Why dont more girls pursue attractive guys themselves?

Dating
I'm a pretty quiet guy, when I get talking I can be outgoing, and I'm pretty friendly, but I am just not much of a talker. That being said, I dont really approach women much, cause they expect you to talk if you are approaching, and I've found in past experiences I can't really force myself to talk. That being said I have been told countless times by women that I am a really "cute" guy, they say that they would expect someone like me to have a really gorgeous girlfriend, but I guess because I dont really pursue girls much on my own i haven't gotten that gorgeous girlfriend yet. I always hope girls would come talk to me though, after all, attractive women are always approached by guys, I figured a "cute" guy like myself would get more direct girls talking to me, but that has not been the case. I can only think of 2 girls in my life that came up to me out of the blue and clearly displayed interest in me. 1 purely wanted sex though (not a long term relationship, which is what I want), and the other was crazy so I turned down both girls. But why dont I get more girls approaching me, I mean I dont bite, I'm a nice guy, I just want some interest in me, and I want that nice girlfriend. Girls: What would stop you from approaching a cute guy?
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Why dont more girls pursue attractive guys themselves?
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly? I just sort of expect a guy to pursue. I guess I'm old fashioned in that way. There's a guy that stares at me a lot and I really want him to initiate contact but he just doesn't. And I know if he really wanted to, he probably would. So I'm not doing anything but waiting. Maybe I'm stubborn that way too? It's just how I expect it. I feel if I pursued then I might come off too needy or impatient or I feel like I'm doing the guys job sorta thing? And it's just awkward to initiate contact first as a girl.. So basically I think if you like a girl, do it. Don't expect them to even though you're cute, most of them just don't believe in taking the first move so... Just my opinion.

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    • Also, I do wonder how I can make it so that he might approach me but I don't know how. So we girls basically just get stuck. At least girls like me. And I've like this guy for over a year. And he's had one girlfriend in that time but it lasted a very short time. And I just don't know what to do or how to open myself up. At the same time going up to him myself isn't something that I would ever do. So what would you say in a situation like that? Shouldn't the man be the one to initiate?

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    • We'll I feel it's the guys job to learn. I guess I accept it as a gender thing. It's natural for women to want to be pursued, it's always been that way before. Even animals; the males pursue. Instinct. I think if a man really likes someone; he should grow the balls and do it! (Not to be rude) But in your case, I'm just like you in whereas if I initiate contact, then I have to talk! Which I pretty socially awkward and just can't think of things to say especially when it's on the spot. So maybe don't just approach girls that directly at first. Maybe hang out in a group and make a friend introduce you or something. Once you become more social, it will be easier for you to strike up conversations. And I always thought it's so hard to but it's not that bad. Especially if you're a guy. Let's say you go up to a girl and are like "Hi I'm.., Nice to meet you" and she replies and you can mention something you have in common or "So I've seen you around a lot and thought I'd come introduce myself

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    • Etc. Just random little chit chat and if you run out of things to say be like "well it was nice talking to you , cyah" or something like that. Girls like being talked to no matter if they like you or not. We don't bite. And it makes us feel special when being approached. It's a strength I believe you will NEED to conquer. Girls having experience has nothing to do with them being obligated to approach guys they like. We kind of expect it, many do. Unless they are sure you're way to shy and just can't handle not approaching you.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Depends entirely on where you live. In America, there aren't enough women so it's a buyer's market. So, average American girls are stuck up narcissists, used to getting their way, used to the attention. Messes with their grasp of reality and sense of self worth. American men travel to other countries, very different situation. Women are friendly, not stuck up. It's a cultural thing. And American women wonder where all the good men have gone? We're tired of the games. We want honesty. We want to feel loved, important, not the highest bidder on ebay. So many women treat it that way. A lot of dysfunction in American culture because of that. Guys just get fed up, get burned one time too many, and become a player, or move away.

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What Girls Said 13

  • fear of rejection, the same things dudes fear.

    whatever stops you from asking a girl out is probably exactly what is stopping a girl from asking you out.

    i don't ask guys out because the ones i tend to be attracted to are already taken.

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  • Unfortunately we just don't have to. Because it usually goes when a guy likes a girl, he approaches her and lets her know he likes her and so then from that I then conclude when a guy DOESN'T approach me it must then mean he doesn't like me so I remove any sort of attraction I might have towards him because I think what's the point. Even if a guy shows strong signs of being attracted to me it's engraved in my mind that 'if he likes me, he'll ask me out' Which is a really silly way to deal but it's what happens.

    Also rejection. Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems when guys are rejected, life goes on they move on to another girl or try more strategies to woo that same girl whereas when girls get rejected we go into serious selfdoubt and start questioning things that may have had absolutely nothing to do with that rejection. So it's better for our sanity if guys ask and they do which I'm thankful for but it's just unfortunate for guys like you but times are changing more girls seem to be asking guys out now so you'll be fine.

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  • I know this is going to sound cocky but I totally don't mean it to be it is just the honest answer to your question: I have too many guys chasing after me consistently to waste the effort... I mean I literally have had to reject nice genuinely lovely guys before, why go after something that hasn't even shown an interest in me?

