You Can Be A Nice Guy... With Bad Boy Traits

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately for the majority of nice guys, they're finishing last. It doesn't take a genius to notice that most girls (in highschool and college) are going for the typical bad boys, cocky, arrogant, deceptive, etc over the genuine nice guys. It sucks that I have to say this but if you really want a girl, you're going to have to absorb some of the characteristics of a bad boy, but that doesn't mean you'll become an asshole. If you come off as this completely soft guy with no backbone, regardless if you're nice, you're getting the first class trip to the friendzone ... it sucks but it's reality. You're wasinting your time being 100% nice, but you can be 80% nice and 20% bad boy with bad boy traits that don't scream "ASSHOLE".

1: Don't Chase The Girl You like

- So you like a girl? Maybe she's hot? Maybe she's really popular? Maybe she's smart? Guess what, over 50% of the guys in your school (including some nice guys) are thirsty as hell for her, chasing her, and complimenting her everyday. What do you need to do? Do the exact opposite. Make her see you as that ONE guy that doesn't give a damn about how she looks or how popular she is, isn't going to let her step on you, and isn't going to go out of his way to please her. This makes the girl your crushing on go insane, because almost everyday every guy she see's is crazy for her so when she finally notices a guy who knows they exist but doesn't give a fuck it intrigues them, it makes them want to know more about you, this is when you can start your friendship with them.

2: Don't Overcompliment

- You can't compliment the girl you like and you've became friends with right off the bat, they get compliments everyday so your compliments to them is something they've heard at least 20 times. This is all part of your plan to let this girl know that you, the guy, are not going to take any shit from them ... you have to make sure the girl realizes that your unique out of all the other girls because that's what's going to attract her. You can maybe compliment her clothes, hair, etc once in a while but the typical "You're so gorgeous" or "You're so beautiful" over and over is only going to make her view you as the other 100 guys that like her.

3: Don't Give Her The Majority Of Your Attention

- This girl you like has to see that your only focus is your life, not hers. She has to see that you're not willing to give her all of your attention unless she earns it, she has to see that if she asks you for a favor that over 100 guys would do without blinking it, you'll say "Fuck off". This makes her feel like she has to earn your approval - Again you're not being an asshole by doing this, but your making this girl see you as a strong and independent guy that isn't going to take shit from anybody no matter how popular or good looking.

4: Conclusion

You're playing reverse phycology on these girls, the girl you like already has a bunch of guys chasing for her so she has really no reason to pay you any attention if you're acting the same way. In her mind when all this is happening it's basically going "Another day another swarm of thirsty guys waiting to give me all their atten-wait that guy, why isn't he being thirsty? Why isn't he giving me any attention? Does he not notice me?" - When she starts thinking like this, it's her being interested in YOU ... you have to keep her asking these questions to herself because that's the only way you'll keep her interested in you and not the other 100 or so guys chasing her.

You can't show your completely nice and sweet side until you're really close to eachother after being friends, because at this point she'll completely disregard all the other guys and her focus will be YOU. At this point when you have this girl completely fascinated in you, then you can start complimenting her and going for a relationship. So yeah, I hope these tips help some of you nice guys struggling to find a girlfriend.

[kheserthorpe]

While I sort of agree with the 'get enough bad boy without being an asshole', the specific bits you recommend come off as manipulative, and while 'minor' are i think not easy for guys to do... plus fall apart once they actually start dating.

I'd probably encourage nice guys to jump straight past the smooth player stage and become strong, desirable -men-.

- Don't chase any women, if they're not into you, move on, you deserve a girl who is as interested in making it work as you.
- Please her reasonably, but don't act like you can 'screw up' by being imperfect. Complement her when she deserves it, call her out on crap when she deserves it. If you're not doing that, you're being a suck up coward.
- Don't screw up your life trying to please her. Because along with being stupid, it won't please her.
- Do what you believe is right, even if it pisses people off. Apologize when you're wrong, but don't dance in circles trying to prevent other people from having to handle their own feelings.
- If you're gonna be a great giving guy, expect plenty back. And don't make her guess what you want. Be clear about what you want. If she's not excited to make you happy, why are you showing so much on her? Find someone who wants you.

[Kalinda]

I don't agree with the article but I agree with this answer :)

Op if a guy treated me the way you're telling guys to treat women they supposedly like I would never even become friends with him. Plus all that time the guy is spending trying to pretend he's not too nice, he could be going through a lot of girls finding one he actuslly likes eho likes him.

