If someone says “youre out of my league”, do you see it as them being insecure OR?
I am so in complete and total agreeance with you. Being a tomboy myself and like you would rather not dress up..(I hate dresses and skirts) give a pair of stretch pants or sweats and a tee shirt and I m happy. I also do not wear makeup (main reason is I am allergic to it) but lack the ambition and patience when OT comes to applying it. So yeah way outta my league works for me!!!
So glad someone understands!! Like give me a man who also wears sweats and has bed hair lol. Screw a suit and tie guy 🤣
There are most definitely "leagues" or tiers of people based on their sexual mean value. However, this works very differently for men and women. In case of women, their currency is looks, femininity and youth, whereas for men it's their socio-economic standing and ability to provide resources. Another thing is "hypergamy" the tendency of women to date/ marry up and men to date/ marry down.
So if a woman were to tell me that "she's out of my league" and she looks like she's not, then either she's totally ignorant of the sexual dynamics or is lying, playing reverse-psychology, fishing for compliments, etc.
Yea but in this case she said you're out of hers
I’d tell her “You don’t know until you try.” I’ve dated several girls who I initially thought were out of my league and then I realized that were just people. Sometimes we get so caught up in superficial things that we forget that everyone has the same essential wants and needs, to be accepted and loved.
If someone’s into you, don’t get in your own way. Let them decide if they want to be with you.
Yea i think a lot of us tend to self sabotage but usually if i do it, its intentional
Anyone that would say that or feel that way, I wouldn't be dating anyways... People put more effort into rating people, judging people, leagues, what? Then they do in getting to know the PERSON 🤷🏼♀️ Yeah I'm not that way and I'm not interested in anyone that has that narrow-minded view of thinking/judging people...
I dont see how its technically judging but ig if you mean the “judging a book by its cover” then ig so. Either way, i see it as a compliment rather than an insult 🤷♀️
I might think she's right and dump her on the spot.
But she’d say it before y'all even date
Then I wouldn't even have wasted time getting in a relationship with her
Yes thats the point im making. If someone says it, theyre saving you from wasting your time
As men our “ League” is luckily based on things we can improve and not as physical as women’s. So as a young man I usually got women that most would assume is out of my financial league because women are emotionally based in attraction so no matter what you might look like or how successful you are you can always tap into her emotions. If you have a good personality and is confident in your own reality, not bending for her only because she is physically blessed by her parents that she didn’t work for at all lol, you can possibly get women considered by others as out of your league. If any man says “ your out of my league “ he doesn’t think much of himself and what he can bring to your life and will probably be one of those sneaky “nice guys” who compromise themselves for your every unfair demand. The Confident man MUST BELIEVE THAT EVERY WOMAN IS INTERESTED because all the pressure to approach a stranger is all on us so you miss every shot you don’t take.
Well speaking for myself, if i tell a guy he's out of my league, i probably feel i won't be able to keep up with his standards. Even if he shows interest, i just know i won't want him for long
It’s different for women y’all are the Devine choosers in this dynamic 😂 y’all are the ones who choose which stranger, that is approaching, is the one you want to deal with so I’m only speaking for the men’s point of view
Yeah I think nobody is out of anybody’s league as looks are subjective and in the eye of the beholder. Everyone will have a different opinion on everyone’s physical appearance. The only way they can get someone out of their league is if they’re measuring my intelligence or something... I think intelligence is the most important thing. Personally I would ideally want someone whom I believe to me more knowledgeable than me on a broad spectrum of topics so that I can learn from them but intelligence is subjective as it doesn’t actually measure how much you know - it measures how quickly you grasp new concepts. I would ideally want someone with average to genius IQ because I would get tired of waiting for someone to catch up on things.
I dont even know whats considered a good/bad IQ 😂 never looked into it
It’s definitely a self esteem issue and yes pretty much an insecurity of lacking confidence in ourselves , when we see someone that blows us away by their beauty we sometimes feel like there is no way they would even consider liking us back the same , especially nowadays where social media has pretty much brainwashed people to think they need to look a certain way to be accepted , why it’s best to bury that insecurity and to go for it anyways , no one is perfect so it’s better to try then to not try and kick yourself in the ass for not trying , if you still get denied so be it, it’s better to have an answer over not having an answer is the way I look at it
But he showed interest in me. I just turned it down because i didn't feel we’d stay happy in the long run
He did but in the long run i didn't feel we’d keep eachother
I vote for #1. I try to never feel like that and in every case I can remember I've been correct in assuming so. I have enough confidence in my looks, my wit and my sexual ability so that the only time a feel like a woman is out of my league is because I'm already down about something. I've heard " I can't believe you just went up to her and*.*, whatever I happened to do. Up until age 12 I felt a little insecure around beautiful women but after approaching them successfully and discovering that beautiful women have some of the same hang ups, fears etc. that any other guy or girl has I have never felt that any woman was out of my league
Im not afraid to approach but I don't know just seemed he was more into girly girls in the long run and i wasn't about to become one in order to keep him
When I was an 19 yr old kid from the San Fernando Valley, tutoring a movie star's kids in Beverly Hills, I learned that no one is really ever out of one's league. From the richest people I've known to the poorest, everyone actually desires sincerity, empathy, genuine love, acceptance and partnership, really WAY before sex ever enters the equation. If sex is first, it's always temporary and they likely aren't wise enough to factor in the traits above.
