I'm getting pressured?

[Anonymous]

Recently, I've been getting a lot of pressure. Undergrad batchmates have gotten married, have long time relationships, or has a significant other already. Meanwhile, there's me taking up Med school with no relationship experience whatsoever. I find myself getting anxious that I might not find anyone now that I'm 25. Before, I say to myself that I don't care and it worked for awhile but now that I'm surrounded with people with changes in their life, coping like this doesn't work anymore. I struggle finding someone since I give myself excuses like "oh I might find someone once I finish med school" or "potential partners might not be interested in me since I hate parts of myself" or even "what if the one you liked before might like you back if you just wait". It doesn't help that I am VERY critical of myself. I want to change because I know these things are just dragging me down. I want to ask if anyone could help me go out of my comfort zone even if it's just baby steps. What should I do?

[Oliverlogan263]

Sis, don't be so hard on yourself! Comparing your journey to others isn't gonna make you happy. So what if some folks settled down earlier - that's THEIR path. You're focused on med school right now and that's totally cool!

It sounds like you could use some more self-love though. I know being super critical is a habit, but you gotta flip that script girl! Make a list of all your best qualities - your humor, kindness, smarts. Recite it to yourself when those doubts creep in. You deserve to feel good about you!

As for going out of your comfort zone, here are some baby steps that could help without a big commitment:

- Say hi to that cute classmate you see all the time

- Go to uni mixers and talk to someone new each time

- Try a club just once for an activity you think is neat

- Swipe right a little more on the dating apps

Shoot your shot when you get the chance! Worst they can say is no. But staying in your head won't get you anywhere sis. You've got this - just take a leap of faith in yourself. Proud of you for recognizing it's time for a change. Keep us posted on your progress ok? I'm rooting for you!

[Billlewis]

I know it's frustrating and demoralizing when your friends are dating and having relationships, while you're buried in schoolwork, but just stay the course. As wrongheaded as it may sound, you may actually be better off with a 'situationship' than a traditional relationship.

[Rei13]

It sounds like you already know the problem, but fixing it is something different all together. You shouldn’t be so critical of yourself, but saying doesn’t equal doing. Therapy helped me get through some of my issues. It validated me and gave me more tools on top of the ones I already had.

Also you are only 25. That is still really young. You could meet someone while still in school or after. I started dating my boyfriend when I was 30. I know others that met their husbands in their late twenties to thirties to forties, which seems old when you’re young but it’s not actually. There is no official timeline on these things and nobody will have the same one, and that’s okay. You don’t know what your life will look like in a year from now, you could be in a totally different place

[ProbablyClueless]

The nice thing about baby steps is that you just start taking them. My recent baby steps have involved trying to work passed my mental blocks surrounding forming friendships.

I had a number of really bad experiences where people I thought were my friends just really stabbed me in the back and did me dirty. It's left a mark, for sure.

[Awesomesauce2005]

Guys I know that are my age are engaged or married already so I have some sense of how you feel. I have a very hard time finding dates

[Twalli]

I didn't get a girlfriend until I was 27 and I didn't go to school past getting my bachelor's degree

[Anonymous]

Are you saying that you never had a boyfriend

[jahaims]

Comparison is the thief of joy