Do girls find compassion unattractive?

So I'm an extremely caring person, my sense of empathy id very refined. When someone, anyone, tells me their problems, make themselves vulnerable to me, ask me for advice, I do my best to help them. I love doing it, and feel more people should. So many people are afraid to be judged that they hide themselves, at cost to themselves. I believe in being the change you want to see in the world. I'm very confident in myself, and I practice what I preach.

But I find that the women I want don't seem to want me, though they have no problem telling me there problems, After I've already displayed clear interest in a romantic relationship with them. Don't get me wrong, just because I'm nice, doesn't mean I can't be charming too (Well, I can be funny at least).

I don't know, I just feel like this is why no girl wants to continue dating me. They've always dated assholes, and I really mean that. Verbally, physically, and sexually abusive. It's somehow unmanly to allow yourself to be vulnerable, despite my confidence that it isn't true. I am a man who isn't afraid of being sensitive. If my suspicions are true, then I don't care. I refuse to change my values and become someone I am not just to please these women.

And yet, I still don't have a girlfriend. I had two different girls back out of dates this past weekend, and both seem to be ignoring me. Do I just care too much?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Compassion is the practice of mercy, not intimacy and sharing problems... which is what you seem to have with those girls.

    compassion is to go out and help put an end to skinning live animals for fur or other such acts of mercy... but when you have a deep heart to heart with a girl, its very much a parent / child relationship when one tells problems and the other offers words of support and guidance... i feel this is a taboo when it comes to attraction... a girl will not really ever feel sexual to a person she is in that position with, and will likely not want to much to do with him once she has moved on or changed moods

    i would suggest you do let people mind their own business more, and focus on yourself, go practice compassion... there are many who need compassion , but you will not find that need in an abused adult female.. all you would find is intimacy spiced with taboo instinct... we girls have a completely endless pool of intimacy with each other, we do not ever need that with men.

    be a man, your own man, and if you have a good heart then take part in helping those who have no voice... its easily the single most attractive and heroic quality in a man... its overwhelming to a great many women, and they will see past virtually any physical flaw or social position or economic short coming

    • Wow. You're right. This was a hell of a reality check, and you've really inspired me. I'm going to have to change my thinking about the way I interact with women, save my kindness for something important.

      This really blew my mind, I'm going to take some time to think about this. Thanks!

    • sorry for my late reply, I have not logged on for a while :)
      am glad if it makes you ponder. <3 good luck to you

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What Girls Said 4

  • compassion is very attractive. guys need to get out of this mentality that they need to have x y z and immediately get a gf... thats not how it works you need to connect with someone on a level before you date them. having these qualities says you're a good person but we can't date every good person out there, there has to be more such as chemistry, dont base your value on girlfriends.

    • Oh, I don't. I love me. But the thing I'm wondering is that they have this set idea of what a "man" is supposed to be, physically strong, tough, unemotional, and apparently, abusive. I don't blame these women for feeling as they do, I'm just disappointed, not in them, but in my life. I was worried that maybe because I have these attributes, I don't fit many women's archetype of what a man should be. I don't think a woman should fall in love with just because I'm nice, I just want to know if there are women who do actually appreciate that quality.

      That being said I appreciate your advice, and you're right. Maybe I need to get out more, get involved in some social activities, and see who I hit it off with.

    • women dont consciously choose abusive or controlling men... usually these guys come across very nice and all at first then show their true colors after a woman had already fallen for him and can't leave... its complicated. I look at my history and lord knows i had a thing for massive assholes in the past though I've always said i want a "nice guy"... the reason i chose the assholes is cause they WERE the nice guy to my face. I didn't know until they f****me over kinda thing. Now I just want a damn nice dude lol

  • Compassion is INCREDIBLY attractive to me... seeing a guy be kind to others is like... it melts my brain. seriously. i become a puddle of goo.

    • Have you ever been in an abusive relationship where you were in love with him at the same time? I think it has to do with the girls I'm chasing. They're all so damaged and have tons of baggage, which I'm willing to help with. I see their beauty underneath, but they always push me away.

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    • Girl, it sucks, I'll tell you what. I really want a girl to spend time with. Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places. Can't help those that don't want it!

    • sounds like it :/ i think you should really try to find someone who is more... together... who doesn't need saving. know what i mean?

  • Trust me being compassionate makes u like 10x sweeter in my book. It's like the same when guys play with kids. It melts my heart and gives u a better image in my head and remember that!!

  • You might be a "rescuer" ... A lot of compassionate people get caught in that trap. They love that feeling of being helpful and needed. It makes them feel good to help about and save the day. But chasing that feeling can lead to dating people whose lives are out of control or have trouble taking care of themselves or being in stable relationships.

    • You just described every woman I've involved myself with. They just seem to be hard to find. I'm only 20, so most girls are just out of high school and haven't matured all that much. So I try to date the ones with positive outlooks, but then I come to learn about their issues, and they turn out to not be so positive after all. I just don't know how to find a date, outside of Facebook.

    • It can be tough, but you've got to try to go more places and meet more people. Keep your eyes open for red flags that girls you meet are going to be the same as before. They're likely the kind you notice the most, as this tends to be your "type" in a way. Try to see if there are girls who let you share your personal life and innER thoughts.

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