Why do guys HATE commitment?

Why do guys HATE commitment?


I'm not intending to generalize, but why do most guys take pride in cheating and having many girls?
Most of them love to play the role of "The Player" instead of the boyfriend.
why is commitment such an awful thing to them?

Updates:
OMG people! everyone is attacking me over a question i made out of boredom and curiosity, relax ! pheeew
I'm also not trying to make a guy commit ( where the hell did most of you get that idea from)
anyway, i made this question because me and a group or guy friends were discussing it and they all had bad things to say about the idea of commitment so i wanted to know the opinion of other guys and girls about the matter

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Most of my life I couldn't even face dating someone if I didn't plan on trying to get close enough to spend my life with them. I didn't understand how people could date casually, and even though I do now, if I find someone I love I wanna spend as much time with them as I can, especially if that includes the rest of my life

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Some guys are like that... some aren't.

    If you go out with a guy for a while (like say a few months) & he is not willing to commit (even just a little, like as an exclusive boyfriend)... Then just move on. He aparently has that "grass is greener on the other side" complex... and no matter how beautiful, personable, & intelligent you are, he is still thinking there may be someone out there better for him... It has nothing to do with you or what you think you may be lacking.

    When you run into that, it's just best to move on. Moving on creates one of two outcomes. One, he will see how he really loves you and commit. Two, he will just go on with his life and you can finally move on with yours. Either outcome is really better for you than staying with him.

    Don't worry, some guy out there will see how great of a catch you are and be willing to commit... without you having to worry him about it. That guy will actually be worth it.

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    • She's right don't blame yourself, but also understand there's a good chance he just doesn't want to date "you"

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 475

  • Many men are just fine with commitment, but many are not.

    Most men are different from most women in that men want and can enjoy sex with many different women and don't necessarily need an emotional connection with the women. That difference strongly influences everything below.

    Commitment and even marriage once benefitted men and women approximately the same, but the many feminist changes to our society, while good in many ways, has largely removed all of the benefits for men, while giving women even more. Men are increasingly aware that they are a poor deal for men, and given that they are no longer necessary to get sex, more men are choosing not to commit.

    Also, it needs to be realized that the men that most women want - the top 5 or 10% - have so many women throwing themselves at them that virtually all of them take full advantage by sleeping with lots of them. Going after a guy like that and expecting commitment is naive and foolish.

    But, here is the question that almost no woman ever seems to have asked themselves (and rarely have an answer to):

    What benefits will a man gain - things that matter to MEN - in return for giving up his highly valued time and freedom? What do you have to offer him that is worth the trade?

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    • Nailed it. Well said.

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    • this is spot on. I always tell my friends, "be the kind of person your dream man/woman deserves." I think this applies to anyone. Man or woman. Gay or straight. If you aren't every bit as beautiful, intelligent, interesting, mature, and stable as the man you are chasing, he has no reason to commit to you.

    • OP nailed this.

  • ⓣⓗⓔⓨ ⓓⓞⓝ'ⓣ ⓗⓐⓣⓔ ⓘⓣ... ⓣⓗⓔⓡⓔ ⓙⓤⓢⓣ ⓝⓞⓣ ⓡⓔⓐⓓⓨ ⓕⓞⓡ ⓘⓣ.

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  • Most guys don't hate the idea of commitment. Young guys talk macho smack to score points with other young macho guys, and that includes saying that they will never get serious in a relationship, etc., blah, blah, blah. They don't want to having any interest in commitment, but they are willing to commit. You just need to sneak up on them and let them fall in love with you before you have too many TALKS about "what are we" and "where are we going."

    Older guys are much easier because we know what we want and we're willing to admit it.

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    • There are young guys like me, single and ready to mingle. Yet so far i don't see almost any potentials being single.

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    • I think I'll just take the [Be Yourself] route.

    • @Unit1 The point is that, as you get older, being yourself has nothing to do with your appearance. You may not understand that at your age; I doubt that I would have understood it. I have gone from long haor and a beard to short hair and clean shaven in later years and I'm still the same person, still comfortable with who I am.

