Guy still uses tinder even after he says he doesn't multi date?

[Anonymous]

I'm going crazy.
Weve gone on 2 dates and 3rd one is soon. I asked what he's looking for. He said to find someone to invest in and a keeper. He talks and texts me everyday. Snaps me a lot as well. So he shows he likes talking to me. He said he wants to date me. I asked him are you multi dating? He said no, he used to but not anymore. I checked tinder and it says he was online 1 day ago. -__-
im going crazy because now I feel like he's going to find someone better and because I invested so much already I'm going to be kicked to the curb. I keep overthinking and analyzing. It's killing me and I'm not myself anymore. I am highly insecure though and I'm trying really hard to trust him. I want to wait until the 3rd date to see if I should stay or if I should go. Right now I'm thinking I should tell him we should stop but I'm trying to wait it out and give him benefit of the doubt. What should I do?

Wait until the 3rd date

Leave if you're not happy

[10dsw]

Tinder is not typically synonymous with long term relationships.

That being said, many guys nowadays date many women at once. It was something I was doing back in the day.

The reason is not because we are "players" or "fuckboys", at least not all of us. It is simply a means of protection. Most of the time, at least in the initial stages of dating, it is the girl who wants out.

Now imagine being a guy who dumped all his eggs in one basket only to find out that some new guy hit on the girl he went on a few dates with, and now the girl likes the new guy more.

In my case at least I talked to many girls at once to "spread out my feelings". If one girl had stopped talking to me for whatever reason, I would forget about it pretty quickly as I would have others around.

Does this seem that I was having sex with all of them? Nope.
Does this mean that I will be a cheater? Nope.
Does this make me a fuckboy? I wouldn't think so.

Anyhow, I hope this helps you out a bit :)

[Asker]

I understand. So how can I know I'm girl A above other girls?

[10dsw]

Great question!

There's no real way to tell however certain behaviors can indicate where you stand. One example is constant texting. If you are exchanging texts with a guy throughout the day, this is a very good sign. Remember guys hate texting and it is unlikely he is exchanging texts with a couple other girls throughout the day, unless he really has nothing to do. Another example is when you are seeing him. If dates always fall on "dull days" like Mondays or Tuesdays, then it could be safe to assume you are a last option. If however he is scheduling dates for Saturday with you on Monday or Tuesday, then it is a safe bet that you are his prime option as he is making time for you on days he could be out fishing and drinking beer with his friends.

Just a few things to think about. I speak from personal experience of course.

[Asker]

Well, here's why I'm confused.
He does text me constantly.
He snaps me a lot as well from home and from work. (However that doesn't count because he could be snapping multiple people)
He shows me that he's playing his computer game.
He calls me after work as well.
He invited me to hangout with his friends once but I declined.
Dates do fall on Monday, but his days off are Monday and Tuesday. He said he'd rather do it on an off day because he wants more time with me. but we did have a date on a Friday night before. Our first one.

[10dsw]

I hate to give you a dose of reality but you're right. He could walk away just like that. A lot of guys nowadays have simply lost the ability to "feel bad" for ghosting on women. The reason for this is because a lot of guys have been "kicked to the curb" plenty of times and they simply grow "used to it" and stop caring.

From personal experience: when I was younger I got "kicked to the curb" a few times. After the 3rd or 4th time I simply stopped caring. I would lead women on and then ghost on them without really thinking or caring about how they felt. Am I proud of this? Hell no... but I have come to accept that this is part of the dating culture nowadays.

[10dsw]

Given the above information, you need to understand that exclusivity doesn't come after 1-2 dates. After 1-2 dates, both of you are more than allowed to talk with others. Exclusivity comes near or after sex, or 10 or more dates, etc.

I think you might be getting attached to this guy way too soon, and you may need to slow down. Again, I'm not trying to sound harsh but your idea of a relationship is a bit unrealistic, especially given today's circumstances.

Moreover, I think by saying you feel like you need to stop talking to him just because he checked his Tinder is a bit silly. Yes, he met up with you on a Monday but think about it... that is his weekend. Going back to what I said, it's like he made time for you on a Saturday. At this point I personally see nothing wrong here. This relationship sounds like it is evolving in a healthy manner.

[Asker]

Absolutely. I understand how dating works these days. But I refuse to be apart of the culture.
I'm still not going multi date and I will focus on one guy that I am finding interest in.
Given that he still texts and contacts me everyday, I'm going to continue. Not many guys even texts a girl everyday, so I guess I should be lucky. Yes, we met on an online website but I'm going to delete it. I don't know why I hold myself to a dating app like that anyways.

I have a problem with patience. I'm too impatient and I tend to jump into things too fast. Going at this slow pace is killing me. If he ghosts me, well then let it be. At least I know I tried. I'm starting to learn that failure is healthy. It shows that I'm not quitting at every moment.

