What is considered a "harsh" rejection?

[Quintessence]

This may be a bit of a stupid question, but I want to see what everyone's rejection thresholds are, so to speak.

So, in your mind, what is the difference between a 'harsh' rejection and a 'soft' rejection?

Aren't all rejections inherently harsh, given that being rejected is hard on the person being rejected?

[Kat_puppies]

well i have a couple ways
Girls:
ways girls curve or reject men in a common way is to say "i have a boyfriend" women uses this phrase so unattractive men cannot flirt with them then see a hot guy and go to him. If you tell a girl you have money and a good car they would go out with you but when they have realized that you don't have a nice expensive care they would walk away which is really rude. If a women tells you she's lesbian but you see her kiss another guy, If she tells you that she wants to be single and you have her social media and she says she is taken. If she says she feels sick but she looks really fine and she sees her girls and tells you that your just too ugly to be with her. that she is moving to another country or state soon but sees you have a nice car and say she stay for a bit.
Men:
It's not you it's me but wait it's definitely you. Sorry i don't date ugly girls like you. My girlfriend is right over there. Im so sorry but im taken. If you ask them out to dinner and they say sorry i have plans but you go to the mall and see him with another girl on that same day. Sorry but your not my type that goes for women as well.

I hope this helps you a bunch thank you :)

[jonathanosbourne]

The guys excuses aren't right. Men just dont say anything

[Kat_puppies]

@jonathanosbourne that's not what my friend says when she asked men out all men are different

[Girl_Interuppted]

- Showing interest then rejecting with no explanation
- Laughing at the person
- Looking at them like they're crazy
- Completing shutting them out after
- Getting upset because they won't be friends after
- Not giving them a chance to get over it (have space)
**Mocking/teasing them for doing it**
- Offering information that isn't asked for (e. g. why you don't want to date them etc)
- Constantly re-iterating that you are friend zoning them (without them making any more moves)

[Girl_Interuppted]

A "soft" or decent rejection is all about letting them save face.

I'll usually smile and say something I like about them i. e. "you're a handsome guy" or "you're a nice guy and I love your company", but then tell them it's a "no" because either:

i. we're not compatible or
ii. they're not my type

I then finish it off by saying I'm sure they'll find someone else. I then don't tell ANYONE else about it and pretend like it never happened.

Maximum face-saving is what it's about.

Occasionally guys have thought I was rejecting them because I myself can get quite nervous when approached and then I find it hard to smile/engage. Ironically, a lot of these are the ones I actually wanted to date lol.

I've mastered the rejection because I'm attractive so I get hit on quite a lot, and the worst part is that I've only ever hit on a guy once and he did all of the above to me *fml*

[Buggington93]

When I was about 12 I had a crush on one of my classmates. When the room when quiet he told me loudly in front of everyone else that he thought I was ugly :/

[Quintessence]

That's horrible of him. Granted, we were all immature at 12, but still. Horrible.

[ChronicThinker]

Honestly the only thing that's harsh is if they flat out insult you. That's not necessary.

[freakyzeaky]

A guy is always going to risk harsh or "hard" rejection if he approaches with no signs of interest on her part (and vice versa). This is why so many guys do not approach because they either don't get any signs from a woman or she /thinks/ she is giving off clear signs, but he isn't picking them up.

Harsh rejection usually only happens when a woman shuts a guy down and disregards his feelings, such as making a guy feel guilty for even showing interest or suggesting date.

Of course, laughing or saying "why would you think I've ever date a guy like you?" is probably on the more extreme end of harsh rejections.
But completely ignoring an innocent approach, cutting a guy off mid-sentence to shut him down when he is being friendly, these are also harsh.

[theharlequin]

I tend to evaluate it based upon whether the rejector goes beyond what's reasonable and necessary to get the message across. Some people need a harsh rejection just to get the message. Others can be devastated by even the softest of rejections. So I think it's relative to the person being rejected, if that makes sense.

[TheJellyFrogLives]

Insulting them. Be friendly, don't act like they're a freak (unless they really really are and you're genuinely scared in which case get help). There's no need to be rude, in fact you should be flattered.
"aww, I'm sorry hun, you're not my type!" is infinitely better than "Ew, gross. NO!"
And no, they're not all inherently harsh, unless you're a really delicate snowflake.

[Krumpir]

Been there, got rejected...

Here are 2 worst:
1) "Eeeeewwww ugly, leave!"
- She could have just said she's not interested...
2) "I have to see how it goes with that other guy, and if it won't go as planned we can go out..."
- Sloppy seconds, no thank you.
(She does call me eventually to apologize and ask me out, but no thank you.)

Ps. Those 2 quotations are translated from my language.

[Quintessence]

That second one is especially ridiculous. It's like the worst attempt at manipulation that I've ever seen.

[Krumpir]

I know I am not a jackpot, but I have some dignity. Thank you for replying.

[Cosytoasty]

I've rejected a lot of people and a lot of people have rejected me, so i see it as swings and roundabouts and all part of dating, not so much harsh or soft.

To your latter question, how does one get so worked up (as in... form such a strong connection with someone) at the asking out stage to have it feel harsh?

[Nik1hil]

No they aren't harsh rejections is like public insults,
like in your case , i thought instead of some online fun, i went down into frozen life less friendzone, turn out i am sailing on the Ship of Friendship, while a lot better, delightful, and with deep and interesting conversation with someone who is very smart and i have begin to adore her for what she is,

harsh rejecting is humiliation, with cold front and insults in future,,

[gamingbaget]

I think making it public is the worst you could do, even more so if you make a joke out of it. If you're going to turn someone down just take the simple option and say no, though that could be harsh aswell if you don't tell them why not.