  • They don't, but if you are looking for commitment from guys who are players , fuckbois or love hookups, then you are looking for the wrong thing in the wrong place to start with.
    Simple

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    • Just to make it clear, not blaming you
      Just thought that it was an interesting topic to discus since everyone has a different opinion

  • For the same reason women hate to give sex up to just anybody, its costly. Sex has the potential of being incredibly costly to a woman with the pregnancy and the years of child rearing. For men its not. However the inverse happens in a relationship, he has to provide for her himself and any resulting offspring, that means he is working more providing more doing more, he has less freedom and has significantly greater responsibilities. So its not that men hate commitment its that we view commitment the same way women view casual sex i. e. you better be worth it because its a very steep price we are paying. As for why it seems like this today more then ever, women don't provide anything in relationships anymore, generally speaking of course. We constantly talk about how men are lazy and don't help around the house leaving everything to be done by the "poor" woman (never mind that studies have shown that men work slightly more then women over all), men pay for everything still have their role as provider and protector but now women are not expected to be nurturers (which men need, they need women for the intimacy both physical and emotional) they expect the man to pay but then get pissed off that the guy expects sex i. e. he has to give to her but she doesn't have to give anything back to him. He has to work, she doesn't have to cook. Things like that its very one sided, men are not appreciated in any way currently in our society so many men have given up and decided that since women are being more lax with sex that its just easier to get sex then it is to put in all that effort into a relationship that will not get them what they really need, hell women don't even feel the need to give him sex so its actually easier to get sex outside of a relationship then in one (which is really sad). In short men are naturally more choosy when it comes to relationships as its much more costly to them, however its been made worse because women refuse to give anything in return making a relationship all responsibility and no reward thus ensuring men avoid "commitment"(really a one sided deal where women benefit and men don't) like the plague. Of course most women won't admit to this because we live in a society that holds women up so high and cares about what they want so much more that the thought that men might actually have wants and needs is almost a foreign concept.

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  • At your age there are girls and life experiences every time they turn around. Also, in this day and age of social media, it is way too easy to contact and hook up with other people for those experiences. For younger guys, that is their priority and focus. All they care about is the next party and next fuck without any attached responsibility. If you want something serious, try an older guy who is past this phase.

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    • well all the guys i dated are +25
      but i definitely appreciate your opinion, it makes sense

    • When I was younger, most guys partied and fucked around until about 25 or so. Then they started to focus on more serious things in life such as careers, making good money and serious assets like nice cars and homes which required a more responsible lifestyle. More guys were also focused on settling down and starting a serious relationship and possibly a starting a family. I think that age has gone up quite a bit in the last 20 years and guys in their mid 20's are still in the party phase.

  • lots of guys just wanna have fun. if you found a nice girl and things are easy and comfy, then why would you go and force him to commit? xD him sticking around should be enough commitment for you. yeah at some point you can think about marriage but why would you be so eager to force things before that?

    just as food for thought: him "committing" doesn´t give you any more security than being with a fuck boy. cause claiming he'll stay with you or not doesn't force him to do anything. he could still go fuck that other girl right now. "commitment" without marriage isn't binding.

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    • well by commitment i didn't mean marriage, i meant just having one girl and being faithful to her
      and i didn't mean forced comitment,

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    • thank you for your insight, it makes sense

    • we guys have the same needs you have ;) we are not some animals. we need appreciation, recognition, love and physical closeness. though we also like to have fun and are horny so it's often very compelling to find a girl that we can have some fun with, as finding the one that gives us everything we need is very hard, therefore we just enjoy live as it comes. if we find the right girl on the way, we will stay with her. having to ask him to commit shows you, that you're not the one giving him what he wants so your choices are 1: enjoy what you have while you have it, cause those things are rare enough anyway or 2: ditch him and move on, cause you're more worried about finding mister right than just enjoying your life not thinking about it.

      option number 2 isn´t meant to sound depreciating of that decision. some people just don't like relationships that don't go deep. however most guys tend to go for number 2, cause finding the right person takes too long and they want sex now xD

  • I won't repeat what everyone else is saying about this being a generalization.

    The guys you're dating don't want a commitment because they want sexual variety, more than they want a relationship.

    Almost by definition, a relationship means "no sexual variety" henceforth.

    If sexual variety is important to you, then you would avoid a relationship at all costs.

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  • I personally love being the boyfriend but the only men women seem to go after is the player. Wonen look at guys who throw thier money and looks around while ignoring the men who work so hard just to make you happy, and then wonder why the men who are good don't want to date women like them. It's about respect, and if you only respect me for what I can do for you, not who I am, I won't be respecting you at all.

