How do I lower my standards in dating?

Question

I like good looking guys, I have always liked attractive men. Of course my attraction varies depending on their personality but in general, I always like good looking men and I have a type. However, since I have a PhD in remaining single, I think maybe if I lower my standards and give others a chance... I may actually have a chance at not dying alone.

On a more serious note, how do I lower my standards so that I don't feel like I'm giving someone a chance but genuinly am as excited as I would be with the kind of guys I usually like?

FatherKnowsBest · Accepted Answer

From the little you have told us about yourself it is hard to give sound advice. However I will try to help based on what you've told us and estimate the rest.

I don't think you should 'lower' your standards as such, but 'change' them. You seem to limit your choices of men to ones who are physically attractive to you while excluding men who are more debonair. Be aware; looks are fleeting. As we men get older the looks of our youth will fade - if we don't strive to remain fit.

Good health Is a quality you might want to include in your SO's profile. If his genetic makeup suggests he will live to a ripe old age you can expect him to be with you most of your life. (Most women outlive their spouses, and it gets lonely in your autumn years.)

I strongly recommend you associate with people who are not necessarily the handsomest but those who make you feel good and loved. Who do you want to wake up with next to you EVERY morning for the next 40 - 50 - or even 60 years?

In our youth we are wild and free, and we should be. It's a great time to enjoy expanding our view of life and formulating our future. Eventually however "Time and tide waits for no man, it moves on relentlessly"

Try to look deeper and see people for WHO they are.
Is he an educated man? How well does he relate to others? Who are his friends? Does he volunteer his time to help others?

Begin assessing the qualities that make us real people. Looks can be deceiving so beware of the short term benefits. Who will truly meet your long term commitments!

Bless you girl, I wish you nothing but happiness in your life.

DoriantheArtisan · Accepted Answer

Don't lower your standards but assess the situation correctly, don't over generalize and find your own niche. For me for example for a while now I have been dating beautiful exotic women, mostly of darker skin color either with an Asian, African or Latin background. I just fit "warmer" cultures personality better. I don't know why I get called handsome a lot but In Germany most blondes don't give a me a second look. I am not butthurt by this but I guess that's just my destiny. Mind you I am also not a stereotypical good looking guy like portrayed in the media. I am way under 6 feet and I don't have a "normal" lifestyle so for lots of European types that's a turn off. Maybe find a niche for a guy that you consider desirable but not your typical "type". You said you like find funny, attractive guys like "everyone" else. I guess that sums it up. I don't know what region are you from but maybe you also look for something that is too generic and behaves in a generic way? How do you think you stand out from the rest of women to make yourself more attractive to those guys that you like, like everyone else? I generalized here as well so I am sorry for being hypocritical. You don't give us much to go one.

JustAGirl878 · Accepted Answer

I know exactly how you feel. I am a part time teen model that only ends up being attracted to only good looking guys, but I struggle with this because I what a long lasting relationship with someone that doesn't attract every girl that is in a 20 foot radius of him.
How you should go about this is going to be a process. You first need to picture your ideal guy (write it in the form of a list if needed). For example my ideal guy is a handsome white guy with dark brown hair and almond color eyes. He has to be at the least 5 inches taller than me. His personality is funny, outgoing, and is the life of the party but doesn't suck the life from me and acknowledges my existence.
You first start taking the little things away. I take away the fact he has to have brown hair and brown eyes and white. Know he can be any color mix. I also take away the fact he has to be gorgeous. Know he can be average but a take note that you have to picture you with him and that it wouldn't be a beauty contest and you should be evenly matched. Now I take away how tall he has to be (for this part I leave the hight he can't be below which is 1-3 inches shorter that me).
I think you should be getting the picture. First start taking the small things away, but don't do everything at once. Take away things like looks first, then go on dates and if it doesn't work out then start to take away personality traits.
I have given everything I can and good luck.

lovestruck12 · Accepted Answer

i completly understand where you are coming from. i have the exact same problem. i quite attractive and the type of guys i get are so hot in my openion. yet there so good looking they can get any girl they want and in turn they cheat on me or don't treat me as good cause they know if i don't like it they can just move on. so frustrating. i did try the average guy that I'm not crazy attracted to yet i just end up not happy cause the sexual attraction is just not there. so i stayed in to the guys i am attracted to. so what you do girl …. is you treat the guy like there meh. don't text them let them text you act like you don't need them. like if there in your life or not no biggie. thats what those guys want. a girl who dosnt drool over them like every other girl. stand out. don't sleep with them too soon. bla bla what we were always told. but it works.