I bar-tend bar for Academy Awards parties and had the best time there once with a star (no names) who just liked talking with someone fun and real for once. She never went back to her table and yet hardly drank much at my station. She just loved the banter so much that we've been in touch ever since (20+ years).
Everyone is really looking for real "love". If you want love, be loving, real and smart about who you cherish.
It was such an awesome movie and one that every incel here at this site should watch.
The message simply was this whole mythology about "leagues" is bullshit.
I still haven't seen it. I just used the pic as an example
It is such an awesome flick. Dude is dating Alice Eve. She is perfect for the role because at the time she was the hottest actress around. He wasn't an incel, but he didn't have much self- confidence. It could have been a better flick if he engaged a little more in his own self-discovery. But it was good enough.
In that case I would say it's meaning might vary. I do think it's a sign and insecurity.
. when I say a girl is out of my league, which I never do now days, I just mean her standard guy might have means I don't have. I have grown to realise that that is never the case. It is just a pre assumption we make in our heads. To shield ourselves from the blow of being said no to.
But he said yes to me and i still said he was out of my league because u dotn feel i match up to his dream material
This was college lol so its long overdue 😂
I would say it is insecurity for sure. You never know what can happen, and I would rather shoot my shot with a hot girl and land the chance of landing her in the long run and dating. To preface this, I am speaking from a perspective of a single person.
That was how I met my girlfriend going on 4 months now. You want a good looking person, you can't let self esteem and perception of yourself get in your head. Plus, it adds incentive if they are the right one because you want to do better.
True. And he liked me. But i know he liked girly girls more and i just wasn't into
The change he’d probably eventually want
I never use the term out of my league, but I don't believe it always means a person is insecure.
If someone was out of my league it would just mean they didn't have the personal qualities or physical attributes that I look for in a potential partner
I see it less as being insecure and more as being humble and acknowledging how grateful they should be. The opposite is ego, assuming that they deserve you and you own them which is not a good thing but to be fair confidence while lacking in both men and women is a good trait and obviously there could be a middle ground here too
Check update as well
Well that's a different type of person. Then, it's not even worth it to be with them in first place. It's not as much insecure as it is pride and ego. I've encountered many like that, nose up in the air, get out if my space, you don't deserve to be here. That's not the kind of person I would choose to be around
I say what. I don't bowl thsts the only league I know of is a bowling league baseball league , I'm goingbto have to ask my friend dizz is there a hot lover league , I dont think so
And for the people who have there click league cool more power and more happiness to them because I don't do clicks
The reason I don’t believe in leagues is because there could be one person (let’s use your example of Brad Pitt) who wouldn’t look twice at another person (let’s say me). But when you turn it round, I wouldn’t look twice at him either. How does that work?
Yea but it wasn't that brad pitt wouldn't look at me. He did. It was the fact i feel i couldnt be the only thing he looked at forever. Thus, he as out of my league
DizzyDesii - Having worked in the Industry for years, there are plenty of stars with no-named, out-of-their-class marriages that have endured for decades. Sure, on occasion the spouse has to get dressed up for an event or two, but generally, sweats around the house is the norm. Not sure why you are so hard on yourself or self-deprecating. Your "I can't be bothered" line might be your key to your own self imposed limitations. If you could be 'bothered' you might end up on yacht touring the Caribbean 6 months out of a year. Not sure your rationale is really working for you... but then, you might be the happiest woman in the world. Hard to read your question without wondering why you are really asking it.
@Sedona1 i asked it because someone else brought it up. But anyways, i just feel more comortable dating what i consider a dang near twin. I want someone who reminds me of myself. If i feel theyre too good for me, neither of us will be happy in the long run. Temporarily yes but forever no
It shows to me that you're not emotionally mature enough to filter your inner criticism out of your speach or your having a tough time with that today. We all have those insecure thoughts, it doesn't make you an insecure person but people who have put in the work don't talk like that it's neggitive and patently false.
Wait what? Check update
I'm saying don't say other people are out of your league. It's not true it's self sabotaging. If you spend enough time shaking out your inner thoughts you don't give those neggitive thoughts power by speaking them.
Oh yea its intentional self sabotaging. I know that
So if someone said that about themselves I'd feel bad that they haven't got past that thought pattern yet because I have and I'm sad they don't have the same level of peace of mind as me. They're suffering over that still. It's not unattractive but I'd think they have some work to do on themselves.
