If someone says “youre out of my league”, do you see it as them being insecure OR?

Question

I know most of you will say you dont believe in leagues but we’re going to discuss it anyways. If i’m being 100% honest, if i feel someones out of my league, its likely because i dont see myself working to get to their level. For example, if i got all dolled up and Brad Pitt took me on a date, I’d end it with “I had a great time but you're so out of my league.” I say that because 99% of the time, I’m going to be dressed in sweats and walking around with that “i just woke up” bed hair 😂 I’m not willing to make the efforts to get on his level in the long run, so I may as well say he’s out of my league, send him on his way, and save him from my lack of efforts since I’m not willing to change. Now lets say, he likes me for the tomboy i am. Its happened before. But i dont fully trust they’ll stay happy. I liked this guy Robbie in college. He was 9/10 gorgeous. Dude looked like a model but he liked plain jane ole ME. However, I overheard comments he made to other guys about how cute he found the girls covered in makeup and wearing dresses. It was clear that my lack of efforts to appear more feminine would mean that I’d never truly be enough for him. So why waste my time if i refuse to be that girly girl that he would find MORE attractive in the long run. So i quit pursuing him 🤷‍♀️ I had an ex who told me “youre too much” and literally followed up with the fact that he didn't want to get a job and do his part in the relationship. He said he wanted to let his parents take care of him as long as possible so that he could sit around and play games all day. See he wanted me to stay but that warning was a way to save me from himself. I say take it with a grain of salt and see the statement as a compliment rather than just someone being insecure.  
 #FeelFreeToList #OutOfMyLeague

Majesty101 · Accepted Answer

If I'm being honest, that statement is saddening for my soul on either side. It bothers me because it signifies a social stigma that induces doubt among meeting another. I've never been on the giving end of that statement, I have only received it, so I can't speak for everyone, but it bothers me because even though I am the way I am, when people think like that towards me I feel sad because they feel they can't interact with me. I'm not a judgmental person, I don't base things off of looks and material, and I accept everyone for who they are... I don't care about "leagues" or anything... If I like you I like you. As long as you have something going for yourself and you're motivated to do something in life, I don't care what end of the social status you're on. That damn stigma makes me unapproachable and it's so annoying at this point lol like I won't bite you, I won't hurt you, and you don't have to doubt based on preconceived thoughts. Then I end up questioning myself like "do I look scary or something?". It makes me feel bad for the other person because I don't want them to feel that way... like... a date is a date... a relationship is a relationship... trying won't hurt. So, I take it as a sad compliment🙃 It just pulls at my heart strings.

Smurphanie · Accepted Answer

I am so in complete and total agreeance with you. Being a tomboy myself and like you would rather not dress up..(I hate dresses and skirts) give a pair of stretch pants or sweats and a tee shirt and I m happy. I also do not wear makeup (main reason is I am allergic to it) but lack the ambition and patience when OT comes to applying it. So yeah way outta my league works for me!!!

Kaamraj · Accepted Answer

There are most definitely "leagues" or tiers of people based on their sexual mean value. However, this works very differently for men and women. In case of women, their currency is looks, femininity and youth, whereas for men it's their socio-economic standing and ability to provide resources. Another thing is "hypergamy" the tendency of women to date/ marry up and men to date/ marry down.
So if a woman were to tell me that "she's out of my league" and she looks like she's not, then either she's totally ignorant of the sexual dynamics or is lying, playing reverse-psychology, fishing for compliments, etc.

Dongtai · Accepted Answer

I’d tell her “You don’t know until you try.” I’ve dated several girls who I initially thought were out of my league and then I realized that were just people. Sometimes we get so caught up in superficial things that we forget that everyone has the same essential wants and needs, to be accepted and loved.

If someone’s into you, don’t get in your own way. Let them decide if they want to be with you.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

Anyone that would say that or feel that way, I wouldn't be dating anyways... People put more effort into rating people, judging people, leagues, what? Then they do in getting to know the PERSON 🤷🏼‍♀️ Yeah I'm not that way and I'm not interested in anyone that has that narrow-minded view of thinking/judging people...

Jean-Marie_Céline · Answer

I might think she's right and dump her on the spot.

Almost10inch4funlol · Answer

As men our “ League” is luckily based on things we can improve and not as physical as women’s. So as a young man I usually got women that most would assume is out of my financial league because women are emotionally based in attraction so no matter what you might look like or how successful you are you can always tap into her emotions. If you have a good personality and is confident in your own reality, not bending for her only because she is physically blessed by her parents that she didn’t work for at all lol, you can possibly get women considered by others as out of your league. If any man says “ your out of my league “ he doesn’t think much of himself and what he can bring to your life and will probably be one of those sneaky “nice guys” who compromise themselves for your every unfair demand. The Confident man MUST BELIEVE THAT EVERY WOMAN IS INTERESTED because all the pressure to approach a stranger is all on us so you miss every shot you don’t take.

Sarahr123 · Answer

Yeah I think nobody is out of anybody’s league as looks are subjective and in the eye of the beholder. Everyone will have a different opinion on everyone’s physical appearance. The only way they can get someone out of their league is if they’re measuring my intelligence or something... I think intelligence is the most important thing. Personally I would ideally want someone whom I believe to me more knowledgeable than me on a broad spectrum of topics so that I can learn from them but intelligence is subjective as it doesn’t actually measure how much you know - it measures how quickly you grasp new concepts. I would ideally want someone with average to genius IQ because I would get tired of waiting for someone to catch up on things.

