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My boyfriend asked me to choose between him or my religion, what should I do? (Page 2)
Anonymous
(30-35) 
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Lose does not require change. He's being ignorant and selfish, is all.
i. know right? he's so selfish using the excuse trying to save me from my evil religion.. i never ask him to change.. i already planning to have a mixed marriage
Love is blind. If he wants you to change, he's not speaking out of love, but out of greed and selfishness. Loving another person is partly about trust -- something he's not showing right now. A partner's religion shouldn't even matter, as all it is, is a means of finding personal peace. Wanting someone else to change this, is a way of waging psychological warfare.
Anyway, if he's serious about it the choice, he's not capable of love in his current state. You could literally say the exact same thing to him "trying to save him from his evil religion". No religion is evil, they're at a base point about unity and peace, even though they have different traditions and such (forgetting extremists). Anyway, follow the path of your heart. :)
wow.. thank you so much.. i so. much appreciate your reply.. its true all u said.. thanks once again
If it were me I'd choose my religion. If he makes you make a call like that then he doesn't care about your beliefs, which will cause major problems in the future.
thank you for the suggestion.. 😚😚😚
Anytime 😊
He's not comfortable with your religion and he is giving you this ultimatum, that points to the fact that the relationship won't likely last anyway, try to find someone more accepting of you and your religion
You should not change anything because of someone, that something being weight, religion, sexuality. That person has to accept you for who you are.
I don't think it matters if you have two different religions, if he can't accept you for who you are then throw his ass to the kerb.
He must be muslim, the religion of intolerance and hatred. Or you are.
i am the muslim and the way u said it just like what he said
I am against generalizations but generally girls and women are not as badly affected. But some girls are really badly oppressed by relatives. Honor killings, minders, clitorectomies and all that. I hope you experience is better. Discuss with me if you wish. I don't hate muslims... and i sympathize with girls who are oppressed by it!
Yes i get it where u came from.. And i can say all that come from the person tself not the religion..
For example: u slap ur boyfriend because u r mad.. does the religion ask u to do that?
2. if a person kill herself because of love does her eligion ask her to do that? are you getting my point?
so in short some muslim tend to be very extremist because they thought if they strictly follow islam they will be granted heaven while they dont know they are surpressing the human right because islam never teaches violence or beating or killing. some people just misenterpreted things
another example is Hindu. during one of their festival the tend to hurt themself. because to them the more u hurt the more God will grant their prayer and God will love them...
christian also the more loud u scream while pray meaning God will hear u more
direct message me cuz i want to ask some more personal questions.
Boy bye he sounds hella controlling if he did really care he would respect you and your values. Long term you will probably resent him and be unhappy. Famliy is forever
Why would you want to be a female Muslim? Why would you choose that over your boyfriend, who you apparently love- what does Islam offer you as a woman, besides being your man's property?
Also, out of interest, you say that if you choose your religion, you'll lose him- are you trying to get him to convert to Islam as well (which would be a requirement in order to be eligible to be married in an Islamic ceremony, and have your relationship acknowledged as legitimate under Sharia Law)?
I'm not asking him to convert yes I'm ready to be mixed religion as in 2 different religion married.. i even went to church to see what it looks like
But according to Islamic law, you CAN'T be 'mixed-religion', and you're explicitly forbidden from marrying anyone of any other faith besides Islam without converting them to Islam first. If you do so, especially as a woman, then according to the Sharia, you'll officially no longer be a Muslim, regardless of whether you still consider yourself to be one or not. Hell, if you've had sexual relations with your boyfriend already, then you're already no longer considered a Muslim, according to mainstream Islam.
im not a devoted muslim.. im flexible.. and outside my country we can have a mixed marriage
i won't ask him to convert as i know its not fair to him
So, the fact that you're in a relationship with him at all, when he's still a Christian and you're made no attempt to convert him to Islam, shows that you ALREADY chose him over your religion, 2 years ago. This is what any Imam who you asked about this would tell you. So what difference does it make now?
