Do guys ever feel bad for using/playing/betraying a girl?

[Anonymous]

My last guy used me for a year. Throughout the year he said i'm the type of girl he would change for, that he would want a relationship but isn't ready to get married, he would text i love you every night before he went to bed, flirt and compliment me etc. he would act extremely committed and we were practically a couple, except we werent. When he finally made a move and kissed me, i asked him what it meant and he said "its never going to happen" "id never marry you" "you're not the one for me and I'm not the one for you". All of that is fine, he clearly didn't care whether his words could hurt me but I did ask why he acted that way and that he clearly didn't really like me. He denied it and said i will not tell you that. But i don't get why he used me, betrayed me, hurt me and hardly feels any remorse? He even wanted to be friends with me "because he cares about me" but i stopped talking to him now. I have given up on love and basically everything. The pain is so debilitating and all i do is exist, its been almost 8 months since this happened. At the time he said he could see us getting serious and really would fall for me but that he doesn't want it. By now I basically know that he just didn't like me and used me (no guy ever has or will). I just want to know how such men can exist and why life is so unfair. I'm honestly extremely beautiful, smart, funny and down to earth.my friends say im a lottery (their words) but still no guy has ever liked me so i don't believe my friends and definitely think i must be hideous. I also have no interest in changing this since im tired of the struggle. I just want to know why a guy would do this (use a girl) and if they ever learn to care about it?

[SkateDieRepeat]

Funny you ask. Just today I was thinking to myself if I should have compassion for these girls that maybe they wanted to get to know me, maybe not. Who knows with you passive wallflowers? I got this girl's phone number. And I never really did much with it. I texted her a few times. I coincidentally ran into her again where I met her and I sat down with her and her friends and made some chit chat.

I asked her out on a date, and she declined, as I intended. I asked her, "You weren't waiting for me to call were you?", and she said, "I never wait for anyone to call.", which seems like a healthy attitude to have. I kinda have to smirk to myself though, because it's not exactly accurate. The female strategy is to never be straightforward and pursue, so in reality, ALL SHE CAN DO is wait for someone to call. I hoped she wasn't waiting for my call, but whatever. Why should I care?

It's not like women have ever shown any compassion for me. Jesus Christ! I can't even think of a single time a woman has shown any compassion or empathy for me. So no. I'm not gonna give two shits about "playing you" or "using you" from here on out.

[Asker]

I don't think you would be fine with hurting someone compassionate. I am now in the same place as you. The difference is that guys waste a lot of my time and emotions and then let me go. Be happy these girls don't waste your time and lead you on. But i think its fine to just use people. See I'm a little too fair, so I will tell then from the get go that im not interested in something serious. Why take out someone else's pain on an innocent person? But i agree, love is not worth it. Not for people who have seen more pain than happiness in love

[SkateDieRepeat]

Oh no. They have wasted my time and led me on. I'm not gonna take out any pain on anyone. That's not what it's about. It's about getting what I want for once instead of what she wants. I'm gonna get what I want. I'm pretty sure I'd sleep just fine using some who was compassionate. Hurt happens. Deal with it. I did.

[Asker]

Oh wow! Good luck then

[Fredtheman111]

I hear you i feel like guys and girls dont connect its like they close when you open

[zorro8888]

"Do guys ever feel bad for using/playing/betraying a girl?"

I've never used, played or betrayed a girl to my knowledge so I can't really say anything from my experience. As for all these, some guys will and others won't.

"He said I'm the type of girl he would change for"

People don't change for others, they change for themselves. Women get in relationships hoping for the best while changing their partner but it never happens.

"He would want a relationship but isn't ready to get married"

He never saw a long term relationship with you from the beginning, why put yourself through all of that?

[Asker]

He is really young, i think its realistic to not think of marriage at this point. isn't it important to see where things go? Or isn't this how guys think? Because it is how i think. But you are right, guys never see me as a longterm option. I dont know why he said he would change for me, i never had interest in changing a guy according to me. I also dont believe in it as i have seen my iwn brother and he would defo not change. I find it really strange how people think im beautiful and the full package and never stop thibking im amazing, but my experiences show me im not worth it to guys.. interesting

[zorro8888]

Age has nothing to do with seeing a long term relationship... I'm 19 and I've thought about being married and future kids etc... I'm not looking for it now, at the moment I only care about my education but it's always been a goal of mine. So, no that's not how guys think.

You say guys never see as a long term option, that's because you've set a trend to go for the bad guys and most likely neglect anyone good. Maybe you like the challenge that an unavailable guy sets.

[Asker]

I so wish that was the case, then I don't have to put the blame on myself. But its something about me that just doesn'f make me worth it. They are good guys usually who just don't see themselves with me. Unfortunately thats all it is, i gave up.. i never want to fall in love since its a losing game for me. But i really wish i could know why this particular guy did it and if he will ever feel bad about it, i hope he never does it to anyone else again

[Hapoysad]

I have been going through this too! I'm beautiful athletic and sexy smart! I dont understand it at all! It hurts so bad! I've dated many different guys and they all end up hurting me! I'm so done! But it still hurts and makes me feel insecure 😞

[Anonymous]

Tbh I don't think one guy in the world would ever feel bad if there is I sure have not met this guy! They may say that they feel bad but trust me they don't!