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    • Uuuuughhhhhhh a part of me really doesn't like this answer and seriously hates it but I wanted to give you a really honest answer. Girls get hit on constantly, it's just the way it is...

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    • oh, i don't doubt that, there are a lot of fuckboys out there, hahaha!!! how many of those guys have you actually thought about dating? how many are the dudes you are actually trying to attract? how many of them are the guys that you have an interest in? those are the real questions.

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    • @Other_Tommy_Wiseau I mean obviously I can pull it on any guy and I would say if you catch their eye it pretty much always works... I don't aim for a number ever, and I'm pretty happy right now so I really don't use it (except every once in a while to check to see if it still works and I know I can get out of it fairly easily) I have only dated 2 guys (read one I only went one date before saying no and the other was part of our friend group so he got a whole month before I got out of that one) who I wouldn't say are genuinely great guys and even then it was my own fault. I think almost every guy I've dated I got this way... Actually the only one who I think I may not have was the one monther up there... and possibly one other ex, but all the others that's how I did it :)

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  • To be honest, when I see an really attractive guy, I would assume he is out of my league so I don't bother starting a conversation with him. Also, he would either assume I want to have sex with him, use him for money or I'm just plain crazy because usually women don't approach men. Once I did approach a guy I thought was attractive and I got rejected so there you go. You want a nice girlfriend, well you better put in the work yourself.

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  • I'm very scared of rejection. The more u like someone, the more you value their opinion of you. I've been reject quite a few times and it hurts every time. I've never really been a self confident person, so I'm easy to hurt. Until I fix that about myself. I can't pursue someone unless I know they like me too.

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  • Girls don;t usually approach guys. thats just has been like that from the beginning of history but you have said you don't talk much. do you even flirt are do things to let a girl know that you like her? or do you just expect her to walk up to you. and girl rarely approach in fear that she may seem thirsty. If it wasn't that gender expectation i would definitely approach a guy but i would b scared if he has not shown any interest in me at all.

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  • I will approach if he has an interest in me. But if he is too quiet, I probably won't because I don't think he's even interested. It's hard to tell and I don't know how guys do it so easily. Or they make it look easy.

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  • Thoughts like "why would a guy like that find a girl like me attractive?", "he's just gonna make fun of me because he's clearly out of my league", "why should any guy want to be with me?" stop me from approach ing guys

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  • Maybe it's that you look busy and they don't want to bother you. Or they just assume you have a gf?

    I know I personally don't pursue guys because they always seem to get offended that I am even trying to have a conversation with them. I'm a very friendly person. But I know I don't fit everyone's idea of attractiveness, and I'm okay with that. But still, they don't have to be rude about it.

    I'm not really good with confidence in approaching other people. I was bullied a lot as a kid and any time I have tried to approach a guy it's always a negative situation. They get upset that I'm approaching them, or they get defensive.

    If anyone ever talks to me, I'm very friendly. And people tell me I'm very approachable.

    I think maybe you just need to work on being friendly and approachable. Try to have conversations with them so they know it's okay to talk to you.

    What personally stops me from approaching cute guys is that I think they are out of my league :P

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  • I am pretty shy myself. I only approach guys if 1. I'm drunk 2. I have them in class and I need some kind of help. If I approach a guy when I'm drunk I most likely end up kissing him and the next day I would feel like shit, if I have you in a class I really like you more than a "one night thing".
    I feel like if a girl approaches a guy the guy expect the girl to be outgoing and really open and mostly they want to have sex, and as you can tell, that is not always the case.
    The times I have tried my second point it has been a fail, since guys don't notice my "flirting". So, I have given up on that. That is why I won't approach guys anymore.

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What Guys Said 9

  • Because the way we've set it up, they just don't need to (for the most part).

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  • Your mindset is not optimal. OK you know you are a attractive guy , nice and friendly why not approach women YOU like and not be choosen by girls. When you say to yourself i want to be approached because i am attractive you take the passive role from the beginning of the relationship and i can assurre you this will not have a happy Ending. Don't think girls need to find me attractive think i need to find the girls attractive. Attractive girls will rarley approach you only aggressive girls. Instead they will give you hints that they are reciptive when you talk to them. Show them that you are a great guy and have a good personallity. Try to learn to make girls and people in generall comfortable arround you. Be humble. Have a smile for everybody you encounter. People will feel drawn to you. Get rid of the idea that girls should approach you because you are attractive.

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  • nice, cute = gay or ugly or baby face = unattractive

    if you look attractive, YOU WILL GET PUSSY no matter what. Or just run Tinder/Clubbing game.

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  • Because they are too pussy and insecured

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  • i generally assume its for the same reasons

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  • Social restrictions.

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  • hahah! this sounds EXACTLY like me. i've accepted that it just doesn't work like that. the kind of girl that will appreciate your quite nature probably needs to you to approach her. the only chance pretty girls give me is a smile, then it's up to me to make the move.

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  • It's not worth their time. They get approached often so they prefer to sit and do nothing and hope a good one comes by.

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    • getting approached is not like approaching. you get approached by any random person. you approach the you want.

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    • @Azara Yet most women prefer to sit back even if they are physically capable of approaching. Why? It's easier.

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  • there's a video on youtube called how to get a girl that doesn't like you back its a false title but good video
    asain dude first video good luck

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