What is considered a "harsh" rejection?

What is considered a "harsh" rejection?
This may be a bit of a stupid question, but I want to see what everyone's rejection thresholds are, so to speak.

So, in your mind, what is the difference between a 'harsh' rejection and a 'soft' rejection?

Aren't all rejections inherently harsh, given that being rejected is hard on the person being rejected?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I tend to evaluate it based upon whether the rejector goes beyond what's reasonable and necessary to get the message across. Some people need a harsh rejection just to get the message. Others can be devastated by even the softest of rejections. So I think it's relative to the person being rejected, if that makes sense.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • - Showing interest then rejecting with no explanation
    - Laughing at the person
    - Looking at them like they're crazy
    - Completing shutting them out after
    - Getting upset because they won't be friends after
    - Not giving them a chance to get over it (have space)
    **Mocking/teasing them for doing it**
    - Offering information that isn't asked for (e. g. why you don't want to date them etc)
    - Constantly re-iterating that you are friend zoning them (without them making any more moves)

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    • A "soft" or decent rejection is all about letting them save face.

      I'll usually smile and say something I like about them i. e. "you're a handsome guy" or "you're a nice guy and I love your company", but then tell them it's a "no" because either:

      i. we're not compatible or
      ii. they're not my type

      I then finish it off by saying I'm sure they'll find someone else. I then don't tell ANYONE else about it and pretend like it never happened.

      Maximum face-saving is what it's about.

      Occasionally guys have thought I was rejecting them because I myself can get quite nervous when approached and then I find it hard to smile/engage. Ironically, a lot of these are the ones I actually wanted to date lol.

      I've mastered the rejection because I'm attractive so I get hit on quite a lot, and the worst part is that I've only ever hit on a guy once and he did all of the above to me *fml*

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 22

  • Been there, got rejected...

    Here are 2 worst:
    1) "Eeeeewwww ugly, leave!"
    - She could have just said she's not interested...
    2) "I have to see how it goes with that other guy, and if it won't go as planned we can go out..."
    - Sloppy seconds, no thank you.
    (She does call me eventually to apologize and ask me out, but no thank you.)

    Ps. Those 2 quotations are translated from my language.

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    • That second one is especially ridiculous. It's like the worst attempt at manipulation that I've ever seen.

    • I know I am not a jackpot, but I have some dignity. Thank you for replying.

  • Insulting them. Be friendly, don't act like they're a freak (unless they really really are and you're genuinely scared in which case get help). There's no need to be rude, in fact you should be flattered.
    "aww, I'm sorry hun, you're not my type!" is infinitely better than "Ew, gross. NO!"
    And no, they're not all inherently harsh, unless you're a really delicate snowflake.

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  • I've rejected a lot of people and a lot of people have rejected me, so i see it as swings and roundabouts and all part of dating, not so much harsh or soft.

    To your latter question, how does one get so worked up (as in... form such a strong connection with someone) at the asking out stage to have it feel harsh?

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  • I think making it public is the worst you could do, even more so if you make a joke out of it. If you're going to turn someone down just take the simple option and say no, though that could be harsh aswell if you don't tell them why not.

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  • No they aren't harsh rejections is like public insults,
    like in your case , i thought instead of some online fun, i went down into frozen life less friendzone, turn out i am sailing on the Ship of Friendship, while a lot better, delightful, and with deep and interesting conversation with someone who is very smart and i have begin to adore her for what she is,

    harsh rejecting is humiliation, with cold front and insults in future,,

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  • Not even giveing the guy a chance to speak i see so many girl say i got a boy firend before the guy can even get the chance to say something or they just ignore him some females can be real rude I've seen worse than that too

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    • Damn I do that.. I never realised it was rude tbh

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    • @Nerdking wow that's freaking harsh

    • Yea socecity is pretty fucked­čś×

  • Hmmm.
    "You can buy me a drink, sure, but I'm not going to talk to you."

    After spending a coupe hours sitting at the bar talking to her, I was leaving and and I said "maybe ill see you again soon? " and she said "yeah, right. "

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    • To be honest, you should have known she was trouble after the first comment and declined to buy her a drink.

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    • Ah right... this would put me off the bar scene for life if I was a dude.

      Online dating.. or meeting people at events of stuff you're interested in?

      More likely to meet someone compatible and less bitchy women.

      I've given up on the bar scene myself... too many stupid men just wanting to get laid.

    • That stuff happened back in my early 20s.
      Never had any luck meeting girls doing the stuff I enjoyed. You constantly hear "women are out to do ____, not to have guys hit on them."
      Online dating has also been very slow and painful going. Getting 2 or more first dates a year was extremely uncommon. Finally met someone online a few months ago, its nice to have a girlfriend again and be appreciated.

  • This is one of the harshest rejections ever. Sorry the video quality isn't very good.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYjEdKy2Lfg

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  • Showing visible or even verbal disgust towards the person you're rejecting, calling them names, etc

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  • The harshest rejection is when someone actively engages in an emotional affair, and goes out of their way to stir sexual desire, then rejects the person without any explanation. It's way less cruel just saying "I'm not interested".

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What Girls Said 7

  • Honestly the only thing that's harsh is if they flat out insult you. That's not necessary.

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  • well i have a couple ways
    Girls:
    ways girls curve or reject men in a common way is to say "i have a boyfriend" women uses this phrase so unattractive men cannot flirt with them then see a hot guy and go to him. If you tell a girl you have money and a good car they would go out with you but when they have realized that you don't have a nice expensive care they would walk away which is really rude. If a women tells you she's lesbian but you see her kiss another guy, If she tells you that she wants to be single and you have her social media and she says she is taken. If she says she feels sick but she looks really fine and she sees her girls and tells you that your just too ugly to be with her. that she is moving to another country or state soon but sees you have a nice car and say she stay for a bit.
    Men:
    It's not you it's me but wait it's definitely you. Sorry i don't date ugly girls like you. My girlfriend is right over there. Im so sorry but im taken. If you ask them out to dinner and they say sorry i have plans but you go to the mall and see him with another girl on that same day. Sorry but your not my type that goes for women as well.

    I hope this helps you a bunch thank you :)

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  • When I was about 12 I had a crush on one of my classmates. When the room when quiet he told me loudly in front of everyone else that he thought I was ugly :/

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    • That's horrible of him. Granted, we were all immature at 12, but still. Horrible.

  • Being ignored after being led on

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  • All rejections are hard.

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  • When you friendzone him, that's a big deal

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  • rude one is harsh

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