Saying fuck you to my girlfriend?

[sheajake17]

My girlfriend and I are fighting bad. I didn't call her names or anything but i said 'fuck you'. At some other occasion i say 'fuck off'. I think its perfectly Normal. But she said i was being disrespectful and always told me to stop talking to her like that. Its not just me. When we fight she says 'fuck you' too. So i need your oppinion, especially girls. Was I that bad? Was it normal? Thank you in advance

[Cosytoasty]

Depends if swearing is common in your culture. Some people are brought up swearing like sailors.

It's the "you" part after fuck, makes it seem so much more directed compared to "off". You two shouldn't be fighting that much in the first place for it to happen on multiple other occasions though, i'd suggest sitting down going through your issues together like adults to prevent further fights.

[sheajake17]

she's an aussie and she has told me many times her family and friends are bogan. They curse a lot and stuff. But im very confused that she took at as a disrespectful act when i say fuck u. Because i didn't call her names or treated her inhumanly

[rjroy3]

Yes, it was disrespectful to say that to your girlfriend.
If she's saying it as well, then that's disrespectful to you as well. But that said. If you don't say that to her, would she say it back? If you decided now that you weren't going to do it and next time you had an argument she said it, but you decided to continue to be calm and respectful. How would things go differently?

[rjroy3]

I've always had a personal code in relationships and even dealing with exes.

Never call her a bitch. Never call her names. Always seek to set your boundaries and reach a goal in an argument, rather than trying to get her back for what was said.

Follow that and your relationships will go a lot better. Every ex girlfriend I've ever had has comeback around to either date me again, be a friend or apologize to me for how they acted in the breakup because of who I am as a person. Now that may not be within your personality right now. But if you try to come from a place of understanding, rather than unconsciously throwing out insults you will get better results and your fights won't be volatile or frequent.

[sheajake17]

No when i say 'fuck u' she doesn't insult back. But she says fuck u when she thinks i haven't been listening to her while i think i did.
I just dont think thats being disrespectful because i dont see how. What i think is disrespèctful is if i call her names in every sentence i say and order her around the house or something like that

[rjroy3]

Frequency of an insult does not make it disrespectful. The insult itself is disrespectful.
Now it may not be AS disrespectful to say "Fuck you" as it is to say, "Fuck you, Bitch". But it is still disrespectful. Neither of you should be saying that to eachother. This isn't coming from a place of saying, "it's never okay to disrespect a woman". I think it's justified at times to show disrespect of someone. But not your girlfriend. Not if you plan to have a happy relationship.

Cut out saying fuck you and you'll have more grounds to tell her to do the same. Fighting is going to happen in a relationship. But how you fight matters and it shouldn't look like two people saying fuck you back and forth.

[rjroy3]

A better way to look at it is, saying "Fuck you" is communication. What are you communicating when you say "fuck you" to her?

[sheajake17]

Her culture is bogan. People there curse a lot, includjng her family and friends and she does it too. But i dont understand why she took it as disrespectful while people cursing around her is normal.
The word itself came off as an expression. I used to punch things and destroyed things but im using words now and it isn't any good though.

[rjroy3]

Trust me. I get it lol. I curse relatively often.

But what do you think you are communicating to her, when in an argument you are angry and saying "fuck you"?

[sheajake17]

Sorry for the late reply. Nah, fuck you was said to end the argument and to let her know that what she said was pissing me off. Like boom😂

[Annie_Mosity]

If either of us say that it's usually the end of the argument because there is only one person left in the room... Sometimes things just get that frustrating that's all you have to say but this shouldn't be a regular occurrence... that really isn't healthy. Me and my OH both know that saying that to the other person means we're really serious, it isn't taken lightly.

[Izumiblu]

I don't get why people think its ok to tell people fuck you and fuck off even in a fight. Its just not necessary, not helpful and is disrespectful.

