I got in a relationship with my step dad, advice?

[Anonymous]

So i regret ever doing this but it just happened... my mom is a very lovely person she puts me before everything i really don't deserve her. But i messed up real bad this time when i got into a relationship with my step dad i know it is wrong but it just happened! I know this is really bad , but i don't know what to do now to fix this if it can even get fixed. Should i tell my mom? If yes HOW?

[Katherine3110hun]

Tell your mom. She deserves to know. Your guilt is obvious. Do you really want to live with it the rest of your life and having to shove it down? Trust me it's better to tell your mom and go to therapy for it. I'm not going to tell you it'll be easy, because it won't. Tbh it'll be hell and painful and one of the hardest things you've done and you'll hurt for a while. But it'll be worth it. I speak from a similar experience. The difference is, I didn't know at the time that what I was doing was wrong. That fact helps the guilt. You don't have that luxury so I'm telling you, go to therapy for it, personal therapy and family therapy with your mom and possibly step dad. Remember: a mother's love is strong and will cease to amaze you.

[Asker]

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Be honest. Tell your mom. And don't speak to your stepdad again. What makes you think he hasn't done that with others. And hopefully you learned your lesson. There are boundaries in life. You should have respected the fact that he was your mom's man. He is just using you and you should go to a psychiatrist and get some help. You need to check yourself as something isn't right. Your mom can be the worst person in the world, but doesn't mean you cross that line. If you can't see it, another reason to seek professional counseling. If you were brave enough to be with your "dad" be brave enough to tell you mom and admit your fault. Karma is a bitch and well just be ready for the consequences.

[Anonymous]

There's no way you can win. If you tell her, she'll probably never want to look at you or trust you again. If you don't tell her, you're ruining her life without her knowing and you have to live with the guilt.

[Asker]

True.

[Anonymous]

blame it on your stepdad. say it was forced or what ever... and you may be thinking that's not fair on him but you shouldn't really be getting it on with your misses daughter. yeah it's partly your fault but the only way you're coming out alive is if you tuck in your tail and start telling them porkies

[Red_Arrow]

Things like this do not "just happen". You knew it was wrong well before doing it! But you cared so little about your mom and your relationship with her that you went ahead and did it. You may ease your conscience somehow, but it will not be by fixing it, because this can't be fixed.

[Asker]

It isn't that i didn't care about her cause i do but i cared more about myself.

[Red_Arrow]

What you did was NOT caring for yourself. And that is proven by the fact that now you regret it and want to "fix" it. If you cared about her, you would not have been able to do what you did.

[FakeName123]

Make a cut. Do it straight to the point. You did already enough harm and can't come out a winner. Thus you have to do damage control.

- End it with him
- Sit down with your mom and tell her
- Expect her being angry and disappointed with you for a long long time

[Asker]

Seems like it thanks

[BluesBoy]

betray by her own kind, I feel sorry for your mother

[Asker]

I do too.

[Blonde401]

🙊 you're genuinely a terrible person. You cannot fix this but you have to tell her so she knows what kind of child she raised.

[Asker]

Yeah i know

[Intraluminal]

Don't tell her. Kick your stepdad in the nuts, and then make him admit it.

[Asker]

We are both wrong though.

[Intraluminal]

How old are you, how old is he?

[Asker]

I am turning 18 he is 45.

[Intraluminal]

Here's what has to happen. Your mother is innocent here. She needs to be protected from this sleazeball, and I say sleazeball because you DO NOT FUCK YOUR DAUGHTER. Step or not.

Finding out that sleazeball fucked you will hurt her desperately. Staying with a sleazeball is dangerous to her. So he has to go.

He needs to admit to having had an affair with someone and leave.

You need to shut your mouth and swallow your guilt for the rest of your life. Telling your mom may make *you* feel better, but it will ruin her. Suck it up.

[Asker]

Ok fine but how will she be protected from him of she doesn't know?

[Intraluminal]

Get a video of him talking about your mutual affair in as much detail as possible. Save it to your email. Send a letter to a trusted friend with your email password asking that they use it if anything should happen to you. Tell him, in a public place, straight up, "You pack your stuff, tell my mom you're leaving her for another woman, or that video is going out to everyone. You have a week."

