When I was 63, I was invited to a Christmas party in a condo at Jacksonville Beach and almost everyone in attendance was fairly affluent. I am not a rich man but I wasn't uncomfortable with that crowd. I met a woman from Germany - Ingrid - who had been in the US for many years, was a US citizen, very fluent in English, and a very feminine, refined, and polished lady. She looked a little older than me but was healthy and active and I felt attracted to her. (I later learned that she was 78 years old at that time.) From a mutual acquaintance, I learned that she had one long term marriage that ended with the death of her husband about 10 years previously. I had never previously dated a widow but, when you get older and you are dating, more and more of the available women are widows.
I got her phone number and asked her for a date and she readily accepted. I took her to a nice restaurant for dinner and I had a delightful time. I could tell that she had not dated much in the past 10 years and she was a bit shy, so I held her hand only briefly at the end of the date and made no effort to give her a goodnight kiss. We repeated this pattern two or three times, and then we made a dinner date for Valentine's Day.
I sent her a dozen red roses on Valentine's Day with a card which read "Ich möchte deine Hand halten und deine Lippen küssen!" ("I want to hold your hand and kiss your lips!") I thought that I would, at last, get to kiss her at the end of the date that night. Instead, she explained that she enjoyed my company and was attracted to me but the idea of any romantic involvement made her feel that she was being disloyal to her deceased husband.
I immediately knew that this was an emotional response and no amount of logic could persuade her to feel differently. Any attempts to convince her to kiss me would be met with resistance and I would never want to force myself on a woman, even if only for a kiss. So I told her that I understood what she was saying, I regretted that she was unable to let go of those feelings, but I accepted it exactly as it was and wished her good luck.
I know that all widows do not respond the same way but, if presented the opportunity again, I would probably be more hesitant to date her and probably would move more quickly to discover if she was truly available on an emotional level.
You can't win when you compete with a dead guy!
Have you had any experiences dating a widow or widower?