I love him so much, but I'm so tired

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is perfect in every way when it comes to the two of us, but their is another girl in the picture. She was just a close friend to both of us, but then my boyfriend told me he loved her as well. The two have been just like a couple ever since. I couldn't bring myself to try to forbid him to talk to her(which he said he would do if I NEEDED it), because I didn't want to hurt either of them, and ruin the friendship we all had. But, I'm tired of being jealous and of sharing him emotionally. It has been about a year of this, and I can't ask them to stop hanging out now, as they have gotten even closer. I love him so much, but it seems like my only two choices are deal with it or leave, because I can't make myself ask that of them. What should I do? I need him, but I need out of this to. And would having none of him really be better than sharing?

Updates

+1 y

He is always loving, wants to spend tons of time with me, never leaves me wanting for attention, puts me first, is a complete goofball, and is all around everything I ever wanted. We never even fight and have been together for nearly 2 and a half years.

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for all the answers. I'm really sorry their was no possible way to make the question show the entire situation or the people involved. :) He is no "douche lord", no matter how funny that wording is :P And I'm fine for now.

[phoenixgoddess27]

Look, this guy is playing both you and her and you're sitting there letting him know it's okay to treat you like that. Obviously, you want his affection for the other girl to end, otherwise there would be no anger/jealousy. You may love him and THINK you are his soul mate and you are his, but part of love, is being blind. You're right, it isn't about age, but it is about fairness and respect, and your boyfriend is by far, not respecting you. He can't love you and the other girl and be monogamous, there is just no way. I honestly believe you should end things with him or tell him to cease all contact with the other girl or you'll be the one in pain in the end and wishing/regretting you had done so sooner. It always ends up worse when you purposely blind yourself and telling yourself things will change. It almost never does.

[phoenixgoddess27]

Just keep in mind, every time he kisses you, you're kissing her. Every time, you look into his eyes, he's thinking of her. There is NO such thing as a soulmate and a high school girlfriend at once with two different girls, that's a player. Wake up.

[queenb2000]

oh my lord, this is mildly depressing. sweetie, as much as you think you love him, you don't because before you can love someone soooo much, you have to love yourself genuinely as much first and if you're letting him do this to you for sooooo long then you don't love yourself. he's a douche lord ( sorry, its hard to swallow I know). this is a bit harsh but you've GOT to let him go. you're waaaay too young to get THAT serious with a guy that's creepin on you in plain sight. she's a terrible friend to you. and he's a terrible bf. get out of that relationship A.S.A.P. plzzz :(

[phoenixgoddess27]

I completely agree with you. Age may be just a number, but you have to tell yourself that you're mature enough to get out of a situation like this at your age.

[Asker]

Look at the comments I sent to the person above you if you want a more full explaination...

[Asker]

I did. (after nearly and year and a half though). Thank you for the good advice.

[phoenixgoddess27]

Making excuses for his actions will only make you hurt in the end, no matter the situation. He loves the two of you and hanging around the other chick more than he should be, that's explanation enough. It's your life, you do what you will, ruin it how you will, but don't ask advice if you don't want it.

[Asker]

Where on earth did you get that I wasn't wanting advice? All my update did was say I wish that it was easier to write about a complex situation, because I honestly left out a lot that put me in a bad light and him in a much better one just for the sake of easy explaination.

[phoenixgoddess27]

How so? I don't see you in a bad light whatsoever but because your updates were brief, I assumed you were making excuses for him, my apologies.

[Asker]

One big things was it was a mildly open relationship (not from the start, but developed into after a year and a half becaues it seemed like fun) It was JUST suppose to be physical, with him telling me EVERYTHING and getting an ok each time. Though, really, I didn't think anything would happen until college. But, one of our friends was actully cool with the idea of messing around a little and offered. I was perfectly fine with this. But they got closer and I didn't know how to handle it and did

[Asker]

Nothing until it felt like it was too late for it to be stopped/fair for me to rip them apart, since I had such a big role in them getting closer to begin with. He tries really hard to make me comfortable, and to let me know I'm still the world to him, but he doesn't WANT to end it with her of course. I got myself into this, so it only seems fair to let it play out without me really hurting anyone. True, I never banked on him falling for her, and made it clear I couldn't handle something like

[Asker]

That, but we were both being stupid and he feels horrible about getting us into this situtation (blames himself a lot). Also, my friend kind of has a lot of problems. She has been let down a lot and had a lot of crap happen to her. She doesn't get close to people like she has gotten close to him often, and he and I both are afraid of what him disapearing from her life would do to her. It possibly could get really bad, with a lot of self destruction involved.

