When talking to partner feels like a "chore"?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend are going through a rough patch in our relationship right now. We have been together for almost 3 years and he feels as though our relationship isn't exciting or passionate anymore. I'm trying to be understanding since I have had moments where I felt this way as well but I know relationships have their lulls and highs, and I also know once you're out of the honey moon phase things settle down a bit. But then he told me that lately he feels like its a chore to see me or talk to me, and I felt like that part really hurt because honestly we don't talk that much as it is since he works like 70 hours a week. Even though things sometimes aren't very exciting, I have always felt like I still wanted to talk to him or see him if I could. Is it wrong for me to be taking this so hard? Shouldn't you want to always talk/see your partner when you have the opportunity?

[Lovelinefan]

You're young, this is how relationships go.
Don't be too attached to the idea that this one is going to last forever, it might be time to call it a day and move on.
It's just part of growing up, so much changes in your late teens and early/mid 20's, expecting things to stay how they were at one point in time is unreasonable and unrealistic.
It shouldn't be a chore to talk with or be with your partner. If it is, then that's a sign it might not be the right fit.

[Asker]

Thank you for your honesty

[Lovelinefan]

You're welcome... I've been there, it's how I know...

[Asker]

were you the one that is in my situation or my boyfriends situation?

[Lovelinefan]

In your boyfriends position, we had been together for nearly 3 years and I was at a point where I was unhappy with where my life was and where I was headed (Not so much the relationship, but career-wise and overall direction... wanted to move to a new part of the country, wanted to switch careers, had new goals that were unlike what my goals had been in the past), and the relationship had reached a point where it was routine. I didn't have any bad feelings towards my girlfriend, it wasn't personal, but she was thinking/heading in the "settle down, move in, have kids" direction and I was starting to realize that I wasn't living the life I wanted to live. So this built up as stress and frustration in my head as I tried to figure out what it meant and what to do, and I reacted by becoming unenthusiastic, distant, and less interested in the relationship. It was probably more of a defense mechanism so I wouldn't have to face the problem, but eventually I did and we parted ways... (cont)

[Lovelinefan]

(cont) That was 7 or 8 years ago. Now she's getting married, has a puppy with her new guy, he seems to be a nice guy and I assume treats her well (She's no dummy, she wouldn't stay with a guy who was a jerk... and I like to think I set the bar high, haha). I'm living halfway across the country and focused on building the business that I started to get interested in back when we were growing apart, and in a lot of ways I'm a completely different person than I was back then.
If we had stayed together, which we probably could have made work (sort of), I would most likely be frustrated and a little bit resentful that I never got to leave the part of the country I lived in my whole life, I'd probably be doing well in the career I had been in, and we'd probably be married and have kids... but part of me would still be dreaming about another life I hadn't lived, and wondering "what if...". It may have worked, but I don't think either one of us would be truly happy and fulfilled.

[Asker]

Thank you for sharing that, thats really interesting hearing the other side's perspective. I think he is definitely going through similar things as you, except the difference is he was the one wanting to settle down in the next couple of years and I am trying to postpone it as long as i can right now because I changed my major in school which has set me back as far as a graduation date and I would like to be working for a bit before I start thinking about kids. I think its better to do what you're going to be happy with in the long run though than to settle for something that would just be average.

[Lovelinefan]

For sure. Don't rush it. Everybody has a different pace they are comfortable at, different goals, different desires, and unless both parties are willing to negotiate and come to a mutually acceptable agreement, then it's probably not going to work.
Good luck to you :-)