Why are men always asked to compromise their standards when dating?

Question

it seems like men are always told to lower their standards when it comes to dating but women are encouraged to have high standards. Why is that?

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

I think everyone eventually reaches and age where they have to take an honest look at themselves in a mirror and ask themselves what do they really need in life, instead of what they think they need in someone else.

I dated a few very attractive women when I was younger, like 8's to 10s on the physical attractiveness and sexy scale. Seriously I turned away some really hot ladies because I was so full of myself in thinking they were not hot enough for me. But honestly I probably set my standards too high for myself because none of it worked out.

After divorce at 45, I changed my approach... honestly because at 45 and after 20 years of marriage, I don 't think I had the same pull that I had at 25 when I was a lean, mean sex machine. But I do not think lowering my physical requirements was a compromise. Because I realized what I though was important was not as important as I thought. So instead of 8's and 10's I ended up with a solid 7 and she is the most attentive, compassionate, caring little sex machine I have ever known.

Sure she may not be a 10 or even a 7 to you, but she is to me. Because I learned from my mistakes and grew as a person and did that self evaluation and then started looking for the right person.

Did I compromise? Well maybe, but if I did then I did it for the right reasons in order to achieve the best result. Character and personality is way more important to a person who wants longevity.

And where does it say compromise is a bad thing?

wtf636 · Accepted Answer

I think both sides do it. Both have unrealistic standards. Both are told by the other side they should be looking for different things.

Women want the bad guy that changes for them, they want a man that pays for everything, but still gives her the power when she wants it and takes it back when they don't. They want an emotionally available man, that still knows when to shove their face into the pillow and make love "like a real man". The man that all the women want, but he will never cheat on her, love her the most. And someone who makes enough money to brag to their friends about a bit and buy her nice things. They want all of this in one man, who will never ask for anything in return. This man is less than 1% of the population.

Men want the innocent bad girl. The classic "madonna whore" A woman that is kind, sweet, caring, nurturing, and feminine. But then they also want her to look, act, and fuck like a pornstar, without having slept with a ton of men to gather that experience. Then maintain that even if the man falls apart, or after kids. The woman he can show off to all his friends, that only has eyes for him. A lot also lack basic living skills and expect a woman to pick up after them, and cook for them, without complaining about anything. Again this woman is hard to find.

Social Media is the culprit.

2Bunnies1Babe · Accepted Answer

I guess it would depend on your standards. If you standards are purely physical, than lowering your standards is a mature and logical thing and would be encouraged, because physical beauty is a small aspect of a life-long relationship and doesn't last. If by "standards" you mean that you want everything: looks, success. intelligence, etc., I can't speak to that fully because I'm a female. As a female, I was pushed to find "the perfect" guy because my parents were incredibly insecure with their own relationship and projected those insecurities onto me. Because women can be impregnated, there's a huge pressure on us to find "the right guy" who will be a responsible father. Since men tend to look at physical beauty first, finding a perfect "10" woman who is all around perfect just isn't going to happen, and wiser, more mature men would advise to "lower your standards" to find an ideal partner, not a shallow barbie doll. Since women tend to not care as much about physical appearance, it's easier to find a "good guy" who isn't a ken doll and maintain their high standards, whereas a guy may be miserable if he has an unattractive wife and he can't get past that. Different standards may be what is causing the confusion for you.

spuitkaas · Accepted Answer

Actually I think many men should have higher standards. Especially when it comes to personality/emotional regulation etc in their partners.
I think men are looking at the wrong things, such as bed partners, if a girl has the same interests/hobbies/music taste or if the girl has a clothing style he likes etc. These things eventually really don't matter that much.
I notice all the time with guys I'm dating is that they will date anyone they can hold conversation with, is attractive and somewhat has the same interests, even though the convo is mostly me just talking and him listening, me having so many interests that I always have something in common and me or him being intellectually or emotionally on a completely different level. So then I reject them and they don't understand why, because they thought "we had no awkward silences so it should be good". Sir I could talk to a rock if I wanted and have no awkward silences. Y'all should have higher standards in that in my opinion.

Kiran_Yagami · Answer

Because we live in a pussified society where women are viewed as "the prize". In reality, women are not the prize. Women have not been the prize since our population was stable enough to survive an entire generation of women refusing to have children.

