. You can do so many other things but cheating is definitely not tolerated

[Dargil]

Cheating is not a mistake. It is a willful betrayal. She thought it through and was willing to forfeit her relationship with you if she got caught. She had or has a moral disease. She always had the option to say "no".

Question: How did you learn of this?

[Anemone978]

I could forgive chating and stuff online but to go meet him and bring him home and fuck him... I honestly couldn't forgive that. I wouldn't even want to sleep in my bed anymore. How could you trust her.. because she didn't even take time with it. She just cheated so easily.

[exitseven]

I always thought that no way would I ever forgive a girl that cheated on me. Now that I am older I think that even though it would be terrible to be cheated on but I think that if she was really remorseful and if it never happened again I might be able to get past it. I really hope that this works out for you.

[bamesjond0069]

If she's cute, can I meet her for coffee? I swear I won't fuck her in your bed. I can get a room or something since I'm a nice guy.

Honestly you're like at simp level 3000. There's like 10 red flags about how she's essentially using you and abusing you.

[U4ea0]

Your girl betrayed you and you took her back. Remember, her decision to cheat was a conscious, premeditated, and willful decision. It is never an accident. She put your health at risk as well.

[Biancam13]

Wait so she cheated, and then on top of that, you had to save your relationship?

[tzdc21]

Exactly my point. HE had to be the one to fix the damage that SHE caused. And if you ask me, she's probably gonna cheat on him again now that he took her back. And it'll be his fault this time for not realizing the glaringly obvious red flag beforehand.

[strateguy632]

absurd, i am agreed with you

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry to say that she will do this again and again on you down the years.

Guys cheat when the opportunity happens, women do it because they are unhappy with their partner and looking for a new guy. Monkey branching.

[myTake Owner]

She was not unhappy. We already talked this over and she said she was just tempted. Girls can cheat for multiple reasons. There isn’t one reason for all cases

[Opinion Owner]

She cheated because she thought she wouldn't get caught and doesn't care about you. Until the next time then...

[Juxtapose]

If she cheats on you then she doesn't care about your feelings like you care about her. Would you ever cheat on somebody you love for any reason?

[Opinion Owner]

@Juxtapose even if I didn't love them I'd leave first. Too much self respect

[Juxtapose]

Good.

[strateguy632]

such a disgusting accusation. but men dont cheat just kuz they get opportunity. the opposite ladies cheat when the opportunity happens, but men do it if they are their partner is "not available" for them. if you want a loyal guy, then be available for his nature.

[Opinion Owner]

@strateguy632 women always have the opportunity. I could make a phone call and have 3 men men scheduled to have sex at 3pm followed by 4pm followed by 5pm.

[aoihewgf]

God may forgive cheating but I cannot. I'm going to guess that you are too embarrassed to tell your parents what happened. If you did, I would confidently bet that both, who have your best interest at heart, would tell you to move on.

[Juxtapose]

Oh come on man! You're with someone who showed you that they do not value loyalty or your feelings.. what's wrong with you?

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Don't be like my mom and learn the hard way!