Guys, Boyfriend bragging about taking my virginity?

[Anonymous]

Here goes nothing: I always wanted to save myself until marriage and it's something that was really important to me. I met my boyfriend in college and he always respected my decision to wait and never questioned me about it. However, we always did things that almost crossed the line & he always enjoyed the fact that he was my first everything: first kiss, first relationship, first make out session, etc. But a few days ago I finally agreed to have sex with him because I've known for 2 years and I trust him completely. I see myself marrying him and knew I wouldn't regret having sex with him. But I do. All his friends know that I don't believe in sex before marriage and so when we finally did have sex, I overheard him talking to a friend about how he took my virginity and he was joking about it like it was absolutely nothing. I get that it's a much bigger deal to me than it was to him, but I feel so embarrassed that he's bragging about it to his friends and talking about me like I'm his property. I don't know what to think to be honest because when it's just the two of us he's very considerate of my feelings, but the way he described it to his friend came off as disrespectful and like I'm just a whore. I have no idea what to make of it because he has two completely different personalities (his true self when he's with me and his "bragging" self when he's with a friend). Why am I so hurt by this? He has no idea that I overheard that conversation and keeps asking why I'm distancing myself from him

[truthbeknown]

Yes, he fucked up. Bedroom talk doesn't leave the bedroom! Stand up to him, put your foot down and tell him that is no one else's business but yours. Tell him he embarrassed you and showed you disrespect.

[Asker]

I'll try to talk to him about it but at the same time I don't want to stir up trouble in our relationship...

[truthbeknown]

You are suppose to be a team. You need open lines of communication. When something happens you do not like or want you have every right to speak up. Saying nothing is like you are subordinate to him, or he is superior. That is bullshit! You are equals! You are just as much the boss of him, as he is to you. You are just as much in charge of your relationship as he is. If you can't talk to him about this, this means you are too afraid of him leaving you, which means he doesn't really love you and therefore he isn't the best match for you after all.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why do you think that the way that he treats you when you are alone is his "true" self?

[Asker]

I guess I don't know for sure but with his friends it always seems like he's putting on some kind of show...

[OlderAndWiser]

The need to put on a show and brag is just as much a part of him as anything that he does with you. I agree that what he has done is horribly disrespectful. Have you addressed this problem with him?

[Asker]

I haven't been able to bring myself to openly discuss it with him. I know that I have to eventually bring it up but I'm just embarrassed that I'm really sensitive about it. He thinks of me as this "tough" girl that never gets emotional and I know I'll probably end up crying if I confront him about it :( Any advice?

[OlderAndWiser]

Why does he have an impression of you that is so different than who you really are?

[Asker]

Because I try to be unemotional when I'm around him because he cheated on me before and I think subconsciously my guard is a little up. He cheated because I wasn't having sex with him and then after I forgave him and we worked on our relationship for a few months, we ended up having sex

[OlderAndWiser]

"He cheated because I wasn't having sex with him." No, that is not why he cheated. Does every guy with a pregnant wife/girlfriend cheat when their woman is unable to have sex with them? Do guys cheat if their wife/gf is ill and doesn't feel well enough to enjoy having sex?

He cheated because he is a cheater. That is who he is and "once a cheater, always a cheater." I'm sure you don't want to hear this because you gave him your virginity and you don;t want to look at that as being a horrible mistake but. . . this guy has TWICE disrespected you in a horrible way. Do you think it would get better if you married him?

[Asker]

It hurts hearing that but I can see where you're coming from. I wanted to give my virginity to someone who would respect me and value me as a person but he hasn't been the best boyfriend to me. I just really care about him and want to make our relationship work out but maybe he's just not the person for me. I'm very sad right now but I'm glad you were able to talk to me about it. Thank you

[OlderAndWiser]

You don't need to consider this relationship a total failure. Learn everything that you can from the experience and make yourself a little bit wiser and you will emerge from this as a better person and you will make a better decision the next time. Older and wiser does not happen when you get to be older; it happens all along the way an this is an opportunity for you to develop some confidence knowing that you will make a better decision the next time.