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  • I dont think guys hate commitment, it's just that women have a tendency to expect men to do all the work of steering things and keeping them happy, because that's how the early phase of every relationship starts, women getting out-treated and spoiled, to overshadow all her other options... So already right from the start, the effort that goes into the relationship is unbalanced, and then after a serious commitment, women can have a tendency to take the one-sided dynamic as the default nature of the relationship, they get too comfortable with this power imbalance, and it makes them lazy and blind to the work that has to go into making a relationship living and breathing.. If a woman just wants to get their ego fed through narrative of commitment, so she can tap into how it was in the beginning: its totally unsustainable, because that only lasts as long as she is treating herself like a commodity that many people are interested in bidding on. It's this original foundation of her tapping into her market-value that poisons the basis of achieving a healthy commitment: where both partners might otherwise be equal contributers to participating with proper care and respect to each other's internal reality, and openly negotiating how best to help the other through the navigating life with a shared reality (intimacy by communicating).

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    • Many women say they want commitment, but de facto, what they mean is, they want a crutch to lean on, and lack maturity to offer anything other than demands and expectations, and one-sided accountability for all the concerns of life, and yet more than equal access to benefits its his duty to provide: this is what "commitment" translates as to many women, indentured servitude on her terms, and no room for him to negotiate his remorse over this raw deal that he is expected to be grateful for bearing the weight of.

      Commitment is literally defeat and self-compromise in the modern mainstream context, it makes women happy because they get a lot of power, and men have almost no room to ask women to alter their attitudes, its like the perfect way for a woman to check mate a king into immobilized defeat: of course the common opinion is "hate", most women are not mature enough to have a commitment to, they've been too spoiled by men they've learnt to target expectations and extractions from.

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    • When you refuse to offer gratitude for a guy who wants to pay, it will likely be interpreted as a prelude for a rough time of having your masculine dignity trampled or imposed upon, by critical over-sharing or an expectations monolog on the horizon, and it implies that you're not willing or interested in learning about his style of discernment, to go with his flow of behavior just so you can work out if you trust his way of navigating issues, challenging before offering open questions: which makes it seem like your not interested in trusting a man, and just looking to aquire a piece of masculine furniture into an already constructed life. I'm not talking out of my own experience, I can't afford to pay for my dates meals, lol, I don't go on dates xD

    • Yeah, I think most of us can tell😉

  • Maybe the most attractive men fit this. But the majority of us can’t even be what you described. It’s your choice in men that makes you believe this. Sorry, the hot guys won’t settle down for you or any other woman. If you want a good man you have to lower your standards from players and fuckboys “down” to someone good. Boom. Problem solved.

    Men have the same problem in reverse. Want a beautiful woman but won’t date on his level, aka, fat greasy nerd for example.

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  • What would ever make you have that stereotype? I struggle to find one woman who will show signs of affection. I need a reason to commit and it is through your love that I feel your affection. That is what I want to commit to.

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    • Hahaha there are no hard feelings here but rest assured there are plenty of guys who would cherish the opportunity to have a committed relationship. In all, I expect you will find there is little difference between men and women, just a difference in how they express themselves.

  • Men don't hate commitment, they simply aren't eager to rush into it. I think the reason for this is largely because they tend to take commitment overly seriously.

    If guys like a band or movie, they remain loyal to it 'forever.' Girls tend to change their allegiances on a whim. Guys see that and are uncertain that commitment means the same thing to girls as it does to guys. For guys, agreeing to commit to something is usually unconditional. But when girls commit it's more a "commitment to change it." That seems like the opposite of commitment to most men, so it's confusing.

    Additionally, men like sex. And more importantly, they want to believe that they have sexual appeal. If a girl requires a commitment before considering having sex with a guy, it means the guy does not have sufficient sexual appeal to override the girl's interest in a commitment.

    I would actually equate the two - men want sex exactly as women want commitment, and women want sex exactly as men want commitment. Women don't "hate" sex - they just don't want to think they're only being used for their body. Men don't "hate" commitment, they just don't want to think they're >not< being used for their body.

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  • Cause so many girls are caught saying admitting in the past like decade admitting that its not really love and that they are playing games. And that is just flat out depressing.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfs8NYg7yQM

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  • I'd say it's two main things (and no, one of them isn't "loss of freedom" -- that only really happens if you stay committed to a crazed, clingy psychopath who's got no life outside of the relationship).

    There are certainly more reasons than these, but I'd say this is the heart of it.

