Hi, I've been talking to a guy for a few months. We met briefly while abroad and kept in contact ever since via texting and facetiming for hours. My problem is he is lovely, interesting, respectful and everything what a woman wants in a man except he smokes weed. I have never done drugs and I always imagined my future husband to be someone who was 'clean'. I'm sad at the thought of stopping talking to this guy because I've enjoyed getting to know him (and we have a certain energy or spark if you know what I mean) but the weed would really be a problem. Oh and he also has something little on his criminal record which he is expunging and has a child who he doesn't see to avoid putting them through court proceedings etc because the mother is difficult apparently. I know this all sounds bad on paper but when I met him I didn't get the vibe he was a creep at all and he does seem a genuinely good person who has done stuff in his past he now regrets. Do you think people can change for the better? Would he stop smoking weed for me? Or would I be better off cutting my losses and moving on? I'm so frustrated that he seemed like the perfect catch until I found these things out... :/
Most Helpful Guy
unfortunately he seems to have a few X's that should be red flags.
He's into drugs, he doesn't see his kids and he has a criminal record. I know he has excuses for some of those things but you're only hearing one side of the story.
now I know that people can change but to me 3 strikes and you're out... just promise that you'll keep an eye on him because manipulators can come off as nice at the beginning and that's how they get what they want.
if we are to assume that he is an okay person that truly has feelings for you, then he will give up the drugs and do whatever it takes to be with you.
I truly wish you the best of luck no matter what you decide :)0
Most Helpful Girl
I dated a guy who smokes weed every now and then but it wasn't a big deal to me as I thought it would be, he was smart and had good work ethic and was halfway his Batchelor degree and was getting high marks. If anything the weed didn't change him except make him a bit drowsy which he most used for to help him sleep. It didn't rule his life.
In your situation, I would personally give him the flick for the criminal record and not seeing his kid. To me that's a red flag of not taking care of his responsibilities ( the child) regardless how difficult the mother is, if he's a genuine guy who cares about the child and pays child support he would have visitation or joint custody. To me it's sounds like he doesn't care to much.0