If you have Gmail there's a chrome plugin that allows you to set up a mailing at a future date. You can set it up so a copy of the file will be mailed around to whoever you want. Set that up, and let him know that it's set up as a protection.

[Intraluminal]

How old were you when he came into your life?

[Intraluminal]

Tell him to leave the money in the accounts.

[Katherine3110hun]

What the actual fuck!!! You're telling a 18 year old kid to black mail her step-dad? What in the God damn world happened to you to make you so messed up and disgusting? Actually never mind I don't want to know. @Asker DO NOT listen to him. You obviously have a big heart and are very selfless. So DO NOT do that to yourself!!! Think about how your mom would feel if she knew her little girl that she loves so much, blackmailed the man she loved. Imagine how much it would hurt her. You made the mistake, you can't change that but you CAN work through it. Remember: use your selflessness to make better choices. I can tell you are very selfless.

[Intraluminal]

@Katherine3110hun
That's not blackmail. She's simply telling him what will happen if he doesn't leave. She's not trying to get him to lie, she's asking him to tell the truth. He *did* have an affair. She's not trying to get money from him, just getting him to tell the truth before she tells the truth.

[Intraluminal]

How is forcing the truth to come out the same as blackmailing? Blackmailing HIDES the truth.

[Katherine3110hun]

okay threatening is a better word. that's besides the point though. She's just a kid and she's obviously in a very fragile place rn and if she did do what you're saying and threatened him that would be so hard and painful for her. she's already in a ton of pain obviously and what you're suggesting would just make it worse for her.

[Katherine3110hun]

I misunderstood the actual meaning of blackmailed.

[Intraluminal]

@Katherine3110hun

Three things:

One: She's an adult, she may be a *young* adult, but she's still an adult.

Two: This man is a threat. Not just to her, not just to her mother, not just to whoever else he comes into contact with, but to the relationship between this woman and her mother. This *truth* could do irreparable harm to the family. As such, threatening him is VERY reasonable. He needs to be threatened. He clearly is an immoral sociopath who probably "groomed" her for his sick purposes.

Three: There's no way she can come out of this untouched. By controlling this situation she will at least be empowered, rather than being victimized.

[Katherine3110hun]

1. She was 17 when it happened. The maturity level is still debatably considered a kid. 17 year olds don't have the maturity level of adults.

2. I agree he is disgusting and pathetic and a pedophile. But I don't think threatning him like that in her current emotional state is the best idea. I personally think the best solution would be to get her mom and the police involved because if her step dad is willing to have an affair with his 17 year old daughter, imagine what else he'd be willing to do. If it goes through the courts, he can't hurt anyone else. her family obviously wasn't very good in the first place since both the step dad and step daughter that it was a good idea to be in a relationship.
3. I'm not trying to stop the pain for her, I'm trying to make sure it doesn't get to the point where it's too much for her to deal with because that's when people commit suicide.

[Katherine3110hun]

by the way I apologize for calling you messed up and disgusting earlier, it was completely uncalled for and unnecessary.

[Intraluminal]

@Katherine3110hun
That's fine. I am messed up at times, and TBH, incestuous pieces of shit like this one enrage me. My first girlfriend was molested by her father and broke down in my arms after telling me. I have hated that MF asshole and other things like him with my whole heart ever since.

Unfortunately, she was almost undoubted over the age of consent when this happened, and, as disgusting as it is, he will never spend a day in jail over this.

[Intraluminal]

I still hate that piece of shiy to this day, and if I knew where his grave was, I'd go out and take a dump on it tonight.

[Katherine3110hun]

That's what therapy is for. It took me several years of therapy but it was worth it. I've forgiven him.

[Intraluminal]

@Katherine3110hun
Wasn't me who got raped. He raped my girlfriend, and I have zero desire to forgive him. Thankfully he's dead and rotting in his grave now.

[Katherine3110hun]

oh nvm then

[hyder1393]

all the more proof that you punk ass teenagers are fucked up more now than ever before

[Asker]

I can't deny.

