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My boyfriend asked me to choose between him or my religion, what should I do? (Page 3)
Anonymous
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If his giving you ultimatums already what will your whole reletionship be like full of demands if he can't accept your religion it means he hasn't accepted you as he knew you was muslim when you got with him its your choice but i know what i would do i would want to keep my family because your boyfriend can leave you anytime he wants too but family dont they will always there for you
Choose your beliefs. Beliefs rarely change relationships do. You will find someonethat shares your beliefs and life will be easier.
You know how women are always told, "you can't change a man"? The same goes for women too. Your beliefs won't change but you'll hide them. Resentment will build and you'll hate him. Also, a person that wants to change such a big part of who a person is is an asshole. Next he'll tell you "me or your job".
It would be very easy for me to suggest that you choose your religion, if it's Christianity. And if it's any OTHER religion, to choose your boyfriend. But YOU are going to have to figure out which is more important to you
im. a Muslim... and both are important to me..
Then I would ask what religion, if any, does your boyfriend have?
If he's a Christian, then I would strongly consider choosing HIM
he's s Christian yes... why would u say that?
Because, out of love, I'd seriously like to see as many souls saved as possible, and spend the next life in Heaven for all eternity. That's why
i see.. thans you :-)
You don't need to dumb him or something.. don't listen to this idiots.. Just look into his religion and compare it with yours and whatever you find is better religion join it
yes. don't dumb him!
thats what im doing. Im a muslim and he's a christian and I've been comparing its just almost the same... Not exactly but almost.. But now he's being Mr Knows Everything
Can we talk in private more about it? It's important thing religion you know.. don't be Christian or something until you sure 100% you want and that's the correct thing because you know your boyfriend he might leave in future but religion will never leave you until the judgement day ) you are 25+ years old ) you are smart and mature ) your boyfriend might not be the other but islam it is and lets talk about it more in private conversation please
my advice choose your religion thats the only thing that will not change if truly have faith in it.. a man who doesn't understand and accept you for who you are is not worth it
yes i agree.. thank you
with pleasure☺
There are billions of guys but you only get one family, and if he loved you he wouldn't make you choose.
Any one that gives an ultimatum is not worth giving up what they ask you to give up.
So... you're about to jump from the top of a building; and your loved one gives you an ultimatum for you to give up your jump. Not worth?
i know right? thanks
@JamesCX I still agree with @Dim1213 because providing an ultimatum of leaving you if you jump doesn't necessarily motivate the person not to jump. It could backfire and lead to a rebellious form of behavior where the person now wants to jump to avoid giving into a coercion tactic.
@ak666 I agree.. cause now im really angry and i was like its okay if he want to leave me.. Meaning he gave up on me and didn't fight for us.. So let him be.
@JamesCX "If you don't do this, I'm going to leave you." That's just never a good way to approach a situation. It's coercive, manipulative, controlling, even when the intention behind it is good. It's just a very bad means to an end, and the end is usually worse than what it could have been with a less coercive tactic.
Even a slight change like, "I can't bear to see you do this. I'm leaving you." is already considerably better. It's no longer coercive and could potentially motivate the other person to change their ways far more effectively.
the question here is not how you phrase it, it's not semantics. true that you can approach it in different ways but at the end you reach the decision point.
And then, think about it this way;
you can see this as the observer, as the jumper and as the negotiator.
1. observer: the outcome won't affect me. Either way I'll just apply my own code of conduct.
2. jumper: this is my belief, I'll lose you and whoever need be for it.
3. negotiator: your belief will set you apart from me and those who don't follow your conduct.
Now it's a matter is choosing what's worth or not, just keep in mind that the negotiator is the one the went the extra mile, that put himself beyond reason, to reach for the jumper. decide. but don't ever say it's not worth it.
@JamesCX That's true, and I do think it's worth empathizing to some degree with the one giving the ultimatums. My perception is just that it's far more often than not a very misguided way of trying to control another person's behavior for the simple reason that it's typically ineffective.
As a basic example, I had an ex-girlfriend who once gave me an ultimatum that if I decided to hang out with my friends for a weekend, she'd leave me.
I ended up not only going to the friend's party but leaving her while she tried to take the ultimatum back. The ultimate reason I left her was because of the ultimatum itself. It actually had opposite of the intended outcome she desired.
