Why don't guys ever want to commit?

[Anonymous]

Okay. Why do SOME guys lead on a girl, act like he's interested in her and then turns around and says that he just wants to be FWBs? Or just friends? Why? If you don't want to commit, why not lay that on the table from the beginning? I'll meet guys on dating sites who say that they want a relationship, then turn around and say that they just want NSA? What do guys want? And where can I meet one who is willing to commit? Since that is what I really want.

[Anonymous]

Most guys I know do actually want relationships. They honestly go out into the world seeking a partner. The problem is they rarely know what it is that they want. So they often meet girls and realize that she's not really the person he'd want as a partner. He'll never tell her that though because He can't predict the future. He doesn't know if three years from now he'll discover he's entirely wrong about you and that you're perfect for him. He doesn't know if five months from now his face will get ripped off by a monkey. So he's to afraid to let go but equally afraid to commit. The younger he is the more opportunities he has in the future. The more attractive he is the more opportunities he believes will come his way. Because every second, dollar, and calorie spent on you is one that can't be spent on another and if he's not 100% sure you're who he should be with (which is pretty much impossible) he's gonna feel reluctant. It's cruel but it's life. Men commit for three reasons 1. They're tired of looking 2. They're running out of opportunities 3. They think you're the best they'll ever find. Most girls want to believe guys are with them because of number 3 but a good majority of the time it's not. It's not romantic. It's kinda cold sounding. But it's life. So you can either live with that truth or go back to believing the romcoms. What you choose to believe is not going to change anything. If you want to have a little more of a sense of control over it all just remember people respond to incentives.

[Asker]

Wow! I appreciate the honesty. I don't know where to start but I always appreciate guys who're honest instead of getting defensive about this particular question. You're very wise and I think a lot of what you said is accurate. Well, let's see, he's about 27 and he's attractive. Said I was the first girl to meet his family etc. says that he loves me, but he only wants to be friends. He doesn't like the expectations that come with relationships but I'm not happy. I feel like he's dragging me along and still wants sex, the perks of being in a relationship becuase I still care about him, but he isn't committed and it hurts because that's ultimately what I wanted.

[Opinion Owner]

Well tell him. I'd make it clear that you're not demanding anything from him or trying to force him to change first. Then simply tell him what you told me simply because you'd feel more comfortable knowing that he knew how you felt about it all. Nothing happens in a relationship unless someone takes the risk of trying to be more honest and intiment. The timing will never be perfect. The situation will never be perfect. You just gotta try.

[little_bird1]

And then, 3 years after, they dump you and tell you "It's not you, it's me, I'm just fucked up and I'm not ready to commit. But you are the best I'll ever have!" EAT SHIT!

[Opinion Owner]

Getting mad's doing nothing but hurting yourself @little_bird1. No one can feel your frustration anger and hate but you. So every second you spend letting your life and mind be controlled by the negative actions that happened in the past is a second you can't dedicate to making a better future. Women do much of the same F'd up shit as men. I've got heartbreak stories for days. People aren't perfect. That's just not going to change in your life time. So either accept it and focus on as much good in life as you can or wallow alone in your own dissatisfaction. Not every man's the same and most of us aren't malicious in intent.

[Anonymous]

It's probably their game to get the attention of particular girls that dare I say may be a bit needy (not saying you). They then get what they want from her and leave and it's working for them, which is why they keep doing it.

I do understand one aspect of it though as I'd sleep with many girls but if I'm committing she has to be extra special but I'd be honest about what I wanted from the start.

[Asker]

That's all I want, someone who's honest. Before I catch feelings for them and then they go and tell me that they only want a friends with benefits. Why do that to someone?

[Opinion Owner]

Because some guys have no morals and if lying to someone gets them into bed, they'll do it.

[Anonymous]

Because guys just want to fuck you? If you are average to hot, most guys want to fuck you but only few want more than that (which is normal). The problem is, we girls tend to pick out the most well built, successful, dominant and confident guys, instead of the ones that would actually love us. You know the rule of 20%, 80%? If you take 10 guys 10 girls in the modern dating world, 8 girls will each end up fucking the same 2 guys. That small group of guys get so much casual sex easily that they don't want to commit to keep new girls coming since that's primal male behavior. We reward that behavior actually by always falling for the same guys, and letting them use us for sex. But I admit, I've done it enough myself. And by the way, at least we get the sex which can be really nice.