[Anon85]

Showing visible or even verbal disgust towards the person you're rejecting, calling them names, etc

[Anonymous]

"You seriously thought I would say yes to YOU?"
"Eww no."
"You're too ugly."
"I can do better"
"In your dreams."
"Yeah right..."
"I'm out of your league."

Yes these are things that have been said to a guy asking a girl out on a date.

[MLGbreezy]

Not even giveing the guy a chance to speak i see so many girl say i got a boy firend before the guy can even get the chance to say something or they just ignore him some females can be real rude I've seen worse than that too

[Kiki98]

Damn I do that.. I never realised it was rude tbh

[MLGbreezy]

Well its the way some females do it i seen a guy just say exscuse me to a girl and she said insatntly i have a boyfriend and kept walking didn't even bither to look at the guy like what if he need dirrctions or something

[MLGbreezy]

I even seen a guy say ecuse me srry to bother but i thiught you where real pretty... and before he could finish the girl said fuck off and walked away its just cruel sometimes

[Kiki98]

Oh no I never did that, if they ask me for my number or ask me out I either say directly "no sorry" or "I have a bf" I hear what they have to say first
That's a bit presumptuous to say " I have a bf" if someone didn't talk yet.. Wtf

[Kiki98]

And fuck of or other bad names is so uncalled for.. damn some girls are real bitches

[MLGbreezy]

See your from your point of view i can understand at least your polite its the females that are that are just rude i dont get

[Nerdking]

I got cought off before i could say something when i only wanted directions bc i wa new to the state... and i can't imagine how many women told me one told me "get the fk away from me i have a boyfriend fking loser" then told her friend how she hates when ugly guys talk to her didn't even get a word out. Sucks how when women get rejected they get coddled and men are jusy supposed to deal with it.

[Kiki98]

@Nerdking wow that's freaking harsh

[MLGbreezy]

Yea socecity is pretty fucked😞

[FemWorship]

It's the ignoring, indifference methods of making you feel dead or a leper

[Girl_Interuppted]

These are bad... but someone being harsh, insulting or mocking is much worse

[FemWorship]

@Girl_Interuppted
Sometimes... I can agree
but agree with me that this still shows emotions
and some oddballs even pick a fight b/c the makeup sex is just that terrific

[Girl_Interuppted]

Yeah, but insulting emotions lol. This is a rejection remember, not a fight within the context of a relationship.

[Sixgun77]

Hmmm.
"You can buy me a drink, sure, but I'm not going to talk to you."

After spending a coupe hours sitting at the bar talking to her, I was leaving and and I said "maybe ill see you again soon? " and she said "yeah, right. "

[Girl_Interuppted]

To be honest, you should have known she was trouble after the first comment and declined to buy her a drink.

[Sixgun77]

two different women. One inn Baltimore, one in dc.

[Girl_Interuppted]

Ah right... this would put me off the bar scene for life if I was a dude.

Online dating.. or meeting people at events of stuff you're interested in?

More likely to meet someone compatible and less bitchy women.

I've given up on the bar scene myself... too many stupid men just wanting to get laid.

[Sixgun77]

That stuff happened back in my early 20s.
Never had any luck meeting girls doing the stuff I enjoyed. You constantly hear "women are out to do ____, not to have guys hit on them."
Online dating has also been very slow and painful going. Getting 2 or more first dates a year was extremely uncommon. Finally met someone online a few months ago, its nice to have a girlfriend again and be appreciated.

[WhereAmI]

Harsh would be to put the other person down in some way for trying to ask them out. A soft one is letting them of easily without insult.

[jon28805]

This is one of the harshest rejections ever. Sorry the video quality isn't very good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYjEdKy2Lfg

[AlwaysBelieving]

Harsh = she embarrasses me or something to that extent

Soft = Says no, she doesn't want to date me

Technical = I'm dating someone

[Irishjack]

I think it depends on how much you are interested in the other person. The more one is the more it could feel "Harsh"

[Billyscotter]

The harshest rejection is when someone actively engages in an emotional affair, and goes out of their way to stir sexual desire, then rejects the person without any explanation. It's way less cruel just saying "I'm not interested".

[Decentguy]

rejecting someone in a rude way. or by insulting them

[jarhead77]

So this was the full conversation i just had on a dating site like 2 minutes ago was it too harsh?
Person: hi!
Me: bye
Person: im a girl
Me: ohhhhh!
Me: yea I'm not into you

[Anonymous]

Hey sorry for the random question but why do girls wear shorts under their skirts and dresses :(( I have seen underneath and noticed most girls wear black shorts under there :((

[TheJellyFrogLives]

1. Why are you looking?
2. Pretty much exactly for that reason. If the skirt was to blow up in the wind or some creep be looking from below it adds some protection of your dignity.
Also, there’re some thermal advantages when it’s cold!

[john1714]

I think all rejections are going to be harsh to some extent.

[Girl_Interuppted]

No... you can do it decently...

[vertebreh]

Being ignored after being led on

[QueenofCups]

All rejections are hard.

[Anonymous]

If they don't tell you that you look cute with your furry suit on

[Quintessence]

That really must sting. :(

[anmari2001]

When you friendzone him, that's a big deal

[reptocarl]

Ewwww gross

[Anonymous]

rude one is harsh