My boyfriend asked me to choose between him or my religion, what should I do?

Question

Me and my boyfriend have different religion and he lately watch loys of videos and real a lot about my religion and he said my religion is evil and he wanna save me from evil so out of love he share with me what he knows and what he found out. and now he want me to choose either him or my religion. What should i do? if i choose. him i will lose all my family and if i choose my religion i will lose him. whay should i do? i dont wanna lose anyone.

SammyGurl · Accepted Answer

The way I see it is even if he converts to islam then you are rejected by your family anyway. (Right?). If he moved to a Muslim country he would be pretty much forced to convert because he is (would be) married to a Muslim wife. (Right?) If you become a Christian as he is asking you to, then you lose your family for a husband. (Right?)

I guess the question is, how much do you love him? How much do you love your family? Who is it that you can live without? You have to realize that you are just as much a part of your current dilemma as he is. Both of you are from unyielding backgrounds in a religious sense. Pretty sure that both of you had to have been aware of this beforehand. Both of your religions clearly state in the bible and the quran that you aren't to marry non-believers, you knew that didn't you?

You say that you don't believe Jesus existed, is that correct? Yet there are more writings in all of antiquity specifically mentioning the person of Jesus. There are far more mentioning Jesus than there are your own prophet. The only reason I know these facts is that I struggled as an agnostic person, who was searching for what I believed. My just boyfriend at the time was a Christian, I didn't have the extremes that you do, but I wanted to be on the same wavelength religiously so to speak as he is. I couldn't get over the whole Jesus was he a real person or not. I didn't know where to begin, then talking to a pastor at another church he made a suggestion; why reinvent the wheel? What do you mean? He suggested that if he could show another atheist/agnostic persons journey to find the truth for their self, would that help you get started? He showed me a book by author Lee Stroble, who was a newspaper writer, following court cases as an investigative reporter. His approach would be a very analytical investigation Of the facts, he would interview only the foremost people in their fields, archeology, ancient history,,,, His investigation convinced him (and me too!) that the whole story of Jesus is real enough that him as a person existing would stand up in a court of law, there is that much evidence of the existence of a man called Jesus Christ. After he established that for himself he then worked through the claims made by Jesus. For himself (and me) he concludes that Jesus Christ was one of three things which he could only be one, a liar, a lunatic or who he said he was.
"The Case for Christ" Lee Stroble (is there a Muslim apologist like That?)

Sami365 · Accepted Answer

Choose your religion. Forgive me if this is wrong, but I'm guessing you are Muslim? Islam is no more evil than any other religion. There are some bad men twisting it and using it in a very bad way, but people, sadly, will always do that with religion.

Your religion at its core it peaceful and beautiful, as well as a part of you since you were raised in it. If he can't accept your religion, he can't accept you.

This is coming from a girl raised to be Catholic: choose your religion. If your boyfriend can't see past the dark veil of misconceptions and listen to you about your own religion then it's best to end it.

Never change anything about yourself unless it makes you happy. Not your religion or hair or clothes or job or anything. Find a man who loves all of you and wouldn't change you for the world.

CurLyF · Accepted Answer

Can I ask what your religion is? But whatever it is, he has no right to give you such ultimatum. You have a right to believe whatever you want to, and no one can force you to do otherwhise. Someone like that it's not worth it. He sounds like a dictator to me. I'm sorry, this situation must hurt like hell, but you will be better off on your own. But same principle applies to your family. You shouldn't loose them because you leave your religion. If they drift appart because they don't think your boyfriend should give you this ultimatum, they are doing it because they care about you. But not because of the religion thing, that would be wrong as well. This is YOUR life and no one elses. Take control and make your OWN decisions. And the consequences of living your life as you want to are the only ones worth having.

Goldie757 · Accepted Answer

If I really love that person, I wouldn’t change my religion. For me, God is much more important. If a person really loves me, then he would respect my beliefs and I would respect his in return without any of us changing his/her religion. If two people are willing to bond, love should be the priority.

Getting married is about loving and being supportive to each other. Regarding changing religion there should be room to compromise if it’s pure love. Do you want to be with a man who's love is conditional?

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

1. Some people need to condemn other religions to feel good about their own choice. Muslims do that, Christians do that. However, faithful Muslims and faithful Christians do not go around condemning other people. You should question his devotion to his religion. Some Christians are hateful people but they did not learn anything about hate in the Bible.