[former_teenmom]

I can't get my baby daddy to commit either, at one point he put a ring on it, but that didn't last long. So if you ever figure out what it takes to get a guy to commit please let me know, because I have no clue.

[Asker]

I'm sorry girl. Hopefully he commits or you'll meet a better person later. My mother married my stepdad and already had me. Hold your head up.

[former_teenmom]

Thank you girl, I myself had an awesome stepdad. Only time will tell i guess, either I will give up hope and finally move on or he will decide he wants to be with us.

[alfonsosloan45]

HAHAHA, why did you get knocked up by a guy with no ambition to commit?

[former_teenmom]

I didn't plan on getting pregnant, I was on birth control.

[Asker]

Don't listen to that jerk off. Accidents happen. Babies are a blessing.

[KawaiiPie67]

He took back the ring?

[former_teenmom]

Thank you girl, I know its not the first time I have heard that comment and I'm sure it won't be the last. I have the ring but we broke up again so...

[Anonymous]

Some guys, once they get what they want they are ready to move on (same can be said for some women, too). It's difficult to find this guy to avoid, and which guy is genuine.

[Asker]

It's extremely difficult.

[Opinion Owner]

Definitely. I am still single for a reason.

[Asker]

Me too! I'm afraid of getting involved with anyone at this point. Plus, people don't know what they want.

[Opinion Owner]

That last part - very true. I'm taking a break and enjoying life right now. I guess you can always be open to dating but be cautious.

[Mailo]

I hate saying yhis but most of the guys who revert back in their relationships are mainly affected by external distraction or as we call it "bigger fish" once they get a bettet one they forget everything

[Asker]

So in other words, he'll dwindle you along and once he finally meets that person, you're dust basically.

[Mailo]

Unfortunately, it's true 😞

[skeptic007]

cause you gotta understand
WE DON'T TRUST FEMALES

[Asker]

Well now I have every right to not trust males... men have had a bad rep for years but we still put up with you.

[skeptic007]

you gotta understand women and men are shady no one wants to commit, the guys at the bottom will give you different answers but I'm breaking it down to the basics, cause we are talking about regular guys who talk to women regularly, not some ugly guy that never talks to girls, you women lie too us so much and we start to realize it cause most of you girls end up saying the same thing so we don't trust you, and men do the same

[supernerd99]

its because you chase that kind of men why you fail. but the again you can't control what attracts you

[KawaiiPie67]

How did he lead u on exactly?

[Asker]

He took me to meet his mother, his family. He treated me very well, told me he loved me and everything. We'd be on the phone for hours and hours and he'd talk about how we'd have kids one day. Why put in all of that if you just want a friends with benefits NSA? It's a waste.

[KawaiiPie67]

Wow. He sounds like he wanted a girlfriend, but not the real commitment like u said. But he's under 25 so he sounds normal otherwise.

[Asker]

He's 27 actually.

[Asker]

It's not "normal" to lead a girl on like that. It's cruel.

[KawaiiPie67]

Do you think he could've been dating multiple women?

[KawaiiPie67]

Yep, it's hardcore.

[Asker]

Well, from what he tells me, no. Plus I was very close to him being around him everyday. It was almost like an addiction. I remember him being so happy to see me. Just the thought of it makes me sick. I really thought we had eachother. Guess I was wrong...

[alfonsosloan45]

Let's say he commits, THEN WHAT?

[Asker]

Well, I initially wanted a commitment. If he commits I'd feel more secure to make decisions based on the two of us to move forward. If someone doesn't want to commit, they have no right to get jealous or offended that I want to move forward and not keep contact with them. Am I wrong?

[alfonsosloan45]

So you want him to commit then you want to make decision after he is all in? So then if you decide that you don't want marriage in the future and you say ''this is over" and he gets hurt, will you take the blame?

[alfonsosloan45]

@asker

[Asker]

You interrogating me about this is BS. If I'm committed to someone, I would want to spend my life with them. Forget marriage. I'm just talking simply being with just that person. Marriage is a peice of paper. I just want honesty. Will I take the blame? Well, I certainly blame myself for stupidly falling for him and I blame him for not being upfront from the beginning. It's really not about bad guy and good guy. It's about honesty and respect.

[alfonsosloan45]

@asker That is why guys don't want to commit. If a guy commits and you back out later then he gets severely hurt. That is what happened with me. My girlfriend wanted commitment but had no intention of having sex with me or wanting marriage. He is probably like me. He wants to be sure that you won't fucking eradicate his heart.