Pretending you're not chasing someone is only cosmetic. He'll still be inwardly pining. He's still chasing, In the sense you're wasting time over them instead of moving on and meeting other people.

[lumos]

So basically act aloof, emotionally distant and disinterested? Yeah, this is How To NOT Get A Girl To Like You 101.
If the girl isn't attention thirsty and 100% depends on the validation of other people (mainly guys), this won't work. Most girls don't get showered with attention the way you describe it. Hence, they wouldn't even notice that someone random is purposefully ignoring them. They wouldn't notice that someone is rarely, if ever, complimenting them. They wouldn't notice that they're not purposefully being chased and they wouldn't notice that someone isn't showering them with attention.
So, unless a guy is trying to chase after some super popular school hottie, chances are that this myTake has, for him, turned into How To Make Yourself Almost Completely Invisible To The Girl You Like 101.

[lumos]

ALSO, I've always been a strong advocate of honesty. If you like someone, you shouldn't be afraid of showing it. I mean, don't smother the person obviously, but talking to them and complimenting them when you feel like it is perfectly fine. Going out of your way to do the opposite just to attract someone is manipulative. You end up not making your intentions clear. It will only cause a bunch of misunderstandings and unnecessary drama.

[john2]

Y'all still don't understand break ups change nice guys a little bit, and sometimes it may be like that if they are hurt enough. Like I'm not like allllllll the way like the above at all but still. I'm just changed in my own ways.

[Watermelonoma]

lumos is right. you've got to make your intent known or she just won't know you exist.

[TheEdgyBarbie]

I was gonna write something but @lumos summed it up. BEST ANSWER RIGHT HERE

[godfatherfan]

Unfortunately what your describing makes the guy exactly an ASSHOLE. and he is an asshole to himself if he changes the way he is as a person. If she is so shallow and high maintenance that you have to change anything drastically about yourself, she is not worth it. i was in a 25 yr very codependent relationship. So I have learned lessons.
also, at my age I am past playing games with women who are not mature enough to see good from bad.
Get her door in the car, let her know your thinking about her, give her compliments, listen to her, let her know you care. if she isn't interested, find someone who is, she isn't worth your time.

[Tormentarian]

Why are you Americans/stupid people so shallow, bad guy this good guy that. Grow up and just fall in love without having to resort to animalistic cognitions. Problem with you people is you are just into sex and sex means nothing without loving someone especially in the long term, if you won't grasp you people will never be happy and divorce after divorce. Simply be you and stop searching for your soul mate randomly in the clubs and random places. & stop putting yourself under societal pressures, success and relationships seem to come and work if people are busy working to be human as possible not the other way round. x

[Mesonfielde]

There are books out there like this

upload.wikimedia.org/.../...-Women-Venus-Cover.jpg

and this

d.gr-assets.com/books/1320531536l/162314.jpg

And they're just as generalizing as silly as this take phrases itself to be...

Just treat her like a human being and do things she likes and don't do things she dislikes, and if you do these naturally just by being yourself then you're golden.

[Dєѕιвσу]

Although it's a nice take no doubt but Most guys will start hating women and become sexist if this manipulating , psychological attraction blue print is released world wide.
Most guys are already frustrated and thinking how to become a bad boy. But madam, this changes in attitude and behaviour is just temporary and doesn't last long. It's simply because it's unnatural for them.
You are either nice or you are douche. It's difficult to strike a balance between the two because it's equal to manipulation.

[LucaDiGreg]

What you mean is we ought to be self-confident and show little to no interest in what we want.
We should act natural in disguising our feelings in a stressful situation as talking to her can be and maybe even suppress those sentiments that keep surfacing and want to be expressed.

Quite manageable, especially if you can find a girl you don't really care about... oh, wait

[Colo93]

being an asshole has gotten me nowhere, in fact, its probably done me more harm than good. yknow why? it's simply not me. Dont get me wrong, if someone does me ill, i'll smash their face in. But I'm genuinely a nice guy. I know I'm good looking, funny, and kind. If women can't see that in me, that's their problem.

[lovethelife]

good job! at age 21 barely some girl see that... but when you'll get older they will respect you more ;) Salute!

[thecd1979]

I used to be that guy that would follow girls around and give them a million compliments a day and agree with everything they say even when I didn’t. I didn’t realize I was coming across as a spineless insecure wimp that had no life. This is pretty accurate.

