Should I tell my boyfriend about his friend sexual harassment?

Hello,

So my boyfriend has this friend, we will call him JC, In the first week of school, JC sexually harassed me. I was not dating my boyfriend then. I reported JC to a school counselor and she told me that it was sexual harassment. It was really scary. JC and my boyfriend are really good friends, dare I say it, best friends. JC understandably makes me really uncomfortable to be around but he is a really good friend to my boyfriend (we have been dating for about 4 months). Should I tell my boyfriend about JC?

Also, another one of my boyfriend's friends (we will call him TJ) tried to ask me out in the beginning of the year and when I politely refused, he sexually harassed me and even sent me emails about his dick size on school email. And really just repeated overly-sexual, creepy comments. I have not reported him yet, but lately, he has been starting to do the same things again and I plan to when I am back at school. TJ and my boyfriend are friends and I also want to tell my boyfriend about this.

The thing that makes this all complicated is that I was raped about 3 years ago. I've told my boyfriend this and he has been extremely supportive. I don't want t to be "the girl who cried rape" and also I'm sure I am kinda sensitive to this kinda stuff so I want to be sure that I am not overreacting.

Should I tell my boyfriend? How would I tell him?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You're not overreacting at all. Tell him, make sure you have any evidence you can to show him so he would understand that what you are saying is real. And you can even start by telling him you have been afraid to say anything since they are his good friends... But it's getting worse. So you just want him to know. Confide every thing, any details, tell him about the counselor saying it was harassment... And just be yourself and hear what he says. If he doesn't believe you... Girl, he's not the guy for you.

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    • Thank you for those kind words. I think I'm going to tell him when I see him. Having the emails with me to show him is a good idea.

    • Girl, having been sexually assaulted myself, and remembering the fear of confiding to my ex, I understand your situation. I really hope it goes well for you. Good luck!

Most Helpful Guy

  • You MUST report these guys to the authorities. Also yes, tell your boyfriend so he knows what kind of people they are. Tell your parents as well. If your boyfriend doesn't care, you need to be strong and leave him.

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    • That makes sense, thank you so much! Any suggestions on how I should tell him?

    • Just be straight forward and honest. As the saying goes, "honesty is the best policy".

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What Girls & Guys Said

117
  • If you've been raped, report the rapist to the police. No rapist should go unpunished.
    Report those guys to the school councillor and use the emails as evidence.

    Definitely tell your boyfriend and tell your parents or guardians if you must. Who knows, they could also be abusing other girls.

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    • The rape has already been reported and dealt with, thank you though for letting me know, far too many rapes go unreported.

      How should I go about telling my boyfriend about the sexual harassment?

    • Show All
    • That would make sense. I will make sure to report TJ before I tell my boyfriend. Thank you so much for all of your help :)

    • np, I wish you good luck!

  • I would tell your boyfriend I understand how u feel the same thing happened to me i went to mine and we worked it out... Just go talk to him privately and show him the messages trust me you'll feel better

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  • Yes definitely you should so you can cut those toxic people out of your life. If your boyfriend is as understanding as you tell us then you only need to tell him how things are and I think he would sever all contact.

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    • And you should tell your parents too. They'd help you with the legal stuff if you decide to press charges.

    • Okay, Thank you for the advice on this. It means a lot!

  • i think you should sit him down and have a long conversation with him. and dont let him leave while angry, cause he might hurt those guys and get in trouble.

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  • Prove the email from TJ to your boyfriend and tell him about JC too

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    • Smart, I want my boyfriend to know that I am being honest with him. Thank you. How should I tell him?

    • At home, make sure everything is well between you two and tell him there's something that has been on your mind and you feel like he should know.

      Again, state only the truth because be may go see his friends and ask them the truth as well.

      Tell him that it's his choice to believe you or not, but that, although you may or may not be able to prove your statements, it did happen and it makes you uncomfortable when they are around. But also, remember you're putting him in a situation where he has to decide and kind of realizing his friends are horrible.
      Tell him you know how much they mean to him but you really feel the need to get this off your chest.

  • You forward the school emails to the dean or principal. That's what you are supposed to legally do.

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    • Okay, I will do that. Last time, when I reported JC, they were extremely nice. Thank you!

    • Emails like that must be treated as zero tolerance, at least here in America. Look up the law on Title IX.

    • Oh, awesome. I knew that Title IX existed, I just wasn't quite sure of what it did. Thank you. I just scheduled a meeting with my school counselor and I will be showing her the emails. After that, I am going to talk to the dean. Thanks again. But, should I tell my boyfriend? and how?

  • Yes bt sometimes thts not enough maybe you shud spend time with him without the friend

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  • People who harass others are friends to no one so yes you should tell your boyfriend about him.

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  • YES TELL HIM!!!

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  • uhm... YES?

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  • Uh yeah like duh

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  • You should just talk to him about it.

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  • Of course you should tell him!

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  • Tell him. If he sides with them, leave him.

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  • I don't think you should, just try to talk to his friends and ask them to stop or try to ignore them.
    Personally I wouldn't want my boyfriend to go in a fight because of me.

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  • Well since those are his friends he probably has a right to know. Wouldn't you want to know if your friends were harassing or have harassed the person you are dating?

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  • You know it's hard to rise voice against the stugf like this. But no matter what you must tell him because a time will come for sure that he will also live you if you are not free with him. So hang in there and try haRd to tell him by taking your time before its too late.

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  • Talk to your school conselor about TJ.
    You got to take into consideration that maybe if you tell your boyfriend about it then there is a chance after a few months you won't be together, cause 2 of his closest friends harrassed you sexualy, so there might be a chance where he will go crazy and go beat the shit out of them both.
    They will no longer be friends.
    The whole story might go public.
    And your boyfriend will now be aware of every action done by his friends next to you so he might snap every time he thinks one of his friends is hitting on you or harrassing you.
    Other than this i recommend you talk to your scool conselo to see what can be done about these two jerks and no you are not overreacting.

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