When women are viewed as the prize, a man is considered lucky to have any woman at all. However, a man's ability to live a happy and fulfilling life without women is vastly underestimated. Given the current dating climate, sex is relatively easy to come by even for a man and he doesn't even have to offer anything in return most of the time. With the right attitude and resources, you can bang broads by the truckload without ever having to get to know them, so living a life of sexual abundance while simultaneously avoiding relationships like the plague is far easier than visa versa. If men treated women like the abundant resource they actually are, they wouldn't compromise their standards when dating. But most men are stupid. I'm OK with that, though. It just leaves more for the rest of us.

silvermoon84 · Answer

I can only speak for myself, but I encourage both women AND men to have high standards and never settle for less. Women get told to lower their standards when they’re single past 30. I believe a woman’s expectations should be lowered, but standards? No, as long as said standards are pertaining to a man’s personality, values and moral character and not idiotic things like his hair color or favorite sports team. As for women who tell men to lower their expectations, these are bitter angry women who are just mad they can’t get a man to look at them. A woman who is secure about herself and not bitter isn’t phased by the men who don’t want her because she knows those men aren’t options for her anyway. She just wishes them well and goes about her business.

AncientWisdom · Answer

It’s because we live in a society that is biased in favor of females. It’s a hard truth but in western society men are considered disposable. Females have value at birth. Men have to earn their value. I’m not saying it’s right but it’s true. I am seeing a conversation arising , and that is promising. Good men and women are waking up to this fact , and starting a conversation. The best thing a young man can do right now is work on himself and his success , and stay away from marriage. There’s always a willing hookup these days and that will work until you become a high value man then you can pick what you want because you’ll have options.

MCheetah · Answer

The women who say this are hypocrites and worth ignoring. Nothing more than that.

In my opinion, everyone should have realistic standards. Meaning, don't ask for anything you yourself can't produce the equivalent of (with maybe one or two exceptions). If you're a 2 out of 10, don't expect to get a 10.

That's why I, as an overweight guy, want thick women and wouldn't ask for some size 2 model or something. It's hypocritical to expect others to be something you yourself can't live up to. Like I said, one or two exceptions are okay though. I like big boobs in a girl, and men usually don't have boobs. I also like a girl to dress feminine and girly, but as a male, you'll always see me dressed like a man and not wearing pink or a pair of Crocs or some crap.

Diodoro · Answer

It's more sneaky than that

On the list of standards girls have for their dream guy they tac on these without mentioning them
- and wants exactly what I want
- and wants me exclusively

So it's not that they're asking you to compromise. They're just looking for a guy that is looking for a girl like her, wants all of the same things she wants, as well as fits all the other standards she says outloud.

Problem is if a girl thinks about guys wanting what they want and guys who want them they realize how much more rare and potentially impossible that is to find for guys that have the other things on their list

Effably · Answer

No one really asks that. I can see where you're coming from though as for an average person if a guy and a girl want roughly equal amounts of dates that is how it would work out.

She as a girl who typically enjoy more ease in dating would end up more selective. If you have 20 people to choose from it only makes sense you pick the ones you like most. Wouldn't we do that too?
And he by contrast who likely has two people or so to choose from would often try to see if there is chemistry even with people he might not normally be into.

It does sort of match reality in the online dating world. It is worth noting though that this power-imbalance goes away when you stop being girl1 and guy14 and become people with names and personality.
So well. I see your point. You're not all wrong. That mindset while sort of true will do you no favours.

YollyM · Answer

It's not just men we all have to compromise our standards sometimes.

Men sometimes just have standards that are above their caliber when it comes to looks, income & lifestyle so when women that meet their standards reject them they feel like they have to settle for less (compromise), when in reality they are just biting what they can chew.

High value women are typically attracted to men who are gentlemen; independent & wise.
In essence men usually have high standards for their ideal woman but often don't match the standards of their ideal woman.

JC1981 · Answer

When women are told to up their standards, she generally has low self esteem and dates guys that treat her badly. When men are told to lower their standards, generally have unrealistic standards in wanting a supermodel for a girlfriend and want a unicorn woman.

globetrotter22 · Answer

I don’t know if men are being “asked” to comprise although feminists are never satisfied and they do demand more and more in general.

