Why dont more girls pursue attractive guys themselves?

Anonymous

I'm a pretty quiet guy, when I get talking I can be outgoing, and I'm pretty friendly, but I am just not much of a talker. That being said, I dont really approach women much, cause they expect you to talk if you are approaching, and I've found in past experiences I can't really force myself to talk. That being said I have been told countless times by women that I am a really "cute" guy, they say that they would expect someone like me to have a really gorgeous girlfriend, but I guess because I dont really pursue girls much on my own i haven't gotten that gorgeous girlfriend yet. I always hope girls would come talk to me though, after all, attractive women are always approached by guys, I figured a "cute" guy like myself would get more direct girls talking to me, but that has not been the case. I can only think of 2 girls in my life that came up to me out of the blue and clearly displayed interest in me. 1 purely wanted sex though (not a long term relationship, which is what I want), and the other was crazy so I turned down both girls. But why dont I get more girls approaching me, I mean I dont bite, I'm a nice guy, I just want some interest in me, and I want that nice girlfriend. Girls: What would stop you from approaching a cute guy?

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Why dont more girls pursue attractive guys themselves?

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Most Helpful Girl

Anonymous

Honestly? I just sort of expect a guy to pursue. I guess I'm old fashioned in that way. There's a guy that stares at me a lot and I really want him to initiate contact but he just doesn't. And I know if he really wanted to, he probably would. So I'm not doing anything but waiting. Maybe I'm stubborn that way too? It's just how I expect it. I feel if I pursued then I might come off too needy or impatient or I feel like I'm doing the guys job sorta thing? And it's just awkward to initiate contact first as a girl.. So basically I think if you like a girl, do it. Don't expect them to even though you're cute, most of them just don't believe in taking the first move so... Just my opinion.
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- Opinion Owner
  
  Also, I do wonder how I can make it so that he might approach me but I don't know how. So we girls basically just get stuck. At least girls like me. And I've like this guy for over a year. And he's had one girlfriend in that time but it lasted a very short time. And I just don't know what to do or how to open myself up. At the same time going up to him myself isn't something that I would ever do. So what would you say in a situation like that? Shouldn't the man be the one to initiate?
  
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- Asker
  
  Personally I feel like it shouldn't be a gender thing, it should be a "whoever is more social/outgoing thing". I know for a fact that most girls I like have way more experience in dating then I do, so wouldn't it make sense for the more experienced one to make the move? I mean I dont know what I'm doing, I'm 22 most girls by now have had at least 1 boyfriend although usually more, and most girls I like are more outgoing then me anyway. They have seen guys ask them out before, they know how to go about it, I have never actually seen a guy ask a girl out so I am just clueless, and plus as I said I am not much of a talker so a guy like me would just be awkward initiating contact cause I wouldn't know what to say. So in the situation you describe I would say maybe the guy should initiate not because of his gender, but because maybe he is more outgoing, although on the other hand if he isn't experienced, and neither of you are willing to initiate then maybe it won't work out at all.
  
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- Asker
  
  And also, the way you describe yourself you seem similar to me in not really knowing what to do, now just imagine for a second that every guy you ever like is never going to approach you no matter how many hints you give him, and you are never going to be approached period (even by guys you dont like). Imagine that every guy in the world was waiting for you to make the move, now look at your lack of experience initiating, your confusion as to what to do, and your inability to open yourself up and risk rejection. How would you feel knowing that your expected to initiate (and do it a certain way at that) but never being told what to do or how to do it. There is a lot of pressure on you from all these expectations. Thats how I feel right about now. Being a guy doesn't make you more confident, or socially competent, it just means that I am expected to initiate a relationship, even though I am probably just as ill equipped to do so as you are.
  
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- Opinion Owner
  
  We'll I feel it's the guys job to learn. I guess I accept it as a gender thing. It's natural for women to want to be pursued, it's always been that way before. Even animals; the males pursue. Instinct. I think if a man really likes someone; he should grow the balls and do it! (Not to be rude) But in your case, I'm just like you in whereas if I initiate contact, then I have to talk! Which I pretty socially awkward and just can't think of things to say especially when it's on the spot. So maybe don't just approach girls that directly at first. Maybe hang out in a group and make a friend introduce you or something. Once you become more social, it will be easier for you to strike up conversations. And I always thought it's so hard to but it's not that bad. Especially if you're a guy. Let's say you go up to a girl and are like "Hi I'm.., Nice to meet you" and she replies and you can mention something you have in common or "So I've seen you around a lot and thought I'd come introduce myself
  
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- Opinion Owner
  
  Etc. Just random little chit chat and if you run out of things to say be like "well it was nice talking to you , cyah" or something like that. Girls like being talked to no matter if they like you or not. We don't bite. And it makes us feel special when being approached. It's a strength I believe you will NEED to conquer. Girls having experience has nothing to do with them being obligated to approach guys they like. We kind of expect it, many do. Unless they are sure you're way to shy and just can't handle not approaching you.
  
