Finding love in a racist society as a single mother with a biracial son?

[Frosteh]

There's several issues that all compound together and make you a really unattractive candidate for dating/marraige.

The biggest one by far, is that you're a single mother. Irrelevant of the race of the child, many men have a very strong negative emotional reaction to putting in resources to raise another mans child. This comes from our evolutionary history, those men who evolved mechanisms to feel disgust towards the idea of raising another mans child simply passed on their genetics more often. The more resources spent on raising another mans child the less you have to spend on your own genetic offspring and traits which encouraged men to be indiscriminate about the progeny of the children he was fathering were simply an evolutionary dead end.

Second of all the child is mixed which means any white man trying to date you is going to have an outward indicator that signals to other men the above problem. And men judge other men on this issue, we all tend to feel this disgust even if its on the behalf of someone else, so there's social stigma there. At least with a white baby the problem is somewhat hidden from immediate view.

Third, the uncomfortable truth here is that black men in many places such as America tend to abandon their children. Approximately 20% of white children are fatherless but a whopping 60% of black children are fatherless. Most people are aware of the fatherless problems with black children, and so men have to question your judgement here. Men are discerning when it comes to a potential female partners choices in life, it's a judge of her character. Why did you pick a man to get pregnant with who is the type of character of someone who would leave? Too many people (mostly women) are quick to blame the man for leaving, but secretly men also judge women for picking that man to begin with, after all you have all the power when dating, who to court, who to sleep with, etc.

Forth, your attitude here is really bad. You're looking for a man to take care of you, that comes with an incredible sense of entitlement. Why would any man do that?

[CastizoCasanova]

Try and think about it from the perspective of a male... not only do you want someone to "take care" of you, but also your half black son. Being a single mother is hard enough, but now every time your man goes out in public with your son, every other person is going to think that you cucked him with a black guy and he was so spineless that he stayed with you to raise this guys kid. What kind of self respecting, sane man would ever sign up for that arrangement?

At least if the kid was the same race people might think it's his boy, he wouldn't feel such intense shame at being seen in public with him, but you chose to create this obstacle for yourself and it's not up to any man to just accept it.

Like others have said, you should probably focus on being independent and supporting yourself first. At which point, you might start looking for eligible black men to step into that role, because at least they won't have the same stigma about being seen in public with your son, or much less of one.

When that time comes, you should take a hard look at your own worth to a man and maybe set your standards accordingly. Beggars can't be choosers, as the saying goes.

[Cosytoasty]

I don't think it has that much to do with race, just the fact that you're a single mother.

Big no go for the majority of guys who have alternative options.

[Jinx67]

OK you hook up with a deadbeat "not even tossing the race card here" and have a child. Then now you expect to have you're veritable pick of the litter in men, sad to say that ship has now officially sailed.

Single successful men that have the confidence and self esteem that make them attractive, are not looking for ready made families. They are looking to start their own.

You've painted yourself into a tiny corner to put it mildly, not in school unable to support yourself, living with auntie. Unfortunately yes the child's race is going to play a role in any relationship you have in the future. Not everyone on planet earth shares your "enlightened" views.
And on their end it actually adds another layer of complexity to the problem of you having a child to begin with "aka hassle".
I'm not speaking for the world obviously, I just know how I would feel going into a relationship such as this.

My 1st thought: Why should I support offspring that aren't mine.
My second thought do I really want to spend the rest of my days explaining your unwise life choices to everyone we socialize with.
My third thought involves running for the nearest hills.

I really don't even know what to tell you "advice wise" other than never depend on anyone but yourself for ANYTHING. And you need to make damn sure the next guy is willing to commit prior to having another child. Because your "not to be insulting" more prone to pump and dump behavior in the future. If you go looking for the next relationship right now.

The best advice I can give you, is to honestly focus on making your life better for yourself and the child, before looking for another relationship. Yes it's going to be hard, yes it's going to involve long hours and stress, and yes it will be lonely at times.

But unfortunately these are now your top priorities for the next 18+ years.