yes I never make Any attempt to try to convert him
You're not a devoted Muslim- so why is this even an issue? You're flexible- can't you simply ask your boyfriend to be flexible as well, and try to reconcile your differences? You say that it's only outside your country that you can have a mixed marriage- whereabouts are you from, which country do you live in, where you can't have a mixed marriage? And you are aware that if you want to get married at a mosque, the only way it'll be deemed legitimate under Islamic law, then mixed marriages still aren't allowed anywhere in the world?
wow u really sounds like my boyfriend.. even ur age is maybe the same.
i will lose my family if i chooss him.. even if he convert and i wanna marry him i will still lose my family. cause my family dont want black guy... so either way i will lose my family but how can i. convert? the most i can do is to be equal as in u go on with ur religion and im with mine..
he keep saying muslim is an evil religion and prophet Mohammad is a raper and this and that..
Wow. You say you'll still lose him even if he does convert, just because my family don't want you to be with a black guy (even though the Islamic population is majority black)? If your family's as discriminatory as that, and you'll lose your family either way, then who cares about what they have to say? Go your own way. But even so, your boyfriend still sounds a bit out of order too. Don't you have any counter-arguments to the stuff he says about Islam, and about the Prophet Mohammed? Can't you defend your faith (or failing that, go on a counter-offensive and challenge his Christian beliefs in the same way, to give him a taste of what it feels like)? And if you can't refute the allegations, even to yourself, then why still follow that faith?
he's more. knowledgeable than me.. i did read quran but i didn't study deeply like he did.. so all he said based on quran and bible (according to what he said) so i dont know how to counter him. back..
to choose. my own way is. difficult as my family sacrifice many things for me and i still live with them..
Here you go- show him this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-wCLzEBSZk
Then, once you've shown him that video as a response to the videos he's showing you, see what his reaction is. I think he might be a little bit more willing to accept that it's just as possible for you to be a flexible Muslim, as opposed to a hardcore Islamic extremist who follows literally everything in the Quran, as it is for him to be a flexible Christian, as opposed to a hardcore Christian extremist who follows literally everything in the Bible. Sounds fair?
yeah sounds so fair.. and i. like. the video and I've sent it to him.. he didn't read my message yet..
but i think he's being very selfish and ego and ignorant...
Sounds like you're caught between a rock and a hard place. He's being selfish, egotistical and ignorant by ordering you to choose between your faith or him; but then again, so's your family for issuing you with their own ultimatum, to choose between them or him due to his faith and his race. I'd say that you need to stand up to both your boyfriend and your family.
true what u said.. im stuck in the middle.. but im willing to marry him witjout my parents permission but im not willing to convert...
i sacrifice that much and hea asking me to sacrifice my life..
DUMP HIM, he should not make you make that decision...
he cares aboutbyou read the quran when i read it i became ex muslim and the hadiths are even worse
I don't think anyone suggested you should change your beliefs
tbh with you, never change your religion for him to prove your love. if he was loving you truly, your religious background would not be a matter to give ultimatum.
Religion is a part of you. If he wants you to leave a part of yourself to be with him, he's not worth it. He should want all of you, not portions he chooses. Dump him. Find someone better.
If he loves you then he shouldn't be asking you to choose, he should love everything about you
A partner who lets you choose between him or something else doesn't love you.
Drop him.
If you are a muslim and he is a christian just leave him. he deserve a christian girl. Simple
your religion is more important. To me that is. And as a man he should completely respect you and your way of life.
I know it sounds cliche but it's true: think and choose whatever is more important for you.
Choose your religion. He sounds like an ass.
-sincerely a non religious person
Do you really want to be with someone who makes ultimatums like that?
i dont know.. Cause now i think he's just testing me would i leave him or choose him because before he did say IF i convert... meaning he's confuse himself...