Anyway women are more confident that they can “date up” compared to men. This is very obvious when they waste so much time fantasizing about landing a celebrity male. They generally have higher standards for men then they have for themselves.

However I’ve seen women throw all caution to the wind if a guy knows how to push their buttons. Sociopaths and/or assholes are good at this.

Its rare for a decent man to be able to date up. However I have seen a few exceptions. The guy was usually lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time. He also was extremely fortunate to be in the right state of mind. That is absolutely critical. Establishing a good first impression on a girl makes or breaks the relationship. The guy also knows how to push and pull at the right moments.

Anonymous · Answer

We can be told to lower our standards all we want. The good thing is we don't have to. Control the thirst and be patient. It takes time to find a girl worth your time but they do exist. If she's money focused (not the same as career focused), ditch her. If she's expecting you to pay 100%, ditch her. If she doesn't want to compromise, ditch her. See how she treats others. Study her situation with friends, family, and colleagues. If she can't get along with them, ditch her. If she has a standard on height, body, etc. Make sure she fits your standards. If she can't, ditch her she's a hypocrite. If she wants a bread winning man as part of some tradition and she's not in the kitchen fixing you 3 square meals, popping you 3+ kids, has a body count of 0 before you, ditch her, she's a hypocrite.

Subarugirl · Answer

Men should have realistic standards, people want a partner who has their shit together. If you don't then you aren't going to be attractive as a partner.

TruthBringer · Answer

We all should have high standards GIVEN that we live up to those standards ourselves. You can't expect yourself to be entitled to requirements you set up for someone else if you yourself don't mean it.

As for your question itself: Welcome to the world of double standards feminism has brought.

Anonymous · Answer

Men are constantly telling us that looks, youth, and fertility is the most important thing to them and you wonder why we question their standards? How many men are actually getting the exact type of women they want? Almost none. What does that tell you?

Uptowngirl88 · Answer

Because a lot of times you men aren't attractive, don't have a career, don't have any money, don't have a car, don't have a house yet have the audacity to approach women. Stop approaching women if you don't have shit. Lower your standards to where you are.

Wester1967 · Answer

Because simps are so desperate for the vag, they will give up everything. All their money and time, standards, human dignity for some nasty old used up vag that looks like a dang subway sandwich.. When they could just be smart and go out and pay a prostitute $100 and be done with it.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

In general, that's untrue. If a man is told to compromise his standards, then he's clearly in the wrong environment and also should stop entertaining insecure people. If he doesn't want certain types of women, then he's not gonna look their way.
As far as the women who are told to raise their standards, look at her environment and who encourages that

Anonymous · Answer

Literally everyone is asked to compromise their standards when dating. What's up with the gender wars all over the internet lately? It's so ridiculous. Chances are anything you think is exlusive to men, women think is exclusive to women. We're all human we say and do dumb shit to eachother regardless of gender lol.

dragoblack · Answer

We live in a society where everything is sexualized & idealized, that tends to affect our choices to become unrealistic. But in dating society, men are dime a dozen. Men blow up womens social messages all the time, especially on dating sites. So they have plenty of options to weed through, so they have a right to have higher standards... especially with how many insecure assholes are out there that take it out on other people.

Lionman95 · Answer

I don´t know. I have been and experienced so many things but I´ve never heard that guys should lower their standards all together. I think it rather refers to physical expectations guys might have of women.

slatyb · Answer

It’s the same for both. Have you been complaining about your inability to find a partner while only being willing to date the most beautiful women?

Deserter · Answer

Because women's standards are too high and they won't compromise. You can be better than her in every way. Looks, income, personality, etc. But she might still reject you cause she can get a guy that's even better than you in those ways (only for sex though). For this reason women think they're 9s and 10s when really they're like 5s and 6s

Ez-Bri-Z · Answer

Hmm. That hasn't been my personal experience, but maybe those guys you are referring to were expecting the world. I was never told to date up. I was just told to be normal, but that will never happen.

taylorallen · Answer

Because social media has set unrealistic standards and men want women who live up to Kim K body types and Kylie Jenner lips.