[Anonymous]

No, i never feel bad about it. You know why? Because i never do it in the first place.

Don't listen to guys who say they will change for you. How can you be so dense? I find it hard to sympathise with you because you allowed yourself to be blinded by his charm.

Every girl complains nonstop about "ohhhh no guys treat me right. There is no chance for me". But you don't realize that you are likiting your options by about 80% when you only date men that are 'in your league'. If you expanded your horizens, it wouldn't be so "unfair".

[Asker]

Wow so many accusations without knowing anything.. bravo! First off, my friends are always the ones throwing themselves into crappy situations. This particular situation, he did everything for me. And when he said the whole changing comment, it was in a general discussion about some common friends. I don't know why he said it to me. I moved on, he would travel across country to see me, send me flowers, call me every day, compliment me every day, consistently plan dates etc. i didn't realise that the lack of red flags could still mean he wasn'f serious about me. And not all guys are horrible, in fact most of the guys I have dealt with were good guys. Even he was until he mislead me and he even apologised for it. Who knows how sincere it was. I did not allow myself to be blinded by his charm. I told him i dont have sex unless i am in a relationship, so we never had sex. I avoided his moves for months! Until he really got serious or faked it whatever. So please, im not a bimbo and i filter

[AlwaysBelieving]

As for this guy, from what you posted; it sounds like it's a "game" to him. As in to get what he wants. True he did all these things for you until you questioned him (I think it was when he was about to kiss you). Guys like that use it to "keep score" and see how "manly" they can be. Some guys feel bad from this. Some don't. Other guys don't do this at all. There are guys that also don't want to hurt another person (let alone a gal because they're still figuring out who they are).

When you use the term "liked me", do you mean that they haven't found you attractive, flirted with you, hit on you? What do you mean?

[Eugene]

There's a difference between using/playing and betraying. Don't confuse those terms.

I never betrayed anyone.

But yes, I did used some girls for different purposes (mainly to satisfy sexual needs). No, I don't feel sorry about it, because those girls didn't really respected themselves to begin with, that's why I picked them as a temporary solution.

[Radon]

Well if he was honest like me he would not get anywhere with you.

[Asker]

Yeh im asking about the guys who do it, not the ones who dont and dont really get it

[Radon]

oooooohhh so ready to kill those who don't get it and don;t do it with a snappy response.

The answer is in your question lovely, no he doesn't feel thing, but don't brush every man with the same paint especially those who don't get it from those who give it away easily to those who clearly don't deserve it... He did it because he had a better option than you.

[Asker]

I didn't mean to be snappy but so many guys here say they don't do it. I was of course askinf about the guys who miss the sensitivity nerve and would do it. Its good you wouldn't but it just confuses me even more. I know he didn't like me, no guy ever does. But thank you. Also, how am i supposed to tell? I don't trust myself anymore. He did everything! He pursued like crazy for a whole year! He consistently planned dates, called me, shared secrets, complimented me and said he loved me. I really didn't think guys would actually go through all that just to use someone (who isn't even giving sex)

[Radon]

Don't say no guy ever likes me, because you are painting every guy with the same brush, you are comparing me and everyone to those who used you. If you could message me what he exactly did to you I will replicate it to find one girl and actually keep her, because if I know what to do would I be here on GAG?

[Asker]

No but i get asked out a lot, they date but im never the one they want a relationship with. I did a lot of self improvement and healing etc. im just tired of it now.. nothing ever changes for me, im glad all my friends are happy though.. and sure will pm!

[Radon]

Im tired too, but I never get asked out :) should I say no girl ever likes me? what would you say "keep trying?" the mantra that has become a cruel joke? So at least you have "a lot" of options. I would say, since a lot of fish keeps coming your way then I would keep busy doing my own thing. So easy for you because you don't have to search like me, well I kinda gave up my search, because its pointless.

[Radon]

but still do send me the pm

[Radon]

I will try it.

[Radon]

Im waiting for the pm ok, thanks.

[Ihav2fart]

"Do guys ever feel bad for using/playing/betraying a girl?"

They use and play me! They should feel bad! ;(

[Asker]

Should and would, but if they do? I have yet to meet such a sensitive guy (below the age of 40)

[Ihav2fart]

I'm plenty sensitive ask @bellegirl21

[Asker]

I mean the kind of guys who pull crap on girls. I know there are nice guys. But a guy who uses a girl, is hardly remorseful.. in my experience

[BelleGirl21]

I'm sorry for using you and your cuteness to my advantage ;)

Jk he is one of the nicest guys on here!

[Ihav2fart]

@BelleGirl21 nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[thewho1975]

Well unless you are a complete idiot of course you would feel bad but guys take about 35 years to grow up usually and then all makes sense!

[Asker]

You think guys really care though? They talk so much crap and do anything to get rid of the guilt. But i don't think they mind being so horrible to someone

[M_A_X]

thewho1975, you're a self-hating man. That's very sad. I don't think you should assume we're all bad people because you don't like yourself

[Asker]

Maybe he means this specifically for the jerks?