[Asker]

Thanks for the information on exclusivity. I tend to think that if you're on dates, that means you're dating. But I guess not. haha. You're right, he only made time for me on his "weekend". When I asked him last night if he was doing anything. He said he was going to his friends party and invited me. While that was a nice gesture, but I just wanted it to be us. I'm going to test out and try again to see if he would hang out with me on another day that's not on his weekend to see how he acts. He works until 11pm so it will be hard. I'm starting to realize that if someone wants you, they will make a way. It's literally 50/50 with this guy. I'm hoping he will end up in the good 50% because I enjoy his company.

[Asker]

Anyways, thank you. Really your advice was nice!

[10dsw]

Best of luck to you! For now I think everything is just fine, just go with the flow 😁

[Alex88F]

i had a girl who used to do the same thing to me!

my opinion? he's lying to you - that pretty much sums it up all his attitude : he's out having fun and taking whatever it may be more cool to him

that's funny tho, i never thought girls these days may be turn off by this behaviour

[Asker]

Eh. If he's lying then whatever. He still calls me when he's finished hanging with his friends and snapping me when he is with his friends. We've talked every single day for a month straight and still have dates so I'll just go with it. I came to the sense that if he has to date multiple girls to feel better about himself then that's cool. I'm interested in him and I'm going to try. If he says I'm not the one then hey his loss. :)

[Alex88F]

you're free to do whatever you want, but watch out

[Asker]

I definutely will!
Nothing to watch out for.
Those who try to play me only play themselves.

[Puppylove94]

oh god lol dont be so insecure. You guys just started dating- he's allowed to date whoever he wants. just dont get too invested too fast. you can keep seeing other people too. I tend to get attached fast too so i make sure im talking to other people when i first start seeing someone- this helps me realize there are other guys out there and stops me from thinking too much

[Asker]

You're absolutely right.
I get attached way too fast. Lol
I'm trying to take it slow but I'm so used to just jumping into things and being impatient. So this one is a true struggle for me.
But I don't multidate. I can't see multiple people when I'm interested in one person. If he dates others then that's on him. I'll stick to my standards though. :)

[Puppylove94]

Yeah I do too. It's definitely a fault sometimes, but some guy will appreciate it I hope haha maybe you could try gettig on tinder while you're dating just to talk to other people- not go out with them. Just talking to other people helps

[vidaloca]

All the red flags of a fuckboy. RUN RUN RUN. Tinder's a cesspool anyway. The good guys on there are NEVER the ones to agree to meet people. They have some common sense, a certain aversion to this type of "dating" and respect for themselves. Like think about it. A guy should have enough options in real life to choose from, you know? I don't know to me Tinder is a red flag

[Asker]

He's not even that attractive but he's kind and sociable. I don't want to label him just yet because he hasn't tried anything sexual whatsoever with me or mentions it. I just need to know if I'm being stringed along again

[teawrecks]

How does it say he was online 1 day ago? They got rid of that feature awhile back, did you never update your app?

[SnatchFinderGeneral]

Do people really look for relationships on tinder?

That's like reaching into a bucket of fish guts and expecting to find ambergris.

[Asker]

Initially I was just looking for guys to be friends with. I don't have make friends. But then he asked me on dates and I got sucked in. So now I'm in. He doesn't try anything sexual with me though.

[SnatchFinderGeneral]

I've no idea what to make of it. But tbh I think dating is a terrible way to meet people.

[Asker]

Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. I'm not ready for it I guess. I'm a pushover so whatever he says I'll do. I need to cut it before I get even more depressed.

[SnatchFinderGeneral]

Yeah I think you should. Meet people in real life through hobbies.

People on tinder are just desperate and looking for casual relationships and sex.

[Asker]

Why does he have to lie though? I think online dating would be so much easier if people say what they want? there's no feelings to be hurt if we dont have the same goals, just shows we move on to other people that do. I asked him what he wanted and he said looking for something for a long term. He even talked about settling down. We really do get along. I like talking to him. We have a lot in common but yeah, I guess so. It's going to suck but i'll do it.

[SnatchFinderGeneral]

talk is cheap...

you need to actually find someone you WANT to be with long term as well as them want the same as you.

By the sounds of it, you're working backwards.

[Asker]

okay, so can I ask if talk is cheap, how do I know if someone will want long term with me? Will they ask me to be their girlfriend right off the bat? He said he's looking forward to seeing where this goes. To be honest I've never dated someone this long before. He's the only one I've gone on real date s with.

[SnatchFinderGeneral]

I... don't really know :/

I want to know the same thing to be honest lol

[Anonymous]

Leave if you're not happy