Should I ever even consider dating my dead ex boyfriends brother?

[Anonymous]

He died not that long ago. I miss him so much, and I keep seeing his brother everywhere. Literally. He looks so much like him. It's hard because I don't know if it's right to even feel this way but I've been having a lot of weird dreams with him in it since his brother passed. In fact it's actually kind of mind blowing that I've been having more dreams about his brother than him when he's the one I was in love with. I feel guilty about it because it's his brother. Obviously right now is not a good time to even consider that but I'm thinking maybe a couple years in the future who knows. I just don't know what feelings are right, and just when I feel like I'm being pulled into two different directions.

Go for it

Don't do it

[fauchelevent]

Sounds more like you're mourning for the ex boyfriend and because the brother looks similar, you wanna get with him - almost like reclaiming the ex boyfriend. I recommend waiting a long time until you deal with the loss before even thinking of dating the brother, you want to make sure you're dating him because you like him for who he is, not because he reminds you of the person you lost :)

[Asker]

Yes that's what I'm so afraid of because I don't want to do that! I want to wait at least a year. At least. I just would never want to disrespect my ex, and I would have to be sure we are going to be together like get married like I would not even entertain the idea if I didn't see that as a possible outcome in my future. I wouldn't see the point in even pursuing anything with him unless I knew for real.

[Asker]

It was real*

[adoll]

you will be shy asf though like my self, if you plan to go for it although you should if thats where will make you happy

[WillowTree]

Honestly, if your ex were alive, I don't think he'd have a problem with you finding happiness nor his brother finding happiness with you. Maybe that's just me. But I would think he'd prefer you both being able to move on together than being sad apart. If his brother feels the same way about you I'd say go for it. You can't let your ex's memory keep you down forever.

[Petr1992]

It's his brother !!! I mean like wtf

[WillowTree]

@Petr1992 It's not out of the ordinary for two people who were close to the deceased to start seeing each other. The pain of loss often brings them together. People marry their deceased partners best friends. I know a widow who married her husbands boss after he had heart failure post surgery. It happens.

[Petr1992]

my morals are different than

[truthbeknown]

Depends. If you date the brother because you actually like him and he likes you, then that is wonderful. If you date the brother because he reminds you of the one that passed, then that is wrong.

[Asker]

He's not really that talkative, and I'm pretty shy too. Lately when we do talk it's about his brother obviously. Or like last night all we really did was just said hi to each other when I ran into him at the bar. Plus I feel like when we do talk about it, it just leaves us both kind of sad, and we don't really say much. I can just feel it. I feel a really strong connection to him though. In fact I left a lot of details out just because I don't even want to run the risk of him seeing this, and knowing its me. That would be really awkward. I wouldn't doubt it though if he is attracted to me because I do catch him looking at me. Wish I could add more details but not the best idea at this time. I had his mom randomly give me her blessing on dating one of his friends. That's not what I'm looking for though, great guys don't get me wrong but I fell for that family their amazing, and what they are all going through right now it's hard for anyone to understand. I don't want to restart. 😞

[truthbeknown]

Time. It is amazing what it can do! Hang in there. I think your thoughts are still very clouded and you still need some time to figure all this out.

[adoll]

great... i learnt that someone can say and type they love you but they dont or they aren't in love with you, i believe thats between him and his female but whenever he comes close around me. i feel his brothers aura.. the same attitude, the same person, same attitude. i wish someone understood!!!

[OrangeBoy]

I think you need to get out of that place... and start fresh.
Do a reset into your life, girl : /

Really.

[adoll]

she doesn't need to if that family has her heart. if thats what her heart desires let her be because i dont want to restart either

[adoll]

i am in the same situation as her, my boyfriend died that i was in love with but im seeing his twin brother. he look exactly the same as my ex but i figured i dont like him because he looks like my ex. i realised I've been liking him naturally... we both are weird around each other, we stare at each other then pretend we aren't looking at each other, i feel a strong connection with him too. i just dont understand but im giving it time. we both like each other maybe he even loved me too just as his brother cause we have been around each other for so long. i have seen even a few actions from him towards me.. since school days to adult days. he has a girlfriend now but i dont tend to feel anyway really... im giving it time.. time will tell. i wish i could really explain well but i can't but there is a lot to try to look through

[sidbby19]

Please get out of that environment darling.

[Asker]

Not possible at this point. I am there for them. I have to be. Also no offense honey but you're only 14 you can't possibly understand what it's like to lose someone you've been intimate with for a long time (hopefully). I feel like it would be wrong to just get out I wouldn't even want to anyway that's kinda like my family too. Try to imagine what his mom is going through. She needs support now more than ever. Not to be shut out. I wouldn't do that to any of his family or anyone that's grieving in general.

[adoll]

yes!! i believe i must support my exs family too especially his brother. You are so correct and my dream is to join the army and protect his family

[Jeeevan]

No, what's wrong with you

[Asker]

Hmm well I'm human for starters I'm sure you're not perfect either.. I would say the best term for what's wrong with me right now is grief, depression, and I mean I lost my best friend give me break.

[Jeeevan]

I'm sorry I didn't really think when I typed that.

[adoll]

be with him, if you like him. it will make you heal... your an adult. you make your own decisions. hopefully the family will agree, if they dont be happy still

[Petr1992]

Omg wtf