  Reply

Most Helpful Guy

Anonymous

Depends entirely on where you live. In America, there aren't enough women so it's a buyer's market. So, average American girls are stuck up narcissists, used to getting their way, used to the attention. Messes with their grasp of reality and sense of self worth. American men travel to other countries, very different situation. Women are friendly, not stuck up. It's a cultural thing. And American women wonder where all the good men have gone? We're tired of the games. We want honesty. We want to feel loved, important, not the highest bidder on ebay. So many women treat it that way. A lot of dysfunction in American culture because of that. Guys just get fed up, get burned one time too many, and become a player, or move away.
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What Girls Said 13

karahiri
Master mho 16%

fear of rejection, the same things dudes fear.

whatever stops you from asking a girl out is probably exactly what is stopping a girl from asking you out.

i don't ask guys out because the ones i tend to be attracted to are already taken.
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- amphet11
  6 Xper
  
  You are going to settle so hard once you hit 35
  
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- karahiri
  Master
  
  @amphet11 that's alright by me.
  
  Reply
isitillegal
5 Xper mho 17%

Unfortunately we just don't have to. Because it usually goes when a guy likes a girl, he approaches her and lets her know he likes her and so then from that I then conclude when a guy DOESN'T approach me it must then mean he doesn't like me so I remove any sort of attraction I might have towards him because I think what's the point. Even if a guy shows strong signs of being attracted to me it's engraved in my mind that 'if he likes me, he'll ask me out' Which is a really silly way to deal but it's what happens.

Also rejection. Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems when guys are rejected, life goes on they move on to another girl or try more strategies to woo that same girl whereas when girls get rejected we go into serious selfdoubt and start questioning things that may have had absolutely nothing to do with that rejection. So it's better for our sanity if guys ask and they do which I'm thankful for but it's just unfortunate for guys like you but times are changing more girls seem to be asking guys out now so you'll be fine.
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- LovelyDaisies
  5 Xper
  
  Exaclty!!! Your answer is perfect
  
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Butterfly1002
6 Xper mho 28%

I know this is going to sound cocky but I totally don't mean it to be it is just the honest answer to your question: I have too many guys chasing after me consistently to waste the effort... I mean I literally have had to reject nice genuinely lovely guys before, why go after something that hasn't even shown an interest in me?
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- Butterfly1002
  6 Xper
  
  Uuuuughhhhhhh a part of me really doesn't like this answer and seriously hates it but I wanted to give you a really honest answer. Girls get hit on constantly, it's just the way it is...
  
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- Other_Tommy_Wiseau
  Guru
  
  that's a valid reason. the only thing i ask about is what happens when you see someone you actually have a crush on. like those questions like, "how do i get him to notice me?" or "i like this guy, but don't know what to do". i'm just curious.
  
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- Azara
  9 Xper
  
  getting hit on has nothing to do with gong after what you want. getting ht on is general. approaching is specific. custom made.
  
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- Butterfly1002
  6 Xper
  
  @Other_Tommy_Wiseau Oh Trust me there are little tricks of the trade us girls know to get you guys to do the talking ;) you know how like back in the day women used to drop a handkerchief to get a guy to pick it up? girls today have the same skills we just use them in a modern way... but I m not giving all our tricks away lol but trust me they work
  
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- Butterfly1002
  6 Xper
  
  @Azara I don't think I ever used the words getting hit on, most of these approaches are specific... And what girl wants a guy who doesn't think she is a goddess underneath? I think you are thinking of this as the opposite of how it plays out in reality, like I have a good friend that I'm not bothering to go after even though I want to because I'm getting hit on in a club or something, but honestly it's the opposite... Why go searching when I have too many options in front of me in my life that are good honest options that are what I want... So really why would I go after what I don't want?
  
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- Butterfly1002
  6 Xper
  
  @Azara Let me break it down for you this way: If you'r number 1 AND number 2 schools have offered you acceptance with full rides, and so have a couple other schools. Do you waste time applying for schools that you have never heard of before?
  
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- Other_Tommy_Wiseau
  Guru
  
  sorry to tell you, but at least 75% of that shit guys don't pick that stuff up. also, why not give your "tricks away"? believe it or not, 95% of guys don't like having to play that stupid guessing game cause 98% of the time, we're playing a guessing game. wanna know why guys don't ask out girls they like? it's for that very reason. this 1 guy said it best on here: what girls think is flirting is no more than what guys see as being nice.
  
