I can’t get over that my boyfriend updated his tinder?

[Anonymous]

About 8 months into the relationship, i found out my boyfriend updated his tinder profile (added new photos and changed his bio). I confronted him about it, and he denied updating it. He told me “i don’t know how the pictures changed or the bio. I didn’t do it”. I️ even had picture proof and sent him screenshots. I️t took him a few days to tell me the truth, that he did update I️t. but deleted the app right after he did I️t. He told me he wasn’t trying to cheat and that I️t isn’t only used for dating. It’s just a social media app.

We have been together for 1.5 years now, and i still can’t get over I️t. It feels like such a deep betrayal. He told me “I️ lied to avoid your reaction”. That is what hurt me the most, that he lied. And for him to act like a bad reaction from me would have been uncalled for. I wish he didn’t lie to me, because now i have such bad trust issues with him. I️ always worry if girls that follow him or he follows are from tinder. Or if he’s using the app again. I have no idea anymore.

He gets upset I️ don’t trust him. But, I don't know if maybe it’s because he’s from a different culture? He’s from Latin America but has been in The US for a long time. He sees social media differently, but tinder is a DATING app. Not a friendship app. I️ feel if his intentions were actually pure, he wouldn’t not have lied.

[markscott]

It is a betrayal, and he lied about it. You have good reason not to trust him. You ought to seriously consider getting out of the relationship, before investing too much more time with someone who can't be trusted and seriously betrays you. Not that you're stupid to stay, but you ought to seriously look into where your relationship is likely to lead.

[FatmanChris]

You only hide things you don't want people to see, he knew all to well that tinder is not even close to a social media app. He tried to deceive you.

[Asker]

I feel so stupid for believing him - even to this day, I️ wish I️ had left him.

[FatmanChris]

What is the reason that you don't?

[Asker]

because i love him. I want to believe he is a good person and just did something stupid. But, the pain is still there. The feelings of betrayal and inability to trust him on social media now...

[FatmanChris]

Love blinds people, I know this all too well. If he fucks up again, don't let love cover it up. You deserve better

[Asker]

Yes. I already told myself, if i see he has I️t again... I’m out for good. If he cheats, I️ won’t let him talk me into staying. My trust is already messed up after this :/

[Asker]

Thank you :)

[FatmanChris]

No problem, I hope everything works out. With or without him

[beachloverr]

Why do you think he had the urge to do that? That is extremely hurtful and I don’t know if I’d be able to get over it either.

[Asker]

I have no idea. He told me he did I️t for selfish reasons. That I️t was not a good idea for him to do.

Maybe he wanted an ego boost? But, I️ felt. And I️ still feel that I️ am not enough for him. That hurt me so badly, made me so jealous. That still makes me jealous. I️ just imagine all the girls who saw his profile and thought “oh he’s cute. Let me match him”. That makes me so sick !!!

[Asker]

I wish i has ended it, instead of trying to work past I️t. I️ can’t get over I️t. I️t hurts so much. Even 8 months later :(

[beachloverr]

Since you are still unhappy and bothered, maybe you could try asking him how he feels (if he’s actually happy in the rs)? In return, I feel like you should be completely honest about how you feel because it’s not going to go away without some type of reassurance. Trust is a huge component of a relationship and I think you should fully trust whom ever you’re dating without question. I think you have done your part by even trying after the ordeal but he really traumatized you by doing that.

[Asker]

I have brought I️t up. He gets upset that i still mention it. He did apologize for doing I️t... and he hasn’t done I️t again (not that I️ know of). But, yes. This still bothers me. And he tells me “I️ know I️ haven’t been perfect. But I’ve done a lot for you” (which is true). But, I️ just still feel I️ haven’t gotten the answers I️ needed. I️ hate how he put the blame on me “I️ didn’t tell you the truth because I️ knew how you would have reacted “. I️ admit, that I️ have over reacted to things before (out of jealousy). But, lying never helps anyone!! But yes, I️ am still traumatized. This event causes me so much stress in the relationship.

[beachloverr]

He shouldn’t get upset that you bring it up he should just know that you’re still bothered. It’s difficult because the trust can be regained again it will just take time, reassurance, and him convincing you that he has not and will not do it again. He should understand how important it is to you and do what it takes to save the relationship. I don’t think it was your fault at all. Even though you’ve been dramatic or over reacted in the past wrong is wrong and he knows that. It’s exactly why he lied and didn’t want you to know it had nothing to do with you. Just try to stay positive and not to think of the “what if’s” it’s all you can do... if you really want it to work. I don’t think any type of rs should bring stress into your life though, it should bring joy. So, just really think of what you want to do and hopefully it’s the right choice.

[MrWriter]

The three most important things in any relationship are honesty, trust and communication. It seems like you're short on at least two of those. The thing about trust is that once you lose it, you can never get it back 100%. You can close but never quite there. That moment when he broke your trust will always linger in the back of your mind. You have to decide if you're okay with that. That you'll never completely trust him.

[alanlikesbears]

Hahaha yeah you gotta find a new boyfriend that's not gonna work out

[sidvt]

Give him a chance n if he repeat it just kick him out of ur life

[bigazz]

He's lying for sure, no reason to use a dating app if you're not single or planning on cheating.

[Asker]

I feel stupid for believing him and trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. This still doesn’t sit right with me... even 8 months later

[JanoT10]

Well a lot of guys use tinder or similar apps just for fun and not taking it that serious. If you have a girlfriend tho I find it pretty odd. I would recommend you to find somebody else

[Anonymous]

He is bored out of you. Find new guy and move on...

[Asker]

He did this 8 months ago...

[Asker]

This still makes me paranoid, even until this day

[Jayson101]

hahahaha. Oh dear