Yeah, that's a shitty thing for him to do.
Dump him :)
Chose your religion because boys come and go but family is forever. You'll find someone who is OK with your religion sooner or later.
It's better to loose your boyfriend or family then your soul.
I have seen you can't convert but of course you can do that!!
my heart doesn't belong to Christian.. in order to convert u need to have faith right? but i dont.. my faith is not witj Jesus..
im confuse
surely converting without faith isn't really converting but that doesn't mean that you can't and won't do in the future
I can understand you are confuced...
Maybe you should tell him you need time because this is hard decission
yes i. think so as well.. u know half of me said if u really wanna make a big deal about religion then go ahead leave me.. but half of me said dont give up.. this is one of the obstacles..
How did you react when he told you this by the way?
i didn't say like that yet.. i was just counter back him.. i did asked him so do u want to leave me? he said im not leaving you but what im saying is u need to choose me or ur religion.. what does he mean by that
can it be that you misundrsood him?
how can i misunderstood him?, he clearly said i have to choose.. he's like. pulling my leg.. i guess he's confuse as well cause he dont wanna lose me but at the same time he hate my religion.. dont u think so?
I agree he's confuced too. And I think he loves you, otherwise he just had broke up with you becuase of your religion.
He has read about your religion and watched maybe docu's about it but have you spoken about it? Have you take him with you to the mosque? And how about visa versa?
thats what i think also.. ye he loves me so much thats why till now he didn't leave me.. But he's giving me choice.. and true about u said that he's confuse as well... he's searching for the truth.. I never tried to change him because i respect him. I would never ask or force him to convert cause i know its not fair for him... if that happen to me also i won't like it (as what happened to me now) i hate it so thats why i never thought aboout forcing him to convert...
I never been in such situation so it's not easy to say what is best to do... except just follow your intuition
I'm an atheist yet I still believe that you should not choose him over something you believe in. Don't change yourself for anyone and especially such an important part of your life and self
If you truly believe that yours is the correct religion than a boyfriend should not get in the way of that, your soul should come first.
if you are even thinking of leaving your religion for a person , then yes , you should leave your faith , because obviously you don't believe in it.
hun he is right
I have studied enough history to know the Quran is not the word of GOD its the bible
lol , keep studing genius !
@hero-hero
what is the shape of the earth?
Guys come and go, but your religion is your way of life and it's the first thing that god will judge you for... think well, don't leave your religion and don't make a quick decision.
Leave him
He should love you the way you are. You should not change your religion unless it is your own choice and out of belief.
U know u can't marry guys feom other religions.. He should be muslim.. I hope he will choose right way.. If he doesn't, he will die as a sinner
im a flexible muslim... so i dont mind marry different religion.. many did it anyways
Whats your origin?
i would like to keep that a secret...
I need to know for helgful opinion couse every islamic countires have different culture
Pick family
you'll find a guy thats not a jerk and won't make you change who you are
Dump his controlling ass. No one would demand you do that.
He deserves better. If you really loved him then you would choose him
how about him? if he love me then he would have choose me
Exactly correct asker.
if he loved you he wouldn't be trying to change this huge part of yourself. what he's doing isn't fair at all.
If he loves her and then he'd be trying to save her soul by converting her. The more religious people love you, the more annoying they tend to get about that sort of thing.
yes true what u said.. its because he love me so much that he's trying to save ne.. as what he said..
He is real, your religion isn't i think this should be an easy choice.
Anyone who makes you choose such a decision is a manipulative cunt.
Choose your religion, he sounds like a twat.
If he can't accept your religion, find someone else. He's not right for you if you have to change yourself for him (besides partying and the likes).
Inform him that what he is saying is cruel and disrespectful.
what kind of religion is that? "before i proceed to my answer".
don't give up your religion. Dump him and move on.
He's trying to help you, can't you see?
