Playing hard to get vs not-interested vs shit testing you vs playing you?

[Anonymous]

For the women out there (guys feel free to chime in), how can you tell if a girl is playing hard to get, shit testing you, just flat out not interested, or just playing you out.

As dating progresses it feels the lines aren't so clear cut anymore about where one ends and one starts. I've had on some instances figured a person has lost interested when in reality they were testing me or playing hard to get, likewise situations where the person seemed to be playing hard to get but in reality was just playing me.

How do women identify it from their point of view - and men how do you determine which is which and what rules do you impose on the standard range of behavior that could fall into some of the above categories? i.e. flaking, flirting with other guys in front of you, acting up, hot-cold, etc.

Let's do something well formatted, like:

Not-interested: [signs]
Playing hard to get: [signs]
Shit testing: [signs]
Playing you: [signs]

[Anonymous]

I'm not even sure I know what some of these mean…let alone the difference between them : / lol ("shit testing?"…whaaa?)

The girls that are going to play/mess with guys are generally the ones who do it because they can…they get a lot of attention and like it.

I've found that guys that play/mess with girls are similar to the women that do. Unfortunately, sometimes they're so good at it that the only way you know you're screwed (and not the good kind) is when it's happening.

It just takes practice and time. You'll learn to read the girls that are genuine and actually want to date you and get to know you…not just mess with you.

If they're interested, they'll want to talk to you and get to know you (not just have you pamper them). They won't mind a picnic over a fancy restaurant or hiking over an expensive movie. They'll enjoy asking you questions and learning about you. They'll respond to your texts/calls and won't make you think, "do they like me?" because your gut will tell you they do.

[Asker]

Shit test is a conscious or unconscious test thrown by a person to see how their potential partner or significant other reacts.

I.e. a woman seeing if she can make a guy (let's call him the third party) jealous by flirting with someone else, even though she has no interest in the third party, she wants to know if the guy reacts in anyway - for the sake of validation in knowing that he is any of the following:

A) Not clingy
B) Defensive of her - therefore interested in her
C) He's emotional - in a negative way

etc.

[Opinion Owner]

Ohh gotchya. Well that's dumb. So, if the girl is "shit testing" she's obviously doing something that will push the guy's buttons, right? So regardless of whether or not she's meaning to shit test or not, certain actions aren't acceptable imo. Like flirting with a third party while the guy is getting jealous, for example.

[Asker]

Exactly. It's testing his boundaries, to see if he's a guy that has structure/rigidity/etc.

Rather than one who is just a push-over/doormat. At least generally that's the case, but as you said some responses are good, some are neutral, others are negative.

In the previous example a guy could be viewed positively for walking away, demonstrating he doesn't deal with that kind of behavior.

Calling her out, demonstrating he knows what she's doing (although I've always viewed this as negative as it show cases, you're either being paranoid in some cases, or letting it impact you emotionally to even let it bother you to the extent of needing to verbalize it)

Or the guy who sticks around as his interest is making him look like a pushover, being the negative case.

[Asker]

Obviously the same is equally true if a guy tries to do that to a woman - although guys testing girls is much more rare I suppose.

[Opinion Owner]

I can understand the reasoning behind it, but it sounds silly to me. I mean, a person's true colors are going to come out over time…so, for example, if a guy acts jealous/indifferent/etc. with a girl flirting with another guy, she's bound to find that out sooner or later just getting to know him over time. I don't know I just don't think it's right to manipulate people like that…because that's technically what that is.

[Asker]

True, but the main reasoning behind it so to prune out bad potentials quickly.

Would you rather invest weeks, months, or years if your life into someone only to find out this negative behavior or over the course of several dates/hangouts/get togethers those traits by testing that boundary.

In the previous example, if the guy becomes violent and jealous, well you likely know that this guy is likely to be aggressive - possibly physically so, so you would think less of him and prune him out.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, true…idk maybe it's just me but I think that's a part of life and the purpose of dating and relationships. You date someone to learn more about them and determine whether or not you could be with them long term. Sometimes you spend months (or even years together) before reaching a big hurdle…and whether or not you both decide to change it is what determines the relationship...

[dwiller943]

Not Interested= I tell you no or I reject you in some other way.

Playing Hard To Get= I'm flriting and teasing you; while also pulling back and forth.

Shit Testing You= I'm doing dumb immature things for attention to test your loyalty to me.

Playing You= I'm either using you or I'm with you while being with 1 or more other guys as well.

[Whatever2929292]

All people do this when they do this is casue the other person to loose interest then be shocked when they are with someone else and booo hooo hoo... Yea... Someone who isn't going to play games and is actually interested in someone got a chance you had yours.

More often then not if I don't think someone is interested or too busy for me or intentionally making reasons why they can't call. Leaving me on read for days on end then randomly responding if you're busy no problem

Or other things like if I am trying to tell you something urgent and you still ignore me... Yea I have a problem.

At least a woman who is clingily as long as she has personal boundaries I know she's into me

[Anonymous]

Playing Hard to get…. Just leave her alone. If she wants to play games let her waste someone else’s time. You want to find someone whose genuinely into you.

Not interested? Again leave her alone. It doesn’t make her bad and it doesn’t make you bad. We are all different looking for our person. Don’t waste your time or hers. There are more women out there.

Shit testing you? Show her you won’t put up with her shit…. By not…. Simply walk away and find someone who respects you and your boundaries. Don’t threaten yo leave. Just leave…. She can go find some smuck to push around. Then go be bitter wondering where the good men are. When she’s the one chasing them off.

[Ghostbusters]

So why do you say that women who is hard to get is more worth it than easy One!

Just make your mind guys!

[Asker]

I don't, and haven't. Unfortunately in dating, both sexes have read advice from others (lol - this site...the irony) where by they're told to keep attraction going, some sort of manipulation needs to occur of the partner - although generally within some bound - so that the potential partner in question's worth is proven, thus they're given the ability to have your hard earned time.

The question focuses exactly on that, where does the boundary go from one to the other.

[Ghostbusters]

No I was just asking I hear that sh*t everyday

[Asker]

Hear what shit every day exactly?