2. He is not discussing this with you to find a mutually acceptable solution; he is telling you what to do. Dating gives you a foretaste of what a relationship will be like if you make it permanent. This guy is not looking for an equal partner; he is looking for someone to subjugate to his control. Would you want a marriage with a husband who tells you what you can and cannot do?

3. If you found a way to stay with this guy and you were eventually married, how would you resolve all of the problems and conflicts you would have about children, observance of religious holidays, etc.

4. Sometimes, life does not give us great choices. Sometimes, the choices are simply awful. That is part of the reality of becoming an adult and living an adult life.

5. Think about what your life will be like 5 or 10 years from now, looking back at March, 2017 and the choice you had to make. Is there one choice that will make you proud of how you conducted yourself? Is there a choice that you would continue to question and probably regret?

I think you know what you need to do. I wish you good luck with this horrible situation. After it is over, learn a lesson from this experience so that you will be a stronger and wiser person. If you are a serious person who dates to find a mate for marriage, there is no reason to ever date someone who doesn't meet the minimum qualifications. For you, that includes his religion. Think about other qualifications for your potential mate and be aware of them. If you are looking for a husband, why date someone who could never be your husband.

Feel free to PM me if you would like to discuss this in private.

I-am-a-nobody · Accepted Answer

If he's a Christian and you're a Muslim, he shouldn't be dating you, and you shouldn't be dating him.
If you convert on your own that's fine, but matters of faith are way more important than romance.
As a Christian, I wish everyone was a Christian, but any conversion for the sake of romance is built on shaky ground.
End this romance immediately.

May you be led in all truth concerning this matter.

Account · Answer

You should choose whichever/whomever you love the most. Personally speaking, I'd despise it if my S. O tried to throw me such an ultimatum, but that's just me.

Anonymous · Answer

My opinion is for u to look at what is your goal in life if u are a muslim and u really belive in islam so follow what ur religion is saying, imagine life as if u are going to a destination yeah and your future husband is the one that has the same destination with u if he loves u enough he would change for u.
And from a muslim to another muslim i would tell u that stick to ur goal give him dawah if he accept it than good for u if not then move on and also give it two rakaat at night and ask god for guidance (from experience) u'll get better and also remember that allah guids whom he wills and not u. I had a similar experience as urs wallah the day you are going to see the person that god has written for you, u will be gratefull until the last day of ur life make a lot of dua and ill make dua for u aswell

stephiie · Answer

Realistically it comes down to a choice you have to make based on which factor you think is most important. I don't think your boyfriend is going about addressing issues he has with your faith in the best way, but he could just be ignorant. Religion to me used to be a huge factor in my life, especially in regards to dating and relationships, but as I grew older, this became less of an issue. Do what makes you most happy.

SarahsSummer · Answer

It seems as though your boyfriend isn't intelligent enough to know that religion isn't evil, people are, and can be from any religion. But beyond that, making ultimatums is never good for relationships. Your boyfriend needs some education.
Out of curiosity, what is your religion?

SITdown · Answer

True love does not give ultimatums EVER !. Your choice or beliefs are yours and is your decision alone to choose what you desire. Never should anybody put such an emphasis to give up something special to retain what you already have. You were the person already set before he even was a thought or consideration so if he will not all the sudden not respect a part of you then what else will he try for you to dishonor who you are. Nobody is that important enough for you to give up what is already apart of you.
A real lover would respect you for all you are.
I would give him the ultimatum to either accept me or kick rocks.

This is a very poor character defect on his part. I would doubt he would stop trying to control you at just your religious beliefs. RED FLAG !

Wonderer89 · Answer

If he really loved you he wouldn't make you choose. Faith is such a personal thing; giving up your religion isn't a simple thing. It's taking away a good many parts of your culture, your values and your comfort.

I understand there are some controversial aspects of it, but could you discuss with him which parts he finds evil so you can share your view and feelings. It's easy for outsiders to look in and make judgements but the reality can be quite different.
If you are happy, safe and feel like you have a voice with your family and religion then he being very short sighted in his opinions and looking at a bigger picture then applying it only to you.
I hope you're able to figure it out xo

Cruciatusdeatheater · Answer

See, I wouldn't bother asking my significant other to choose between either one. She believes in God, I believe in... I'm pagan...
anyways, if he's throwing this curveball your way, I suggest you stick with your own religion. A lot of the evils based in your religion are rooted by extremists. Hell, if people followed the Christian bible word for word, I'm sure a lot of them would see asmodeus or even beelzebub after death. It's pretty twisted there too. No religion is perfect, but if he has this stubborn idea that his religion is superior over your own values, I'd say not worth it. How long have you been together?