[tbonetbone]

Let's reverse the roles here. I'm a single attractive man with limited education and career prospects. I'm never going to be able to make the money to support the better life I'm looking for. I hooked up with a black women and got her pregnant. She wanted an abortion but I demanded she have the baby. She left me after our baby daughter was born and now I'm taking care of my beautiful baby girl by myself. This woman was nothing more than a player and she used me only for sex.

I'm looking for an attractive high quality women who is ambitious and can love and take care of me and my daughter. When I say ambitious, I actually mean someone who has money and resources to support my dreams of a better life. I will love this lucky lady with all my heart, but my daughter will always come first. My daughter is my world after all.

When white woman I'm dating find out I'm a single father with a biracial child, they run the other way. Why are white women are so racist? Did I even mention my father doesn't want anything to do with me. He says I'm a foolish man who makes poor life choices. He says I'm not worth the hassle of dealing with. My father is so racist it's unbelievable.

Can people tell me it's not me, but society that is the problem here.

[JackWilliford762]

I dated a girl about six years ago who had a biracial son with a black man. She was a very attractive nice girl , but everywhere we went people would stare at us because they knew I wasn't the father of her son. I felt awkward and I eventually ended it for that reason. I wouldn't mind if the kid was white. I would be able to act like he was my own son then. I'm sure that's what the guys that are ghosting you are thinking. I can't blame them. I couldn't do it either. I'm sorry about your situation. I think you would probably have better luck trying to find a black guy instead. A black guy probably wouldn't mind as much. Good luck and keep your head up.

[Blitzkrieger]

You fucked a black guy got knocked up and he ran away. Its not the child that bothers them. Its your poor choice in men.

[maestrodematimaticas]

My thing is forget about race. I judge women I want to get involved with by past decisions. Having unprotected sex with a deadbeat isn't a smart move. I judge people based on who they sleep with. Itds a reflection of themselves.

[Kuraj]

You are not getting getting rejected because you are mother of a biracial son.
You are getting rejected because you fucked your life with a track record of shitty life decisions.

[RickyKlement]

You though you were so much cleverer, enlightened and progressive than your stupid "racist" father and the rest of your family! All they tried to do is shield you from the obviously very poor life decisions you keep taking. Instead of actually listening to the only people that loved you on this earth you are, even now, still blaming society, men or muh racism.

All you ever learned in life is to parrot some (((media talking points))) providing you with the absolution from ever taking any responsibilities in your life.

But hey, f*ck your family! You go girl and keep being a strong, independent, progressive woman like all the sassy girls in your favourite sitcoms.

The white, handsome, sucessful and well adjusted Prince Charming you now seek is just around the corner! All you have to do for him to show up is to simply keep on crying hard enough, while asking some strangers on the internet to rationalise your child-like behaviour & mindset

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Lmao, you're not having problems because your son is half black.

You're having problems because you have a kid which scares guys away. Also, I have a feeling you would turn out to be a very defensive person. That will turn guys right away.

You have to put your love life to the side for now and learn to depend only on yourself. You have a child now. That is a real person with your blood running through his or her veins. That kid is a piece of yourself so what you need to do is find work that you can do well and get promoted in without a college degree. And once you get comfortable, then you can look for a guy.

If you keep playing the worlds smallest violin for yourself now, you'll be doing it forever. You need to smack those tears off your face and get motivated to work hard. Ask yourself: What will my kid be doing when they're my age? Keep working to make sure it's better than what you got now.

[Rontti]

Don't know what to tell ya. A woman having a kid is a large enough downside, when the kid is not even of your own race, that's a death sentence in the dating game.
You are going to have to date down and find some desperate guy, that's pretty much the only way you'll get anyone. Guys who normally would be on your level are "out of your league" with that kid.

[bromisovalum]

The black guy acts like the typical stereotype and abandons you and his son, and somehow this is the fault of a racist society?

[Cycladic]

Of course. What did you think would happen when you took up with a black guy? Even if you didn't have a child. Did you think any white guy worth his salt would ever date you again? I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying it is reality.