[Asker]

Most of the time now a days I'm ok-ish with the situation. Sure, I always hate the fact he loves her too *shudder* But it usually isnt' that hard to live with. Randomly though I have freak out of panicy jealousy where I feel like crap about myself and feel trapped. During one of those I posted this question. Once I calmed down, I posted that last update.

[phoenixgoddess27]

In my opinion, he can't feel too bad ,cause he won't leave her. I think you should back out of the whole thing and end things with him if it's going to torment you like this. It can work three ways, he leaves her, you leave him, or you can be in pain every time you think about it. It's completely your choice, but ask yourself is this how you want to live the only life you get.

[Asker]

Yes, those are the only three options I can think of too, and I hate all of them. I can't seem to bring myself to do the 1st and the 2nd is my worst nightmare, which is why I've been living with option number 3 for months now. *sigh* I believe it would be much worse to leave him though. (as far as being tormented)

[phoenixgoddess27]

True, but nothing lasts forever unless it's meant to be. And the way you're being tormented, it's obvious it isn't meant to be. Time heals all wounds, unless you leave the wound open, as you are now in the situation you're in. Try telling him you two need to take a break, if he still chooses to see the girl even afterward, then you know he wasn't the guy you thought he was.

[Asker]

I have come very close to asking for a break before, and once did very weakly (he talked me out of it in 2 seconds). Right now their is no point though, because I feel fine. But next time I'm freaking out, I'm going to ask for a few days apart.

[phoenixgoddess27]

You probably need more than a few days apart to observe his behavior. If you step back or step up, people show their true colors and the truth comes out. But sitting there doing nothing will only waste away your life while they're laughing and smiling in your face. I don't know you, but I don't think you deserve to be hurt like that.

[phoenixgoddess27]

You can PM me if you wish to further discuss it, since this is getting a bit long

[chiefnavarro]

listen your to young for a serious relationship. you may not understand that of even think I'm wrong. from now to you 23 your going to be completely different and a relationship is only going to hinder your growth as a person.

[Asker]

Yes, I do think you're wrong. For one example, my own mother started dating my father when she was 17 (my age). They are one of the happiest and most goofy couples I know. I'm not saying everyone could make a realtionship work in their teenage years. Far from it. Most people can't and shouldn't. But I am in a serious relationship, and I'm not sure if it will last, but I know it is horrible to write off a relationship simply because of age.

[chiefnavarro]

Alright f*** me right. I'm just saying this is drama. you may not have the skill yet to deal with drama. I was saying just drop it. its not that big of a deal. if you let him have all the power that's weak. a person deserves better than that.

[Asker]

Lol, got me there. This IS drama and I can't seem to overcome it.

A question though. What were you telling me to drop? I couldn't quite tell from your comment. Caring about the drama? The relationship? What?

[chiefnavarro]

Drop the relationship. he's young he doesn't know what he want. he needs to grow as a person.

[Asker]

Lol, you say it like its so easy.

[Asker]

This isn't really about what is best for him though (no comment on if being set free IS what is best) It is about what I can handle. I can't let him go, but I can't deal with this drama. I'm usually an abnormally happy person, and it is dragging me down (and has been for a long time). *sigh* Rock and a hard place

[chiefnavarro]

Its not easy. but the solution is simple. I've been through many things in my life to know what healthy and what not. you have feeling. I know. that's the sh*tty part. but the solution is black and white. I did the math. it makes sense. math took use to the moon don't doubt it. your young their will be other guys. its not that big a deal. people aren't going to die over this. focus your energy into becoming the best person you can be and don't worry about this boy.

[Asker]

Thanks for your advice. I know at least in some ways that you are right, but . . .ugh, I don't know anything anymore. Well, thank you all the same

[chiefnavarro]

Hey I had to tranfer university to get over an ex. its not easy. I didn't say it was

[Asker]

I finally broke up with him a few months ago. I should have done it back when I posted this. Thank you for the good advice.

[Anonymous]

Are you stupid? Why would you WANT a guy to treat you that way? You are begging for a heartbreak and honestly, if you stay with him, you deserve it. It's best to stand up for yourself than not stand at all. Go ahead and let him control you, you may as well kiss the other girl's feet cause you just became both of their little b****

[Asker]

Lol, so so so true. I was and stayed way way to long. I guess laughing at it now is the best thing to do though. Now they are a couple and I think I just found a guy who will treat me a lot better. :) (And if not I don't intend to put myself through hell for a relationship again. Their is a big fat line between working for a relationship and just making your own life miserable.)

[june1216]

okay because he said he loved her as well, he shouldn't be hanging out with her. you have every right to be mad/jealous. if you care about him that much you need to tell him that he needs to choose between you guys. you deserve better! good luck!

[june1216]

how is he putting you first though if he also loves that other girl?

[Asker]

HIs words - I'm like a soul mate while she's like a normal high school girlfriend.