    1. He's just not that into you. This applies to both genders, of course, but men in particular will "hang out" with you without committing for a long ass time if he kinda/sorta likes you and he's getting sex on the the regular. It takes a special woman -- or more importantly, a special type of connection -- for us to hitch our wagon to your post.

    2. Fear. Yes, fear. I'll be the first to admit that both genders deal with a lot of bullshit, but one of the main issues men deal with is the social expectation that we be strong 24/7. What women don't typically realize is that men save most of their emotional expression for romantic partners -- and even at that, it only occurs with those we feel the most intimate and safest being vulnerable with. Unfortunately, most relationships end in breakup -- that's just the nature of the beast -- which leaves men more heartbroken than you can probably imagine (again, we're talking about committed dudes who truly fell in love). So not only are we experiencing heartbreak over losing the one we loved, but we're also experiencing the loss of our emotional outlet, making the problem exponential. This causes men to retreat from further commitment, I think.

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  • Cuz hookup culture is growing too fast which is a very bad thing, commitement is becoming more and more scarce and nice and committing guys are decreasing quickly, i'm proud to be one.
    You just gotta look around, mine for that precious diamond who will be willing to spend the rest of his life with you 😉

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  • It goes into fact of nature, males competing to have the biggest "harem" by which to spread their genes for the species. This in itself is good but the way it is expressed in our human society is bad. The size of the "harem" is where these men get their self-esteem or ego/pride. By having lots of women, they see themselves as a very attractive person. Also, they learned this way of thinking from how they saw other males treat women as they grew up. They don't know that there are other ways to treat women. Some women even believe that cheating is "normal" in a relationship and this perpetuates this cycle and mentality

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  • You're 19, right? Are you seriously thinking about having a boyfriend now that you keep for ever until you get married, have kids, etc? And if you are then good for you but most people of your age don't want commitment like that - male OR female.

    Check out a few dating websites or Tinder - why do most in 30's or 40's say " don't just want to hook up/ONS" and around your age most people post pics and write profiles that scream the opposite!!

    I'm not intending to generalize either, just stating the facts. The older you get (generally) the more you want commitment - both male and female.

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  • It is a defensive strategy.
    It is a response to changes in law that have disadvantaged men, as well as almost 60 years of unrelenting hatred that has been vomited over men by Feminists.
    Men have done a rational cost/risk/benefit analysis and reached an evidence-based conclusion that interaction of any type with females (especially romantic/sexual interaction) is too much legal and financial risk.
    Hence, the only way for men to win is to not play the game.
    Men withdraw from the field and walk away.
    70% of men aged between 18-35 are single.
    The current birth rate is at an all time low since the 1800's

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    • Not all woman are like but can get jelsous bitch and asshole as well as guy's. In my college I see more girl/ woman being immature and mean to short guy's. They only like the hot guys. I hate the hot guys. I always love the short guy's and Younger guys.

  • I really don't know why guys do it, it's awful. However i would probably guess it was a desire to fit in and be wanted and liked by others due to a lack of deep down self worth

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    • Plus also the worried of them not being right and the pressure of society to have to spend your whole life with just one person, which at a young age can seem very scary and daunting

  • My answer was going to be about how genitals are irrelevant, and that some PEOPLE are afraid of commitment.
    I feel in love twice with girls that didn't want anything more than sex. All I want in life is to find someone to share my time with.
    But
    I need to add that one reason for men to be afraid is because in most system countries, the courts favour women. A woman can decide she doesn't want her man anymore and take his children, his home, his possessions. She can beat him, and be seem as the victim. A woman can even ruin a strangers like by accusing him off sexual misconduct.
    So if there's any reason for guys to be afraid of commitment, it's because they don't trust the world.

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  • This question is hilarious. It's not that men hate commitment. Once upon a time almost every man was happy to get married at a very young age and be a family man. But feminism came along and convinced women that they didn't need a man and that sleeping around was liberating. The divorce laws were changed to benefit women, and the family courts also changed to give most of the authority to women. Ever since then women have been screwing men over and over through divorce and family courts. This is why so many men no longer commit, because of the risks. And besides, men wouldn't be able to be players if women did not open their legs so easily. You can blame the men but men who are players could not sleep around if women did not agree to sleep with them.

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  • A while ago I dated someone who needed her washer fixed. While I was doing that, she took my car in for an oil change. I didn't even ask, she was just that awesome. I happily committed to her. So I don't hate commitment. I hate committing to people who can only contribute sex and drama. We're constantly told what "real men" are supposed to do. But it's rare to find a woman who wants to be a real partner.