[EyezNMindLikeDOGE]

lol some of you girls make the dumbest decisions and then you want a good guy to play superman. you know, you could still be a good guy without being a push over who is on a waiting list...

[Returnoftheswole]

"The black father abandoned me while I was pregnant"

Lol a little

[Cupuffs]

I am so sorry to hear that there are so many racists. As a liberated white male, I would like to apologize on behalf of all white males for their typical racist white male behavior.

I want to let you know that I fully support interracial dating, especially white women who choose or prefer to be with Black Men. In fact, I think that such couples look quite delightfully lovely together -- the Black Man's muscular and masculine physique pressed against the soft feminine curves of the white woman.

One can imagine that such a beautiful contrast begins with a soft kiss and then crescendoes into lovemaking as the white woman presses her lips against the beautiful black phallus to show her devotion to the African race who has come to liberate our society from the scourge of racism.

Every act of Blacksperm dousing the white womb is a revolutionary act against racism, and I, as a progressive anti-Trump white male support and endorse your decision.

I for one would be honored to date such a wonderful woman as yourself. And I can assure you that I would not be jealous like those racist white males who wouldn't want you to continue being attracted to Black Men. In fact, because monogamy is largely a racist concept, if you were my girlfriend or wife, you would have my full support to continue seeing Black Men because a woman's happiness and satisfaction is priority and paramount in any modern, progressive relationship!

One world, one race.
Love sees no color.

[Mememagicked]

Have you considered adoption? I see you dating/marrying a blue collar guy you meet at work. That will last 5-10 years before one of you cheats. Just in time for you son to be cognizant of you desperate attempts at finding love with rebound guys in his teens. After that your looks will fade just as your son chooses not to attend college. Good luck with all that!

[WewLad]

Yeah it's definitely not your fault for making stupid decisions, it's society.
/sarcasm

[kombuka]

If you were a bit more racist than you wouldn't be in this predicament (raising a child on your own). This is no longer a racist society because racists are being cast out, attacked in the streets, fired and getting banned on the internet. Who cares, you wouldn't want to date a racist so why does it matter if theyre not interested in you. You just live in the wrong area probably. Move to a liberal city and you'll be considered Holy Mary.

[Mexicoman101]

Eh, I wouldn't date a single mother. The race thing isn't really a big deal for me but I just am not interested.

[danteloupe]

Obviously it depends on where you are in the country (I assume you're in the US from your post) but I feel like most guys care less about the race, and more about the kid at all. Being a single mother is not a desirable trait in the dating world unfortunately.

[Gayview_Mahat]

I wouldn't date a single mom. If you are upset about the racist society, why don't you just date black men? That's the most reasonable solution to your problem

[Amebisque]

Well to be fair even if you where black you'd still be raising a single child.

[RolandCuthbert]

Well, I don't know the specifics of your situation. I know women who have mixed" children. I think one factor you could be overlooking is that you had a child by a man who abandoned you, it does not matter his racial background. If I were you age, I would exercise caution in dating you. But that is because I would think you have judgement issues.

As for what you are personally experiencing, if it is racism, then I am very, very sorry about it. Perhaps you could try a site I know of, meetup. com.

There are some dating groups there, some are dedicated to mixed people or parents of mixed children.

Try it out.

[JohnDoe3000]

You were very young and had a kid with a loser deadbeat. I doubt you'd have more success dating if your baby daddy was white trash instead of black (not to deny there aren't racist men out there, as some of the comments here show). Hell, even if you were older when you had the kid, were married with the middle class, white father at the time, and still received child support from him you'd still get turned down a lot simply for being a single mother. Racism really isn't the most obvious explanation here.

[FxckBoy]

Biracial or not, you're a single mother. Because of that you'll already have a hard time dating. Plus, it's you're own fault all this is happening to you. I don't feel sorry for you. Not even a little bit.

[Bananaman177]

Try another black guy to be the Dad, maybe?