Yea i mean i prefer people in my league or slightly above. But not like 9/10
It depends how they say it and come across in conversation really. I’ll say it as a compliment all the time, but even the most beautiful girl that’s ever walked the earth can be landed if she’s actually a good person on the inside (which is a requirement to be defined as truly beautiful by the way)
Yea like if i say it, its not that i can't land them. Its that i dont wana work to “keep” them. people like that you kinda have to go out of your way to keep them impressed
Nah, I usual explain that a point based system always changes with the person who looks... and since my league system is pretty different from others, there is no need to worry about anything...
Im tall and slim but im into fat chicks... try to make a league point based system out of that... you see, isn't existing
If you say so. Thats quite commin in the south to see skinny men with bigger women
What south? Im in middle Europe...
Because I looked into it, if a state is poor, fat women are a sign of being rich, because they can afford to stay big... like in the usa 1920-1935
Black folks have that even harder because in the last 10 generations, they where always poor... like, you'd never hear the therm "rich Africans"
Well I don't know where you are because america has lots of successful black people. Theyree not the majority, but they exist, especially in Atlanta and DC and Virginia
You never heard of Oprah, Beyonce, Tyler Perry, Aliko Dangote, Robert Smith, David Steward, Michael Jordan, Kanye West, Jayz... like did you even try to research before sayinf something so rude? And yes im black if you didn't realize
Everyone i just named except for Beyonce is a billionaire. Her husband is a billionaire. Michael Jordan, Kanye, Oprah, all billionaires. Do you just have a problem hearing about black success? Because some of every race is still working regardless of if they have to because they know one day money will eventually runout
There is no league or set of standards by which a male or female should be placed or place themselves. You like the guy, whoever he is, you like her, regardless of her standing in her community? Then dress to impress. You never know, you might just hit the lottery.
Thats what im sayin. I refuse to keep dressing to impress. Thats not me beinf myself
I usually know the person well before i drop that line. Its not like i just go omg he's hotter than me MIC DROP no lol
It is most definitely an insecurity. Lol. A lot of people just don't want to be told no. I am not the best looking person in the world. But, I have the confidence to go to a female and be like. Hello. And make her laugh a lot. And if I, see its not going anywhere. I say, well it was good talking to you. Maybe we can do this again sometime. And usually, she comes around later. Lol
I see it more as me saying theyre too good for me and i’m not willing to put in the effort to get on the same level
Nah he was fine af 😂 even in my finest years, i wasn't that fine. And we were def on diff paths. Im looking for a twin. A male equivalent to my female. Not a model ken doll who typically prefers the barbies i’d never be
What you described in the longer text is not what people use out of my league for.
I guess men who say stuff like that when they think they are not "enough" in some way as the woman they want. Maybe they are not exactly confident in themselfs.
I guess it could be looks, money, confindence, status whatever..
But i said that to Robbie
Most Helpful Opinions
If I'm being honest, that statement is saddening for my soul on either side. It bothers me because it signifies a social stigma that induces doubt among meeting another. I've never been on the giving end of that statement, I have only received it, so I can't speak for everyone, but it bothers me because even though I am the way I am, when people think like that towards me I feel sad because they feel they can't interact with me. I'm not a judgmental person, I don't base things off of looks and material, and I accept everyone for who they are... I don't care about "leagues" or anything... If I like you I like you. As long as you have something going for yourself and you're motivated to do something in life, I don't care what end of the social status you're on. That damn stigma makes me unapproachable and it's so annoying at this point lol like I won't bite you, I won't hurt you, and you don't have to doubt based on preconceived thoughts. Then I end up questioning myself like "do I look scary or something?". It makes me feel bad for the other person because I don't want them to feel that way... like... a date is a date... a relationship is a relationship... trying won't hurt. So, I take it as a sad compliment🙃 It just pulls at my heart strings.
But i dont base it just off looks. Thats part of it but The guys i told that too, i pretty much knee them well enough to just know we wouldn't work.
@oh no no, I didn't say you would base it just off of looks, of course you would have your reasons, but I get what you mean though, some people you can just tell won't be compatible with you. Incompatability situations are easier to let go of, but when someone doesn't give one a chance based off of insecurity, doubt, or fear based on a preconception that's what upsets me.
Oh yea nahh i wouldn't do that
One of the ptoblems is that many guys have had some very harsh put downs by some very shallow women. I actually wrote a mytake on this. And eventually guys just give up on taking the risk. you can only take so many
"May I buy you a drink?"
"you're kidding me, right? Hay Sally this looser thinks he stands a chance with me!"
"OMG... What an idiot... Now run along now, you are too (insert insult here) to ride this ride!"
Or something along those lines. It's as much his history as his self esteem. As most of these kinds of encounters come from high school and college by the time they're adults it simply doesn't cross their minds to even think about a very attractive woman as a potential partner.
Why Guys Don't Hit on Pretty Girls ↗
@Anpu23 I know, it's just sad because I'm nothing like that but so many others screw it up for the ones that aren't. I get it though, we don't walk around with signs on our foreheads😅 So no one can really tell, but still... it sucks. At this point, if something is meant for me it will stay, if it leaves... let it be, something better will come along. And that's what I'm living by.
Good on you.