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  • Why do women HATE equality?

    I'm not intending to generalize, but why do most gals take pride in being manipulators and having lots of drama? Most of them love to play the role of "misandrist" instead of being intrepidus.
    Why is equality such an awful thing to them?

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  • The same argument can be said for females as well. In fact, I believe both sexes in general are graviting more towards casual relationships without a long term commitment (i. e. marriage). More and more, young adults are more interested in hooking up, one night stands, and casual dating. I've had several friends (both female and male), cheated on by their SO; whether it'd be at a party, or secret/deceptive relationship formed through snapchat or texting. Especially on this culture (hookup), people can't handle having sexual relationships with only one individual when they previously have been with multiple partners.

    On the contrary, people who haven't had multiple relationships might feel like they haven't experimented enough, so beinh tied down to one person makes them feel like they're "missing out." It sucks that this is what our world has come to, but people are lacking commitment and love because of our hook up culture. Nobody is wanting to be tied down.

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  • First there's the cost of being a boyfriend. It's emotionally, financially and socially expensive to date a woman exclusively. The risk is very great, and often not worth the gain, especially if the same gain can be had with much less risk. If a guy only wants sex, then why would he commit when he can get sex without it? If a guy on the other hand wants a relationship then it becomes a different thing entirely. But most guys who behave this way are not interested in a dedicated relationship, so they do what they can to get what they want.

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  • Weak and needy guys will eagerly push for commitment.
    Guys who don't know what they're actually looking for will either settle and/or sit on the fence avoiding the commitment conversations. I think this is group amounts for most men!
    Guys who know what they're looking for and know their value, will not commit until they're sure she is worthy of a sound relationship.

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    • True it is up to the woman to be worth the time a commitment calls for too. If you are acting like pretty you will be used accordingly. Not to generalize lol

  • Why do girl's play games, why are girl's unwilling to seduce men or aprouch even give up to easy?

    Why do girl's ignore men that aren't interesting?

    Think about those questions for a while.
    When you have got them you have the answer on yours.

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  • I want nothing more than to commit. I've never got a woman I went on a date with to commit to me, and I've been on a lot of dates and tried very hard.

    It's not even "most" guys. It's just most of the really attractive ones, but those are the ones that you pay more attention to, so it seems like "most guys". You're not thinking about any of the ugly guys in committed relationships or the shy guys who desperately want to be in one. Subconsciously, you don't see men who are substandard as "real men". The same way when men think of "women" monolithically, they're not thinking of the average woman, i. e. around 40 years old, overweight, wrinkles, etc. They're thinking of attractive women, because those are the ones they notice more.

    And the reason that the majority of attractive men don't want to commit should be pretty obvious. Because each of them are being chased by 5-6 women a piece, so why the hell would they ever feel like they NEEDED to commit to anyone. Someone is ALWAYS going to care about them, give them sex, listen to their problems, etc. They can get the relationship experience from a different woman every night of the week if they want.

    Furthermore, in regards to your question "why do most guys take pride..." Because having more sexual partners makes men more attractive. Masculinity and a man's "value" is very much tied up in his sexual appetites and his ability to have sexual conquests. So ironically, this "Player" mentality makes guys more masculine, more noticeable and therefore more attractive lol. It's just part of the game I suppose.

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  • It's not that men hate commitment, it's the attractive men who hated commitment.

    There are 2 extremes of men: the boyfriend and the husband. The boyfriend is fun, spontaneous, adventurous, charming, ambitious, smooth and generally boyfriend material. The husband is conservative, defensive, nerdy, boring, realist, avoid-and-retreat, somewhat of a coward, probably care more about family than his own pride and honor.

    Most men fall somewhere in between. They are capable of both but tend to play one or the other role.

    You want a guy who can commit, don't look for an exciting guy. Look for a boring one. The one with resolve instead of ambition. The guy who is willing to do whatever needed rather than the guy wishing he can do great things.

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 69

  • It’s not that they don’t want commitment, they just haven’t met the person who they think is worth it.

    I dated a guy like that, he wants a commitment - he just didn’t want it from me. So he dates around because he hasn’t found anyone he wants to give up single life for.

    It sucks and it hurt like hell, but it doesn’t make him a bad person or a player. I just wasn’t what he wanted.