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- Butterfly1002
  6 Xper
  
  @Other_Tommy_Wiseau I know you think that but I'm not making this up over here... I only posted it cause it's the reality of how it works whether you guys want to admit it or not...
  
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- Other_Tommy_Wiseau
  Guru
  
  not really. it makes dudes go from "i don't think she likes me" to "does she like me?"... trust me, that's not a fun position to be in at all because it's about a 25/75 crapshoot. saying you like the same stuff i do i see as not flirting or complimenting me as not flirting... that's just finding something in common and a compliment. trust me, if i had that mentality, i could argue about 95% of the girls i come across are flirting with me including my mom and grandma :D. i have a girl who's my best girl friend and she did all that shit, i mean she would do stuff like hold my hand for example. it got to the point where i finally had to tell her i liked her and she didn't like me back. granted i was fine with it, but for 4 years, it was confusing as hell. i've also had girls who apparently were flirting with me and did a lot less. also, i got 4 sisters. 2 are my triplets. they'd say the same thing you did. i told them they have to be more obvious, took my advice and boom! instant results
  
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- Butterfly1002
  6 Xper
  
  @Other_Tommy_Wiseau Did I say anything at all about talking about common interests? nooooo I don't think I did...
  
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- Other_Tommy_Wiseau
  Guru
  
  no, but i know that's a general sign of flirting. picking up or starting to like interests the other person has even if you may or may not actually be interested. and that's what you picked up out of all of that?
  
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- Butterfly1002
  6 Xper
  
  @Other_Tommy_Wiseau Ok well that isn't how a girl who knows what she's doing does ;)
  
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- Butterfly1002
  6 Xper
  
  Plus I'm at work soooo the part that I pick up on as your main point is the one I'm going to respond to the fastest...
  
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- Other_Tommy_Wiseau
  Guru
  
  alright, fair enough. either way, if i see you "drop a handkerchief", i'll just think you're clumsy :D
  
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- Butterfly1002
  6 Xper
  
  @Other_Tommy_Wiseau Some guys find it endearing ;)
  
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- Other_Tommy_Wiseau
  Guru
  
  unfortunately, most won't. most see it more along my way of thinking, not endearing. also, i'm trying to be nice picking it up, not a fuckboy XD
  
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- Butterfly1002
  6 Xper
  
  @Other_Tommy_Wiseau Well I mean that isn't how it generally works now a days, generally you got to smile at them in a certain way, trust me they walk right over every time...
  
  Reply
- Other_Tommy_Wiseau
  Guru
  
  oh, i don't doubt that, there are a lot of fuckboys out there, hahaha!!! how many of those guys have you actually thought about dating? how many are the dudes you are actually trying to attract? how many of them are the guys that you have an interest in? those are the real questions.
  
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- Butterfly1002
  6 Xper
  
  @Other_Tommy_Wiseau I mean obviously I can pull it on any guy and I would say if you catch their eye it pretty much always works... I don't aim for a number ever, and I'm pretty happy right now so I really don't use it (except every once in a while to check to see if it still works and I know I can get out of it fairly easily) I have only dated 2 guys (read one I only went one date before saying no and the other was part of our friend group so he got a whole month before I got out of that one) who I wouldn't say are genuinely great guys and even then it was my own fault. I think almost every guy I've dated I got this way... Actually the only one who I think I may not have was the one monther up there... and possibly one other ex, but all the others that's how I did it :)
  
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Strawberryx333
4 Xper mho 16%

To be honest, when I see an really attractive guy, I would assume he is out of my league so I don't bother starting a conversation with him. Also, he would either assume I want to have sex with him, use him for money or I'm just plain crazy because usually women don't approach men. Once I did approach a guy I thought was attractive and I got rejected so there you go. You want a nice girlfriend, well you better put in the work yourself.
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brinaeac
4 Xper mho 11%

Girls don;t usually approach guys. thats just has been like that from the beginning of history but you have said you don't talk much. do you even flirt are do things to let a girl know that you like her? or do you just expect her to walk up to you. and girl rarely approach in fear that she may seem thirsty. If it wasn't that gender expectation i would definitely approach a guy but i would b scared if he has not shown any interest in me at all.
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isthatarose
6 Xper mho 13%

I'm very scared of rejection. The more u like someone, the more you value their opinion of you. I've been reject quite a few times and it hurts every time. I've never really been a self confident person, so I'm easy to hurt. Until I fix that about myself. I can't pursue someone unless I know they like me too.
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BuchitaBuchys
Guru mho 21%

I will approach if he has an interest in me. But if he is too quiet, I probably won't because I don't think he's even interested. It's hard to tell and I don't know how guys do it so easily. Or they make it look easy.
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TheDevilInside
Guru mho 13%

Thoughts like "why would a guy like that find a girl like me attractive?", "he's just gonna make fun of me because he's clearly out of my league", "why should any guy want to be with me?" stop me from approach ing guys
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Darkfairie17
Guru mho 41%

Maybe it's that you look busy and they don't want to bother you. Or they just assume you have a gf?

