Is it normal to feel someone is out of your league?

Question

Despite that she likes me, I still feel intimated around her because she seems out of my league. She's very beautiful and a model, while I'm probably average looking, at best...

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Not really normal, it might seem like it’s normal because sadly a lot of people suffer with this , including myself at times the bottom line is you have low self esteem issues about yourself , that you should seek help for , sadly most low self esteem issues stems down from your childhood or past traumas that you experienced in your life time that you probably tried to bury away inside yourself without realizing you did. I’m not a therapist , but i started getting help for myself because unfortunately my self esteem stems down from my childhood from being molested by an older woman amongst other things as well. I never thought it affected me but apparently it did , I always taught myself to just bury things away like it’s no big deal. So for a lot of years in my lifetime , I never really accepted myself , I became my own worst enemy pretty much. When a beautiful girl showed any sort of interest in me , I immediately thought there must be something wrong with her , as to why she would want a guy like me and thought something must be wrong with her as well. When a girl would compliment me, I just assumed she was just being polite until she kept coming back for more and more to the point I just accepted her and started feeling comfortable and relaxed around her. Sadly I always felt like a beautiful girl was out of my league so for a long time I would just keep to myself and see if she comes on to me. I suffered fear of rejection and I also suffered abandonment issues. For me to be in a relationship with a girl , I have to feel wanted and valued by her , if not , I walk the other way. My therapist has been helping me big time with this and I am finally starting to accept myself for who I am , to the point I realize there is no leagues whatsoever. Not everyone is going to like you and not everyone is going to dislike you , surround yourself with people that accept you for you , I landed some knock outs when I started accepting myself for who I am.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

No, this isn't normal. It's a self-esteem or self-worth issue. It's normal that someone in your position would be aware that your girlfriend is extremely attractive, and you're regular. But you'd feel lucky or fortunate. Not intimidated or feel that she's out of your league.

Hopefully its a matter of it being new, and you not quite believing it yet. Sometime that can happen if you don't know her yet, or haven't had long to become assured she really does like you (through actions).

But it's something that will prevent you from having a happy and healthy relationship if you're unable to get over it with a little time.

Good luck

🙂

Account · Accepted Answer

It is normal and very human of you to be feeling that way, but that does not mean that it is accurate/valid. It could be problematic if you cause her issues based on that though by allowing your deeply rooted insecurity to get in between your relationship with her.

Nikki1989 · Accepted Answer

There are NO leagues, so no, this is not normal.  It is just insanely stupid.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

Well since she likes you, hang out and get to know her and see how it goes. You might determine with time that she is your type, or you might determine that she is not your type. Funny that I never really thought of "leagues" until I moved away to the University when I was in college. There is more apparent that there was a social hierarchy. A lot of women came from upper middle class families where if you got involved with them, their parents wanted to meet your parents, etc. I will admit that it was a bit intimidating with some of the ladies.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

She's not out of your league, it is you putting her (and yourself) in a league of your own design, because you consider physical beauty as objective value, and compare from there. With hindsight though, you can see that this value, in reality, comes from genes, so there's nothing to praise or compare.

It's just the lottery.

Lynx122 · Answer

I think it is normal. Some people just feel like they are the most amazing people ever but for most people it has to be tied somewhat to reality. And when you're a younger man it's harder to have all the things that are considered attractive in a man. But it's fine with experience it will come it's mostly a mental thing. Not everyone can have a successful dating life right from the start a lot of people have to go through growing pains. Just be as confident as you can and keep the relationship going as long as you can if it doesn't work out learn from it.

BadApple69 · Answer

Totally the wrong thought process. Stop judging yourself in the mirror. She might see you for the person you are on the inside. I hear this from many people and this type of thought process only holds you down.
Be the best person you can be and girls will like you.

Zack-Bann · Answer

Considering attraction doesn’t fit on a linear scale the notion of leagues is a fallacy

You’re “her 10” even if you’re not the 10 of someone else

Just don’t lose confidence because at the end of the day: if you manifest insecurity about her leaving it might be the thing that drives her away

scott04sa22 · Answer

Its not about looks or financial status. She probably likes your personality and your growth. I'm sure she's a very attractive woman. Also it takes while to find red flags when you start dating them. Don't go very fast. Treat her well, be yourself, if she wants to be with you and spend a lot of time with you. You got yourself a keeper. You'll be fine. Also easy on the insecurities. That can turn people off and people can smell it miles away.

slatyb · Answer

Yes, it's normal, but it may not be true. She probably doesn't think of herself as all that. Lana Del Ray just married a "normie". She didn't consider herself out of his league. Ask her out.

How do you date beautiful women? You ask them.

RingOfFire · Answer

Don't sweat it. Women don't put as much weight on guys' looks as men place on womens' looks. If you have other desirable traits (particularly money or a potentially lucrative career) that will get you further than good looks.

bddddd · Answer

There are many leagues. A friend of mine is one of the smartest people I have ever met and she is quite attractive. She married a man of middling intellect and looks. But she grew up in abject poverty and valued the stability the relationship brought to her life.

Communicationisking · Answer

Yes it is normal, the reason why is the thing that can be abnormal.
You feel intimidated because she is attractive, why? If anything this should make you feel more confident and good about yourself, but don't let it go to your head either

DrPepper12 · Answer

Happened twice to me. Just be you and don't question the gods.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

I'd say not normal in most cases, mainly because preferences are subjective.

missindiana93 · Answer

Of course it is. But if someone likes you it's real than no reason to feel intimated.

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't feel like she was out of my league in your position. But I would be confused by the attraction. That would definitely give me pause. I mean I'm assuming by this you are not a model as well.

LiamJHayden · Answer

If she's into you just enjoy it. Not everyone is all about looks.

In_Trance · Answer

This is a major red flag and it's going to cost you.
The worst thing you can do is put someone on a pedestal. Not to say that they're not good enough but to think that you're not good enough.
People hate that.
You need to fix this

blackeagle007 · Answer

Any female I find attractive is automatically out of my league. I’m too average looking

Sleephazard · Answer

Normal to compare yourself to others? That certainly happens. I don't know about leagues.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, it's completely normal, I feel like that very often, whenever I see a really hot girl.

robocop666 · Answer

well average looking women feel I am out of theirs.

es20490446e · Answer

Do people decide to be with someone else just because of looks?

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Why would this outstandingly handsome black cowboy believe some broad is out of my league save in a VERY FEW cases?

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

The only place leagues exist is in your head

Anonymous · Answer

I feel like that all the time

PrettyCrumblBb · Answer

Please grow up.

exitseven · Answer

It is, all in your head

eliegia · Answer

yes definitely

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah it is

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