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    • Perfect!

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    • I think she means “right one” being the one who truly loves you and wants you, not what you can give them them financially.

      The person who sees you and still wants to be with you, even when you are being a stupid shit, who sees your annoying habits and doesn’t care that you have a weird laugh or that you bounce your leg up and down when you have to sit still for more than five minutes. Because to them, your annoying habits don’t matter as much as everything else about else about you.

      Instead of the person who looks at you and says “what can you do for me”.

    • I understand

  • Men need to feel like they 'choose' not that they got trapped with no way out... if he is the instigator then he 'choose' to be loyal

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  • "I'm not intending to generalize, but..."

    Sure. Indiana University research found about 19% of women and 23% of men cheat. Regional studies may differ somewhat in specific percentages, but overall, the gap between men and women cheating isn't that big, nor does any research indicate "most" guys cheat, let alone "take pride" in it. You also can't know *why* there's a bit of a gender gap in the amount of cheating. It might just as well be stereotypes about how men and women are "supposed" to function ref sexuality that influence behaviour rather than hard-wired differences.
    Recent evolutionary anthropology reseacrh by Selza, in line with other evolutionary research on human sexual behaviour in the last 30 years, also suggests this idea we have of men as the "hunters" and women as the "huntees" when it comes to mating, is a false dichotomy and that both male and female humans engaged in "multiple mating" and actively seeking out a versatility of partners.

    As far as commitment goes, several recent Pew Research reports have found men and women to be equally likely to want to get married, equally indicate love as an important reason to get married, and equally indicate a successful marriage to be one of the most important things in their lives. Research by McClintock additionally indicates men and women currently in relationships report equal amounts of commitment,

    2006 research by Kalmijn & Poortman shows women are more likely to initiate divorce than men, 2014 research by Allison and Sayer indicates there is little difference in which spouse has an affair, preceding a divorce.
    The conclusion about this "men fear commitment" stereotype in a recent Psychology Today article was as follows: "The data suggests that commitment, love, and marriage are strongly desired—and good for—both women and men. The “sex wars” over men’s supposed fear of commitment are simply not evident. Undoubtedly, some men do fear or avoid commitment—but so do some women."

    So congratulations. Your attempt not to generalize has resulted in little more than generalizing, unsubstantiated stereotypes that find no support whatsoever in scientific research. The only base for any of this is hearsay, assumptions, bs stereotypical nonsense you've been fed and saw strengthened through a nifty little mechanism called "confirmation bias".

    I suggest you rely a bit more on objective data before making wild guesses about reality rather than make blanket statements based on personal biased perception

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  • That's a stupid generalization and it isn't even true. You claim you don't want to generalize, but that's exactly what you are doing. Most guys don't hate commitment, some guys are just young or immature and don't want to settle down because they know they don't have to at that point in their life. Maybe you think all men are players or hate commitment because that's the type of man you attract.

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    • Not to generalize but you're ( correct spelling) not like most 18 year old women, and in my non professional opinion, you are (didn't use the contraction that time) absolutely correct.

    • Preach.

  • Excuses for themselves because they don't want to grow up. They want to fool around and play the field because Society tells them it's okay to do so instead of being serious. Society tells you have sex before marriage do whatever it is that you want to do. Don't get married so early go to college get a job financially build yourself then decide if you want to get married. And they tell you to get married in your late twenties early thirties which is the wrong thing to be doing. And then they ain't getting them cells involved with porn which both males and females already doing young and old. And then there's the parents who listens to what Society tells them to do and they don't get involved in their kids lives anymore. And if you do then you're an abusive parent, highly strict, untrusting, have mental issues or my favorite one a 'helicopter parent'. That is why you have to know what type of person is right for you and what type of person is not. That also includes what type of behavior and character is acceptable within your presence. So therefore if you are a person who takes relationship seriously do not get yourself involved with a person who does the opposite of what you believe. Unless they have logical reasons as to why they don't want to commit then they have no business to be dating let alone trying to be involved the person in the first place. To be honest that's my major pet peeve when it comes down to people because they fool around with others emotions, it's bad enough to have sex with people they have no business having sex with but they'll do it anyway. And at the same time the one that's going to end up hurt is you. This is why I chose to be celibate today and not so called single or called abstinent.

    Remember that everybody has a choice and they can cheat if they choose to. There was no law against cheating and nobody's going to hold him accountable for it so what is there for them to do when there's no benefit according to them? It's sad the way people choose to date and try to get you to do the same thing today is highly atrocious.