Most girls just want a cute guy who takes care of themselves and their girl.

CheeseMonster · Answer

So they stop complaining about being single? I don't know. In my xp, both sides are told they have too high standards. And in my opinion, neither side should date someone they don't want to.

Kaamraj · Answer

The average women has far more sexual mean value (SMV) than the average male early on. So the party which is weaker and had less choices has to compromise.

Babygirl_S · Answer

It's not true. I like tall guys and I have been told to compromise. I am in good shape and people want me to date chubby guys because a man is allowed to be visual but a woman is not because it's a man's world 🤷‍♀️

wankiam · Answer

always? im 54 and dated so many women i lost count years ago but i can't recall ever being asked to ''compromise standards''.

Browneye57 · Answer

Who tells you such FUD?
Go for what YOU want. And she better look fukkin good in the morning, with no makeup, cuz if you marry her you'll be staring at that mug for the rest of your life. She better fuck like a minx too.

AviatorTom · Answer

Very simply, because men are used to making compromises while women aren't... women want it their way only.

Gal67 · Answer

One word: hypocrisy. It's apparently okay for a woman to demand that her potential 'significant other' be tall, rich and successful, but if a man doesn't want a woman who is fat, that's somehow unacceptable.

neilsmart · Answer

Describe specifically what you mean by 'standards'?

Leonharted · Answer

Why do you feel the need to listen to people about what standards you should hold?

bean2k21 · Answer

What desperate and despicable creature has asked you to compromise your standards? I would kindly remind them that true love never compromises.

DCooper · Answer

Hell if I know. It's not like landing an 18 year old debt free tattooless virgin is difficult, lol !

princessxx2 · Answer

Coz woman has i go one day leave her family to guys place. So the guy better pull up his socks. Lol

shaysh87 · Answer

Why do you take a look at the negativity towards 30 something yr old women on this website?

Slartybartfast · Answer

Women date up, men take what they can get or opt out..

jshm2 · Answer

Told, by who, kiddo? Seems you've read some bullshit on 4chan, and have run with it.

otaku_owl_91 · Answer

Ladies, let me help you translate this. In a nutshell, why are you trying to force / normalize men into accepting single mothers. I will fight to help men have more self-confidence than that.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Because men were put on earth to serve women, didn't you know?

OddBeMe · Answer

Like what standard do men compromise? Give me an example.

Anonymous · Answer

Perhaps because men are only one half of a relationship. The woman is compromising her half herself.

FýrdracaDócincel · Answer

Because it's not "politically correct" for us to want shit. Too fucking bad.

Juxtapose · Answer

At this point man, I just want someone who isn't crazy xD

Yourfriend2021 · Answer

People can like who they want, who cares what other people think.

Manuel2 · Answer

Because women feel that their vaginas are the one and only. It is a blessing to date them as well as a chance to have sex with them

captain_voidwalker · Answer

I'd day both genders tend to have high standards when it comes to dating, the real difference is with men its negotiable where as women it's not.

pecanqueen86 · Answer

Honestly I don't know why... I feel everyone has their standards and you can't change that no matter how hard you try if you're not into to some one you're just not into them

LightOfTruth · Answer

Because the women of the world have joined forces to destroy men.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

No idea. Just don't listen to what society says. You set the standard.

StickStickity13 · Answer

Everyone should be realistic in my opinion, I think men are more realistic than women though.

melanieeeB · Answer

Go and have your standards lol who cares

Anonymous · Answer

Because we dont live in Afghanistan. Men dont get what they want. They get liberated, fat, educated, dominant, know it all, political bitches, or essentially LESBIANS with transsesualized energy who want your money.

Desconhecida · Answer

Where did you hear that One?

Anonymous · Answer

They think we all want only models like from Victoria's Secret.

Anonymous · Answer

Because women are brought up thinking THEY are the prize

EmmaMary · Answer

You've obviously been dating the wrong women.

sean1234 · Answer

Because many are spoiled rotten. Very worldly!

RebeccaBI2000 · Answer

I have heard it both ways

hi_it_is_me123 · Answer

Because women are seen as easy when they do that.

Why are men always asked to compromise their standards when dating?

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Why are men always asked to compromise their standards when dating?

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