[Cosytoasty]

media.giphy.com/media/l4FGAtDrD316rMw1i/giphy.gif

[Izumiblu]

@Cosytoasty fuck off

[Guxci_28_03]

@Cosytoasty Hahaha😂👏

[sheajake17]

Disrespectful😂

[bente2]

I say leave that bitch.
You are fighting “bad” you say
She is a hypocrite you say
So, why stick with her?

[talscudi]

That may be okay for a guy-on-guy argument, but saying it to a girl is really bad.

[sheajake17]

Why is it so bad though? I've tried not to say it at all but sometimes it just slips out.

[talscudi]

There's levels of answers to this. How long of a reply do you want?

[sheajake17]

I dont mind a long reply. Thank you

[talscudi]

Okay, so I'll go through it as a list. ☺

1. Guy-vs-guy arguments are arguments between friends. An argument with your girlfriend is a different relationship. A girlfriend is someone you might want to marry one day. Think about married couples. How would you feel if your father said "fuck you" to your mother? How would you feel if your son saw you say that to his mother?

2. On that theme of a girlfriend being basically a trial wife. Relationships like that are built on respect. Saying fuck you to someone is basically the opposite of respect.

3. Relationships will always have conflicts. That's just how relationships are. You have the option of learning how to solve them calmly and rationally, or screaming obscenities like a 14 year old. If you plan to keep this relationship and see it become something serious, you have to be the bigger person sometimes.

Hit character limit, will continue.

[talscudi]

4. Now, before you think I'm picking on you, consider another angle. If she genuinely did something bad enough that the only thing you could say was "fuck you", consider that she may not be a good person. Because our society thinks women are abuse VICTIMS and men are abuseRS, abusive behaviour in women goes completely unnoticed, and sometimes is outright rewarded. Stop and ask yourself, if the genders were flipped, would people be telling you to leave an abusive partner?

5. Consider how this sounds to outsiders. If one of my female friends told me her boyfriend often said fuck you to her, I'd be texting her abuse hotlines. I'm not saying you're abusive at all, but it might sound like it to her friends, and that's not a mess you want mixed up in. Especially if she's been doing things that make #4 sound reasonable--women can and do cry abuse to hurt their boyfriends and ruin exes. It's only a small number, but do you want to gamble with your criminal record?

[talscudi]

6. Men and women are, to be blunt, socialised differently, from the moment they're born. While men are told to "man up", girls are taught to embrace their feelings. In short, this means that it takes a lot more to cause a man to admit that he feels hurt.
Reasons I've Cried This Week: reading a sad story, reading a happy story, looking at a photograph of a bunny, looking at a photograph of an orphan, reading a poem, reading a comic, having to go to the doctor, having to wait in the waiting room, more things too.
Reasons He's Cried This YEAR: losing our pet 9 months ago.
What you say to your buddies just fine may hurt her 100x more.

[sheajake17]

Thank you very much that really helps. you're good at analyzing a problem. I think its on me, i may be too hot headed or act before i think. Thanks a lot :)

[talscudi]

No problem. A trick I use in arguing with my partner is this: I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and imagine we have a 6 year old kid watching us argue. The moment you think about explaining your actions to a small child, your behaviour changes.

[sheajake17]

Thats actually a higher stage of a relationship cause im 10 years younger and haven't thought of having a child haha

[talscudi]

It still works, though. Like "if you're nervous giving a speech, imagine everyone is naked". You're not planning on hosting an orgy with the audience, but it tricks your brain into calming down.

Similarly, you don't have to have any plans to propose or have kids, but imagining explaining your argument to a kid suddenly makes it very hard to swear at the other person.

[sheajake17]

Yes that's true. Thank you. I hope someday I'll be more mature

[Fghdddtbb]

Did you not read that she says fuck you to?

[talscudi]

Are you just trying to start stuff, or?

[Anon85]

Just agree to both make an effort to fix it. But people get angry sometimes, and that means that certain phrases are going to come out in certain situations. So acknowledge that you both do it and try to change

[sheajake17]

Thank you. Great advice

[Nocrying5]

You should never speak to your woman like that. Conversely why would you want your woman to speak with to you like that so demand respect and give her respect. My last girlfriend cussed at me I cut her loose.