Lacking the ultimatum, there was a chance she could have expressed why she didn't want me to go the party in ways I would have considered and might have avoided the party as a result. The ultimatum itself ended up being the reason I chose to leave her. It felt controlling and manipulative to me.
Ah! Now I understand where you're getting on! I think you did the right thing. This specific situation feels different to me.
@JamesCX It was a very different type of case. For that one she actually gave me multiple ultimatums between spending time with her or my friends. I caved in several times, it was the 4th or 5th time that I refused and just decided to spend that weekend with friends.
There might be some legit cases where ultimatums could be a viable tactic to try to change a partner's behavior. More often than not, however, I think it's very misguided.
Even in noble cases like a girlfriend trying to give an ultimatum to make a boyfriend curb his drug habits, the boyfriend can get the perception: "If I give into the ultimatum, I'm submitting to her authority. Now she can threaten to leave me whenever she likes and control me that way."
There's somewhat of a rebellious thought typically that comes about in the process, even if the ultimatum was coming from an altruistic place. I think it's too often terribly misguided.
Fuck him... if he is asking you to choose him over your belief, he clearly doesn't truly care much. He should accept u for u. Its one thing to have conversations or "debates" but its another to actually give u an ultimatum
Follow ur heart
if sh should accept her for her than she should accept him for him. And he likes to make women choose between him or religion.
That's horrible advice. hahahahaha
He already knew of your religious beliefs when he got with you. If he thought it was evil then he shouldn't have became your boyfriend. If you still wanna be with him then you know you gotta give up your religion but if not then leave him
Dump him. His request is completely unreasonable. Be more careful about your next boyfriend. Make sure you are compatible.
What do you mean choose him or your religion... Like officially convert? or just just not be so bold about it?
You can still be both, whatever issues he has about it... just keep those away from him
I might draw a conclusion if I know your and his religion,
Many religious leaders use this technique to increase their followers,.
Because it's not about about religion it's about their control they have over people in name of religion
Your boyfriend is a controlling asshole. Leave him for Jesus. Also, your spelling and grammar is atrocious.
If you are a muslim it is illegal for you to marry a non muslim anyway, plus you would also be executed for apostasy should you decide to choose him instead.
Starting to understand what is wrong with your religion?
follow your heart but take your mind with you... I mean you can choose him but what's worth if he doesn't accept your religion
yeahh i know right.. thanks.. we discussed just now and he was saying about marriage.,..
Will he continue asking you to leave your religion?
he said he doesn't hate my religion but he hate the way it teaches violence.. so i told him there are scertain things that i dont like about that as well... he sounds reasonable just now... so i guess he's trying to open my mind and his mind
okay. communication is the best medicine for a relationship, I'm glad that you're making it work. good luck dear ! :-)
yes true,.. and dont mix ur emotion in the communication... thanks a lot my dear...
you're welcome. :-) ;-)
and this is why I'm not religious 😂
but seriously, if he can't love you regardless of your religion, what kind of love is that really? someone you love shouldn't put you in ultimatums like that, regardless of the issue.
u know what he said? For the Love i have in u because of Jesus that i urge u to come to the truth. come with me...
oh god he's a religious nut, sorry if I sound insensitive, I'm just not very religious😂
Personally, I wouldn't stay with him but that's only my opinion. I wouldn't stay with someone who knows how a decision like that would affect my life so drastically. while he may think he's "saving you" or something, but it's still a loss to you. there's no gain for you either way, so in that case, this is where I'd choose family over romantic partners and pursue those who respect my wishes
hahah understandable... but he changes like a month ago.. before he was fine.. and suddenly he's becoming like this
If you are a muslim you can't marry a christian guy. Islam forbids that. Nothing ever equals losing yourself nor your faith. What you think is love now may be nothing later after you already lost everything. Ask other girls how many times they were with a guy and thought he was the one. and after sometime they found he wasn't and they moved on and got with another guy. You are being a hypocrite by the way.
sounds like he's trying to control you, i'd leave him, if he loved you he would respect your religion.
I'm not a fan of religions but I think you should leave him. Your religion is not forcing you to make ultimatums like your boyfriend. It's clear enough :|
He should love you the way you are.
Never choose anyone who gives u an ultimatum about ANYTHING
They're crazy