Finchie40 · Answer

It’s definitely a self esteem issue and yes pretty much an insecurity of lacking confidence in ourselves , when we see someone that blows us away by their beauty we sometimes feel like there is no way they would even consider liking us back the same , especially nowadays where social media has pretty much brainwashed people to think they need to look a certain way to be accepted , why it’s best to bury that insecurity and to go for it anyways , no one is perfect so it’s better to try then to not try and kick yourself in the ass for not trying , if you still get denied so be it, it’s better to have an answer over not having an answer is the way I look at it

Makeushiver · Answer

I vote for #1. I try to never feel like that and in every case I can remember I've been correct in assuming so. I have enough confidence in my looks, my wit and my sexual ability so that the only time a feel like a woman is out of my league is because I'm already down about something. I've heard " I can't believe you just went up to her and*.*, whatever I happened to do. Up until age 12 I felt a little insecure around beautiful women but after approaching them successfully and discovering that beautiful women have some of the same hang ups, fears etc. that any other guy or girl has I have never felt that any woman was out of my league

Sedona1 · Answer

When I was an 19 yr old kid from the San Fernando Valley, tutoring a movie star's kids in Beverly Hills, I learned that no one is really ever out of one's league. From the richest people I've known to the poorest, everyone actually desires sincerity, empathy, genuine love, acceptance and partnership, really WAY before sex ever enters the equation. If sex is first, it's always temporary and they likely aren't wise enough to factor in the traits above.

I bar-tend bar for Academy Awards parties and had the best time there once with a star (no names) who just liked talking with someone fun and real for once. She never went back to her table and yet hardly drank much at my station. She just loved the banter so much that we've been in touch ever since (20+ years).

Everyone is really looking for real "love". If you want love, be loving, real and smart about who you cherish.

RolandCuthbert · Answer

It was such an awesome movie and one that every incel here at this site should watch.  The message simply was this whole mythology about "leagues" is bullshit.

Smoothing · Answer

In that case I would say it's meaning might vary. I do think it's a sign and insecurity.
. when I say a girl is out of my league, which I never do now days, I just mean her standard guy might have means I don't have. I have grown to realise that that is never the case. It is just a pre assumption we make in our heads. To shield ourselves from the blow of being said no to.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

I would say it is insecurity for sure. You never know what can happen, and I would rather shoot my shot with a hot girl and land the chance of landing her in the long run and dating. To preface this, I am speaking from a perspective of a single person.

That was how I met my girlfriend going on 4 months now. You want a good looking person, you can't let self esteem and perception of yourself get in your head. Plus, it adds incentive if they are the right one because you want to do better.

Espresso-Grande · Answer

I never use the term out of my league, but I don't believe it always means a person is insecure.

If someone was out of my league it would just mean they didn't have the personal qualities or physical attributes that I look for in a potential partner

Jjpayne · Answer

I see it less as being insecure and more as being humble and acknowledging how grateful they should be. The opposite is ego, assuming that they deserve you and you own them which is not a good thing but to be fair confidence while lacking in both men and women is a good trait and obviously there could be a middle ground here too

ohshee · Answer

I say what. I don't bowl thsts the only league I know of is a bowling league baseball league , I'm goingbto have to ask my friend dizz is there a hot lover league , I dont think so

And for the people who have there click league cool more power and more happiness to them because I don't do clicks

psychoticanimallover · Answer

The reason I don’t believe in leagues is because there could be one person (let’s use your example of Brad Pitt) who wouldn’t look twice at another person (let’s say me). But when you turn it round, I wouldn’t look twice at him either. How does that work?

RawIronhide · Answer

It shows to me that you're not emotionally mature enough to filter your inner criticism out of your speach or your having a tough time with that today. We all have those insecure thoughts, it doesn't make you an insecure person but people who have put in the work don't talk like that it's neggitive and patently false.

HeyMikeyLikesIt · Answer

It depends how they say it and come across in conversation really. I’ll say it as a compliment all the time, but even the most beautiful girl that’s ever walked the earth can be landed if she’s actually a good person on the inside (which is a requirement to be defined as truly beautiful by the way)

DamnSam · Answer

Nah, I usual explain that a point based system always changes with the person who looks... and since my league system is pretty different from others, there is no need to worry about anything...

Im tall and slim but im into fat chicks... try to make a league point based system out of that... you see, isn't existing

Meldrum · Answer

There is no league or set of standards by which a male or female should be placed or place themselves. You like the guy, whoever he is, you like her, regardless of her standing in her community? Then dress to impress. You never know, you might just hit the lottery.

Mehzmeh · Answer

It is most definitely an insecurity. Lol. A lot of people just don't want to be told no. I am not the best looking person in the world. But, I have the confidence to go to a female and be like. Hello. And make her laugh a lot. And if I, see its not going anywhere. I say, well it was good talking to you. Maybe we can do this again sometime. And usually, she comes around later. Lol

ElvenMr · Answer

What you described in the longer text is not what people use out of my league for.
I guess men who say stuff like that when they think they are not "enough" in some way as the woman they want. Maybe they are not exactly confident in themselfs.
I guess it could be looks, money, confindence, status whatever..

If someone says “youre out of my league”, do you see it as them being insecure OR?

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