rocsteady12 · Answer

look he should never make you choose if he loves you because love is all that matters. and how dare he says that your religion is evil what religion is he? and what religion are you? because if he says he is a Christian you can say rhe same about his also. but if i were you i would choose my religion and family cause you will find somebody who will accept you as you are

SomeGuy37 · Answer

I know what I like, and what works for me, and I simply call it my "Way" as it is NOT an organized religion (can't follow all their nonsense!!!)
I pick and choose the things that make sense to me, as I meet people, and live my life. I don't know if there is "ONE WAY" that is "TRUE", and I think that each person should CHOOSE what they think it right, and what works for them, and helps them, when they need that.
I am VERY 'Spiritual' but not 'Religious' in the traditional sense of Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Tao, Hinduism, or many others.
Meeting new people is an opportunity to learn what they like, and what works, for them, and maybe I like some parts of their 'Way'.
I could NEVER, EVER be with someone that said I was 'WRONG' and tried to 'convert' me!!!
Dump this guy, and find someone that respects you!

Anonymous · Answer

I would say that he's actually following his faith on this issue. According to most modern day religions, people aren't supposed to marry people from other faiths. As long as he's not being hypocritical about other parts of his religion, then I really don't have a problem with him standing by this one aspect of his religion.

If this is an incompatibility where neither one of you were willing to budge and your relationship should end. While neither you are required change for the other, religious backgrounds are a huge deal to people in relationships. No one wants to think that their spouse is going to end up in Hell or that he needs children they have will end up going to hell as result of their spouse having another religion. So what he is asking of you is a huge deal it's not unreasonable for this to be a deal-breaker for him.

GingerGuy · Answer

Say goodbye to him. I get having different beliefs/religions and how it can come between two people sometimes but if someone loves you, they don't ask you to choose. They accept you for who you are and what you believe in. He wants you to change, and if you do it for him, you'll end up not happy in the long run, may even resent him for it down the road because you're not being your true self.

MarkRet · Answer

You didn't state what your religion is, but for me, my religion is Christianity. I believe that's the only correct religion (maybe the Jews get a pass also because they follow the same god, and they're the chosen people), and all other religions are deceptions that eventually lead to hell. If Christianity is your religion, you should not give it up for a man. After all, he will only be around for a lifetime, but eternity in either heaven or hell is something to consider.

MarinaP · Answer

Oke I personally hate story where people get seperatet because of religion and I'm not a religious , so I would probably choose him. But you said he is christ and you're muslim.
Well yeah... If he forces you to change your believes, than he is not worth it

GraveTruth · Answer

He's an idiot. god is present is many religions. It's not like one religion is right and the others are all dead wrong. It just so happens that one of the religions is the "most" correct.

Sadly_It_Fell_Off · Answer

Why would you even consider losing your family over an ultimatum about religion?
Choose your family.
Boyfriends come and go.
Out of curiosity how long have you dated before this question came up?
Have you asked him to show you some of the videos he's watched?

Pi_Sahasra · Answer

Simple really... if religion sacrifice is required, then both should do it. Why one religion should be sacrificed over another and why only one required to sacrificed and not the other? See if HE is willing to sacrifice HIS religion for you as well, otherwise this 'whose religion is better bullshyt' will never end. Also love is all about fairness and neutrality but people tend to forget, Respect is part of love. Unless you know how it feels, you can't decide for the other until experienced

genericname85 · Answer

let me guess. he´s a muslim? xD if he can´t love you despite the different religion, then fuck him. he´s not worth your love.

why will you lose all your family, if you choose him though and why is religion so important to you?

RasmusAiken · Answer

Choose one: Boyfriends come and go. Your family is your only family.

mrinalashesh007 · Answer

1. No religion is evil !!
2. Your boyfriend is either an asshole or he is trying to be one.
3. You should be applying your mind first as it may come out as a bitter truth.. but you need to think it yourself.. no one does thst for you at all!!
4. CHOOSE YOUR RELIGION.. coz this is what u been practicing for so long... n one fine day a jerk comes n decides ur religion is evil? Think about it b4 u even ask others!

You may want to unlike my post but that's the bitter truth.. he is a jerk!

oddwaffle · Answer

He is an idiot unless your religion is something like Scientology which I would stay very very far away from.