TripleAce · Answer

Hi you, so I have a few things for you here. First, you have to think to yourself are you giving yourself too much credit. Because if you can't seem to keep a guy you want because he tends to move around too much. Then A) your going for a man who doesn't feel enough for you to fully commit and B) maybe your going for men above your league. Because there are surely good looking hot men that want one women and thats it. Not every good looking man wants to be alone either just like you.

So the answer here is not to lower your standards, but to correctly asses why they tend to leave you. Its probably that your finding good looking men that DONT want to commit to you. So you have to find a man that you want, that wants to commit and sees the same value in you that you see in him.

I have a saying that you might like "Looks attract but personality keeps". based on that there shouldn't be a problem. And lastly, simply dont have any sexual activity with these men until its been a while and you have really developed a foundation. If that is the case, you both have invested enough time and the love is there, so why would anyone want to leave.

le_guy · Answer

I think you need to improve your standards. Instead of focusing no the good looks try to find someone you can be yourself with. You know the real you, instead of the many faces we have for societys sake. Have standardsin that area (for example someone outgoing or someone funny or someone serious). You will surely settle for even an average looking guy when he have the correct qualities which match you.

why_not_anonymous · Answer

Hmm. Do you fall harder for guys you sleep with?

That might be a way, as @bubble_tea alludes to (ie: drinking only helps you coyote-ugly), to get interested in them. Get underneath them, and catch some feels.

Not 100% recommended - but it might be your only option, if you can't get turned on my humor or personality, etc.

incorrected · Answer

What do you have to offer a guy who's looking for more than just sex? What are your interests and what do you like to do for fun? Talk me through the kind of life you're looking for and I will tell you exactly how you lower your standards with a remarkably clever trick involving your olfactory senses and visual stimuli. :)

PiuBelloAmante · Answer

Lowering your standards is not a good thing. You should always date someone who you feel proud to be with.
If you are going to feel as though you can do better while you are with someone and its a horrible feeling. I recently had a 1 year relationship with a girl that was less attractive than me. It didn't end well i always felt as though i could do better and she knew it. It broke her heart.

Jersey1 · Answer

I think your "standards" are focused on the wrong qualities. If you set them on other, and in my opinion, more meaningful qualities, you won't and shouldn't have to accept less. Even if you do get a very attractive guy, time has a way of taking that away.

cmale123 · Answer

First you have make time for guy. If a guy taking you out, he being serious with you but you have make the good impression. If two guy after you? how would you pick between the two? You can lower you standard not judging someone before you know them. Every person have flaw that including you. you have phd so without it where do you stand?

GuyAdviceFromGuy · Answer

there are some average looking men i know who attract women like crazy because they have swagger. dont look for good looks only, learn to sniff out the swagger.

Duuude · Answer

You can look for other attractive qualities in men. Atm it seems youd call a guy a 10 based largely on look and social status. Look for other qualities, re-assess what's important to you and look for that, eg generosity

Hope it helps :D

bastuss · Answer

I think it is still to early to lower your Standard , you are 25-29 woman , your prime is just about to begin.. just sayin..

SecretSomeone · Answer

Accept that a perfect person doesn't exist and the probability that an attractive person would turn worse by time is higher than that of a not that much attractive but still good person.

CalvinClinton · Answer

do us men a favor and stay single, you sound like a stuck up cunt. i would prefer a woman never dated me than "settled for me.

ThatGuy98 · Answer

I don't know to be honest, I got the same problem :/

justaregularguyy · Answer

I hi early don't know. I like attractive girls and all the girls here say I need to lower my standards or that I'm not hot enough. Just try, I guess?

Anonymous · Answer

Sound kind of picky. If you're not into them you will leave eventually you need to find someone that is acceptable not a guy that makes you go wow but a guy you don't like at all that's a bad idea

bubble_tea · Answer

drinking.. lots of drinking..

GoldCobra · Answer

By going after less attractive men.

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