Every time I go to talk to her now, I chicken out. I'm a fairly quiet and shy person, and I need some advice?

I'll start off by describing my personality a little. I'm a fairly quiet person, and I don't really go out of my way to talk to people. When I'm with people I know, I'm a lot more outgoing, and although I don't usually seek out conversations, if someone starts one with me, I can carry it on just fine.

There's a girl in one of my classes (it's an evening math class at a university), and I'm starting to get interested in her. She's cute, and I know that she's intelligent (the class is differential equations). She's also really quiet.

We have similar habits: when we go to class we sit away from all of the other students, but not with each other. We don’t say anything at all during class, and when class is over we head straight to the parking lot and leave.

I keep meaning to catch up to her and talk to her after class. When our teacher hands back assignments, he calls out our names and because of that I’ve figured out her name. I was planning on catching up to her after class and saying “Hey, your name’s ______, right?” and then introducing myself and asking if she minded if I walked with her. If didn’t mind, I would just talk about general student stuff (other classes, major, etc) and when we got to the car, I was going to say that I enjoyed talking to her and ask if I could take her to coffee or a movie or something (I thought dinner might be too much so soon, especially since we’re both quiet people).

We’ve talked once, very briefly about class, but I still can’t bring myself to talk to her again. When we walk out to the parking lot, we have to go through several doors and I’ve held them for her several times, and she’s beaten me to them several times as well and held the door until I got there, then kept walking.

The problem is every time I go to talk to her now, I chicken out. During the day and during the class I manage to get myself prepared to talk to her. I tell myself that the worst that can happen is that she says no, and that I just need to toughen up and do it. Then when we’re leaving, I’m always too nervous to say anything.

Any advice? I’d also like to avoid the friend zone, which happened last time I asked a girl out (she was the first and only one I’ve ever asked out).


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey Alwendll,

    You know what to do. You know you just have to catch her after class and say "Hey, my name is ____" and let her tell her yours and ask strike up a conversation. I know how you feel, it is very intimidating and I remember when I was in college the same thing would happen to me. Class is so long and you can easily psyche yourself out. What you have to remember is there are many girls out there, and you have to remain confident and do your thing. Only good can come from it (or nothing, so whatever).

    In terms of the friend zone, its excellent that you know what it is and that you shouldn't be there. You want to be able to create attraction with this girl and ask her out on a date. Keep it on that romantic plane which leads ultimately to dating, sex, and a real relationship. You can check out my article on the friend-zone here: link

    Send me a message and let me know what happens

    - Evan


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What Girls Said 1


    • Sadly this is true, unless your going to set up an elaborate plan like in movies that will most likely fail.

What Guys Said 2

  • Hey dude, I'm very similar to you, and have huge problems speaking with people. I'm my experience speaking with shy women in class, I find they usually respond well. One girl last year I had to start conversation almost every single class because she would never talk to me. But then the last day at the end of the class she started talking to me, I asked her to join me for coffee and we chatted for seriously 6 hours. But I'm so horrible with women, I didn't ask for her number or a date or anything after...never seen her again and I regret it...so moral of the story, don't ever pull crap like that off because you will be single forever just like me...

    Anyways, I think you've got a good plan layed out here - maybe even just ask how she's doing in the class or an assignment, or ask if she's started studying for an exam, or just comment on the lecture itself and usually you'll get some kind of conversation going. I'm always a little hesitant asking a girl out when you still have class with her because if she says no, you might lose your focus on the class itself, or it might be really awkward and difficult to go back. I understand what your saying about the friend zone, but if she's shy and you're shy, I think establishing some kind of comfort level between the two of you first would be good.

    However, WHEN you are talking to her and in the parking lot, and if you feel you can ask her, don't hold back. I find coffee is the easiest thing to ask, either before or after the class

  • time to be less sensitive fella. You can't let one bullet kill you off. You have to talk to her before it's to late and some other guy gets her.