Missing condoms? Cheating or overreacting?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating my boyfriend about a year. We spend most all of our free time together by choice although we both work a lot. A few months ago he was leaving to go home to see his family and used an old suitcase the next morning I found old condoms (wrapped unused attached to one wrapper used) in the garbage. I confronted him and he said it was from his old suitcase and it made since there was a plane ticket in there form 2013 as well. He said he threw away the unused ones too because he doesn't need them. We don't use condoms I am on the pill. However he's always had a box of consoms under his bed. From when we first met and did use them and before me I'm sure. The box was full as we barely used any, there were some loose single condoms in the box as well as a bunch attached to each other. Now he cleaned his room and moved the box into his closet. I was grabbing a jacket out this morning and the box fell and it only had 6 in there. I am concerned that he is cheating now.. although he has never given me a reason to think he would. And we just got back from me traveling to meet his family (paid for by him) and he just bought me a MacBook for starting grad school. I'm only Saying this because he seems super invested in our relationship. But why would multiple condoms be missing? Should I confront him?

[Anonymous]

So recap.

He is "super invested" in your relationship. He has never given you reason to think he is cheating. The only thing you believe is that come condoms are missing from a box.

You can confront him... of course picture a very likely scenario where he hasn't cheated at all. Then he didn't undermine the trust in the relationship, you did by essentially accusing him of cheating... why else would you ask him about missing condoms, because you are responsible for the cost of all the inventory of your closets?

On the other hand, let's say for a second he is cheating, even though you have said "he has given you no reason to suspect he is". What do you think he is going to say? "ohh yeah, im missing those condoms because i was compelled to monetarily support a transvestite hooker and decided to use them rather than go bareback, hope you are ok with that". No, he's going to say something like "lol, why are you counting condoms, i dropped some on the floor when i pulled my jacket out of the closet and i never use them so i just tossed them in the trash".

So no, don't ask him. GO on about your relationship, and if you see something more substantial then deal with that. Cheaters usually give off real signs they are cheating and you don't need to take inventory of condom boxes to know.

[Odonti]

You are overreacting on this one. As most of the guys have said, there could be several good explanations for the missing condoms especially expiration dates. It actually sounds like your boyfriend already gave you a good explanation. He probably realized it bothered you when you confronted him, so he cleaned house only keeping six because as you said you are on the pill. He wouldn't need that many, but it is always smart to keep some handy incase you miss a pill.

If he was actually cheating, there would be signs other than just missing condoms. Basically, he wouldn't seem super invested in your relationship.

Trust is a big part of a relationship. This trust issue you seem to be having might just be coming from him taking a trip by himself, when you are used to spending all of your free time together. It is important that both of you be able to spend time separate and not question whether the other one is cheating.

I would recommend just letting this go and not confronting him again about it. Doing that will just put a strain on your relationship. Instead focus on what he does that lets you know that he cares about you and stay present when you are with him.

[RachelBrigs]

People are saying he probably threw the expired ones away.. but if they are all from the same box.. they all expire at the same time. He'd have thrown out the whole box.

I can't think of another reason why he'd be running out of condoms. I'm sorry, but it seems likely he's cheating on you. But I think you should talk to him about it.

[Odonti]

Just because they are in the same box, doesn't mean they all came from the same box. He could have consolidated several boxes into one at one point in time.

[RachelBrigs]

@Odonti that's possible, probably not as likely but still possible.

[MrAtticusLebowski]

Couple of things... condom wrappers have an expiration date, the one's in the trash are easily verifiable to be old. Also, you're story about the falling condom box seems suspicious, sounds like you're snooping.
You should confront him 'cause it sounds like you have some trust issues with him. Maybe your condom bookkeeping is off? maybe he gave some away, maybe some were damaged.
Sounds like you're overreacting but still talk to him about. He deserves to know you don't trust him.

[meatballs21]

Condoms expire, you know. The ones in the trash would have an expiry date stamped on them that would confirm this. He might likewise have cleaned out the box under the bed of expired ones so when you guys are in the heat of the moment he doesn't have to worry about trying to make sure it's still safe to use.

You keep confronting this guy every time your imagaination runs away with you, and he'll eventually leave.

[Anonymous]

I completely understand where you're coming from on this one!! When my first boyfriend was at uni, I went to visit and found empty condom wrappers underneath his bed, to which he said he'd had a "posh wank". Hmmmm. Never believed it. Still don't but he's never admitted to cheating. Then with my last boyfriend I found an empty condom wrapper in his bin... I can't hide things like that though! I marched out the bathroom with the bin and demanded he told me where it came from... I got the same as you "oh was just throwing them away". I never know what to believe anymore!!!

[Bedlington]

well you can only use condoms upto a certain date then once that date has arrived it is advisable to throw them away as they are not very reliable any more but other than that its very hard to say what he is doing with them for sure

[AustinMan]

I think you need to calm down and unless there's something you're not telling us, give him the benefit of the doubt. This kind of suspicion is very, very detrimental to a relationship.

[kate5678]

seems a bit strange to be honest it will keep bothering you if you dont confront him, you have the right to be worried a little and to know whats going on, condoms dont just go missing if the box was full, some people buy gifts when they feel guilty aswell it makes them feel better... i hope it works out for you:)

[Raymond_Reddington]

Trust might be the single most important thing in a relationship. And you my dear, obviously don't trust your boyfriend. If you're acting this paranoid over such a small matter, you might aswell dump him now.

[meatballs21]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2141474-missing-condoms-cheating-or-overreacting

[BertMacklinFBI]

he gives you no reason to suspect cheating. maybe let trust do it's job and see how things go.

[Kraftmuppen]

I mean, maybe he threw some More away. Maybe he used them to jerk off?

[Anonymous]

These guys with bad advice. I would do a test. From now on, remember that there are 6 condoms, wait it out a month or two and then check back to see if there are more missing.

[Anonymous]

I as a man sometimes like to jerk off with a condom on.
Why? Feels better and you can do it in bed without making it dirty.

So that might be a reason too.

[damnwinter]

that's what I was going to say, so count me in for this one

[Anonymous]

Ummm hard to say what he really does with them...

[Anonymous]

cheating i do the same