[thewho1975]

Well i didn't mean any offence to anybody at all but i suppose what i was trying to get across is that it seems that guys take a lot longer to appreciate things such as being a 50/50 person rather than not! im not saying that is across the board but it does seem to take us longer to settle.

[DaGenius]

Eventually they do but they just try to keep it moving and not think about. Ik. I used to be that way.

[Asker]

You're 18!!! You started that young?

[DaGenius]

Im 18 of age and but 32 of experience. I was exposed to a lot starting at 11

[chrisbigman]

Do I feel bad for using/playing/betraying a girl? No, because I don't do that to a girl. Would I if I did? Yes. Absolutely.

[apexalpha]

I play tricks on them but tell them straight away i was playing around

[Asker]

How does that work? Im talking about guys who use a woman? Meaning they mislead them and then dump them

[apexalpha]

I would never do it but they are AH in my book

[Asker]

Then you won't know if those
Type of guys actually feel bad for what they do to a girl

[M_A_X]

The question you're asking has nothing to do with man or woman. Both genders do this. You shouldn't use a situation like this to force sexist ideas into your own head by wording things that way over and over

[Asker]

Did I say only men do it? No, but i am straight and don't have to deal with women doing it. I have never lead anyone on, i am not someone who could ever do that. I made a very accurate statement, since you don't do it.. you wouldn't know if a guy who does would ever feel bad about it. my story is true and it really happened to me, the guy apologised for misleading me. He knew he did it, the apology was probably to rid himself of the guilt.

[Omar5881]

I've never dated but I would never do such thing to a girl who loved me

[Asker]

They all say they wouldn't...

[Omar5881]

Not because u met some dump shit guys this means that all guys are the same, and I would never do that because I won't let down a girl or just make her feel a bit or betray a girl who loved me,

[Asker]

I'm not saying all guys do it but even the guys who do it, say they wouldn't. Its good if you don't. He robbed me of every bit of self worth i ever had

[Omar5881]

Most guys are selfish and don't see no one expect thereselves so don't be sad someone caring and loyal will come To u, that's why I never dated

[Asker]

I had my first boyfriend at 23. Little did I know he was the only guy who would ever like me. I gave up a while ago on love, i don't even want to fall in love again. I just know a guy would never like me enough to be with me. Its a losing game for me

[Omar5881]

That's what dating and sex before marriage do, that's why I want be virgin until I marry insha'Allah

[Asker]

I only had sex with my ex because i thought he was the one. I broke up with him because he was culturally different

[Omar5881]

This proven my opinion about sex before marriage

[Asker]

You have issues, he didn't dump me. I dumped him, sex was not the reason. Be more open minded, people are different and different things work for different people. I am not judging you for your ciews about sex before marriage. That was my exact belief until the age of 23.

[Omar5881]

Not always open minded is something good humans needs rules or else everyone will do anything he wants

[Asker]

How do rules come into this? We have our own principles. I don't
Sleep around, its something i am strongly against. I have slept with one guy in my whole life and my friends think i am too uptight. But i dont judge them for changing partners every week. You need to get out and see the world more. Tolerance is one of the best qualities a person can possess, its a
Shame you have yet to learn that if at all.

[Roadcruiser1]

I don't do it, but Women do it to me. How ironic. :/.

[Anonymous]

Not entirely. Women do this shit to me all the time.

[Anonymous]

These are the guys who get the ladies, I wish I could do this too.

[Kiwifun]

Umm who does that?

[Asker]

A guy has done it to me. Lead me on, sayig he loves me and would do everything for me. When i asked what it all means for us, he said he didn't want a relationship. Never intended it to go anywhere but that he really cares about me. The morw we discussed things, the more lies he told..

[Kiwifun]

Why do you think he did that?

[Asker]

I wish I knew...

[Asker]

If I knew, I wouldn't have just given up on ever finding or wanting love. I don't know how to know if a guy is sincere anymore, I thought I was good at filtering out men. Since I can't trust my own judgement and since the guys who have shown the most amount of interest end up not really wnating anything, wheneve a guy shows interest.. i keep a distance and don't take any interest

[Kiwifun]

You sure about that? You take no interest whatsoever? Talking, texting, joking? No banter? You sure?

[Asker]

Not since the last guy. I don't even notice it when a guy is hitting on me. When my friends make it clear that a guy is, i avoid him. I don't text anyone, flirt with anyone. Nothing! Maybe if i meet someone for something casual then cool but i wouldn't go for anyone who pretends to want anything serious

[Kiwifun]

Why not?

[Asker]

I get rejected every time, no one ever wants me to be their girlfriend

[Kiwifun]

I don't believe that at all. Those guys that you say you don't know are flirting with you are probably not themselves anyway. They are probably hiding behind someone else's identity to make you think it's you not flirting with them.

[GalaxyHotChoc]

I wonder the same

[Asker]

I dont think guys care..

[GalaxyHotChoc]

Neither do i

[Anonymous]

no because other girls would find it unattractive