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    • Wow not even in the ballpark! No offense.

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    • And again, that's bad. Because you should be well aware of what you need in a partner in order for you to succeed. Otherwise, your bound to fail again. But it's your choice.

    • I'm in a much better place now as far as knowing what I want

  • In my relationship with my boyfriend, I'm actually the one who's not as ready for a commitment as my partner is.

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  • I dont think its right for this to be expressed to men only. Females fear commitment too. Not speaking for myself. I would love to settle down and have children. It just takes timing

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    • Thanks, you didn't do it but I admire the fact that you recognize that not only men does it

  • It isn't just guys who doesn't want commitment? We can be just the same... I know for myself I freaked the fuck out when my boyfriend wanted to go from dating to relationship state... Not because I didn't wanted to be with him, I was just scared until I actually said yes (which was the next day). And i guess that's how it is for most people, boys or girls. But I guess some aren't mentally ready for it, maybe it is their first real crush and it is gonna be a real relationship and that can freak anyone out, because comiting to a person like that is scary, you are vulnerable and then when you actually commit you are scared the person is gonna leave or that the person can leave you whenever they want. So I guess it is all about giving it some time, maybe not rush into it, And be sure and then they won't be so scared of committing

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  • More men accept commitment as they get older, though some remain how they are. I think the majority of them may find it hard to swallow in their teens and early twenties, though.

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  • Because they are entitled and think they owe it to women to teach them a lesson without realizing the effects or that their original notions were based on reality TV anyways. They want to treat women like shit because of some confused notion that women have it easier. Oh and in the 80s some women said they don't need men so you know... Revenge. the root cause: Men used to be constrained by society, when they did something wrong shame and an asskicking would follow. That doesn't exist anymore so they are powderkegs of rage and self pity waiting to go off and with no one to stop them why not cause as much destruction as possible.

    So you can: become like them and continue the cycle of destruction. Learn to like being alone. Switch to the other side. Or learn how to stay out of the blast radius.

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    • Haha, I like how a lot of men dislike this, this goes both ways; we are in a society where emotions are a mess, love is just a movie “fantasy” and sex is nothing nowadays. What’s wrong people nowadays is that they’re emotionally unstable and run around trying to kill time with someone and call it fuck buddy or love (short terms) and you are right lady, tv and Hollywood advertises sex, emotional instability, promiscuous behavior to be something completely “normal” but let’s be honest instability has always been there people just flaunt it easily nowadays cause morals and values are not really respected by society anymore.

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    • As I said, I don't form opinions with out data. So continue to insult me, its not like its particularly original (most people do when they hear the truth) but it will not stop facts from being facts. I mean honestly, look at your behavior and then ask yourself does it prove my point? The answer is, yes yes it does. Your the problem. Now I gave you links to multiple sources, some from Harvard, some from the CDC, but if you want to claim I'm filtering my information that's fine but clearly I have reputable and diverse sources backing my claims, you have what? Insults. Don't you think its rather ironic that a guy says women mistreat men and your response is to insult him? Again, kind of proving my point.

  • That's a trait found in younger, immature, insecure men who aren't ready to settle, or whom have been hurt a lot and burned.

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  • Commitment, for any gender, is a tough decision and a very big step.
    True, females seek it more than males most of the time, but that's not always the case.
    Sometimes the problem is in maturity, sometimes it's about painful past.
    At the end, if two are right for each other, then things usually work out. If they're not, however, then commitment perhaps isn't even the right thing.
    All in all, just because you say your intention isn't to generalise, it doesn't mean you aren't doing it.

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  • A lot of women I know are afraid of commitment, not just guys.

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  • Girlll, you tell me!! Been chasing the same guy for 5 years :((

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    • If he's not chasing YOU after all this time then drop him. You deserve to be chased, 5 years is too long.
      (even tho i dont really know the full situation, its seems interesting)

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    • Girl ik!! I’m always gonna be in it lmao

    • Or just move on cos a guy that wants U won't need chasing. Maybe the guy likes commitment but not with u. No guy will ever tell the woman of his dreams he just want to be friends. Close this door so another door can open to u cos u are missing out on another guy that u would fine attractive that would be eager to reciprocate ur love

  • Some guys are general douchebags and hate having to deal with someone else's problem as well. They rather just be happy with flings and enjoying themselves.