There are nasty religions out there. I can count only 4-5 religion that is actually worth having: Catholic (the one with only 1 Pope, not the ones with a bunch), Ancestors worship, Judaism (some but not all), Taoism (some parts) and probably some Folk religions.

madhatters4 · Answer

i think that's unfair to suggest that a religion is evil. all religions have good a positive messages. it's up to subscriber to that religion to choose to follow tenets that are "evil". so it's nice that he's concerned about you but he should judge you for you and not the religion you follow.

Stone_Fizzlebeef · Answer

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that based on his reaction that you're a Muslim. Hate to break it to you, but Islam isn't compatible with any other values. That's why you always see Muslims rioting, demanding special treatment, etc. Only you can choose to leave that "religion". It shouldn't be because your boyfriend asked you to, it should be because you want to. If you wish to remain, cut him loose so he can move on and be happy.

willwhitez · Answer

I'm guessing he's not cool with the way Islam treats women. I couldn't date a Muslim who wouldn't walk away enough to enjoy our life together either.

caligirl03 · Answer

Um-run-don't walk away! This has major control issues written all over it. He should at least be tolerant and respectful of your religion in the same way it seems you're tolerant of his. Tell him that if he can't accept all of you-including your religious beliefs-to take his crusade mission elsewhere.

Metronomicon · Answer

He should respect your choice of religion, ideology or philosophy. If he cannot do that, he probably is not very good person for you. If he does not accept your identity and what's in your heart and mind, he does not accept you. But don't leave him quite yet, speak with him first about this.

But do you want to keep your religion because you believe in its teachings (it is a good reason to keep it) or because it is expected from you by your family (it is not a good reason)? Whatever you choose, you should choose it because of yourself, not for someone else.

1. Do you know for sure that you would lose someone because of that choice?
2. Is that what your boyfriend found out, true? Internet is filled with biased crap.

simplyaramdomgirl · Answer

Choose what you feel in your heart correct. If your religion makes sense to you and it's what you choose to believe then choose it. Boyfriends will come and go but your region is a part of you, it creates part of your judgement, it's a really important part of you. If your boyfriend makes you happy and you truly think that he's the one, your one true love then choose him. Choose which one you value the most.

Metlahaed · Answer

What are you religions?

Honestly I think all religions are evil (without intending to be). And this is one of the reasons why. Most likely both religions are completely wrong. But lets not get into that.

Unless you want to marry him, and he puts a ring on your finger, you shouldn't even consider changing religions. Especially if you find religion important to you. It isn't that easy to convert, and unless he is proving his commitment, it isn't worth considering.

Maik567 · Answer

I think you should tell him how you feel, that you're fine with not following some of your religions rules/guidelines in everyday life BUT you don't want to lose your family either. So basically let's say you were muslim you wouldn't wear your hijab when you were out together but you would wear it to situations where your family is present.

Iron_Man · Answer

It's easy as 1 2 3 you choose the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and savior, It's your salvation that's everything for you. You were put on this Earth by God. There is millions of guys out there your boyfriend can't save you. If you believe the Lord Jesus Christ died on the cross to save you from your sins and you accept him as your personal Lord and savior he will allow you to live forever in heaven once your time is up on earth

Drooogie4 · Answer

Obviously that will always be a point of tension.  If your religion means a lot to you, you and him are probably not a good match

Ragdoll18 · Answer

Give him up. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and one day you will find that man who loves you for you, no matter what your religion is. It is none of his buisness to judge what you believe in. Please. Dump him. You will be making the right choice.

12345Bee · Answer

dump his ass, if a guy tries changing you over religion he's not meant for you! I am Catholic I am a decently strong Catholic but can't stand people who try forcing religion on anyone! number 1 I have a bunch of atheist friends! number 2 I could be friends with a satanic person if they didn't do any of the stuff anywhere near me! I don't care, he's not meant for you

Anonymous · Answer

If somebody loves you they will accept all your flaws, this to me is not true love, I also have a different religion from my man but he never asked me to change because he accepted it, even thought I'm Muslim, he is Christian, we respect each others religion and we never even argued about this, actually we talk a lot about each others religion to learn from one another, he also wishes happy Ramadam to my family and I wish marry Christmass to his family.. and this is how things should work.

NajemEddine · Answer

i dont know your faith  but forcing someone to change his faith  and looking down on their believes is the biggest sin of all time

ThisDudeHere · Answer

You don't get everything you wanted in life. But in your case I'd suggest you choose your family. If your boyfriend forces you to choose something like that, he isn't worth it.

Zendrya · Answer

If someone gives you an ultimatum like that they don't really love you. Leave him.