[hi_no_tori]

I am sorry to hear about your situation, but calling all men "racist" is not going to help your cause.

Reality sometimes is tough to swallow, but it's a fact, that most men won't line up to take care of another guys child. Doesn't matter if the child is black, white or anything else.

Try to make the best out of your situation and don't try to give away the impression, that you are desperately searching for someone, who will raise your child with you.

I wish you the best and I hope that the biological father is at least paying child support.

[Kaptin]

Yeah it can be trying at times, but if the person you're trying to be with doesn't accept you and everything that comes with you then they're not for you. Some guys can't handle/accept kids in their life though, just try not to take it personal. I can't comment on the racial side because it could just be that you're a single mom. But I will say I've dated a white single mother with white kids and it worked until I realized that she was somewhat embarrassed for all of to be seen in public together. It didn't really bother me because I thought that she would get over it, but she didn't so I knew it couldn't work out. Just keep your head up and stay strong, some guy will come to you one day.

[dragonfly6516]

"I want to find someone who will love me ***and take care of me***..."

That's why they run. If they're taking care of you, they're also taking care of another man's kid.

[TheMoroccangirl]

My apologies for the rude comments you have to bear. However I think there is some truth in it, but I understand that you made decisions you probably made because of the way you felt at that time. Perhaps you ignored or did not see the consequences.
It will be very hard to get you a white man since your kid is half black. It would appear weird and it might attack his manhood (Like you cheated on him with a black person yet he stays with you). I'd recommend you to search a black person (you'd have more luck finding one who is willing to date you) but be very careful this time to date a decent one and not one from the hood. Also don't get pregnant again within a short time.
Or what I'd do if I was you, I'd just raise my kid and give him double the love his coward father couldn't give him. Like spending all my time to raise my son rightly as a single mother. He'll be proud of you no matter what. You're stronger than you think you are.

[CHARismatic110]

I think it's less about your son being biracial and more about you having a son in general. Guys are less open to dating single moms than women are to dating men with kids.

And it's a fucking shitshow in these comments. So many racist ass people. It's disgusting. I now remember why I stopped coming on here. This site is a joke.

[ciitruskiwi]

I had to read your description over and over again because I am so confused on why people are saying you're being rejected for shitty life choices. It's not your fault your baby daddy is a deadbeat.

I really wish I could give you better advice but don't rush it and don't give up. Live your life, raise your son, be the great mother that you probably are and be happy. You'll find someone. Good luck.

[btbc92]

What you need to remember is that there is no such thing as race, and people are ignorant and idiots for still believing in this lie that have deceived the whole world. You can't afford to think some guy has to take care of you. The problem is not the child and shouldn't be. The issue is you having premarital sex in the first place without being married. You may not believe in waiting but now look at the consequences of what your actions have left for your son. Once you become a parent it is no longer about YOU anymore. But about your son. Focus what is best for him, not yourself. That is my advice. And somebody someday may be attracted to your dedication for your son and want to be in his life. THAT should be far more important than anything. You saw what happened in Charlottetown? These are some dangerous times were living in and civil war as a race war if not just a world war will be upon us whether we want to or not. It is that real.

[BikerGirl89]

I wish I knew what to tell you but unfortunately you are right. It is very hard these days to find someone who accepts another race.

It may take time but don't lose hope. There is someone out there who is non judgmental and will treat you and your child with love and care.

[Anonymous]

We talk about guys... why should a guy want to be together with a single mother who was banged many times by a black guy? By a black guy!!! isn't it already bad enough that guys are insecure about their dick size, now with you they would always think about how this black guy fucked the shit out of you always, thanks to your son they know of your sexual past with a black guy. Its not that your son is coloured, no its because because your son is coloured that they know its the kid of a black guy who fucked you many times, and hey, he left you right after you got pregnant, didn't you know that many black guys do this?
They dont want to take care of a kid who belongs to a black guy.

Sry girl, but you are doomed.
The only way would be to find a guy who is confident in his dick or a guy who has no other choices than you to pick.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for all the racist cunts in the comments.