    As anyone would, life has ups and downs, and when their partner shows any sign of unhappiness, they decide not to deal with it and move on to the next to keep a constant high.

    I see it as their own coping mechanism. A very negative one at that.

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  • It depends on the person. Most guys I've known want commitment.

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  • Sometimes women are as players as men. Well at least I know for a fact the woman that had sex with my ex knew everything about me. Like I said. It's not just men sadly. Women are equally bad.

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  • I wonder the same... I've seen most guys say even I LOVE YOU after talking for 5 mins n start asking for nudes

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  • I don't think all guys hate commitment, some just rather be dealing with some girl that captures their attention but not getting to a serious level with them. I wouldn't be able to explain why some of them are that way, but there are guys out there that have no issues with commitment.

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  • Too serious/scares them because they aren't ready to get in serious relationship. So they date/sleep around until they do get ready or find that one girl that changes the game for them cause she's so different than other girls that make him fall in love or want to be with just her.

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  • It goes both ways but it's not necessarily that we hate it. Just not ready for it yet 🤷🏽‍♀️ we all have pasts of disappointment and you want to meet someone that makes you feel you can trust them

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  • At least in my experience, I dated a younger guy and he moved on to the next girl pretty quickly... as in he didn't wait to end our relationship before moving on to the next. I just think it's younger guys who don't like commitment, which is understandable. They're young and they want to live life. There are girls like this too.

    But reading all the comments here remind me of why I'm not dating anymore. People are quick to assume one-description-fits-all of either sex.

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  • It's just younger guys who don't want it, because they want to have fun. Committing to one girl means he can't have sex with other girls. Older guys are more ready for a serious relationship. Committing is the only way a guy can have children and a family, so they eventually do.

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    • Ehhh... kinda. Except that it's not true that "older" guys (whatever that even means) don't want to have fun/have sex with other girls. They do.

  • Because fear gives power to hate *insert dart Vader *
    Not generalize, talking only about some guys

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  • I honestly think it really depends on the guy and if he’s ready or not to make that commitment, just because we’re ready doesn’t mean he is

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  • Thankfully not all guys are tools

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  • Because they fear losing, what if she's the wrong girl or don't live up to her expectations.

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    • Or that she is fake. (Which most girls from what I've seen are)

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    • Same question can be asked to girls.
      We think that a certain is girl and she ends up being fake.
      If we fell for the "wrong girl" its 9/10 times beacuse she was fake and showed another personality to us.

    • I wouldn't call it the " Wrong person" Sometimes things happen and people make mistake and give up on each other

  • I feel it's this stereotype thint that's always going on and I get what you mean about not generalizing. It's like if a girl decided to go around getting as many men in her boat she's a whore, slut, hoe and whatnot. Why I do not know why some men cannot commit, maybe it's that theur afraid or they feel they should conform to a "males behaviour" or they just don't want at all and are just trying to waste a girls time by staying in the relationship

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    • Wow that's both sexist and contradictory. So sleeping around is "male behavior"? So then why did you also state that its unfair that a woman who sleeps around is shamed for the behavior? I mean women don't sleep around because you just said its male behavior, so which is it something that both genders do or something that men do? statistically most men don't sleep around, also statistically men are actually happier when in a relationship and when married then when they are single and "sleeping around". The reason why men don't "want" commitment is because commitment is just commitment for them. See he has to ask her out, he has to chauffer her around, he has to plan dates, he has to pay for dates, he has to provide a home, he has to provide her with food, he has to provide for their children etc. etc. What is she doing? She is not paying, not planning and now thanks to modern society, she is not nurturing she is not doing house work she is not cooking etc. That's why they don't want it

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    • @Heimatlosigkeit Yeah you didn't accept it, your saying stereotypes, your ignoring biology. Its not "society", its genetics, their is a reason why our DNA is two meters long, its not because it makes a good "paper weight". As for your last comment, the only reason why it was expected of women to cook is because they would stay at home (by their own volition) while the man worked. It was division of labor, he did all the hard work, she cooked and clean, it was a fair trade (actually it wasn't, he historically could work up to 100 hours a week (pretty common until the 1900s) while all she did was chores around the house, cook and get free food, housing, protection and what ever the man could afford to give her that she wanted). So again, your omitting 90% of the story to come to some very bizarre conclusions.

  • Maybe they are scared and can't help the way they are or how they think they should be and don't want to settle down.

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  • They are scared

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