Recently I've been looking into the Myers Briggs personalities. I'm an ESFJ girl (Extroverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging) and interested in an INJT guy friend of mine. I've read (and yes, these are blanket statements that don't apply to all people) that INTJs can come across as aloof, super confident, non feeling but great thinkers with a wonderful intellect. They're in their heads a lot and don't necesarilly express feeling, even though they feel it deeply. And also not that great at picking up on flirting or doing it himself.
I've been into this guy for years, but always confused about where I stood in his mind. Sometimes he'd give me all the attention in the world and then not at all at other times. He doesn't really initiate physical contact but then gives a rare hug (which I can't help but cherish). He usually hangs out with me in group settings but will also go to things with me that have to do with his interests (dancing, concerts) but I'm the one to ask... not him.
I don't want to be the one who keeps asking... but don't know how he views me asking in the first place. Does it matter to him? Maybe... If I get a text from him wanting to hang out, it's like Hell frooze over... haha
So my question is: how can I tell if there's any interest on his part as an INTJ? How can I communicate my interest to him without being SUPER obvious? Or do I need to be super obvious?
Most Helpful Guy
I think the major thing to take into consideration here is that you are an extrovert and he is an introvert.
"Sometimes he'd give me all the attention in the world and then not at all at other times." That's the introverted behavior right there. Once he's given attention he needs some alone time again.
This will probably work if you can accept that you will not be the center of attention all the time, that he probably needs a lot of alone time and small talk are usually considered boring.
And the flirting part. Yes, you need to be super obvious. I have a male INTJ friend and he never understand when a girl is interested in him unless she strait out tells him. "Subtle hints" get you nowhere.
Personally I'm a INFJ.0
- Show AllShow Less
Most Helpful Girl
Don't worry about seeming desperate or any of that sort. Just be direct about it. It'll most likely be hard for him to tell if you weren't, and even harder so, since you're probably outgoing and social too.0