[Phoenix98]

Lol already have those traits it's not really that hard, just adapt to the situation. Be the guy who kind and nice and treats his women well, and if required be the guy that breaks a guys face because he won't leave your girl alone. Adaption is the key we all hold the capability to be nice kind people and to be cruel and bad people. It's just a matter of unlocking it.

[jdbaird]

If you're an ugly fuck like me it doesn't matter how you treat women, they'll still reject you because much better looking guys who are funnier, smarter and are better bs'ers than me are constantly asking them out.

[Anonymous]

I really liked your MyTake! I think you nailed everything... Maybe you'd like my MyTake: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a8375-what-my-favorite-manga-taught-me-about-dealing-with-players

[blackeagle007]

I agree. Overly nice is boring. Let's face it, no one likes boring, I wouldn't want to be around that. Keeping things a mystery is good. Being ones self and having your own views is good. Never agree with everything a girl says or does. It makes you look like a lost puppy wanting assurance.

Best of all, any guy that tries to act like a bad boy is gonna fail lol. Girls will see through and think it's pathetic. My view is relax, don't feel pressured on dates and have fun.

[JackKerouac77]

I am a cute clam

wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/.../KeepCalmMeme.gif

[laurenvialox]

This is not true, girls tend to be loyal and love good guys, bad boys are like a sample to be tasted, there is nothing to it.

[Anonymous]

This in 90% bull crap

And I must say, is written as if you're a guy using a fake account.

[DanHart]

I have been told many times that I'm too good-looking for that cockiness / arrogance thing and if I acted like this it would only backfire on me.

Should I still pull off this ploy?

[TheEdgyBarbie]

I don't know about other girls, but @DanHart confidence is great, and important, however if you act like a cocky d-bag, I wouldn't be into you, even if I was into you at first...

[DanHart]

I know. But when I think about it, I used to attend school with a guy who became pretty damn arrogant and he seemed to be well-liked by almost every girl in our year and only me and a friend of mine saw through him: That guy wasn't rich, his mom had died of cancer, he wasn't particularly good-looking, he was chubby, he thought the world of himself because he was good at tennis (he wasn't the brightest ) and still girls would flock around him. I'd have too much backbone to pull something like this off for many years and secondly I'd probably be very ashamed of such idiotic behavior.

[Jersey1]

Nice huys finish last but the girls dont do to well either given their pick of so called bad boys which a real man would look at as a pretender as most of them just talk a good game.

[ObscuredBeyond]

I mix the compliments with constructive criticism. If I can't be the lover, I fall back on being a sort of mentor.

[thealphamaleishere]

Reading through some of these confirms my feelings about how most men and women just don't get it. No surprise that this is the most single generation of all time... You guys are out of touch.

[Insignis]

There's so much conflicting advice on this website that it's not funny anymore. The other day I read a take saying that you SHOULD chase. Today YOU'RE NOT ALOUD TO. I'll stop taking this place seriously as often as I used to.

[dartmaul15]

i just use it as a perfect example on how every person is different.
See, girls can't even agree on what they want. So therefore they don't have an idea, or it's simply that they all want different things. Either way you shouldn't give a shit about what THEY want, and rather be yourself, and thus get the girls liking the real you.

[TheEdgyBarbie]

@dartmaul15 it's not that we can't agree on what we want, women aren't all the same person with the same personality, likes, dislikes etc (though some things do overlap, like honesty is important to most of us)... But it's true that you guys shouldn't try to ask other girls advice on how to get one specific girl.. Like that girl your interested in might or might not like to be chased depending on her personality. Basically just be yourself.

[Insignis]

I love that idea. I'll be myself and ENJOY it while improving what I am.

[dartmaul15]

@theedgybarbie hence why you'll never agree. I tough i made it crystal clear i meant agreeing between eachother. Person A has opinion 1. Person B has opinion 2. Person C has opinion 3. They will never be able ot aggree on just one opinion. That's how it is with girls, and that's what i meant with girls unable to agree on what they want.
also i love how you just repeated what i said, just with a different wording.

[TheEdgyBarbie]

@dartmaul15 I commented on this because the part in your comment when you said "girls can't even agree on what they want. So therefore they don't have an idea" bothered me, which is why I thought I'd clarify that it really isn't about that, basically I was saying that "it's simply that they all want different things" was right.

And as for repeating what you said, well I was agreeing with you. Thereby confirming to the other person that from a girl's perspective what you said was right.

[Anonymous]

Wait, I thought girls didn't like bad boys.

Just kidding. Thanks for your honesty. I wish more girls were honest like you.