Why does my ex harbor so much disdain toward me?

Why does my husband hate me so much? Our marriage was over 4 years ago because he was in love with a married woman from the office he had been having an affair with for almost a year. We were married for 18 years, and had two sons. Our divorce is yet final, pending a financial support agreement, this should be all finalized in the next 3 months.

Our sons are young men now, 21 and 19 and outside of school or work they primarily live with me. I encourage them to see their father, and they do. They even use my car to do so. On this front, things are good. I do believe they could see their father more, but they disagree and apparently my sons and their father are happy with the amount they see each other. So in that area there is no problem.

I as well as my ex have moved on with our personal lives. I, with a wonderful man I have worked with for 8 years and been dating for past 3 years now and love dearly. My ex is still with and built a home with the woman he was seeing when our marriage ended. I think on this front everything is good also.

Communication with my ex has been reduced to zero about a year ago. The 2 years prior to that, communication was occasional but always rude and unkind on his part and he often worked on trying to get me to fire my lawyer and settle for less. Our last verbal conversation was a year and a half ago when I needed to call his home to ask for a copy of my sons student loan statement for my lawyer. He told me “no” and proceeded to berate me over the phone about how much my boyfriend stays at my house and advised me that I should just move on and get married. He continued to intimidate me on the phone and advised me that he will be nice to me and our relationship will only get better WHEN I stop legal activity for financial support. He even went as far to say that I would never see any back support, and he would put a bullet in his head before he would ever pay me retro support. (BTW, he is not the suicidal type). The conversation ended with him telling me to never call his home again and hung up. That was the first and last time I called his home.

I usually give in to others just to avoid conflict, as long as it doesn’t require that I compromise my values, but this time, I have not given in to his demands and continue to retain a lawyer for the help that I need. I cannot do this without the help of a professional’s advice so that I am able to focus on more important things, like my sons, my personal life and health.

I just find his disdain difficult to understand especially when I don’t even hate him for having an affair and ending our marriage to be with his true love. Could my ex actually hate me so much just because he hates the fact that he has to pay spousal support to me for the next 5 to 10 years. How can people hate unjustifiably and so much?

Why does my ex harbor so much disdain toward me?
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