[hyder1393]

can you stand on your feet? do you earn or anything?

[Asker]

No i am still a student.

[hyder1393]

bravo!!

[Asker]

😔come on i admit what i did is wrong i already feel bad (like i should)

[hyder1393]

well
I might be able to think of something if i knew the details but as I'm short on info
there's not much i can think of here...

[Asker]

Thank you anyway.

[Jager66]

you have to tell her!! he's probably cheating with other women as well and you mom probably deserves better.

It will be hard but it's the right thing to do.

[clampfan101]

You should tell your mom in an apologetic way, asking her to help separate you from it.

How recently did it start, btw? Do you have any clue what started it? How serious is it atm?

[Asker]

It's been happening for around a year and a half but ever since we all moved together after their wedding everything was different but it wasn't official until he approached me and talked seriously I don't know what started it but after i brokeup with my boyfriend i just wanted to forget him with anyone and then he came and this was my chance it is also quite serious we are in a serious relationship

[clampfan101]

So he's not your birth father? Did you know him before he wed your mom?

[Asker]

Yes he is not my birth father. And no it developed after they got married.

[Ali55sven]

tell her, and how the hell do you manage that even lmao

[Asker]

Not sure tbh

[Jan1ssary_]

My advice is stop watching "Daughter & stepdad porn" videos.

[Asker]

Lmao i don't actually

[Anonymous]

wow. Just wow. Granted you are an adult. That is just wow.

[Tdieseler]

What do you mean "in a relationship"?

[Asker]

We are in a serious actual relationship sexual physical emotional... etc.

[Tdieseler]

You fucked your step dad... wait... why am i acting surprised... I've seen/heard worse.
You say your mom is a lovely person, i think you should cut shit off with him, and come clean with her and apologize while letting her know he's a perverted cunt...

[Asker]

Yeah she is it is all on me

[Tdieseler]

It is, and i won't hesitate to let you know. But unlike me, you admit you have a great mom, so she'll listen. You fucked up, just confess. She'll throw the dirtbag out, hate you for a sec, then get over it. You are a higher case value to her. (if she's that good a mom, I don't know what good moms do, mines a bitch)

[Asker]

I'm sorry..

[Tdieseler]

lol... not the person to tell that to boo boo.

[willwhitez]

Yes any way possible tell her.

[Asker]

Guess you are right.

[willwhitez]

I'm not suggesting now but at some point you should. Do they live together?

[Asker]

Yeah we all do.

[willwhitez]

Wow then tell her so she can get his pedo Ass out a there

[Asker]

I don't think he is a pedo because i never said no.

[willwhitez]

Maybe me An adult now but he's looked at you that way for a long time or he is just a complete tool and fucks everything. Either way you or your mom do not deserve that.

[willwhitez]

One thing to Fuck around another to Fuck your spouses daughter. did he initiate it or you?

[Asker]

He did he approached me but i never refused.

[willwhitez]

Shits creepy but your an adult so it's your decision. He shouldn't have put you in this position.

[Asker]

Guess so😪

[willwhitez]

I'm sorry if I seem judgmental I apologize and wish you the best of luck

[Shane00]

Let sleeping dog lye.

[Asker]

You think that would be better?

[Shane00]

If you tell her, it will hurt her. if you dont it won't.

[Asker]

You got a point there.

[Anonymous]

it is better to stop it for the sake of your mom

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Holy shit..

[Asker]

I know.😪

[Anonymous]

... troll

[Asker]

I am not trolling.

[Dantheman101]

How the f ***

[Asker]

Idk😪

[Dantheman101]

Did you start it

[Asker]

No he did but i never refused or agreed i just went with it.

[Dantheman101]

I hope u was at least safe

[Asker]

Yeah😕

[Dantheman101]

I would just keep quiet about it

[Asker]

Guess that's right too.

[Dantheman101]

Your mum will not want to know she's been sucking on a dick that's been in you to be totally honest

[Asker]

True.

[Dantheman101]

Pm me

[suckitbe]

Damn, freak shit