[sheajake17]

Good advice thank you. As for me i wouldn't break up just cause she curses at me tho cause i think its normal unless she can't be respectful anymore

[BleepRawrsaurus_Rex]

Lmao she got her feelings hurt. If you guys fight a lot just break up

[sheajake17]

Lol no we love each other. We may be kids fighting over small thing and it gets serious at times but we ain't giving up on each other. And someday we will be mature about this😎

[BleepRawrsaurus_Rex]

Oh okie

[JayFromEngland]

It is a mean thing to say - but if she says it too, then I don't get the issue.

Stop fighting, deal with it and move on. Together or apart.

[WiseTurtle]

It's not that bad because she says it too. If she wasn't saying it that would be bad.

[qwert1234]

I don't think it's normal.
If she says "fuck you" or "fuck off" to you, you don't stoop low and do the same. Take the higher ground.

[KevinSimonsen]

I would say it's okay at best. But you should definitely explain whay you cursed at her wen the mood is more calmed

[sheajake17]

Thanks man. Good advice

[ATuairiscean]

A bit of double standards if she is saying " F you/off" - Possibly you are disrespecting each other

[Michael-Dark]

She can say that to you but you can't. Dont hurt her

[Partywithtom]

If you do it it's normal. If it's out of character then it's not normal.
If she can hit you with a bat you can hit her with a bat. Equality.

[Browneye57]

If you can't discuss issues like adults and resort to insults and anger, then consider it may just not be a match. People in love don't do this.

[sheajake17]

Yes i am immature emotionally. I blow up easily but im working on it. We are in long distance relationship and often conflicts happens not in face to face and its easy to lose myself you know.

[Browneye57]

LDR's never work. Stats are they implode within 90 days.

[sheajake17]

Nah I've just met her after 2 years in relationship. Also there are people who found it works. And of course ldr will come to an end and they will live together in the same place thats the point.

[jupiter93]

If it were me I would feel disrespected as well.

[sheajake17]

Why? I didn't call her names, i said that out of anger and frustration. Nd i still treat her like an equal human. Also its not like she hasn't said that to me too.

[Tony_1693]

Instead of saying fuck you, you should have actually fucked her.

[UsernameMadness]

Ask her why it's okay when she says it, but disrespectful when you do.

[Anonymous]

Hmm that would be on the nicer side of what we say to each other in a heated argument 🤔

[Opinion Owner]

Oh and when he says "fuck you" I usually take it as an offer not an insult 😂

[sheajake17]

Not when you have a really bad fight tho😂

[Opinion Owner]

That's exactly the best time to take up that offer 😂 Angry sex is good and after sex the fight won't seem that important.

[sheajake17]

I've had a bad fight where sex isn't in my mind😂

[Opinion Owner]

I see your in a long distance relationship to so that made it harder. I've been with the same guy for a very long time, so far sex seems to always be a good solution lol but in your case I'd just apologize and not do it again.

[sheajake17]

Yea thanks for your advice

[redeyemindtricks]

“That's exactly the best time to take up that offer  Angry sex is good and after sex the fight won't seem that important.”

^^^^^

#singit

It’s even better than that, actually.
“Afterglow” is weirdly good at promoting intimate ••communication••. When the two of you are lying together, delirious, draped around one another’s sweaty exhausted bodies... there’s just something, about that situation, that makes honest, deeply emotional communication SO much easier.

But... fuck yeah, fighting and then fucking. That’s LIFE, gurl. Can’t have lust OR love, without a decent chunk of hate thrown in there. 🖤

[freddy0769]

It would show you respect each other if you did NOT say that to each other

[Anonymous]

no you werent disrespectful. it is not big deal to say it

[noesbueno]

It's normal. She's also being a hypocrite.

[Guxci_28_03]

It's Fine, Dw👍

[Wesley_5577]

Sounds like a toxic relationship.