@JamesCX how is he helping me?
girl, what's your religion, and what's his religion
im a muslim.. he's a Christian
oh okay, honestly this is for anyone in your situation, if he's trying to change your religion right now in your relationship whats he going to try and change next, and do you really want to be with a man who doesn't think your good enough the way you are? I wouldn't and by the way i'm christian and real christian's are excepting of everyone and believe in supporting others not changing them.
yes true.. even to me as well just accept who u r.. he was like im trying to save u from the evil of ur teaching.. i tried to defend but he has all to counter me back..
ya i've met quick a few of those people who try and justify their actions with religious reason's that personally scares me and that's sign of an abusive relationship, honey, from the sounds of it you reserve someone better. do you mind me asking how long you two have been dating?
i understand that.. me too scared of people like that.. all religion stuff..
friends 1 year and dating 2 years
has he always been telling you this shit about your religion being evil or has it just come on recently?
it just come recently.. before this we discuss but its not like this.. started last month he keep. sending me all the videos and links about muslim and islam is dangerous evil and such.
ya,... time to leave him
why is that?
well, i guess it depends on if your submissive to him and if you mind changing your religion, all im saying is if it was me i'd be out of there, cause i am who i am and as soon as something try to change me I leave cause the only i change something about me is for myself
yes u can say im submissive.. but i dont know really.. i really dont know.. i need time to process all these and accept whats right.. i dont wanna lose him and im not ready.. he never disrespect me or rude to me or abuse me or anything. its not easy to find a guy like him
staying with him because your afraid you won't find another man whom will love you and take care of you, isn't the right reason to stay with him. okay, im gonna ask you a question and you don't have to answer it, if you don't want to, but did you lose your v-card to this guy, because woman can kind of feel obligated to stay by a man's side if we lose your virginity to him.
in fact yes i did...
my defence are at least he never disrespect me or mistreat me or smthng
sweetheart he's mistreating you by telling you your religion is evil, from the sounds of it your probably not going to leave him are you? But the question is are you really okay with switching religions?
What's his religion and your religion?
he's a Christian im a muslim
Your boyfriend is right. But it's your choice...
so ur saying choose him
Yes. Look You can either marry your boyfriend or choose your family and be lonely? Or go get another boyfriend and start over.
let see how.. My heart usually tells me the right thing...
You gonna have sex and create a family with the family you were born to. Let you and your boyfriend become a family together. Marry him and move on.
Amen. May God grant us the permission to get married
* Your not
Wish you the best.
no religion is ever evil until nd unless it harms u... jst one sentence: respect nd love ur religion
Okay, I would say bye to my boyfriend.
If he is saying that dumb shit you should go find someone else, you deserve better
So you would prefer to lose your boyfriend in favour of your fantasy friend and his fairy tale?
Personally I would choose my religion
Leave religion in general that's what I did
do. u mind to share me ur story?
Why not when I was 12 I lived a religious house hold my dad beat me and I found atheist and I agreed with what they said and here I am
ohh i see... so u an atheist now.. are you happy with that?
Yes very much so
i see... thats good u find ur way.. but when u wanna pray what prayer u do? or how do u. pray
I don't
ohhh.. when u want something or support how?
I work for what I want and I talk to family if I need support
i see.. understand now.. thanks! 😘
Aww I got a kiss from a girl with a boyfriend haha
hahhahah kiss on the cheek...
Still lol
hahahaha.. u r so sweet
What can I say
What is your religion? And what is his?
I'd choose my boyfriend honestly
why? why would u do that
Family and religion come first
Your boyfriend doesn't respect you. Leave him.
Get rid of that dude.
Stay with your religion. Forever and always.
choose your religion , he's not worth it
what religion are you?
You have to lose sometime.
always choose the other option.
whats the other option?
What I mean is when someone says "you choose between me or this" then choose the other thing and not them
ermmmm... Thanks for the suggestion
No problem. :)