I know I personally don't pursue guys because they always seem to get offended that I am even trying to have a conversation with them. I'm a very friendly person. But I know I don't fit everyone's idea of attractiveness, and I'm okay with that. But still, they don't have to be rude about it.

I'm not really good with confidence in approaching other people. I was bullied a lot as a kid and any time I have tried to approach a guy it's always a negative situation. They get upset that I'm approaching them, or they get defensive.

If anyone ever talks to me, I'm very friendly. And people tell me I'm very approachable.

I think maybe you just need to work on being friendly and approachable. Try to have conversations with them so they know it's okay to talk to you.

What personally stops me from approaching cute guys is that I think they are out of my league :P
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MarianaDom
5 Xper mho 13%

I am pretty shy myself. I only approach guys if 1. I'm drunk 2. I have them in class and I need some kind of help. If I approach a guy when I'm drunk I most likely end up kissing him and the next day I would feel like shit, if I have you in a class I really like you more than a "one night thing".
I feel like if a girl approaches a guy the guy expect the girl to be outgoing and really open and mostly they want to have sex, and as you can tell, that is not always the case.
The times I have tried my second point it has been a fail, since guys don't notice my "flirting". So, I have given up on that. That is why I won't approach guys anymore.
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- Moose2coolvargas
  6 Xper
  
  You don't seem like you would be a shy person
  
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Anonymous

in my perspective, there's enough guy that show interest, so i don't need to run for guys. Second, i consider approaching showing man's interest so it easier to me know does he likes me or not. Third, i don't approach because i might run to a player or someone who has no interest to get in sirious realtionship and he would just hirt me so..
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Anonymous

If I like the guy, I'll ask him out. I've done it before, it doesn't bother me. I have been asked out by attractive guys before, but I was oblivious to them before that because they seemed cold or stand-offish. That was just them being reserved and shy, though, they weren't mean.

What would make me not ask a guy out is if he is flirting with another woman or hugging/hanging off of her. They may or may not be dating, but I'll pass.
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Anonymous

If they come off as cold 💙💙💙❄⛄⛄⛄ or they are playing mind games 👎👎👎
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What Guys Said 9

DodgersGM
Master mho 14%

Because the way we've set it up, they just don't need to (for the most part).
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MeLoveBogota
5 Xper mho 10%

Your mindset is not optimal. OK you know you are a attractive guy , nice and friendly why not approach women YOU like and not be choosen by girls. When you say to yourself i want to be approached because i am attractive you take the passive role from the beginning of the relationship and i can assurre you this will not have a happy Ending. Don't think girls need to find me attractive think i need to find the girls attractive. Attractive girls will rarley approach you only aggressive girls. Instead they will give you hints that they are reciptive when you talk to them. Show them that you are a great guy and have a good personallity. Try to learn to make girls and people in generall comfortable arround you. Be humble. Have a smile for everybody you encounter. People will feel drawn to you. Get rid of the idea that girls should approach you because you are attractive.
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BackInGame
6 Xper mho 4%

nice, cute = gay or ugly or baby face = unattractive

if you look attractive, YOU WILL GET PUSSY no matter what. Or just run Tinder/Clubbing game.
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Polocrew
Guru mho 5%

Because they are too pussy and insecured
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- brinaeac
  4 Xper
  
  lol thats funny
  
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- Polocrew
  Guru
  
  @brinaeac that's true
  
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BertMacklinFBI
Master mho 18%

i generally assume its for the same reasons
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Entity
7 Xper mho 11%

Social restrictions.
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Anonymous

hahah! this sounds EXACTLY like me. i've accepted that it just doesn't work like that. the kind of girl that will appreciate your quite nature probably needs to you to approach her. the only chance pretty girls give me is a smile, then it's up to me to make the move.
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Anonymous

It's not worth their time. They get approached often so they prefer to sit and do nothing and hope a good one comes by.
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- Azara
  9 Xper
  
  getting approached is not like approaching. you get approached by any random person. you approach the you want.
  
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- Crazyced
  7 Xper
  
  @Azara Yet most women prefer to sit back even if they are physically capable of approaching. Why? It's easier.
  
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Anonymous

there's a video on youtube called how to get a girl that doesn't like you back its a false title but good video
asain dude first video good luck
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