Kaylyne · Answer

What a controlling jerk, move on and you'll soon find someone who is more compatible to your views, opinions and religious beliefs. Sending you Love, Hugs and Good Luck for your future happiness. x

watercolor_lions · Answer

Giving up your religion is giving up a part of yourself: what you believe, value, and how to you see the world. Is he really worth giving up that big a part of yourself?

jestingdemon · Answer

If he's not happy with who you are then he doesn't love you. At first it may be just religion but who's to say he will stop there?
Two people of different religions can love each other as long as they accept each other for who they are and the choices that they make.

writing_essays · Answer

Choose your religion. I don't care what you believe - only a terrible person would ask you to give up your religion for the.

Anonymous · Answer

If his giving you ultimatums already what will your whole reletionship be like full of demands if he can't accept your religion it means he hasn't accepted you as he knew you was muslim when you got with him its your choice but i know what i would do i would want to keep my family because your boyfriend can leave you anytime he wants too but family dont they will always there for you

Anonymous · Answer

Choose your beliefs. Beliefs rarely change relationships do. You will find someonethat shares your beliefs and life will be easier.

You know how women are always told, "you can't change a man"? The same goes for women too. Your beliefs won't change but you'll hide them. Resentment will build and you'll hate him. Also, a person that wants to change such a big part of who a person is is an asshole. Next he'll tell you "me or your job".

Anonymous · Answer

It would be very easy for me to suggest that you choose your religion, if it's Christianity. And if it's any OTHER religion, to choose your boyfriend. But YOU are going to have to figure out which is more important to you

4golden2 · Answer

You don't need to dumb him or something.. don't listen to this idiots.. Just look into his religion and compare it with yours and whatever you find is better religion join it

shan_shan · Answer

my advice choose your religion thats the only thing that will not change if truly have faith in it.. a man who doesn't understand and accept you for who you are is not worth it

dr_rocketman · Answer

There are billions of guys but you only get one family, and if he loved you he wouldn't make you choose.

Dim1213 · Answer

Any one that gives an ultimatum is not worth giving up what they ask you to give up.

EMoneyBagz · Answer

Fuck him... if he is asking you to choose him over your belief, he clearly doesn't truly care much. He should accept u for u. Its one thing to have conversations or "debates" but its another to actually give u an ultimatum

Follow ur heart

ImACowgirl · Answer

He already knew of your religious beliefs when he got with you. If he thought it was evil then he shouldn't have became your boyfriend. If you still wanna be with him then you know you gotta give up your religion but if not then leave him

TripleAce · Answer

What do you mean choose him or your religion... Like officially convert? or just just not be so bold about it?  You can still be both, whatever issues he has about it... just keep those away from him

Nik1hil · Answer

I might draw a conclusion if I know your and his religion,
Many religious leaders use this technique to increase their followers,.
Because it's not about about religion it's about their control they have over people in name of religion

slatyb · Answer

Dump him. His request is completely unreasonable. Be more careful about your next boyfriend. Make sure you are compatible.

ImKazumaYes · Answer

Your boyfriend is a controlling asshole. Leave him for Jesus. Also, your spelling and grammar is atrocious.

Kuraj · Answer

If you are a muslim it is illegal for you to marry a non muslim anyway, plus you would also be executed for apostasy should you decide to choose him instead.

Starting to understand what is wrong with your religion?

Areta · Answer

follow your heart but take your mind with you... I mean you can choose him but what's worth if he doesn't accept your religion

Anonymous · Answer

and this is why I'm not religious 😂
but seriously, if he can't love you regardless of your religion, what kind of love is that really? someone you love shouldn't put you in ultimatums like that, regardless of the issue.

Anonymous · Answer

If you are a muslim you can't marry a christian guy. Islam forbids that. Nothing ever equals losing yourself nor your faith. What you think is love now may be nothing later after you already lost everything. Ask other girls how many times they were with a guy and thought he was the one. and after sometime they found he wasn't and they moved on and got with another guy. You are being a hypocrite by the way.

saya93 · Answer

sounds like he's trying to control you, i'd leave him, if he loved you he would respect your religion.

Jemini_Crocket · Answer

I'm not a fan of religions but I think you should leave him. Your religion is not forcing you to make ultimatums like your boyfriend. It's clear enough :| He should love you the way you are.

rgb008 · Answer

Never choose anyone who gives u an ultimatum about ANYTHING They're crazy

My boyfriend asked me to choose between him or my religion, what should I do?

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